tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post3594441985636339994..comments2007-06-25T17:25:27.028-07:00GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-34985839021148672932007-06-25T17:25:00.000-07:002007-06-25T17:25:00.000-07:00Hi, you have no idea who I am---occassional lurker that I am---but my son didn't talk until he turned two. Not a word. Except the occassional vrrroom for car. I started to have him evaluated, then we moved. Approximately 1-2 mo after he turned two, he suddenly started talking. A LOT. And you know, he's never done a damn thing until he's good and ready, but as soon as he's ready-BOOM. He also didn't crawl until 13 mo, and didn't walk until he was 16.5 mo. The therapists do nothing that you can't do yourself---if he doesn't want to talk yet, that's ok! Logan BTW is now 5 yrs old and you cannot tell at all that he was once behind---he's never been to a therapist or had any kind of preschool or special help----right now we are homeschooling and he is learning to read. He just turned 5. <BR/><BR/>Big hugs and I know EXACTLY how you are feeling----but I tell you, if you know in your heart he's ok, don't let someone talk you into him being not okay. And you are not required to do ANYTHING that you are not comfrotable with---and if you are not comfrotalbe with evaluations and labeling, then screw em. You know he is okay.Melly Kwww.xanga.com/paganmellynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-27648035392689668132007-06-25T10:58:00.000-07:002007-06-25T10:58:00.000-07:00Bec, I remember going through this after Nate's stroke. They would examine him as though under a microscope. It would instill fear in my heart and make me second guess my gut instinct -- that everything would be fine.<BR/><BR/>Assuming that it's not to do with his hearing, I think that Archer's not-speaking reflects how close you two are. He doesn't even need words to communicate with you. You just instinctively know what he needs and that's beautiful.<BR/><BR/>Hold on to what you feel in your gut, in your heart. Whatever they tell you won't change your love for Archer or your relationship. It might only add words to where there were none before.scarbie dollhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15067032043776994982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-53624225250971466082007-06-25T09:11:00.000-07:002007-06-25T09:11:00.000-07:00Hang in there kiddo.BOSSYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12137297805742498961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-613330031416799802007-06-24T22:51:00.000-07:002007-06-24T22:51:00.000-07:00Keep your 'ist skepicism. As a school board employee I know how our systems work and the need of these modern insititutions to develop assessment tools from THEIR point of view.<BR/><BR/>Archer should do whatever at his convenience not at the convenience of the institutionalize faux-norms. Isn't he like fucking 2? This is pre-presumptive-early intervention it seems.<BR/><BR/>I thought of this post the other day watching my son's gears turning at another telephone conversation I had. There must be 50 communications gizmos that fuck with the language development streams of this generation.<BR/><BR/>Let the ists stuff that in their pipes n smoke it, eh?mo-wohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-60463738618239584812007-06-23T14:33:00.000-07:002007-06-23T14:33:00.000-07:00Get out of you.... the appointment was about and for Archer...not you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-75571574408681911782007-06-22T20:42:00.000-07:002007-06-22T20:42:00.000-07:00Our appointment is Monday. Right there with you, my friend.mothergoosemousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05386446012443269817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-55064110780291903092007-06-22T11:09:00.000-07:002007-06-22T11:09:00.000-07:00As others have said, you're not alone. I haven't written about it yet, but I've been thinking about these posts in light of some new "testing" of "analysis" some have suggested for PunditGirl. I worry for her. Not because of the "testing" -- because of the labeling I know will happen. How do I protect her from that?PunditMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12919969826505761593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-58122796548587824322007-06-22T08:18:00.000-07:002007-06-22T08:18:00.000-07:00Im sure this wasn't easy. Think of it as one more notch in your mommy belt. If nothing else, it's another learning experience, right?binkytownamywojo.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-48613980438609939272007-06-22T05:54:00.000-07:002007-06-22T05:54:00.000-07:00Rebecca, I finally wrote the post that I've been sitting on for a few weeks now. I know Archer and Payton aren't in the exact same boat but maybe in the same water? It's on my blog now...I don't know if you would find any peace in it or not but I felt inspired to tell you about it.<BR/><BR/>http://queenofshake-shake.blogspot.com/2007/06/abnormal-is-new-normal.htmlQueen Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04455637064686856773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-32975735653773844492007-06-22T03:15:00.000-07:002007-06-22T03:15:00.000-07:00What a lucky little boy he is to have you as his mom. That's what I kept thinking when I read your post. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there. He'll still be the same kid, with or without the "ists".Meemohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14097227932245447166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-18647469422338408132007-06-21T20:10:00.000-07:002007-06-21T20:10:00.000-07:00I'm not a parent, so I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through, but like anonymous up above, I wish I could meet you guys. I wish I could watch Archer play and play with him and get to know him and see if he needs help and if I could help him.