Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Depth of Field

First of all, I have to say, I like kids, but I ha...

2011-11-03T03:30:11.474-07:00

First of all, I have to say, I like kids, but I have no children, so I do not know what kind of a way to educate children is the most correct, I'm sorry.
But I always hope that my own children can be a happy child.

What better way to send your love across the miles...

2008-03-07T03:08:00.000-08:00

What better way to send your love across the miles than a Valentines Day Care Package? This delightful red gift box includes a delightful teddy bears, Hershey Kisses and an assortment of valentines chocolates.

I know this post is months old, but I just stumble...

2007-05-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

I know this post is months old, but I just stumbled across it while reading your archives (since you are my newest blog crush). I am not a mom, but I feel like you just described my entire childhood. I think we all feel alone sometimes, but I think some of us feel it more often.

De-lurking to let you know how much I usually enjo...

2007-02-01T22:44:00.000-08:00

De-lurking to let you know how much I usually enjoy your posts. No matter where you are writing, you always write well. And although this was another beautiful essay/post, I think you are being extremely judgmental and unfair. Lumping people together because their kids wear sweatshirts is unfair. You know so little about those people. Do you ever wonder if siding with the outsiders is anothing way of conforming?

I probably feel so strongly about this because I am a foreigner in the town where I live. I am *the* foreigner on the playground and *the* foreigner at my son's school. Yeah sure the other kids dress the same and so do the moms. They also all have the same hairstyle, which is kinda creepy. Anyway. It took a long time to get to know anyone beyond a smile and a nod, but the people who approached me and invited me over or out ended up having a lot more to offer than I would have given them credit for if I'd judged them solely on their brand of clothing and playground coversations.

That's all. I'm done now. Keep writing. It's good stuff.

What I loved about becoming a grown up is that lab...

2007-01-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

What I loved about becoming a grown up is that labels don't seem to matter anymore. I can't stand labels being used to define a person. Depending on what day you talk to me, I can be shy, or outgoing. I have always been that way. Now that I have kids, I have to fight the labels again for them. My youngest is a lot like me, in that you never know what to expect from him. People label him anyway even though the contradictory labels make no sense (wild, peaceful etc.) I forgot to de-lurk but I lurk here all the time. You have the best most thought provoking posts I have ever read.

I just told my husband last night "Why do I feel l...

2007-01-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

I just told my husband last night "Why do I feel like an alien when I drop my son off at preschool?". I have always been outgoing, talkative, social, life of the party, etc. But I feel like I can't relate to a SINGLE person there. That can't be right, someone has to be like me, but I look at them all showing up in their minivans (not that there is anything wrong with that!) and their soccer stickers and their PTA badges and I feel sick. It seems like I have almost fought motherhood and the "rules" of being a parent and which stroller to buy, clothes, schools, etc. Did it from the beginning and still do it now. Why do I fight it so?? Why can't I get rid of my car that really isn't very convenient for my family and just bite the bullet and buy one that is designed for all of my errands and my new job? Wouldn't I buy the right tools if I was in any other job (computer, etc.). I think it is my need to be different, I hate following the crowd. I am afraid that I will loose myself and become blurry, like Bec said. It was bad the first couple years of motherhood. Sometimes when you are a mom it feels like you have no choice - either do activities with your kids that are already planned by people you wouldn't normally hang out with or sit at home. I know I could be more creative or whatever and plan cool activities but I am not creative. And I am tired. Too tired to come up with a cool solution, which I would have definitey done before I had kids. So glad blogs like this exist so I know I am not alone. PS - is anyone averse to Disneyworld/Land??? I can't stomach going there. My husband either. Other mom's actually get offended when I say "Well, I really don't like it much". I feel like herded cattle the few times we tried (but the Disney cruise was awesome). GGC, thanks for writing. And thank you all for responding.

I love this post, too. As a child, I was also ver...

2007-01-11T16:11:00.000-08:00

I love this post, too. As a child, I was also very introverted. I would stand back from the crowd with my mom and stare and probably even make fun of the other kids, laughing at their choice of clothes and silly hair. My mother used to try to make me get involved, but I never wanted to. That story of Archer reminded me of myself. I was once at a birthday party where there were clowns (scary) and I made a run for the door, screaming and clawing at it, trying to escape the clown that wanted to make me a balloon animal and the other kids pushing birthday cake in my face. I always thought that I was antisocial because I was an only child like Archer, but now I see through these comments and your post that I am not alone. I am now in my twenties and am still happy being alone and standing on the edge of the crowd, not the middle. Your little guy seems introspective and comfortable doing what he is happy doing, and I hope that he will retain that valuable trait throughout his life.

I love this. I love how as our kids grow, even th...

2007-01-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

I love this. I love how as our kids grow, even the things that feel painful to us (wondering if they'll be alone, wondering if their social lives will cause them to be hurt, etc.) remind us that they come from us, that we are the same in profound and intangible ways.

