tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post116366063872011586..comments2023-11-02T07:53:45.876-07:00Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Fear Will Tear Us Apart... Again.GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-49776981854649412992010-09-25T20:05:38.288-07:002010-09-25T20:05:38.288-07:00Okay, I know this is an old post, but I just read ...Okay, I know this is an old post, but I just read it and I think you've hit a chord. I've been married 4 months and people, strangers, are already trying to spread the fears! They want me to be afraid my husband will cheat on me, that if/when we have kids he won't be "present", and that our kids will have problems because we have tattoos and piercings. I'm noticing fear everywhere now and I just can't help but laugh, because what else can I do in the face of so much ridiculousness? <br /><br />Anywho! Great post, good points :Ddietplaidhttp://dietplaid.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-21285027414351902962007-04-20T11:49:00.000-07:002007-04-20T11:49:00.000-07:00I just came across this post now and I felt that I...I just came across this post now and I felt that I had to comment (as obviously many others have before me) I studied a lot of gender and sexuality issues in university and this just brings to mind many lectures I sat through. Anyway I just wanted to say that this was extremely well written and would deserve a place in some of the course guides I received. Bravo.Stargazerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06783419166213250943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1165432112205921672006-12-06T11:08:00.000-08:002006-12-06T11:08:00.000-08:00yeah, man.fear is bad.life isn't.yeah, man.<BR/><BR/>fear is bad.<BR/><BR/>life isn't.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14163363926316904033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1164037262857576822006-11-20T07:41:00.000-08:002006-11-20T07:41:00.000-08:00I guess that's why I have never called myself a fe...I guess that's why I have never called myself a feminist. I (personally) don't feel like any less than equal to a man. And I think having less fear is directly responsible for feeling that way. Not to say there is a right or wrong way but I think you pinned it. I think feminism is more about equality which is why I will never call myself one. Equality seems to me the final destination but it seems to me in order to get there women need to work out so many of the fears we have developed over the generations.GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1164031446812424442006-11-20T06:04:00.000-08:002006-11-20T06:04:00.000-08:00"How does a women who calls herself a "feminist" f..."How does a women who calls herself a "feminist" fear that her daughter will be victimized? Doesn't "feminism" rally behind the strength of women? Doesn't a feminist believe in her own strength as a woman? And that of her daughter as well?"<BR/><BR/>I think feminism is more about equality than fearlessness. Women and men should be raised to know that there are legitimate things to be careful of. They should also be prepared to defend themselves.<BR/><BR/>But as long as men are by far the ones more likely to kill, to rape, and to commit violent acts, both sexes should be made aware of that and learn to mitigate that fact - through being smart, through removing themselves from dangerous situations, through self-defense, and through being unafraid to report crimes against them.SUEB0Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301963922769609715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1164028331820719542006-11-20T05:12:00.000-08:002006-11-20T05:12:00.000-08:00Thanks for this post - sometimes it seems people a...Thanks for this post - sometimes it seems people are afraid of life, it's good to hear from someone who embraces it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1164007025619726492006-11-19T23:17:00.000-08:002006-11-19T23:17:00.000-08:00Speaking of calling Barbie a bitch, have you read ...Speaking of calling Barbie a bitch, have you read Adios Barbie? I want my copy back from whomever I let borrow it for when my daughter's old enough.Domestic Slackstresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03067343703529550218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1164004963756282202006-11-19T22:42:00.000-08:002006-11-19T22:42:00.000-08:00*Still cringing at purity ball.*I'm totally gobsma...*Still cringing at purity ball.*<BR/><BR/>I'm totally gobsmacked. Those poor girls.Webmaster Melodyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14618631533778321551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163898698266612822006-11-18T17:11:00.000-08:002006-11-18T17:11:00.000-08:00Positive Stat:Only 20% of marriages between two Ch...Positive Stat:<BR/><BR/>Only 20% of marriages between two Christians, who regularly attend church and participate in their faith ends in divorce.<BR/><BR/>Regardless of what one may think of religion, Christianity, attendance or faith.. it's a good statistic, relative to the secular one.<BR/><BR/>:)SuperP.