tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post7580856034297968790..comments2023-11-02T07:53:45.876-07:00Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Don't be AfraidGIRL'S GONE CHILDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-67301679566387876132010-11-19T14:31:23.872-08:002010-11-19T14:31:23.872-08:00I feel the same ways about my children. I cannot g...I feel the same ways about my children. I cannot go out or do anything without them. I especially cannot let anyone drive with them, because I will feel if I am not with them that something bad will happen just because I wasn't there. Anytime I go out to eat or anything, my kids are right beside me, one is 2 and the other is 5 months. I feel horrible sometimes for not having time to myself, but I know I need to have this personal time. I also have to check every bedroom, closet, bathroom, everywhere in my house every night because I think someone will kidnap my children. It is horrible. I am being treated with OCD and reading the book 'Brain Lock' by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. So far, I have became a little less compulsive, but not about my children though, about other little things. Its just crazy. Glad I found some people who can relate. Everyone gets mad at me because I don't want the baby staying overnight or going to the park with them or something. It's horrible.Mallorynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-32921830027018699192009-04-14T13:38:00.000-07:002009-04-14T13:38:00.000-07:00I try not to be afraid. My mantra every day is "M...I try not to be afraid. My mantra every day is "My baby will be okay." I'm pretty good in my personal life at embracing adventure and the unknown and it has been difficult at times to embrace that with my new baby. But I will. I really believe part of our role as parents is to nurture our child's independence - that ultimately is the goal.<br /><br />And then I give him a taste of hummus and my heart stops with the fear that he may have a sesame seed allergy which I read can make him stop breathing...oh shit oh shit. BREATHE Jodi BREATHE.<br /><br />In order to embrace fearlessness, I found I had to STOP reading. Every book is so focused on what can go wrong it's hard. Every TV show is about something horrible happening. It makes it hard to forget that one of the most magical parts of childhood is the unknown, is exploration and imagination. To be like Max and go where the Wild Things are and "by staring into their yellow eyes without blinking once" we can conquer our fears and have fun adventures. THAT is what we should be encouraging in our kids.<br /><br />I was able as a kid to run around in the woods which my friends and I claimed as our own special land, play ghosts in the graveyard after dark, and swing so high on the swingset trying to touch the clouds. I can't imagine being so terrified my child will only get to have adventures in structured classes and always under the watchful eye of his parents.Jodihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14975007421373598402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-62121655929340151792009-04-11T20:44:00.000-07:002009-04-11T20:44:00.000-07:00I firmly believe in letting my child learn things ...I firmly believe in letting my child learn things on her own. So, apparently, does she, because if I get in the way too much, she lets me know. I trust her to have good sense, and perhaps surprisingly, she really does about a lot of things. I expect that there will be bumps and scrapes and perhaps even close calls along the way, but when I look back, it seems like that's just part of childhood.<BR/><BR/>that and perhaps I know that I couldn't survive carrying an umbrella of fear - don't know if that's the other baggage I carry that makes it seem so heavy or not! ;)<BR/><BR/>Though it doesn't stop me from wanting to protect her from the influence of others, the amazingly strong force of peer pressures - I suppose that's where my fears lie. I'm even considering home schooling! Now, there's definitely some protectionism there, but I'm hoping it's constructive and not constrictive....Breathebeasthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10368177797955702644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-40526248600961559572009-04-08T16:09:00.000-07:002009-04-08T16:09:00.000-07:00Dude, the Lizard King said it best: No one here ge...Dude, the Lizard King said it best: No one here gets out alive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-32525407987614780362009-04-04T12:30:00.000-07:002009-04-04T12:30:00.000-07:00This is an interesting topic. And I would say tha...This is an interesting topic. And I would say that my ex had an unhealthy amount of fear which I think stemmed from parents who viewed the world that way. My ex had a handgun (and got permits to be able to carry the gun with him wherever he could) because he assumed the worst about people. He also insisted on getting an alarm system put in our house to "protect" us. Eventually I realized his paranoia and pessimistic views were infecting my world view. I hope that I never raise children to look at the world this way; it is not a healthy or happy way to live.