You know what Rebecca? You don't have to fit in. ...

2007-01-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

You know what Rebecca? You don't have to fit in. That is the beauty of being a mother, a person, a rea human being. You're figuring this thing out for yourself, for Archer. This is like, the most positive thing I've read on motherhood in a long time. I know that sounds weird, but you know yourself, you know your kid. And that confidence and knowing is going to attract people TO YOU, not you TO THEM. That's why you're having a hard time, -- bec you're not faking it. (But that is a good thing.) Damn, I wish you guys could come over!

It's funny, I'm the reticent one in our pair, whil...

2007-01-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

It's funny, I'm the reticent one in our pair, while pumpkinpie naturally sucks people in to her orbit once she gets used to her surroundings.

But the songs and all that? That's my job, so I don't find them weird! I've always been around young kids, so it's always been part of my language, I guess.

Wow, what a post Bec.
I know how you feel, deep...

2007-01-08T05:58:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a post Bec.
I know how you feel, deep down I feel like that too sometimes at groups but I always put on an act. My kids have always been ones the 'fit in', its me that sometimes doesnt. I have an alter-ego that can chat along to other mums about total crap unless its spiteful gossip , then I walk away.
Im lucky enough to live in a small town with life long friends that have children too but the other day 3 of us went to the weekly mums and toddlers group and I left after 10 mins. I suddenly felt smothered, like I didn't want to be there and it was because I din't have sylvie with me. I only had Sonny and I made my excuse and left anf felt a huge weight off my shoulders. I apologied to my friends for running out on them.
All children are different and special.

I hear what you are saying (and as always, you say...

2007-01-08T05:09:00.000-08:00

I hear what you are saying (and as always, you say it in such a beautiful way) but please don't assume that all of us who sing 'Wheels on the Bus' are clones/drones with no individuality or spark. Some of us can take our kids to a Wiggles concert and then a Dropkick Murphys show too.

My oldest is a social butterfly and has been from a young age. Good God, if one more person asks me to set up a playdate with her, I'll need another calendar. I assumed that because I like being 'out and about', that was how my kids would be. But, my younger two are very different from their big sister. Noises, people in costumes, bright lights, crowds---all things my oldest loves---freak them out.

One thing I find myself doing, that I want to change though, is I label. My oldest is the 'outgoing one', my middle is 'shy, unable to sit still, goofy', etc. I wonder how much these labels define them before they have a chance to define themselves. Applied to your post, does Archer get the message that being away from the 'masses' is a good thing, one that makes mommy happy, so that is the way he wants to be? Or, is that just the way he is wired? Kind of a chicken/egg question.

I test as extremely extroverted on every psych tes...

2007-01-07T23:25:00.000-08:00

I test as extremely extroverted on every psych test I've ever taken and yet I don't always feel the need to talk in potential social settings. (And I definitely haven't always and don't feel a need to fit in.) Sometimes I really just want to hang back and people-watch, and that includes the other moms at the playground. At the same time because I AM extroverted I will talk to random strangers regardless of where I am. People either respond (some very enthusiastically) or they look at you like you're a nut job for speaking. I don't worry about the snobby ones. And the ones who respond? A LOT of them, I suspect, really love that someone is initiating conversation (even if it's completely random conversation) and I've found some really cool, non-pod parents in odd places. Like the young man punk at Hot Topic (and yes, I feel my out-of-place AGE when I go in there!) who helped me look at shirts and turned out to be the father of a five-year-old as we bonded over the ridiculously cute shirt of teddy bears playing electric guitar. Even if those moments of contact are fleeting I still cherish them.

There are more of us out there, than there are of them!

what a tremendous post. and i think from the react...

2007-01-07T20:29:00.001-08:00

what a tremendous post. and i think from the reaction it's getting, many feel the same way.

bravo, sister. bravo.

and on the one off chance I am ever around other people with kids, good god, i feel something very similar to what you wrote.

what a tremendous post. and i think from the react...

2007-01-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

I think you're totally right, and I for one am jus...

2007-01-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

I think you're totally right, and I for one am just as guilty as the next person for categorizing. Judgement is never positive. Thanks for your insight(s)...

Beautifully written and clearly deeply felt. I ha...

2007-01-07T16:32:00.000-08:00

Beautifully written and clearly deeply felt. I have to wonder, though, as a previous poster or two suggested, whether we might all be feeling various degrees of alienation. Whether lots of us might be sitting there with our children with deeper thoughts in our heads than the lyrics to "wheels on the bus". Whether the moms that seem shallow or self-absorbed might have thoughts in their heads and goals in their lives that are deeper than small talk at play-group might suggest. I wonder at women's (mothers') need to judge and categorize each other....I wish we could get beyond that.

This is the first time in more than two months tha...

2007-01-07T12:25:00.000-08:00

This is the first time in more than two months that I've been able to log in. YAY! Happy New Year to me!

