Behind the Name

Fable (noun); a story, conveying a moral.

Since Fable's birth people have repeatedly asked where her name came from.

"That's a different name. What made you decide to call her Fable?"

"I didn't even know Fable was a name," some say.

And it isn't. Not really. But for me, to name a child is to swaddle him/her with meaning.

Fable Luella, 3 1/2 months, my little wide-eyed storybook.

Some parents choose names that are close to their hearts, family names, names that remind them of beautiful things, of books and paintings and poetry. Some people choose names for their metaphors, or simply because they're pretty, strong, handsome. We chose Archer for its precise strength and Sage for its wisdom. The name Luella was a nod to my late grandpa, Lou. And Fable? For the morals of great stories told and those yet to be...

Once upon a time...

...there lived a young girl named Fable with an old soul and kind eyes...

....and she lived happily ever after, spreading joy and love to all around.

(May your story have many morals, little girl.)

GGC

Epiblogues: Marriage vs. Motherhood

First of all, thank you for your candid comments to my last post. People responded all over the Internet to the question Heather posed, Wednesday and each response was an eye-opener for me. I got to really thinking about marriage and why I struggled so hard early on. 

I was also taken aback by a commenter questioning my love for Hal because I'll admit to a wandering eye, to struggling with the idea of monogamy (sexually as well as intellectually and spiritually.) I happen to be very honest with myself when it comes to love and the reality of relationships and I've never believed that one person can or should complete me. I certainly don't "complete" Hal or anyone else. Nor do I aim to. Faaaar too much pressure and besides? We are complex individuals with complex needs extending beyond our families and spouses at times. 

It wasn't until Hal and I became honest with each other about our fears and the pressures or married life that we became happy and really honestly fell in love with one another. True story. 

I resented Hal in the beginning of our marriage because I thought he wanted to keep me from my life, taking away my open road and replacing it with a culdesac. No outlet. I resented him far more than I resented Archer for making me a mother. Being a wife was the reason I felt so alone.

But my loneliness, it seemed was a construct of my own fear. One day I spoke up and everything changed. I had been wrong to feel trapped. I was in nobody's cage but my own. A cage I had likely spent my life and every serious relationship building and breaking down, afraid I might fall under someone's spell. Belong. 

No woman should ever feel trapped in her marriage just like no man should ever feel trapped in his. Our lives are precious, full of opportunities that at times, we must seek out. Otherwise it's too easy to resent our partners, our children and families. I was resenting Hal for the parts of myself I had to sacrifice in order to be with him. The day trips and the daydreams I could no longer pursue... But I could. I can. I know that now. And in retrospect it was insane of me to think otherwise. But I was young and I had never been bound by law to any person and I was scared. Intimidated by "forever."

Over the last two years I've realized that forever means nothing .... that I'm with the man I want to be with as long as our forever lasts. Whether that means five months or five decades. A marriage where windows remain open no matter the weather, and culdesacs are bulldozed through. Where in order to stay true to each other we must first be true to ourselves. Where a healthy love depends on our mutual respect for each other's independence . No cages. No clipped-wings. 

By having no expectations when it comes to happily ever after... We have found true happiness. 

The end. 

GGC

Marriage vs Motherhood

Today on Momversation: what's more difficult: being a mother or a wife? For me? Being a wife is infinitely harder, mainly because there is always, in the back of one's mind, a way out. (One cannot divorce their children.) And that can be tempting during times of stress, anger, crushes on other people, etc.  I don't necessarily believe that monogamous relationships are realistic nor do I believe that "forever" is foreveryone. 

I happen to be very happily married (now) but Hal and I have both admitted to each other (and the interwebs) that those first few years together were very hard. A lot of that had to do with the fact that we barely knew each other and were suddenly sharing parenting responsibilities. Mainly, though, I think we don't give ourselves the credit we deserve for sticking out our marriages when the going gets tough or awful. Equally I absolutely believe that if therapy (which Hal and I attended) doesn't work and two people just aren't in love anymore that divorce most def is the right way to go. Staying together for the kids is great as long as the kids aren't living with two monsters. There's a fine line, I think. 

For Hal and me? We were able to come together with a vengeance after almost breaking up but it took work and 69879878676530987875534234 tears to get there. Anyway, I'm totally blabbering on. 

Behold:

What about you, ladies and gentlehusbands? Do you find marriage or parenthood to be the bigger challenge? What advice would you give a mother (or father) struggling in his/her marriage? What worked for you and/or when did you know when to call it quits?

GGC

In other news, I've been breastfeeding for three months (!!!) which means: I get to wear a cool medal with a green strap.