Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Behold the Blindfold

I wonder if anyone reads this anymore? I agree wit...

2010-09-03T14:11:29.169-07:00

I wonder if anyone reads this anymore? I agree with you to a point. Yes we should not be blindfolding our kids. Yes we should be teaching them what is right and wrong no matter how each of us believes. But NO we should not stand back and let society teach us, or our kids. We should call the business', the magezines, the networks and tell them our opinions. It is ok to do this so that the company can improve. Why do you think companies are constantly changing? Because WE the consumer tell them what we do and don't like. SO its ok to tell Wal-Mart that you don;t like barbie. There might be more than one mom who doesn't . They might not take the barbie aisle out, but I guarentee they will come out with a better Barbie that sells more. :)

Me too, Michele.

2006-10-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Me too, Michele.

I know I'm late to the party... But unfortunately...

2006-10-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late to the party... But unfortunately I agree with you completely. And it makes me feel sad. And I feel that the children will grow up to be fearful, shy, and timid. And if not, they'll be truly bewildered and unawares when life bites them in the ass. So sad.

my kid's a boy, so I have refrained from participa...

2006-10-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

my kid's a boy, so I have refrained from participating in all the conversations about sexy dolls and other overt representations of sex as tool or manipulative scheme or victimization, etc., in our society.

but you're saying exactly what I've been thinking all along, and you have a boy, too, and I think we're kind of in the same place with this.

I have to finally come out and suggest that I have a responsbility, too, within this sexual issue, b/c I have to guide my boy child toward a healthy respect for females as he grows up, especially being bombarded by all the confusing images of sex in all its varying hues that are such an integral part of our extremely demanding, hungry-for-it-now culture. my responsiblity is to give him a clear understanding of how best to interpret all of that information, and it's Terrifying because it's such a gigantic task, but we're gonna do fine as long as we *all* keep our eyes open, together.

we can do this.

I think LA Dad and Janamom have great points! I be...

2006-10-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

I think LA Dad and Janamom have great points! I believe strongly in lots of communication with kids and no blindfolds (or minized ones, at least). They need to be able to deal with the world and make informed choices.

I'm also not sure that I agree that pop culture is dramatically worse now. I was a kid in the 70s and a teen in the 80s... eras when the sexual revolution had established itself and TV censorship was being challenged. That means there was a lot of movies/TV with sex, drugs, violence... not to mention a number of movies featuring hookers as the main characters. When I go back and rewatch some of the stuff that aired when I was kid it's pretty bad, and some of those disco stars dressed as trampy as Bratz dolls.

I don't want to be a lax parent (as some of us who grew up in the 70s well remember) but I also don't to be so overprotective my kids are in for a shock later in life. Frankly, I met kids at college later in life who just didn't deal very well when they were finally let out of the house.

Another thought provoking post. I am new to your b...

2006-10-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

Another thought provoking post. I am new to your blog and enjoying it. I always wanted a pinata as a kid but never got one. I do remember once, though, when I was watching Down and Out in Beverly Hills with my parents, a sex scene came on (with the woman on top no less) and my parents told me to cover my eyes. So I duly pulled up the afghan to cover my eyes. But I looked through the holes. I just didn't want my parents to know I was watching.

Strawberry Shortcake rocked. I loved her because she had red hair and didn't get teased for it like I did.

But. I don't believe that gender is instinctual at all. Culture loads gender into our babies almost before they're born with all the pink, blue and gender neutral colours for clothes and the do you know what you're having and the I'll wait to buy a baby gift so I know what she has...

That said, I agree with pulling the blindfolds off. I think it's way more important to teach our kids to be critical and media savvy and to talk to us about the things they see.

I have already posted some of my thoughts on body image on my own blog.

We watch the simpsons as a family and there was an...

2006-10-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

We watch the simpsons as a family and there was an episode where Homer and Marge were desperate for some time off from the kids to have a bit of a 'dirty weelend'. We didnt stop the kids watching it, how could we? We had laways let them in the past. My 6 yr old daughter has suddenly become much more sexually aware. She knows she has a gay uncle that shares his bed with his boyfriend and they are 'sexy' sometimes. 'Sexy' to her means kissing and cuddling with no clothes on. She only knows this as she once caught my husband and myself being sexy. I didnt shout or scream at her to get out of the room. I got a fit of the giggles as my husband hid under the duvet! I shooed her away eventually with the promise of an explanation. I have had 2 more children in the last 2 years which caused many questions from my older kids.

I never got the talk about periods or sex. Ever. My 6 yr old girl knows about periods and is not frightened about the prospect. I only told her becasue she wanted to know what a tampon was after seeing them at home.

BUT, I will NEVER admit that santa isnt real. Santa visited me until I left home and there was never any admission by my mum or myself that we were playing a game.