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-18956806628419503522009-04-03T05:37:00.000-07:002009-04-03T05:37:00.000-07:00i let both of my boyz skip without armor and eat t...i let both of my boyz skip without armor and eat tons of dirt. other parents are the ones who have problems with letting me do that. they feel the need to alert me of the dangers i subject my boyz to all the time. i am TOTALLY in your camp sister. i let them find out about the world in their own captivated and fascinated waysI've gotta write it to right it.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15295445094623984059noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-53991351004513631282009-04-02T14:59:00.000-07:002009-04-02T14:59:00.000-07:00Also, Fable is, quite frankly, THE MOST ADORABLE B...Also, Fable is, quite frankly, THE MOST ADORABLE BABY EVER. I just want to gobble her up. SO CUTE.Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02430974507635860856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-83459081122233113422009-04-02T14:58:00.000-07:002009-04-02T14:58:00.000-07:00Oh man, I am just like you. Granted, I don't have...Oh man, I am just like you. Granted, I don't have any kids (yet) and I could become freaked-out mom when that day comes, but...I doubt it. My reaction to most things is: shit happens. Diseases happen. Freak accidents happen. Cancer happens. And, for the most part, there is NOTHING that I can do to stop it. Clearly, I will make every effort I can to keep my kids safe - use the proper car seat guidelines, cut their hot dogs into minuscule pieces, teach them how to wash their hands effectively. But other than that, what can you do? The only thing worrying does is take years off your life, years that could be better spent playing with those kids.Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02430974507635860856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-55172959577056538012009-04-02T09:12:00.000-07:002009-04-02T09:12:00.000-07:00I had this same conversation with my boyfriend the...I had this same conversation with my boyfriend the other day. We have been together for years and are soon planning to take the next step in our relationship by getting married and starting a family. Sad thing is...I don't know if I am ready for a child yet b/c of these exact things. I have a dog, whom to me is my child, and I freak out (and I mean freak out) when I think the smallest thing is wrong with him, I mean I give my dog Benadryl when he sneezes to much b/c I think his allergies are bothering him...I proceeded to tell my boyfriend that if I freak out this much over the smallest things with my dog I don't know if I can handle having kids. My mom always tells me that my OCD, and my need for cleanliness will fall to the wayside when I become a mom, but it freaks me out to think about these things. I want to be able to raise my children the way my parents raised me...to take chances, to eat dirt, to not be afraid, basically to be a kid...and do what kids do. I do hope that the elders in my family are correct and that when I do have children things will change... I don't want to be the paranoid parent that her children hate b/c she tried to shelter them.Krystalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-41210661848710913432009-04-02T07:51:00.000-07:002009-04-02T07:51:00.000-07:00I can't say what type of parent I'll be because I ...I can't say what type of parent I'll be because I know it is different when you have your own (I'm due on the 30th!). However, I have two stepsons and it kills me to see how afraid they are. Actually, truthfully, sometimes it embarrasses me! It mostly boils down to false things they have heard growing up with their mother. They think they can't have any dairy for like an entire week after they have gotten sick. I've had them cover their ears at a plane show because they think that their "kid ears" are so much more sensitive than adults. They are 10 and 11! I sort of have that idea that boys should be rough and tough naturally and while I can appreciate a sensitive child, I don't appreciate the crazy fears that we have to battle every other weekend and on Wednesdays! Grrr. It's a toughie when you have no choice but to be a part-time parent.Hespernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-51687745127835054802009-04-02T00:48:00.000-07:002009-04-02T00:48:00.000-07:00I totally agree, Rebecca. I've got a 4 