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06830641369098524799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163829602290602832006-11-17T22:00:00.000-08:002006-11-17T22:00:00.000-08:00Hi GGC,I thought this kind of irrational fear only...Hi GGC,<BR/><BR/>I thought this kind of irrational fear only happened in my country. This education so steeped in ignorance. How can you teach a child to be afraid? Of anything? Awareness and fear are so totally different. And I think parents need to learn to walk that fine line instead of bringing up their children warped. Perhaps as mothers of boys we think differently but when I see my smiley, affentionate little 18 month old I can't believe that there is a mother out there teaching her daughter to fear him and have an unhealthy view on boys and sexuality... At the end of the day its their loss and their little girl's loss... <BR/>Great post...the mad mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14535453643548976883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163828371117745252006-11-17T21:39:00.000-08:002006-11-17T21:39:00.000-08:00I haven't read the other comments, nor the other p...I haven't read the other comments, nor the other post...<BR/><BR/>And since this is turning into a rant I will continue it on my blog if you don't mind!Crunchy Carpetshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09543476826068578576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163816167087730432006-11-17T18:16:00.000-08:002006-11-17T18:16:00.000-08:00TOTALLY, WG. Amen, Hot Mommy. I was not only disgu...TOTALLY, WG. Amen, Hot Mommy. <BR/><BR/>I was not only disgusted with the fact the girls do not "own" their own sexuality but the fact that "sitting on their father's laps for male love and attention" would take the place of having or WANTING a boyfriend... It's as if teenage girls DO NOT have hormones and just date boys for male attention. That women do not have sexual needs, desires and the want to experiment with boys. This is INSANE. FUCKED UP and WRONG. I imagine these girls will be the ones who grow up to be victims, because they will not know how to stick up for themselves or their sexuality. They will never know their power and/or control and thus they will be tackled by those who prey on the weak. (Which btw is every predator.)<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your thoughts. :)GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163814543845146942006-11-17T17:49:00.000-08:002006-11-17T17:49:00.000-08:00I also wanted to add a thanks for this post. Fear...I also wanted to add a thanks for this post. Fear is often bred from ignorance, we just need to supply our sons and daughters with confidence and knowledge. That might not protect them in the end, but for now they can be safe and happy little children. I don't want my 1 year old boy, and 3 year old girl to live afraid. I want them to be fearless happy, loved. I'll deal with whatever comes, until then my cup is half full.AS Novushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06050250796126230446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163813363855372132006-11-17T17:29:00.000-08:002006-11-17T17:29:00.000-08:00Thank you for this post, GGC.Here is a "non-statis...Thank you for this post, GGC.<BR/>Here is a "non-statistic" I've heard a lot - very often those who want to victimize or abuse others are people who seek out women/children whom they think they can intimidate or manipulate through fear. I don't believe in instilling fear "for their safety" because I think teaching our children to be in constant fear can be crippling and used against them. I'd much rather my kids be aware and able to rationally (or intuitively) judge the safety of a given situation and get out if needed.<BR/><BR/>I've seen women, coworkers, friends, even strangers, be victimized. Victimized, intimidated as easily by, "Oh, god, that creepy guy keeps staring at me. No, no, don't look!" And what have I done in those situations? I've turned around and looked RIGHT AT THEM. And then THEY get nervous and they go away. <BR/><BR/>Fearlessness can be positive. Being afraid of them is the game the victimizers want to play.<BR/><BR/>(You know the most disturbing thing I felt about that video on Dutch's post was all the messages that the girls' sexuality belonged to someone other than themselves.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163801772726317992006-11-17T14:16:00.000-08:002006-11-17T14:16:00.000-08:00First time commenter. Gotta say, I love your blog...First time commenter. Gotta say, I love your blog name and the thought of saying something to someone who was even able to have a hipsterectomy (brilliant!) is intimidating, but here goes:<BR/><BR/>I read Dutch's post, and all his comments (thanks for that 30 minutes gone!) and at first I couldn't figure out what had happened over there that got you riled. Then I remembered the comment from the mother who was upset that an older boy found her little girl attractive (insert rolling eye blinkie here). See, with my youngest daughter, it's the moms of the boys who might be scurrying out of the playground. My three year old is boy crazy, but I've never once thought, "Oh no! Boys are evil! Must scare her away!" Instead, my response to her endless crushes has always been, "Man, I hope that mom and I are still friends