tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post7922587704824137444..comments2023-11-02T07:53:45.876-07:00Comments on Girl's Gone Child: Jon, Kate and Henry Miller walk into a bar, have an emotional affairGIRL'S GONE CHILDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07130764109593048451noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-10001196337505207312009-07-27T10:58:07.861-07:002009-07-27T10:58:07.861-07:00I go back and forth on the whole idea of emotional...I go back and forth on the whole idea of emotional affairs. though I think Katy was onto something with this "But, having a great friendship with someone of the opposite sex, is nowhere near having an emotional affair..." well, swap in preferred partner sex for opposite(because it isn't always, and THEN what do you do? do bi people get no friends at all?) I expect to have male friends and expect my boyfriend to have female friends. obviously. but I am the one he is building a life with. And that is a different status. Which we both respect.kbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-39472110964126269262009-07-15T11:55:50.718-07:002009-07-15T11:55:50.718-07:00The relationships discussed in the video were not ...The relationships discussed in the video were not emotional affairs. An emotional affair goes way beyond confiding in someone or being friends with someone. <br /><br />~<br /><br />I have always been insecure about my relationship with my husband. And now that he actually has had a physical affair, it's all the more impossible to get a healthy perspective on this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-11655076156303695342009-07-13T22:04:25.038-07:002009-07-13T22:04:25.038-07:00Hi there...I love the mention of Henry Miller here...Hi there...I love the mention of Henry Miller here, and your passion for his writing, and Anais Nin...I just mentioned them in a poem I posted 'marriage july 2009' his books changed my views on writing and helped me accept how i experience life. I'm glad you wrote about this.<br />ahoy.<br />maggie mayMaggie Mayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14699674732274478502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-84202037656014429332009-07-13T08:45:20.122-07:002009-07-13T08:45:20.122-07:00Rebeca,
I watched the emotional affair episode, ...Rebeca, <br /><br />I watched the emotional affair episode, and I don't think you know what an emotional affair is... It's not just about a confidante, it's way deeper. <br /><br />I don't share everything with the Little Honey, nor do I expect him to share everything with me. HOWEVER, I do expect him to monitor the level of emotional intimacy he extends towards other women. <br /><br />We went thru this with his ex whom he shares two children with. She could not understand why he and I both felt that our co-parenting status did not include her calling him to vent about her day, co-workers, family, or to have him be her "shoulder" to cry on. It was extremely inappropriate. What she did not understand was that even though they still shared children, their lives were separate now, and she needed to find a new place to get the support she would expect from a partner. <br /><br />I struggled with that for a long time, and feeling guilty about drawing up that boundary, but then I realized that the Little Honey is MY ROCK and MY PARTNER. He would become emotionally exhausted dealing with her "crazy" (for the sake of the kids) and would not have enough energy to even have a pleasant conversation with me. <br /><br />She was trying to keep him as her emotional partner, and leave me with just the physical, and it was so not okay. It's still a boundary she continues to push. <br /><br />But during this time, I also began an emotional affair. I know it was a level in a friendship that was inappropriate, because I solely sought it out, because I was not getting it at home. I was dressing up to meet him for drinks, I was sending him little, funny isms and emails all day from work, and I was bashing my Honey to him, behind the Honey's back.<br /><br />I found myself pushing more and more boundaries with him, until I realized that I was two clever emails away from making out with this man. <br /><br />It was not okay, and I not only had to end it, I had to fess up. Luckily Honey and I got through it, but it is still tough....<br /><br />I have plenty of guy friends I meet for drinks and shoot the shit with, as does TLH with his female friends.... But, having a great friendship with someone of the opposite sex, is nowhere near having an emotional affair....<br /><br /><br />SORRY FOR THE NOVEL!Katyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02137320441798593969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-16150157377818440362009-07-12T17:46:33.601-07:002009-07-12T17:46:33.601-07:00Oh, I am so with you on the Henry Miller/Anais Nin...Oh, I am so with you on the Henry Miller/Anais Nin train. Those books seem to come at the best times (every time).<br /><br />Based on your affection for those two writers, I'm going to check out the other two and see what it does for me. <br /><br />Thank you.Meagan J.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-54239009849920154742009-07-12T17:04:17.601-07:002009-07-12T17:04:17.601-07:00I can't believe your doctor lets you nurse wit...I can't believe your doctor lets you nurse with an IUD .RGSMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13846170515130846985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-11529525588031568502009-07-12T16:45:46.663-07:002009-07-12T16:45:46.663-07:00I am 50 years old, and I read your blog b/c of the...I am 50 years old, and I read your blog b/c of the truthfulness with which you write.<br /><br />As old as I am, and for as long as I've been reading, there are but a handful of people that write with such vulnerability as transparency as you do.<br /><br />I often find myself thinking of how much MORE you will be gifting us as you grow older.<br /><br />As your children grow up on you, and your marriage changes, as your body changes with age, all these things lend to such introspection and perspectives from the other side.