year old s...I totally agree, Rebecca. I've got a 4 year old son and another on the way and when I was first a Mummy I was a bit wierdo-protective but as the months and years went on I'm now all... meh -- KIDS ARE BENDY, MAN!! Not that I'm going to let him make cocktails with the cleaning products under my sink or anything, but it's really a case of the lesser of two evils, as you say. Do I wrap him in cotton wool every day or do I just relax and watch, marvelling at the shape his little character is taking as he learns the world? Don't get me wrong, I don't just sit by and let him do anything -- like you say, safety and fear are wah-HAY different but there's no better lesson for my little one than those he's worked out for himself. Like if I say, 'Don't walk on that floor, I've just mopped it and it's slippy, so you will wipe out and hurt yourself,' only for the little bugger to walk on the floor and wipe out and hurt himself. I'm not being smug and 'I-told-you-so-ey' but he'll not walk on that floor again. HAPPY THURSDAY!Mammy Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07999420446242213319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-30680392958021314582009-04-01T19:11:00.000-07:002009-04-01T19:11:00.000-07:00your blog is like my magic 8 ball! everytime i ne...your blog is like my magic 8 ball! everytime i need an answer to a life problem that has arisen, i say to myself, i'm goint to check GGC... it's like, WWGGCD? i'm flying to steamboat colorado tomorrow and taking my 10month old on the plane. alone. i was going to leave her b/c i was "afraid" to take her and i've decided that i can do it! and if i look back on all the things i was "afraid" to do, one my life will be truly boring and two, i will sadly regret all the good times i missed out on. <BR/>i'm with you! gotta save yourself from the fear that could be anything anywhere anytime.pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18305377654972572258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-9174403697768974312009-04-01T16:39:00.000-07:002009-04-01T16:39:00.000-07:00I think we all struggle with putting the fear asid...I think we all struggle with putting the fear aside. Right after my son was born, even towards the end of my pregnancy, I would lay in bed at night and feel absolutely overwhelmed thinking over the list of things that might happen to my child, one day. Somewhere. I've really had to force myself to let go of the fear, terror...that something bad will happen to my baby. I've even considered not having another one to save myself from the fear. But here's the thing, bad things MIGHT happen. But joy, that's something you get 100% of the time. Even on the bad days, it's hiding in there.<BR/><BR/>The only way to fight fear is to do what you are afraid to do.Erinhttp://www.littlekitegirl.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-66055476674498479542009-04-01T15:58:00.000-07:002009-04-01T15:58:00.000-07:00I think I am one of the few first-time moms I know...I think I am one of the few first-time moms I know who ISN'T afraid all the time. This could be due to my weekend activities of rock climbing and bike racing, but it could also be due to my personality. I just DON'T worry, really. Oh sure, sometimes I have a brief moment when I think "Oh shit! The baby might have a heart attack in her sleep!" But then, I'm like, "really? Get over it."<BR/><BR/>Our baby (8 months) went camping with us at 4 weeks. She went on her first overnight trip at 8 days and her first rock climbing trip at 6 weeks. She went in the bike trailer at 3 months. She went to her first mountain summit at 3 weeks.<BR/><BR/>So, yeah, we don't really worry.<BR/><BR/>That said, I think my baby eats more dog hair than real food and that may not be a good thing? Immune system: 1, Nutrition: 0.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12965313247035439611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-20117530305204812112009-04-01T13:09:00.000-07:002009-04-01T13:09:00.000-07:00A certain amount of fear is healthy. We have to r...A certain amount of fear is healthy. We have to realize that society isn't completely safe and that the family structure is one of the safest. Why did we feel safe growing up? Usually do to some extent the love and care and protection offered by our parents. Not all fears are caused by the media. There are plenty of facts and statistics to prove that schools aren't safe nor necessarily good for our children and they don't receive the quality education they deserve (I've seen this in the difference between my own younger brother's education and my own). <BR/><BR/>That said, education is a powerful tool and giving one's children the strength and knowledge to act effectively in society is important and wise. A child should not enter the world willing to complete toss all the values s/he has come to hold over the years just do to a change in peer group. Peers can be a harsh judge and very stifling force on our children's precious personalities. We want them to thrive, but we must also recognize the pressures, which will cause fears of not fitting in, of fitting in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-17037452448161150142009-04-01T13:04:00.000-07:002009-04-01T13:04:00.000-07:00p.s. i just read all the comments here-wow-some gr...p.s. i just read all the comments here-wow-some great perspectives.