tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post3729829874897683129..comments2023-11-02T07:53:45.876-07:00Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Honeymoon on HoldGIRL'S GONE CHILDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-53827075731895532092009-07-30T18:32:59.628-07:002009-07-30T18:32:59.628-07:00My daughter is 9 1/2 months and I have been feelin...My daughter is 9 1/2 months and I have been feeling this way too. I agree with Amy that it could be partly hormonal. But I think it's also the fact that we spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with our babies. I wouldn't be able to spend this much time with another human being. I had a minor meltdown last weekend and realised it was tied to the fact that I am with my daugher all the time! I have decided that I need more regular time out. I think this will help.BBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01705369027539787179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-73512667839272682592009-07-11T19:39:06.372-07:002009-07-11T19:39:06.372-07:00Oh my, I know the feeling so well although my son ...Oh my, I know the feeling so well although my son Miles self weaned around 11 months I was afraid things were going the other way after we started using a cup during the day to prepare for separation and he started nursing for a LONG time at night - in the middle of the night. Then he started waking up even earlier and nursing again. He was getting all of his milk between 8 at night and 4 or 5 in the morning to avoid the cup and I was feeling like I needed some (all) of those hours back. I was feeling all that guilty pressure. Then he finally started to be tired, I think from being up so much, and sleep longer. It was almost 12 months to the day when he finally slept through the night, and that was a night of sleep that I had been dreaming of for months. He is still overwhelmingly attached to me though even though now he is almost 15 months old. I sometimes have to leave the room or the house (or today the birthday party for a neighbor) because he is literally clawing at my arms if he is on the floor or my face if I am holding him. If someone else tries to pick him up he lunges for me. So I have to be out of sight for him to calm down. We have a lot to work on but I know it is normal. Perhaps I should have done more separation earlier but I could not bear to. It will take some time but he will be fine. So will Fable. And she will still think you are Queen of the Universe. And of course, that is what really matters!Mommy Wordshttp://www.mommywords.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-61927573783912135862009-07-11T10:25:12.735-07:002009-07-11T10:25:12.735-07:00I AM RIGHT WITH YOU. My daughter is 10 months old...I AM RIGHT WITH YOU. My daughter is 10 months old and a boobaholic. We have had such an intense love affair nursing and co-sleeping and being together 24/7. But I have this desire to have my body back to myself (and my bed too). Then again, there are still pangs of intense need to be her sole comfort, to have her latch on and fall into me. There are days when she wants to nurse all the time and I think I can't do it one more day and then there are days when she pulls off wanting to walk around, crying to get off my lap and I want her back to needing me. I never had a plan for how long I would nurse and I am suprised by our nursing relationship and not sure how and when to wean.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07022434817723918622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-10719148111625663532009-07-11T06:55:01.597-07:002009-07-11T06:55:01.597-07:00Oh crap. Here I am bawling my eyes out because you...Oh crap. Here I am bawling my eyes out because you put my life into your words. <br /><br />I have a 1 yr old and a 2 1/2 yr old. Was I insane? Apparently. I've felt so trapped by mounds of diapers and failed potty training attempts and "no your sister can't have those fruit chews!....but uh, thanks for sharing, that's so nice" that I break down constantly. I don't want to clean. I don't want to see tiny laundry, dirty diapers or forgotten sippys. I want to hide, I want to go away to a spa for a week and think of nothing but myself so that when I come back I'm in love with my kids again... I want to feel grateful that my husband has a job, not that he's been forced to work 60 hr weeks leaving me home alone so much more than normal. I have always been the happy, optimistic, spirit lifter and suddenly I need someone to pick me up off the floor. <br /><br />Oh, geez. I'm done. I'm done.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00551495575357132673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-16661580372687725872009-07-10T21:52:04.029-07:002009-07-10T21:52:04.029-07:00Yes, I understand! I just stopped nursing recently...Yes, I understand! I just stopped nursing recently, when my baby boy turned 8 months. I had no idea it would be so sad. I'm a teacher and knew I had to do it over the summer before school started. I miss our quiet time. I didn't think I wanted a second child for a long time, but now I'm wondering...Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07985520526974915195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-54131364371310018122009-07-10T20:54:45.124-07:002009-07-10T20:54:45.124-07:00Oh my gosh. I just did a post on this last week, b...Oh my gosh. I just did a post on this last week, but you said it exactly how I didn't. <br /><br />I know your guilt. I know your need for yourself back.<br /><br />A month out I feel so much better. The guilt is still there. My daughter is happy, healthy and a little less needy. She is ok.