<br /><br />I KNOW there will be more great stuff coming this way. I read your book, and I finished it within one night: I did not want it to stop. And I thought of a compliment I once heard from someone after finishing a book, "I missed everyone in the book so much." I missed you so much when I finished your book. Your writing was so real, I felt I had lived inside you for that entire time in your life.<br /><br />That, Rebecca, is an extraordinary gift..to place your reader in that moment in time.<br /><br />Can't wait to see all that is coming our way from you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-70841657404868737392009-07-12T12:48:42.010-07:002009-07-12T12:48:42.010-07:00I couldn't agree with you more on the emotiona...I couldn't agree with you more on the emotional affair issue- I want my husband to maintain his identity outside of our marriage in the same way that I do. We both feel free to be ourselves in our marriage, and we both feel free. I think that freedom makes our marriage strong.Jill Pilgrimhttp://pilgrimcongress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-55190235865690919222009-07-12T11:14:32.899-07:002009-07-12T11:14:32.899-07:00I know this is totally off subject, but do you hav...I know this is totally off subject, but do you have a list of your favorite children's books your read with your kids somewhere on your blog? I think you have excellent taste and style in just about everything, including opinions on marriage (getting back on subject)kipkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07792824218754072567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-49329454861538510592009-07-12T00:07:19.823-07:002009-07-12T00:07:19.823-07:00Oh my word....I am so in love with books and I ado...Oh my word....I am so in love with books and I adore finding the ones that are gems to other people. I have a mile long list on Amazon of aspiring reads....and now I can't wait to add in these!<br /><br />Thanks girl...Summerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12638251600727697167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-32530198478320983752009-07-11T17:57:19.216-07:002009-07-11T17:57:19.216-07:00okay, unless any of you have been married for 17 y...okay, unless any of you have been married for 17 years and have been in a situation of when your husband has had an actual "emotional affair" then I really do not think that you should make a comment, like it is necessary, blah, blah....<br />Six months ago, I found out that my husband was having an emotional affair with our bookkeeper, (we have our business), and she is still working for us. how sick is that? we have 3 children and I feel that I have been taken advantage of, i cook, clean, take care of the kids and am his personal slave... I feel cheated on and used, too boot she is married too. <br />It really hurts and I do not think that anybody should have emotional affairs on anybody!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-51833488554994983532009-07-11T07:52:07.833-07:002009-07-11T07:52:07.833-07:00As long as we're contemplating cliches there&#...As long as we're contemplating cliches there's also "don't let yourself drown in knee-deep water." I'm pretty sure distancing driven by guilt on the one hand or suspicion on the other has ended more relationships than have actual affairs (emotional or otherwise.) <br /><br />Over the years I've noticed that agreeing to be "open" in a relationship removes most of the pressure to actually do anything about it. Or, maybe putting the emphasis where it belongs, there seem to be no <em>fewer</em> affairs in "closed" relationships than in "open" ones.<br /><br />Cool post, Rebecca.<br /><br />figleaffigleafhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01440982008394316977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-44143470904877245212009-07-11T07:33:49.898-07:002009-07-11T07:33:49.898-07:00Your "emotional affair" comments on the ...Your "emotional affair" comments on the momversation completely reminded me of this new wilco featuring feist song you and i. One of the parts in it goes <br />"Oh, I don’t need to know <br />Everything about you.<br />Oh, I don’t wanna know <br />And you don’t need to know <br />That much about me"Karinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-64982271088510300472009-07-11T06:46:31.434-07:002009-07-11T06:46:31.434-07:00tropic on cancer is what made me fall in love with...tropic on cancer is what made me fall in love with Miller. and reading. and writing.Jessicanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-42305047441651361652009-07-11T06:44:32.997-07:002009-07-11T06:44:32.997-07:00I'm totally with you here. Just the other day ...I'm totally with you here. Just the other day my brother in law was over talking with us about how badly he wants to be married and my husband says, I know this girl, she's a total fox and can actually hold a conversation. At which point b-i-l looks at me, then glances back at my husband and says, "You can't call another girl a fox when you're married." And I say, "why not? He's not going anywhere."<br /><br />There is sooo much truth in the caged bird theory. If you don't feel trapped, there is simply no need to run. <br /><br />HOWEVER, I do think there is a point where an emotional involvement can go too far. I have a dear friend whose family was destroyed because her mom became so emotionally attached to a man she worked with (who was married) that she decided to divorce her husband in some insane hope that the other man would do the same for her. He didn't. Because for him it was never anything more than friendship, but she let emotion get the better of her.<br /><br />On another note. Lined their pockets, stripped their pants. Seriously? Genius.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00551495575357132673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-49483064320042261672009-07-11T04:27:41.869-07:002009-07-11T04:27:41.869-07:00great post. great post. great discussion. thank...great post. great post. great discussion. thanks for your blog :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17897036330375825700noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-41231769089955229452009-07-11T03:56:54.995-07:002009-07-11T03:56:54.995-07:00Yes.
To all of it.