Sex, I can talk honestly to my kids about. Santa/tooth fairy...LIE!!!!

Great comment Jana. Great advice, thanks.

2006-10-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

Great comment Jana. Great advice, thanks.

Okay kids, here is how I see it. Yes, Barbie is pr...

2006-10-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, here is how I see it. Yes, Barbie is prjecting a bad image to our daughters. Yes, video games are unnecessarily violent. Yes to a million other problems with western society that affects our children and how they grow up. Does this mean we should go out of our way to shield them from it? No. What it means is that you give the kids Barbies, and let them play with them, all the while showing them how disproportionate she is. Laugh at it, say "Isn't that silly! A waist that size means she couldn't possibly have a liver! Now put on her high heels so she can get in her convertable." *Conversation* is the key to protecting your children from the evils of modern society! Let them be IN the world, but not OF the world. Let your example be stronger and more powerful than Barbie's. Then you can be confident that they will understand all the unsavory bits within a context. They will be worldly. They will be strong. And they will know how to make decisions even when you are not policing them. Nudity is good, but talk with them about why some people (some extremely uptight people, that is) think it isn't. And when I say "talk with" I mean conversation, not lecturing. And don't plan it. Let it flow spontaneously. ALWAYS REMEMBER: Dr. Spock said that all children are constantly and in every moment striving to be exactly like their parents! To make your children become the people you hope they'll be, become that person yourself. Then there is no world ugly enough to contaminate your children.

Nice post. Love the discussions!

Mrs. Q- I would be happy to post something about S...

2006-10-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Q- I would be happy to post something about Santa Claus and I think you bring up a great point. I have ideas of my own but I imagine readers have BETTER ideas than I do a la the Santa Claus/Tooth Fairy issue.

Regardless, Thanks, Mrs. Q!!

Julie- I LOVE what you wrote and think that what you say is SO true about people thinking they are doing "good" by censoring their children, their communities, etc.

And YES, that is exactly what I meant! (Not to take away all regulations but not to hide either.)

Really wonderful comments and thanks for sharing.

In all this talk about full-disclosure telling the...

2006-10-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

In all this talk about full-disclosure telling the truth to our kids, Eleanor touched on a thought I’ve been struggling with: Santa. My sister-in-law announced years ago that she would not LIE to her children (now 7 and 9) about Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny/Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, etc. Her thought is, that if her children can’t depend on her for the truth about these things, what is to say they will trust her on anything else? (She had a very bad experience with Santa and her parents, by the way).

Now that our man is 17 mo., and there are now many other young kids in our extended family, we’re all not quite sure how to deal with our niece and nephew who think that we are in fact LYING to our own kids and don't really care if they debunk the myth. Whoa, Nelly. And they are atheist, so it’s not a question of Jesus vs. Santa.

GGC: Would you be willing to host a discussion on this? I’m at my wits end arguing my point, which is ultimately, as parents, we do whatever we choose and think is right, but at the same time, respect what others teach their own children. It’s called tolerance. To us, Santa is magic, and like all magic, kids eventually figure out that there’s a secret behind it.

I value your opinion and that of your astute readers… Bet you didn’t think you’d be hosting a Dear GGC session, did ya? Help?

Keri, you make an interesting point but I think th...

2006-10-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

Keri, you make an interesting point but I think there is a limit to the truth you can tell a child. Would I lie to my children if a famiyl pet had to go? No. Woudl I lie to my children & agree that there is a Father Christmas? You bet!
Honesty is not always necessary with little ones, it just isn't. It's striking the right balance that matters.

This is a great post and I wish I'd had time to re...

2006-10-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

This is a great post and I wish I'd had time to read through all of the comments, because I'm probably just repeating what many others have said (I know I'm repeating aspects of the few posts I did manage to read.) I agree about not blindfolding...my dilemma comes in when it's time to decide how to expose them to the realities, when to expose them, and how to effectively teach them how to handle that reality. It's very complicated even though we'd like to make it as simple as having a house full of love and trust. We aren't ALL they're exposed to, as you pointed out, and so they will be influenced by peers, media, etc... finding the most effective way of communicating that love and trust so that it overshadows the other influences is tougher for some people than for others, I think.

I. love. this. post.

2006-10-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

I. love. this. post.

I wasn't planning to comment again but this commen...

2006-10-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

I wasn't planning to comment again but this comment from Kelly caught me off guard:

"I have small children and I will totally admit that I lie to them. Sometimes I am literally at a loss as to how to answer. Sometimes I think that they don't need to have an answer."

Umm, thank you for admitting that you lie to your children but do you realize that you are digging yourself a hole that is only going to get bigger and bigger? Please, PLEASE be honest with your children. If you don't want them to know too much about something, there are ways to filter that information without lying outright. And please, PLEASE be honest with your children by saying that you don't know how to answer their questions. Do your homework and then get back to them with the best possible answer you can figure out. And for those questions that you don't think they need to know the answer to, you can be honest and tell them that now is not the time to talk about it (I'm not crazy about this tactic but this is better than lying).