<br /><br />Here is the post if you're interested: http://fatmumslim.blogspot.com/2009/07/weaning.html<br /><br />Thanks for sharing. xxChantelle {fat mum slim}https://www.blogger.com/profile/02167267576456836722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-6970770314848690762009-07-10T10:58:13.456-07:002009-07-10T10:58:13.456-07:00I've never given birth or breast fed, but this...I've never given birth or breast fed, but this sounds to me like nature saying that it is time to ween little Fable and to start teaching her about independence. <br /><br />Listen to your body. It's not you being bitchy or mean, it is your natural instincts kicking in to guide Fable as she grows.Katyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02137320441798593969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-37824779383156272262009-07-10T09:02:53.672-07:002009-07-10T09:02:53.672-07:00I had the exact same feeling, although for me it c...I had the exact same feeling, although for me it came later. However, I was just as surprised when it happened. What I want to tell you, what no one told me, is that the hormonal roller coaster you may experience now can be really awful. I was so lost feeling (out of nowhere) that I was terrified. Finally, in desperation, I went to a naturopath who mentioned that the hormonal crash after weaning was real and hard. The relief I felt was immediate. Once I understood what was happening, I felt worlds better. Getting your body and your life back is healthy, for both you and your kids.Strongrrlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03609622826471238263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-79139155830190750702009-07-10T07:24:59.255-07:002009-07-10T07:24:59.255-07:00I have an almost 13 month old and I can absolutely...I have an almost 13 month old and I can absolutely relate to your feelings. I just wanted to highlight that you need to remember that Fable is probably also a bit stressed since she you are moving her into her own crib, you have a new nanny for her, and I am sure she is teething. All that is on top of the clingy 9 month old period....Jelenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09125540895138936083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-40235330246042786482009-07-10T06:13:19.597-07:002009-07-10T06:13:19.597-07:00I've been surprised, while reading your posts ...I've been surprised, while reading your posts over the past 9 months, at how little you seem to have struggled with the feelings of suffocation that for me are part and parcel of being an attachment parent. For me it was from Day One. And for me, the needs of my kids come first, and I let that be the basis of most of my parenting decisions. So the struggle continues, it's just something I accept and live with.Anna Parrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04716458794128658961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-44046681038296013072009-07-10T00:33:31.183-07:002009-07-10T00:33:31.183-07:00What a lovely relationship you have had with your ...What a lovely relationship you have had with your daughter. I totally understand that you want your body/space back though.Margiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07798113319884937529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-44826440871138339532009-07-09T18:16:27.554-07:002009-07-09T18:16:27.554-07:00I'm glad you were able to voice these feelings...I'm glad you were able to voice these feelings and that so many people were able to tell you that you're not alone. I nursed my first for 13 months and hated to see it end; it only did because he wasn't interested anymore. My second went for 15 months, and it's lookking like my third may make it 18. But each time, I've dealt with battling feelings of not being ready to let go of this special relationship, guilt over wanting any part of my body back, resentment that I can't do anything without considering the effect it will have on another person (not even take an aspirin! do you know how many years it's been since I took an aspirin?), and a whole host of other feelings.<br /><br />I don't know if this is something you will work through and go back to the way things were, whether this means a change in your nursing relationship, or whether this is the beginning of weaning. (It sounds like you're going to continue but in a reduced way.) But I know that every time I hit a transition in my nursing, it was heart-wrenching and guilt-inducing. I hope you and Fable can get through the rough patch quickly and feel connected--in a really great, positive way--very soon.Kendrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15226660244598032307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-40862463248425721932009-07-09T18:12:46.593-07:002009-07-09T18:12:46.593-07:00Thank you Rebecca for writing this. You wrote exa...Thank you Rebecca for writing this. You wrote exactly what I feel, but felt too guilty to say! Thank you, a tousand times thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-43266977747986199622009-07-09T16:39:35.085-07:002009-07-09T16:39:35.085-07:00So I study the early modern period and I was worki...So I study the early modern period and I was working on reproductive rituals in the 17th century, and discovered something that this post reminded me of. At about the same intervals, after the birth of a child, women would take a trip pretty far, to another town or something, for a few days or a week. And scholars have figured out that this was probably how they weaned their children--totally abruptly, and by the mother taking time for herself away from her family for the first time since having the baby. We think this is a kind of ritual, as much for the mother as for the baby, to make a big transition from sharing one body to two. <br /><br />I think teaching Fable to soothe herself when you can't be there for her will teach her to respect herself, just like her mother is doing.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08346964002856633607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-28232174363767274402009-07-09T11:43:28.568-07:002009-07-09T11:43:28.568-07:00Hey Rebecca,