<BR/> <BR/>He is fine. He is Archer, and as you know better than I ever will, he is wonderful and amazing and perfect. And if these people, who are undoubtedly scary and terrifying and annoying as all hell, are any good at their jobs, what they want to do is get to know him, too. Get to know him and help him be even more like himself. More Archer-y. So other people can know him and love him, too. But still, I'm sorry you have to have to deal with all the -ists.Abbiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03465208972740936869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-3831264051590217342007-06-21T18:37:00.000-07:002007-06-21T18:37:00.000-07:00I just wanted to join the chorus of support for you. You are a brave and selfless mama to bite your tongue and swallow your pride and try to see if these 'ists' have anything to offer you and Archer. Your mama bear instincts are so right and so true AND you can put them aside for a moment to see who and what may help you and Archer. I know that can't be easy and I am so impressed by you for that.clueless but hopeful mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11011524864788495788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-87688246675628931512007-06-21T14:57:00.000-07:002007-06-21T14:57:00.000-07:00god i wish i could meet you and archer. i could tell you if there was a cause for concern. how about you move to ny and put him in my class and we see how it goes? you can bring scarlett with you and she can stay at sloan kettering. it's perfect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-82992060869026433612007-06-21T14:40:00.000-07:002007-06-21T14:40:00.000-07:00This is incredible. I haven't been by in a long time, but this means I gotta stay.:-)Meghttp://www.megfowler.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-65215803031685820542007-06-21T13:18:00.000-07:002007-06-21T13:18:00.000-07:00holy-squeeze-my-heart.<BR/><BR/>Many thoughts to you and Archer while you go through this.Queen Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04455637064686856773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-80883792337690853272007-06-21T13:08:00.000-07:002007-06-21T13:08:00.000-07:00just wanted to let you know that four of my 6 nephews have had speech therapy (two diff fams), all for delayed speech of various forms, and all have done kick ass well as a result. the kids end up developing a real bond with their therapists (they get to sit and play on the floor for an hour!) and the therapists i know really care about the kids they serve. my sister decided to wait with her youngest b/c she thought "he'll get there eventually" but by 5 he still wasn't speaking clearly so he started a few months ago and the improvement is marked. <BR/><BR/>i also have a good friend whose daughter didn't speak til just before three and she never did a thing for it and now the kid won't shut up. another friend who had a boy who only shrieked and she was terrified of autism (and she's an RN)- he had speech therapy and now is wowing them in kindergarten. i'm sure i could go on and on but the reason why i wanted to drop this note is to give you some others experiences to not feel so alone, b/c it is easy to feel alone right now.<BR/><BR/>my own pnut never figured out how to move on her own. we waited and waited for her to roll over, transition from the floor to sitting, crawl, pull-up, walk, you name it. each well baby check up i felt like i was the worst mother ever for having to say "no. no. no. not doing that either" we have a great kid that wasn't interested in doing anything but lay there- i figured, what do you expect from two former stoners? by 12 months we finally agreed to have her evaluated, and of course she qualified and we had the most incredible lady come 2x a week to show her how to make the connections between wanting/needing to move and moving. pnut loved this woman, and i developed a friendship with her, and actually cried the day she "graduated" on her last day of therapy about a month ago. <BR/><BR/>i have been in school my whole damn life it feels like, but i still didn't have the specific skills my kid needed to show her how to move. and that hurt me, but i couldn't let my issues get in the way of what she needed. in the end i had to let go of my control issues and trust that these people wanted to help us, and could. you'll do what is right for archer and your family. hang in there.pnutsmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01051488790948822324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-44886260425305786832007-06-21T12:04:00.000-07:002007-06-21T12:04:00.000-07:00I love you praying mantis.Scarletthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07202011499090118775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-13384477830336093912007-06-21T11:45:00.000-07:002007-06-21T11:45:00.000-07:00Thanks for sharing this so candidly with us Rebecca. I think there are lots of people going through similar doubts.metro mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00461160881873679783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-39801767952801520942007-06-21T10:39:00.000-07:002007-06-21T10:39:00.000-07:00It's hard not to feel judged about so many things, in so many ways, especially when it seems like it might have bearing on how people view us as parents. When we know how they are slotting it in with statistics. Hell, a lot of autistic kids have highly educated parents, actually. <BR/><BR/>I am lucky enough not to have been here myself yet, but I know there is always some chance. I imagine it must be so hard, so