Just, yes.Yes. <br /><br />To all of it.<br /><br />Just, yes.The Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03696509216144037475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-64383541842854670592009-07-10T21:53:34.010-07:002009-07-10T21:53:34.010-07:00"By tuning in every week we have lined their ..."By tuning in every week we have lined their pockets, but also stripped them of pants."<br /><br />Lines like this are the reason I subscribe to your blog. Thank you.Chiyiyitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17141579683567517293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-24282610696819412402009-07-10T21:37:32.783-07:002009-07-10T21:37:32.783-07:00Not being jealous of my boyfriend's relationsh...Not being jealous of my boyfriend's relationships has been a challenge for me, a mountain I've had to scale many times now. He is four and a half years older than me; he is my first boyfriend, I am his I-don't-know-what. Even though I've gotten to the point of accepting that he has a past and I'm not part of that past for a reason, there are still times where my old feelings of anger and frustration emerge. <br /><br />We live three hours apart, so my issues usually flare up over something stupid, like him confusing his roomie's preferences with mine (she hates root beer, I love it; I got very upset with him after he got this confused). It's not that I'm afraid of him getting involved with someone else emotionally, ironically, it's that I'm afraid he will find someone he is both physically AND mentally attracted to - 3 hours is a large distance, especially when you're both poor college students. Many of his friends are women, some of them former 'whatever you care to call it,' and it is very hard to not be threatened by that sometimes. <br /><br />That being said, I don't expect to be his everything. I don't WANT to be his everything. I've seen too many couples try to do that to think that it can ever work out (or, at least, be truly happy). I used to think that relationships were supposed to function that way, but I've learned with Jon that no relationship can be that way and thrive. We are at our best when our days do not revolve around the nightly phone call.Aishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03873706629884225849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-40312055996135516772009-07-10T16:59:16.125-07:002009-07-10T16:59:16.125-07:00PLEASE tell me you've seen the Seinfeld, Tropi...PLEASE tell me you've seen the Seinfeld, Tropic of Cancer episode!!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13736250121069758667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-23910854841375096352009-07-10T16:54:11.786-07:002009-07-10T16:54:11.786-07:00Such a good point. Many, many good points.
I was...Such a good point. Many, many good points.<br /><br />I was married at nineteen, never straying once during 11 years of marriage. I didn't realize how undesirable, unhappy, and unworthy I felt until I had myself an "emotional affair" after thinking one person was supposed to do it for me. <i>In every way.</i><br /><br /><br />So on the other hand, an emotional affair can point out just how unhappy you are, and be a catalyst for change that you would otherwise never make. <i>To the detriment of everyone.</i>Girlberthttp://girlbert.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-71264061257422357942009-07-10T16:40:19.400-07:002009-07-10T16:40:19.400-07:00The hubby and I check out girls together. I would...The hubby and I check out girls together. I would get so turned on if I caught him flirting with another girl - it reminds both of us that he's desirable. It just takes trust - I trust 100% that he won't sleep with (or even kiss) someone else and it's that trust that gives us the room to breathe and enjoy life.<br /><br />I started reading Tropic of Cancer this week after hearing/seeing you mention it so often. I'll have to add Anais Nin to my list since I consider myself a humanist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-2580555314841125282009-07-10T16:24:41.821-07:002009-07-10T16:24:41.821-07:00When you say Hal will never fulfill your every nee...When you say Hal will never fulfill your every need as a woman and you will never fulfill his every need as a man, do you mean sexually or emotionally? Emotionally - I agree. Men and woman have too many emotional needs to have them met by one person. But if you mean sexually, I don't really get that. My spouse meets all of my sexual needs and then some, and I know that no one could do it better. I know people still fantasize, but I don't think it's because their sexual needs aren't being met by their partner.Saranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-32622528845018453512009-07-10T15:46:17.959-07:002009-07-10T15:46:17.959-07:00I'm confused- did the phrase 'emotional af...I'm confused- did the phrase 'emotional affair' even EXIST before the whole brad-angelina-jenniffer aniston triangle?<br />How did this pop psych phenomenon gain such legitimacy??Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09751099183855153513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18751784.post-7812388434740860802009-07-10T15:11:56.761-07:002009-07-10T15:11:56.761-07:00It's amazing how the older I become the more I...It's amazing how the older I become the more I agree with your sentiments.<br /><br />I used to be insecure about my relationship with my now husband. Mainly because I was cheated a year before that when I was at my most vulnerable (18, just getting into sex, getting out of high school, dealing with my parents divorce) by my first real boyfriend. Now, we've grown into ourselves and each other. We know were we stand. I support him and he supports me, even now as I parlay my love for vintage naughtiness (hello Henry Miller!) into burlesque. Is he worried that I'm going to sleep with the audience just because I'm teasing them? Hell no! Just the same as I know he can resist women who want him (Scientists are pretty hot in their white lab coats and big ol' brains).<br /><br />Flirting is natural, mammalian, and sometimes necessary to stoke your fire. But respect and trust is also equally important. If you can balance the two in a relationship, then you're pretty much golden!Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13808888025816733460noreply@blogger.com