Are there nudist colonies for babies? Nudist daycare? Naked playgroup? Mommy & Me: In The Buff? There sure as shit should be, then I wouldn't have to fight the petit weenie-patrol every diaper-changing hour. Then I wouldn't have to fight Yves Sage-Laurent every time we leave the house. Then I wouldn't have to search the internet for "baby's bottom" to illustrate my point/this post. Then the neighbors wouldn't think I was beating my child because of the bloody-murderous screams that erupt every time I try to (God forbid) offer my child a pair of socks."Please, put on this tiny onesie for mama."
"No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! No!"
"Please put on these little shorts?"
"No! No! No!" (Scratch, scratch, punch, kick, karate-chop, elbow in the boob)
Getting le puffed-pastry-a-la-mode dressed is the worst kind of cat fight, complete with killer-talons, eye-lid grabbing and I always end up looking like some kind of masochist, bruised and scraped with two black-eyes.
It's not funny. It's abuse. If there was only a place we could go where we weren't alone. If only we could go somewhere people understood us... If only there was a place where I could live in peace in my full-body cast and Archer could crawl around naked, ding-a-linging all over the property in happiness.
Lately I have kind of given up. If I can get a diaper on the tiny nudist, I'm happy. I am a success. I am the champion. Pants? Shoes? A shirt? It's just too dangerous.
So I guess Sweden here we come. Me, Sir Archer Doo-little and his Dusendorf Svaan.
GGC
Afternooner Update: Who is the glorious parent of this child?
Call me asap so we can playdate. Thanks to my MIL for the photo.
24 comments:
Tooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved this part:
"No! No! No!" (Scratch, scratch, punch, kick, karate-chop, elbow in the boob)
LOL
Yeah. When it's this bloody hot, even I want to walk around naked.
Okay. Maybe not. But still.
Diapers have to suck.
WOOO HOOO!!! Me too! With this heat, I go white trash style & let the kid roll in dipes. HELLOO!!! I know I'd be runnin' around bare assed in this heat, if I didn't glow & minus about 20 more pounds o' flab.
I get the verbal abuse now that I thought I'd be super swell for her to speak so fluent. Just last nite she popped off with a slap to me then told dear dad that she "needed to b/c she doesn't love mommy". nice. thanks for that, kid. SSSSSSOOOOOO glad, this is my life.
I was laughing so hard at this, "ding-a-linging" around. Ha!
Good luck with those clothes. And the black eyes.
I had a lot of trouble with my older daughter for awhile. I started to put her diaper on backwards so that she couldn't remove it. It was that or Stanley Steemer being on call 24/7.
Hehehe. I laugh, because it's funny, but I feel your pain about the kicking and scratching. No one ever warns you that motherhood is a full-contact sport.
Lots of kids are like this about clothes, from what I've seen. And really, who can blame them? Clothes aren't natural. Especially when it's fifty billion degrees outside. I think Archer has the right idea, even if he's taking it to the extreme.
Is he still being really picky about the eating, too?
He's better with his eating. He's now obsessed with eggs and spinach so at least that's more substancial. Ha!
I can totally relate! My little man wants nothing to do with clothes and diapers, pshhh, forget them! All he wants to do is walk around holding his god-given toy and trying to find out exactly what it is and just how to use it. Then he pee's on the door and points at the dog like it's the dogs fault.
My four year old niece is a TOTAL nudist. A couple weeks we took her to get a pedicure in a cute little dress, sat her up on the chair and beheld her "bagina". Then on a recent visit to her cousins she decided she needed to teach them about playin nekked.
Good luck.
You are in a good mommy place if you have given it up.
Several of my children abhorred clothing for years...even in the dead of winter. I first discovered Robbies booties after my youngest at 1 repeatedly pulled her shoes and socks off in the sub-sezo degree car. (Maine) She couldn't get those suckers off for the longest time.
If you're not out in public then forget about it. There are going to be more important battles ahead. Conserve your energy.
Write us down as nudies too....all my girls strip the minute they get home and the little one still strips wherever she is.
I am one of those NoCal/Oregon Goddesses who is totally Ok with nakedity and encourages it ;)
My own MIL sent this picture to me as well. It reminded her of my youngest, Logan. Of course they (Logan and Joseph) got into my tampons, and opened the whole damn box of them. They were loaded canons you see. A whole box. Shot, so to speak. But Logan looks so much like this little boy it's scary.
I agree. I'm all for nekkid, just not sure it's acceptable at the grocery store. Eh, maybe I should just say fuck-it and rock.
Yeah, well, when you figure this out, let me know, cuz we have the same problem. Clothes, bah. Diapers? The devil. THE DEVIL. Getting a diaper on this kid is like wrestling a greased-up badger into a unitard.
When I got home from the weekend, Thalia had a new trick: pulling her dress or shirt up. I'm sure pulling it clean off is the next step. Thanks for the heads up - I will keep the pantyliners behind childproofed doors.
PS -
We've walked around shirtless at a restaurant before.
Q that is.
I save mine for the bars.
My sister was one of those exhibitionist babies too. You just couldn't keep clothes on her. So we pretty much let her run around the backyard nakie and she was happy. Now she's in the fashion biz...
OMG it's going to hurt to rip all that adhesive off that kid! And I always flinc when I visualize pulling off one bandaid or pasty, but yowza!
Being not from Sweden but almost(...)I, ofcourse, encourage as much nudity as possible! Let them strip!
When it's this hot out, I'm envious that kids can walk around in nearly nothing. I think there should be nudity-allowed days for everyone when it's this hot out.
Now I must go clean the spray off of my monitor from spitting out my drink while laughing at that picture at the bottom. Warn me next time, woman.
trying to get my son dressed is my daily workout and as soon as we get home from somewhere it's "mama me want to be a naked boy now!". if only he would stop peeing on the floor then it wouldn't be such a problem. LOVE the picture! ha!
LOL I just found you from the perfect post awards. This post is too true. I get beat up everytime I attempt a diaper change. God Forbid I interupt her playing for 5 seconds! LOL And a onesie?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH
This is my first time here- I love the title of the post. And you make a good point. Why dress up the kids who are just going to spit all over themselves shortly anyhow?
Here by recommendation of http://methreetimes.blogspot.com
:)
Ah, the naked phase. I love it! And I love it's brother, the I-dressed-myself- and-that's-why-I-look-like-a-retard phase.
Sounds tooootally like my kids. Can't get the little buggers to keep their clothes ON..
If you can get the kid to keep a diaper on at least, you're one step ahead of the game.
During my daughter's naked phase, (she's 3, and grown out of it now) she would strip off and start, I kid you not, DANCING on the tablet/sofa/chair/whatever resembled a stage the most as soon as anyone came to visit at our house. My little stripper. Uh huh.
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