<BR/>So i add this:<BR/>We don't own our children but we are responsible for them:) That and some common sense will prevail right Rebecca? I like when you clarified in the comments that safety and fear are not the same-or something like that:)<BR/>BTW I am a child of the 70's-we didn't have seatbelts in cars, we sucked on the lead paint on the 'unsafe spaced' spindles on the crib and i am okay. That being said, safety is paramount but we still need to let our children experience a climb on a rock and sometimes, the band aid that comes with it:)Lolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02274885258503815322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-74894630786920608692009-04-01T13:01:00.000-07:002009-04-01T13:01:00.000-07:00Everything in moderation.My son will be 18 this ye...Everything in moderation.<BR/><BR/>My son will be 18 this year. I've protected him as much as I can with knowledge. Giving him as much knowledge as I can of things in life that can happen. Trying not to make it scary or fearful and doing it at an appropriate age.<BR/><BR/>Around age 12 when he began to think he was indestructible and was sneaking off into the neighborhood to places that were restricted, I gave him a peep at the pedophiles in our neighborhood. That was enough for him to reconsider his activities.<BR/><BR/>Mostly I just let him make his own mistakes. My issue is that now that he is old enough to drive and has a car, I'm fearful. I think this fear is mainly because of the things my friends and I got into at his age. Thank goodness for cell phones!phsymomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16665627635577034243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-81639880426891292522009-04-01T12:56:00.000-07:002009-04-01T12:56:00.000-07:00Wow-i love this post. I struggle with being overly...Wow-i love this post. I struggle with being overly protective and paranoid but have improved over the years. It's hard sometimes because statistics, however low, are only stats until they happen to you. We all have our stories and that being said, some of my fears stem from my own loss and situations over the time but i am aware of them and try to balance i.e. what? daddy wants to build a zip line on the new property-well, he will have to do it when I am out of town and I will send a safety inspector to check it out upon completion. This is a huge improvement for me as years ago i would just say NO!Lolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02274885258503815322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-20856450091747423632009-04-01T11:44:00.000-07:002009-04-01T11:44:00.000-07:00I'd rather err on the side of living, of experienc...I'd rather err on the side of living, of experiencing. Yes, I know that bad things can happen. They WILL happen, and there's nothing I can do. I keep my child safe by making sure he doesn't play with knives or run out in traffic. But I won't prevent him from living his life, having fun, trying new things because I'm afraid. I believe that people are generally good. I know that I'm more likely to get struck by lightning than to have my child abducted by a stranger. I would rather trust people than be afraid all the time.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00318376427752604367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-41676776873831096562009-04-01T11:26:00.000-07:002009-04-01T11:26:00.000-07:00I have 3 boyz, so I've learned to be more laid-bac...I have 3 boyz, so I've learned to be more laid-back than probably most.<BR/>That being said, I saw a child at the playground yesterday. Whose mother was hovering over him and following behind his every step. And he was bedecked in knee pads and elbow pads. ON THE PLAYGROUND.Sarahvizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07257891014401157085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-88965368068993838822009-04-01T10:46:00.000-07:002009-04-01T10:46:00.000-07:00This is a tough one. I am a complete spaz about ou...This is a tough one. I am a complete spaz about our daughter (she is 11 months). I have been hypervigilant about her since I was pregnant with her. As a result, I fear I have made her more skittish.