nervous-making, so difficult as to make us want to deny or rebel or hide in our shell. You wrote about it beautifully, and I felt it. But I also think you are right to give it a chance, because while I don't think anyone is seeking to change Archer's being, it might help him communicate his Archerness better with you, with the world. <BR/><BR/>Anyone, anyone, can tell how much you treasure this little boy, honey. We always fear for the ones we love.kittenpiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-16720900601168341532007-06-21T07:13:00.000-07:002007-06-21T07:13:00.000-07:00It must have been tough for you. But you know your son is 100% okay. No two toddlers are the same, you know. When my son was hospitalized with his kidney infection, with an IV in his hand that we had to watch them try and try again to put in, after all that shock and tears, the doctor comes in and asks us questions. "Do you live in an apartment or a house?" "Do either of you smoke?" "Do you have carpets or hardwood?" "Where do you work?" We wanted to punch her lights out. What the heck do any of those questions have to do with anything?<BR/>Anyway, your son is gorgeous and smart and it is okay that he is not speaking yet. He will!Loukiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03066879990007701379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-52181184093398538252007-06-21T06:34:00.000-07:002007-06-21T06:34:00.000-07:00Sending bigs hugs.briannanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-67157854372786321342007-06-21T05:52:00.000-07:002007-06-21T05:52:00.000-07:00p.s. the education thing is usually for research purposes. you know, statistics. the same statistics by which you all will be compared. see? standardization is stoopid. nothing should be standard but door sizes and cell phone chargers.<BR/><BR/>i bet they didn't ask you the number of books you had published by the age of 26. now did they?bitemycookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10861685660549332518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-8784168773933120522007-06-21T05:44:00.000-07:002007-06-21T05:44:00.000-07:00i would have held your hand and paced every square centimeter of that floor with you. i felt everything you felt the moment before i read that you felt it. NO! BEC! Don't say that...or should you? There's nothing wrong with him. You don't *know* them. You don't know *him*. All of that. And I know it lasted for a couple of hours, this questioning, but does this same 'ist make a second and third visit to get an objective sense of what it's like to be in your household when you're not totally stressed out and your kid isn't reacting to your superhigh frequency of worry and panic? do they? will they read your blog and go back through his history to see how he is and what he does and the ways in which he interacts with his environment? that is a whole picture to me. not just a few hours on the couch. how about a walk in the neighborhood? a trip to the park? <BR/><BR/>i detest 'ists as much as standardized testing. who wants standard kids? nobody i want to be friends with. finding out what they love, and how to teach the basics via a child's own interests is a better way for 'ists and society to learn that there are fewer 'isms than we think, just different ways of processing info - just in my 'istic (relatively uninformed and usually very ignorant) opinion. just kidding, i'm always right.<BR/><BR/>grab some xannies, stat, and relax, mama. this thing is on. treat the 'ists like novel characters. trust your gut. be as brave as you were on the day you found out you and archer were going to be a team forever. this is part of all that. you can't beat anyone up for doing what they're supposedta. that includes yourself, the 'ists, arch, and your whole family as a unit.<BR/><BR/>i still think he should be evaluated by an alternative therapist who specializes in working with children and animals or children and music, since these are the things to which archer so clearly and passionately responds.<BR/><BR/>always here. always crazy in love.<BR/>make it a pink day.<BR/>xoxodtbitemycookiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10861685660549332518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-86151357783380187162007-06-21T00:39:00.000-07:002007-06-21T00:39:00.000-07:00You know your son. He is special and so so lucky to have such a cool mum who will love and accept every part of him.<BR/>Meetings like this are always stressful but I'm sure Archer will be chuntering away with his buddies by the time he starts schoolKellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11608353600377892342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-68058033399549932012007-06-20T21:57:00.000-07:002007-06-20T21:57:00.000-07:00I remember having all these feelings when I was going thru this with O. And then she was diagnosed with diabetes and I though "aha! That was the problem." Only it wasn't. She still needed help, more help than I could give and I felt like such a horrible parent for not being able to teach her. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Mold their little minds, make them ready for the world? I felt like a failure. But then I talked to the people who do this work, who help these kids and they eventually set my mind at ease. It took a while until I could stop feeling judged, stop feeling guilty. I still beat myself up at times, as I'm sure most parents do. <BR/><BR/><BR/>It's not easy, but you will get thru this. Archer will not lose his Archer-ness because he gets some early intervention. He will still be your Archer, and you will still be his amazing, articulate, incredible mother.Major Bedheadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17669161302510096751noreply@blogger.com