Although I'm not prone to panic attacks except in Wal-Mart, I do relate to this. Mine stems primarily because I don't fit in with other moms (I assume they're judging me and usually they are so I judge right back and decide to have nothing to do with the likes of those bitches)and my daughters is because she's too smart, wonderful and mature for other 8 year olds. She actually cried in my arms about it this week. She said she feels invisible at school.
That is who we are: invisible, except to one another. And so that's where we find our comfort.
Well, that and the internet.

Gap sweatshirts, gossip magazines, and knowing all...

2007-01-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

Gap sweatshirts, gossip magazines, and knowing all the lyrics to "The Wheels on the Bus" don't preclude my having a mind or thinking real thoughts.

I hope!

We're starting our first Kindergym classes next week. I hope there are kids like Archer -- and parents like you -- there.

Wow, have I been there. I don't fit in anywhere. ...

2007-01-07T08:27:00.000-08:00

Wow, have I been there. I don't fit in anywhere. I have never been a good group person. I'm usually good with that, but something about the culture of mommyhood....well, it makes one have panic attacks. Sometimes I just want to be fully a mama who is fully a woman with thoughts outside of the 'wheels on the bus'.
Thank God for the one mommy friend I have. I might just die otherwise.

I'll count myself grateful that I do not recognize...

2007-01-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

I'll count myself grateful that I do not recognize your playground. I guess I have visited a couple destination playgrounds on occassion but my regular diet is of a community of lively and loving neighbours.. the old and the young. I resolved not to move from this neighbourhood last month because this is so precious.

Maybe it is from here I have the nerve to ask... tho' ... is it? to reinvent motherhood? really?? or is it more simply to reject the unhealthy iterations. The persistent claim that family life square, backward and contemptable is sort of a self fulfilling prophecy; to lack a better analogy.

You just made me feel a little less alone. You ju...

2007-01-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

You just made me feel a little less alone. You just made me feel a little less like a neglectful mama for never joining a Mommy and Me or anything of the sort with my boy.

Thank you.

You know, before Sippy Cups came out, I obsessed a...

2007-01-06T15:02:00.000-08:00

You know, before Sippy Cups came out, I obsessed and obsessed that I would feel more alienated and alone for sharing on the page the sometimes harsh, sometimes very different views I had on parenting. My chapter on going to Mommy and Me definitely offended a few people I guess, but for the most part I was shocked at how many people wrote that they could relate. Yet, the ones I meet everday at the park, in the neighborhood etc. seem to be exactly the ones I would never be friends with. I don't know where all these like minded women are hiding. Or maybe that's just it.

Regardless, that was a beautiful piece of writing and you need to have it published. Get it off your blog and submitted to the NYT riht now.

Okay. I could have written that piece, but you di...

2007-01-06T09:36:00.000-08:00

Okay. I could have written that piece, but you did it so much better than I ever could. That is exactly how I feel. I am the exact same way around mommy & me groups. I get inarticulate. My son Nikhil is like Archer. He is now 2.5, and has only just started saying words that others can understand. He has his own language too, and up until a couple months ago, was always in the periphery of groups. The other children would interact, socialize, fight, etc. but Nik would rather play by himself, apart, looking at pebbles, leaves of grass, avoiding the slide, but fascinated by it, wanting to play in the water, no matter how muddy, dirty... I always felt like that too, growing up, and I still do. I am an outsider, trying to fit in, pretending to like the same things so that Nik can have friends. I totally get you. I wish we lived closer, maybe Archer and Nik would be friends, in a distant way! :)

spoon me.
xobmc

2007-01-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

spoon me.
xobmc

Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Depth of Field

First of all, I have to say, I like kids, but I ha...

What better way to send your love across the miles...

I know this post is months old, but I just stumble...

De-lurking to let you know how much I usually enjo...

What I loved about becoming a grown up is that lab...

I just told my husband last night "Why do I feel l...

I love this post, too. As a child, I was also ver...

I love this. I love how as our kids grow, even th...

You know what Rebecca? You don't have to fit in. ...

It's funny, I'm the reticent one in our pair, whil...

Wow, what a post Bec.I know how you feel, deep...

I hear what you are saying (and as always, you say...

I test as extremely extroverted on every psych tes...

what a tremendous post. and i think from the react...

what a tremendous post. and i think from the react...

I think you're totally right, and I for one am jus...

Beautifully written and clearly deeply felt. I ha...

This is the first time in more than two months tha...

Gap sweatshirts, gossip magazines, and knowing all...

Wow, have I been there. I don't fit in anywhere. ...

I'll count myself grateful that I do not recognize...

You just made me feel a little less alone. You ju...

You know, before Sippy Cups came out, I obsessed a...

Okay. I could have written that piece, but you di...

spoon me.xobmc

Wow, what a post Bec.
I know how you feel, deep...

spoon me.
xobmc