I don't even have kids yet and I...Hey Rebecca,<br /><br />I don't even have kids yet and I already trip out on all this stuff. I feel like maybe if I read up a ton, I can be ahead of the curve when I finally get there...though somehow I don't think it entirely works that way. : )<br /><br />Anyway. Thank you so, so much for putting this out there. I read several "mama-blogs", some more touchy-feely than others, if you know what I mean...and even though stuff's changed a lot over the decades, sometimes I still feel like Mamas are expected to be these soft-focus, pastel entities whose duty it is to give themselves up. ("Expected to be", I don't know by whose standards - but you know what I mean.) <br /><br />Anyway. You - and all your rad readers, hello! - are proof that it doesn't have to be that way *at all.* Like, that's not even what it's about or what it feels like. <br /><br />Listen -- I've been a nanny for ages and I've seen many, many variations on childrearing practices...Rebecca, you're doing GREAT. Do what you've gotta do here for yourself, be gentle with you & Fable, and it'll be alright. Hang in there and keep on!!<br /><br />Love,<br />DanaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-29550123247827609322009-07-09T11:07:50.722-07:002009-07-09T11:07:50.722-07:00Thank you, thank you, thank you...my son is 9 mont...Thank you, thank you, thank you...my son is 9 months and I am soooo done w/the breastfeeding and the co-sleeping and the being-with-him-24/7. I love him so much. Yet, I have these intense feelings that I can't take him on my breast for one more second and I break away, he cries, I feel guilty and..the cycle continues. This has been going on for the past 3 months, bc I've had these claustrophobic feelings for awhile now. Please continue to post on your (and Fable's) progress. Now, I'm going to read all the comments!HAShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06448286139555866055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-66996912557890786412009-07-09T10:52:48.007-07:002009-07-09T10:52:48.007-07:00I know exactly what you mean. my daughter is about...I know exactly what you mean. my daughter is about six weeks older than fable...and I'm feeling just as suffocated by her, with the nursing, and the hair pulling, and the clawing of my face, and her pinching me, biting me (which I know are really her version of kisses, but damn! it hurts). I'm tired of wearing nursing bras. and yet I'm having a hard time letting it go, too...like maybe if I wean, we won't share those mommy/daughter close moments anymore? the thought of it breaks my heart. and so I keep nursing. and going semi-mad. when you figure out where to go from here, please post. I need suggestions.jessicanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-6108279895260782692009-07-09T10:30:31.206-07:002009-07-09T10:30:31.206-07:00Thank God I'm not the only one feeling like th...Thank God I'm not the only one feeling like this right now. Thank you so much for writing this.Marcellanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-79820297553551948502009-07-09T10:18:09.182-07:002009-07-09T10:18:09.182-07:00Love this post. The pictures are beautiful. I am...Love this post. The pictures are beautiful. I am struggling because it took me so long for breastfeeding to be good with Oscar (three long months of thrush, mastitis, cracks, bleeding, and severe pain) and now at five months things are perfect, except that I have days where I struggle with sleep-deprivation and being a human dairy. So your post made me a little teary.Sandyhttp://www.sandyraymond.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-1018624579053920742009-07-09T09:47:07.522-07:002009-07-09T09:47:07.522-07:00Thank you for writing this down.Thank you for writing this down.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-11126677590953455292009-07-09T09:45:47.563-07:002009-07-09T09:45:47.563-07:00Totally understand. I couldn't get enough of m...Totally understand. I couldn't get enough of my first child. Never had a moment's unease. But when my 2nd pregnancy resulted in sons #2, 3 AND 4, I was surprised at my desire to run screaming. And even though I know I'm going to miss every moment of their baby/toddlerhood, I'm still counting the days until they begin pre-school half days. It is what it is, and I didn't cease to be Jodi just because I'm now the mother of 4. Best of luck to you!Jodihttp://www.thedrunch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-46531021494232287882009-07-09T09:39:20.971-07:002009-07-09T09:39:20.971-07:00Hi Heather! You write that your need for space has...Hi Heather! You write that your need for space has made Fable's need for you more intense, but I'm wondering if you've considered the possiblity that her increasing need for you is, rather, the catalyst for your need for space? I know that my 11-month old son was pretty unbearable at 9-months old. I couldn't put the sweet little shit down for a second. There seems to be some major growth happening at that age, and Fable is probably just (dare I say it) "going through a stage" that is making your lives together a bit too intense. Wait it out and you'll be able to put her down again without a screaming fit in a couple of weeks. Good luck!Sarahtknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-3826077329407990702009-07-09T07:52:25.674-07:002009-07-09T07:52:25.674-07:00I WISH I ever felt that way! Yeah, I wish that I f...I WISH I ever felt that way! Yeah, I wish that I felt what you are feeling guilty about. Because my son is 2.5, and even though I forced myself to ween him at 17 months, I still cling to him whenever I can, and he clings back. I want to want to be independent, but I am so attached still. We still sleep together. He sits on my lap every chance we get.<br />I feel guilt about going to work/school every day. Maybe if... maybe if I had stayed home I would have been able to want independence and then I could return... <br />Guess it's all about balance. Can you write a 10 ways to achieve balance list? I need to read it!tamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00777857116676559331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-43206886048171762452009-07-09T06:39:48.661-07:002009-07-09T06:39:48.661-07:00Don't let the guilt get to you. It's absol...Don't let the guilt get to you. It's absolutely natural, this instinct to push our little birds out of the nest, in many ways, be it weaning, making them get their own place, or just creating a degree or separation, and it's for their own good as well as yours. It's what is supposed to happen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-59639610020089650152009-07-09T05:08:48.120-07:002009-07-09T05:08:48.120-07:00Second-hand experience here, but a friend of mine,...Second-hand experience here, but a friend of mine, fully into the attachment parenting thing, weaned abruptly. Her kids were older at the time, and she would just go to a spa for three days. When she came back, they would ask, she would say no, and that was that. It seemed that as long as the mother was out of the picture for a bit, things were easier for mum and baby.Chris.noreply@blogger.com