<BR/><BR/>With my son, I know he is going to do stuff that I could never even dream up and I have been more relaxed with him. I can't believe we made it to his 3rd birthday with no stitches or ER visits! He's pretty fearless.<BR/><BR/>I don't know how to turn off the worry. I wish I did.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-88159456075262752522009-04-01T09:46:00.000-07:002009-04-01T09:46:00.000-07:00My baby is only 9 months now, but I find myself, a...My baby is only 9 months now, but I find myself, as I hoped, on the side of fearless. I feel that my job is to teach, not to guard against. I encourage dirt eating, dog bone chewing, and exploration. My husband and I have said our goodbyes to all breakable possessions. <BR/><BR/>I think that many parents don't give their kids enough credit. Since a parent cannot defend against all threats, the best thing to do is to provide our kids with the skills and knowledge to handle whatever comes at them.<BR/><BR/>Some of my happiest childhood memories involve long days spent outside roaming through the ditches and woods of my neighborhood. It really saddens me to think that when my son gets old enough to do that, there won't be anyone else around to do it with him.PAhttp://www.purelyanecdotal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-34439952822948580312009-04-01T07:39:00.000-07:002009-04-01T07:39:00.000-07:00Taking proper safety precautions and being fearful...Taking proper safety precautions and being fearful are two very different things. Helmets on bikes and holding hands across streets are necessary. I would never let Archer run around outside in the front of the house without being outside, too. <BR/><BR/>That's just common sense safety stuff. <BR/><BR/>I do think that when one pads EVERYTHING in life, the child will find the ONE edge not-childproofed and bang themselves on it. True story.GIRL'S GONE CHILDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-75629402902081525092009-04-01T06:43:00.000-07:002009-04-01T06:43:00.000-07:00Eating dirt--OKToys from China- OK (within limits ...Eating dirt--OK<BR/>Toys from China- OK (within limits for all sorts of reasons)<BR/>Playdates without me (or friends with colds)--OK<BR/>Walking on the sidewalk of a busy street without holding my hand, not so much (I have a bolter).<BR/>Kids at home alone with grammy and papa- A-OK with me.<BR/>Crazy people and pedophiles in the neighborhood--I don't think so...<BR/><BR/>I guess it is everything in moderation. Some places safety and care rules, others do not. I am a situational worrier but admit to being much more of a worrier since having my girls. Sigh...<BR/><BR/>AndreaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-50971255906862714942009-04-01T05:42:00.000-07:002009-04-01T05:42:00.000-07:00So... Growing up I had several made for TV movie ...So... Growing up I had several made for TV movie bad things happen to me. Seriously the poster child for the happy looking normal girl next door who has secretly had horrible things happen to her. Not surprisingly I have an anxiety disorder.<BR/><BR/>But get this. I'm on board with the relaxed about things with my kid. He's Two now. I NEVER had that "nervous first time parent" thing. In fact it took us nearly a year of completely and totally constant coughing and multiple bouts of turning blue before we finally took him to a doctor about it (we TOLD a doctor about the blue thing and he wasn't super concerned as it can be normal and the boy wasn't ill seeming at the time, just so you don't think we are neglectful)... <BR/><BR/>Anyway, people were always looking at our house and asking us if we were going to cover our radiators (not hot enough to burn) in case he bumped his head on them, or pad the corners or etc etc. My line has always been if he probably won't loose an arm or require more than a couple of stitches or incur major head trauma... it's okay. We can deal with bruises and kiss skinned knees.<BR/><BR/>I imagine walking him to the end of the block and sending him off down the street, to cross several blocks and walk down to kindergarten on his own. I walked to kindergarten through the woods by myself (except when the principle walked me home and told my mom not let me until further notice, as there was a rapist hiding in the woods). <BR/><BR/>And despite all this, I have a kid who freaks out when he gets dirt on his hands, is afraid of new places, needs to be held when new people talk to him etc. I can't IMAGINE how much worse it might be if I tried to pack him away in cotton padding. So you either pack your kid away or don't but then constantly WORRY that something will happen... OR you just let go about certain things and worry about the Big stuff. And hopefully teach him to decide for himself what is Safe and what isn't.Nutmeghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05046804821520644979noreply@blogger.com