in 10 years when my daughter is stalking her son." I've never once heard that horrible "one penis/a thousand penis" quote, thank all the personal jesuses of the world, and I don't know many people in real life who are a man-hatin.' I sometimes say to my husband, however, after watching an ad in which men act appallingly and everyone yuks it up, "Aren't you so irritated that men are portrayed that way?" It's weird to think that in a world that is still so male-dominant, men allow themselves to look like such tools in popular culture. Why is that? <BR/><BR/>I totally agree that children shouldn't be motivated and limited through fear. But I was raised a hell-fearing fundie, so I might have some baggage there. <BR/><BR/>Many of Julie's comments resonated with me, even if she *did* use those (hated) statistics, which are so easily manipulated--I'm not saying by Julie, but by their creators--to support whatever your claim. <BR/><BR/>I wonder, too, how much levels of fear are genetic. And I have no statistics to answer that question, just the anecdotal evidence of siblings with markedly different fear threshholds. <BR/><BR/>I guess the one thing in your post I might sort of disagree with, and only because I'm sometimes semantically obsessed and because I read something Penelope Leach said about this very issue, is the idea of fearlessness as a virtue. To me, fearlessness is not understanding that danger exists and so plunging into a street heedlessly or throwing your hand into the lion's cage because you don't know lions have teeth. And so while living fearlessly sounds wonderfully alive and even romantic, it also seems dangerous in the worst way, because the danger could be averted. What I want for my own daughters (and nephews and nieces) isn't fearlessness, but bravery. Bravery is knowing that life can be scary and hard and dangerous and choosing to engage anyway. That one seems harder to achieve.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163791316472474282006-11-17T11:21:00.000-08:002006-11-17T11:21:00.000-08:00I don't understand how anyone could have taken off...I don't understand how anyone could have taken offense to Dutch's post. I thought it was brilliant, eloquent and in no means did it do anything but echo a common concern in an open fashion. I think Dutch is an amazing father and have no idea, like Molly said, how anyone could ever translate his post as anything but equal opportunity. <BR/><BR/>I PERSONALLY rolled my eyes at some of the commenters of his post, and come to think of it, some of the commenters on mine.<BR/><BR/>Although I do appreciate all of your perspectives I am also going to agree with Helena that people need to lighten up and remember that as parents we are not "Gods" or here to control our children. And those of us with control-freak issues should maybe take that up in a therapist's office and not on our children.GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163787066640075722006-11-17T10:11:00.000-08:002006-11-17T10:11:00.000-08:00I gotta say that, having known the real, live Dutc...I gotta say that, having known the real, live Dutch in high school, the idea of him "out to lay every girl and brag on it in the boys head" is pretty funny.<BR/><BR/>Margalit, did you actually read the post on Sweet Juniper? I'm just curious, because your total misinterpretation of everything he's saying is completely laughable to me. Please, spare us your insanity until you actually understand what it is that you're reading, and then, why don't you go ahead and attempt a little respect for parents who do things different than you? Being a parent is difficult enough without being called crappy names by total strangers who clearly don't have a clue what it is that you're saying.<BR/><BR/>Congratulations on your perfect parenting and your ability to criticize other people's. You must feel wonderful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163776700977212822006-11-17T07:18:00.000-08:002006-11-17T07:18:00.000-08:00I'm a bit astounded and feel a bit out of the loop...I'm a bit astounded and feel a bit out of the loop. Is that really the boy-girl dynamic in the states?<BR/><BR/>France. 'Tis good.JChevaishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02683339168047479228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163763673874693042006-11-17T03:41:00.000-08:002006-11-17T03:41:00.000-08:00I don't deny that this issue is important. However...I don't deny that this issue is important. However, after scrolling down trough your comments, I just think that most of you take yourself too seriously. And I don't think that's a good thing. Why don't you relax a bit and, instead of writing several posts here stating your opinion and stating it again and giving statistcs and telling how much you think your children should be raised, why don't you go to your children and just do it? Let things flow, don't overthink it...please don't take yourself too seriously. Taking yourself too seriously is equal to thinking that you are an important person. You're not. I am not. We're just people living our lives. That's not a big deal. Don't act as if it was.