Before ya'all scream at me or whatever, please, PLEASE read my post on my blog (http://jimikiwi.blogspot.com/2006/09/life-lesson.html) about the effects of my parents lying to me. It was traumatizing for me. Because of my experiences with my parents lying to me, I will do my very best to not ever lie to my children and I hope you all will too.

Kelly, you are hitting the fallacy of the excluded...

2006-10-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

Kelly, you are hitting the fallacy of the excluded middle...the gray area Helena above (and me too) were talking about.

When GCC wrote this, "We can blindfold our children and send them, dizzy and confused toward the piñata, or we can pull the blindfold(s) from their eyes and hold their hands through the darkness."

I took it to mean, not to share EVERYTHING to the utmost degree of honesty, but to allow that there is a real world out there, and to lead them, with a caring, guiding had, in an age-appropriate way, in that real world. Hiding, lying and disguising only means that they'll have to learn about it somewhere else. I'd so much rather my kids learn about it from me, in the right way, at the right time.

I don't let my kids watch Nick or Disney. I admit it: it's the commercials. I feel uncomfortable with rampant YOU NEED THIS amterialism, but it's also selfish: I hate hate hate the constant badgering for wants.

So I provide shelter, and yet...still...it comes up. Like today, my daughter wanted a toy her friend had. And we had to talk about it.

Laura you make a lot of really good points. Yes, i...

2006-10-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Laura you make a lot of really good points. Yes, it is easy to get sucked into just being carried along with the images we are bombarded with as "right" and "good" and "best" whether it is how we parent, how we look (or ought to look), how we play, etc. It's out there. Strongly.

However, I think that it is my necessity to think critically, and to teach my children to think critically.

I didn't read GCC to be saying there is no effect, but that it is not assumed and expected that it could and should have this effect. KWIM?

It's mistaking the desire. It's misunderstanding t...

2006-10-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

It's mistaking the desire. It's misunderstanding the urge.

It's thinking it is something taught---something bad taught, something badly taught.

Instead, it is really just our humanity.

But see, there is a huge trend of people misunderstanding what it means to be "good." It's a whole mistaken movement about How to be Good. In fact, the rather fabulous Nick Hornby wrote a (of course) fantastic novel, called this very thing, about this very topic.

It's the parent demanding a teacher be fired for taking her child to an art museum where they saw Nekkid Statues. And it's the prinicpal who caves and does it.

People get told unconstructive directions like, "be good," with no explanation of what that means, or how to achieve it.

On the good end, it means an open-ended opportunity for self- and societal-exploration.

On the bad end, it means---since we are all learning people---mistakes. Due to misunderstanding.

Like, not understanding there is Okay Nudity and Not Okay Nudity (use of Body is what I really mean).

Like not understanding that playing with dolls isn't a desire to be a mommy, but a need to play out what she sees and interacts with all day to *understand it.*

It's throwing the baby out with the bathwater because the person can't---or won't---distinguish, and operate in the theoretical shades of gray on the topic.

To badly mix. ;)

Yeah this strikes me too.

My rant about a sidebar to this topic

Great post. Very thought-provoking.

I hav...

2006-10-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

Great post. Very thought-provoking.

I have small children and I will totally admit that I lie to them. Sometimes I am literally at a loss as to how to answer. Sometimes I think that they don't need to have an answer.

I don't wish to have an extended discussion with my four year-old about my grandfather's morphine addiction or my ex-sister-in-law's questionable parenting habits. And yes, she asks questions about everything, and I believe, at the age of four, she doesn't need to know everything. Hell, at thirty-four, I don't need to know everything.

I admire the notion that you seem to have about being open with your children. But sometimes a little blindfolding can be good. It's a tough world out there. Our kids are going to learn lots of things that maybe we wish they didn't. I don't mind if it takes them awhile to learn it.

You can protect your children without smothering them. There's a difference between letting a young child watch Nick Jr. and Cinemax. Making choices to protect your children from "too much, too soon" is not a bad thing.

I do agree that Americans tend to promote certain behaviours by trying to hard to prevent them - not only sex, but drinking, too (I posted about that on my blog a few weeks ago). That doesn't mean you have to do shots with your ten year old, though.

I think there's a balance out there between not saying anything and saying too much. As parents, I think our job is to find it.

*company. woops!

2006-10-04T18:12:00.000-07:00

*company. woops!

You guys are awesome. I think this debate is soooo...

2006-10-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

You guys are awesome. I think this debate is soooo important. (is it a debate?) I guess I'm kind of with Helena, as in I don't understand why the American way must so often be "NO!"

ECR- THANK YOU. I think maybe this should be the next blog topic. Puritan ethics regarding sex. I always found the idea that it isn't feminine to be sexy as strange. And while I am VERY against violence (I can't even handle it when people kill spiders around me) I am pro-sexuality and I enjoy sex and talking about sex and being sexual. I think the only thing we can do about sex is EDUCATE, and CELEBRATE it as the most HUMAN OF ACTS.

Equating sex to sin is in my opinion the LOWEST POINT of the church and the LOWEST POINT of American culture.

MRS. Q- Don't do news here either but last night during a commercial break the Michelle Tuzee or whatever or news bitch is says "BREAKING NEWS. ARE YOUR DOG BIQSUITS DEADLY? TUNE IT AT 11. IT COULD SAVE YOUR PET...."

Um, if that isn't "fear for fears sake" then call me crazy... Yikes.

Mom- Gotta love you for being involved in this.

Petite Mom- I think homeschool is fine and great even. I know awesome people who have been homeschooled. I also know nutjobs but that's the way everything is... I do think many people homeschool for the wrong reasons, present complany excluded ;)

Right on, Helena!! I couldn't agree with you more...

2006-10-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

Right on, Helena!! I couldn't agree with you more!! The Puritan ethic that started this country has deep roots and many of us feel we don't belong here. But believe me, the Bush mentality is a minority even though it seems like a majority (he didn't really win, remember?) And those of us who don't buy into the fear mentality must stand up and voice our opinions loudly so that you all can hear us in Europe. It saddens me that you all only see the bushes instead of all of the lovely trees!

Amen.

My son plays with dolls and gives th...

2006-10-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

Amen.

My son plays with dolls and gives them kisses and tucks them in. And plays with his trucks. And tries to stick the babies in the trucks. It’s all good.

Barbie didn’t make me feel bad about my body. People did. I was super-skinny, just like my dad, and had these loooong legs that hit widest at the knees. “Well-meaning” adults would say, “Oh honey, you are toooo skinny. Eat something.” And “You’re not anorexic, are you?” No lie. I avoided wearing shorts for two summers because of those idiots (and there were MANY). As for Barbie? I loved her and she loved me back, knocking knees and all. If those same people thought about THEIR words and actions, rather than what a doll may do to level my self-esteem, I dare to say we’d be in a better place?

As parents, it’s our job to filter some of what we consider negative messages/TV/images from our kids, but at the same time, not create a bubble around them. But I guess I do it to myself. Once the little man was born, I stopped watching the local news (car jacking? suffocated baby? school shootings?) because I feared I may never leave the house again. I’m ashamed that’s how I chose to deal, but it gets me through the day.

[And what’s with that first photo? You think that woman is actually going to let he kid whack the shit out of that piñata in the foyer? ]

I especially agree with your points regarding repr...

2006-10-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

I especially agree with your points regarding repressed sexuality. I feel that we, as women, would do better to embrace sex first, and then work to address the iniquities in a sex culture dominated by men. Women do not need to refer to their own sisters as "sluts." Whose cause does that kind of language further? Also, I don't buy the argument that porn is an evil that one must equate with guns and drugs. I think a lot of the excesses and addictions that exist today around sex are a result of a culture that denigrates the act. But, as I said today in my own post about lofty issues that I can barely get my head around, I have no idea what to do about it. How can we change women's ideas about sex? Because that's what needs to happen first.

I love this entry. I'm new to your blog but I'll b...

2006-10-04T17:01:00.000-07:00

I love this entry. I'm new to your blog but I'll be a regular. I've added you to my sidebar :)

Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Behold the Blindfold

I wonder if anyone reads this anymore? I agree wit...

Me too, Michele.

I know I'm late to the party... But unfortunately...

my kid's a boy, so I have refrained from participa...

I think LA Dad and Janamom have great points! I be...

Another thought provoking post. I am new to your b...

We watch the simpsons as a family and there was an...

Great comment Jana. Great advice, thanks.

Okay kids, here is how I see it. Yes, Barbie is pr...

Mrs. Q- I would be happy to post something about S...

In all this talk about full-disclosure telling the...

Keri, you make an interesting point but I think th...

This is a great post and I wish I'd had time to re...

I. love. this. post.

I wasn't planning to comment again but this commen...

Kelly, you are hitting the fallacy of the excluded...

Laura you make a lot of really good points. Yes, i...

It's mistaking the desire. It's misunderstanding t...

Great post. Very thought-provoking. I hav...

*company. woops!

You guys are awesome. I think this debate is soooo...

Right on, Helena!! I couldn't agree with you more...

Amen. My son plays with dolls and gives th...

I especially agree with your points regarding repr...

I love this entry. I'm new to your blog but I'll b...

Great post. Very thought-provoking.

I hav...

Amen.

My son plays with dolls and gives th...