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163748778471927942006-11-16T23:32:00.000-08:002006-11-16T23:32:00.000-08:00This was a great response to one of the more inane...This was a great response to one of the more inane posts I've ever read on any blog. I couldn't believe it myself, and had it not been the middle of the night last night when I did read it, I would have shown it to my son as an example of an asshat parent teaching his daughter to hate and fear men and boys. I'm sorry, but it's reprehensible to approach raising a daughter like this. And I HAVE a teenage daughter who has been somewhat sexually active. <BR/><BR/>Sex is a fact of life, and teaching your daughters to fear men as if they are all sexual preditors and beast burns my butt more than just about anything. My 14 year old son is SO not a rapist or an abuser. He has kissed a couple of girls, but that's pretty much the extent of his experiences. He is friendly with 2 girls, one of whom is in his band. FRIENDLY. Not sexually promiscuous with. His friends are the same. They're not out to lay every girl and brag on it in the boys head. That might be what Dutch and his friends were into, but that's SO not what teens are into today. And since I have two teens of different genders, I think I might have a bit more knowledge of this than does a 20-something year old man with his head firmly planted up his ass. <BR/><BR/>Can you see this irritated me? <BR/><BR/>What kind of stupidity is it to teach girls to fear men? Don't we have enough tsuris on our kids plates without adding to their angst burdens? Aren't kids willing to give others a chance, to be more open to differences? Why should you pretend to be the world's biggest supporter of diversity and then dis fully 1/2 of the population to instill fear into your girls? What kind of bullshit IS this?margalithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09782326504951603071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163739045863125092006-11-16T20:50:00.000-08:002006-11-16T20:50:00.000-08:00I have two sons, and a feminist father, and I'm so...I have two sons, and a feminist father, and I'm so with you on this. I hope I do a decent job of passing along the right ideas to my kids...I might have to take some lessons from you. You have an awesome grasp on these issues and an amazing way with taking the philosophies and making them concrete and accessible.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02667140531327670081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163735917487901782006-11-16T19:58:00.000-08:002006-11-16T19:58:00.000-08:00I'm glad archer is a boy, so that you could write ...I'm glad archer is a boy, so that you could write this and inspire all these words from others. and I'm glad he's a boy being raised by a woman like you; if only more boys were.jdghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17138644775090861195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163732597147922192006-11-16T19:03:00.000-08:002006-11-16T19:03:00.000-08:00Your child is more likely to be struck by lightnin...Your child is more likely to be struck by lightning than to be kidnapped by a stranger.<BR/><BR/>You're welcome. ;)Lenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07334552523048470954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163730096376363822006-11-16T18:21:00.000-08:002006-11-16T18:21:00.000-08:00I think what a lot of people who are scared of men...I think what a lot of people who are scared of men are forgetting is that those men are someone's sons. They don't just come into the world as molesters and rapists... but something goes horribly wrong along the way.<BR/><BR/>And if we are raising our children to be the aggressors, or to be the victims... then that is the role they will take.<BR/><BR/>Children who feel empowered and are taught to care for and respect others, are a hell of a lot less likely to be harming someone else... And kids who are raised in fear, will probably live their whole lives that way.<BR/><BR/>We don't live in a vacuum.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1163723037733270792006-11-16T16:23:00.000-08:002006-11-16T16:23:00.000-08:00I don't have a son (yet?), but I do have men in my...I don't have a son (yet?), but I do have men in my life who I love and it absolutely does sadden me that in so much 'popular' critical discussion of sexuality/sexualization of girls there is a tendency to demonize men (and don't get me started on discussions of the quote-unquote patriarchy), because I know that they (these good, good men) experience shame on behalf of their entire sex. Which, yeah, saddens me and angers me on a personal level - all the more so because I think that this shaming of men just contributes to the problem. I want my daughter to love and respect men as much as she does women - regardless of her sexual preference - and I want her to love and respect other human beings in the healthiest, most empowered way possible. That means looking sex (and sexuality and gender and all) in the eye and seeing for what it is, in all its glory and messiness and beauty and controversy. And that requires HONEST, open discussion. No blinders.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for furthering this discussion, friend.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.com