Archer's Third Eye

He sleeps with it. He eats with it. He holds it in his hands while cruising in his stroller. He sorts through the entire lego box to find.... his third eye.

Yes, the yellow lego-eye may just end up being the accessory of the summer. At least in our house.

GGC

Thank You

There is some serious love today and quickly I would like to thank Liz @ Mom-101 and Andrea @ Little Bald Doctors for bequeathing me with Perfect Post tags. Thank you kindly, lovely ladies. Awarded posts are here and here. I feel very special and woohooo-ish.

Although I missed the boat in nominating anyone for May (half-relieved because there are waaaaaaay too many amazing writers with even more amazing stories and well, how does one choose?) I will mos-def be nominating someone for June 1st because the Perfect Post Award is way too cool not to participate in. Lucinda and Momma K are genius' to the 5th power. Go check out May's Perfect Posts and read them for yourself. Good shit, people. Indeed.

GGC

The Bedtime Wars: Heed the Omen

Archer turned one-year-old and the very next day turned angry. Who knew he would suddenly grow a little temper with little horns and a tail? A red tail. Hot to the touch with a giant spade smashing around, knocking shit over. Okay, so it isn't that bad. He's no spawn of Satan, just an angel turned the wrong way. Upside down and backwards.

Our little bedtime-war goes something like this:

ROUND ONE:

Momz
VS Archer











Momz: Nighty-nite!

Arch: Coo-ca! (Cooper which is the dog's name)

Momz: I'm not Cooper. I'm Mommy. Can you say Mommy?

Arch: (a little annoyed) Coo-ca.

Momz: Okay, fine. Goodnight Coo-ca. (placing Archer gently in his crib.)

Arch: (standing and jumping .5 seconds later) COOOOOOOOOOOOCAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Momz: Nighty night! (sneaks away through hysterical crying)

Five minutes later after pacing and holding my hands over my ears and almost crying from the guilt of leaving my screaming child alone and standing in his crib...

Arch: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBLOODYMURDERAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Momz: (crying) I can't bear another minute of this!!!!

Arch: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCOMEGETMEYOUCRAZYBITCH!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Momz: (running to his bedroom so his head doesn't fall off from crying) I'm coming, Bugsy! I'm right (busts door open) here.

Arch: (Stops crying and smiles, laughs and holds arms up) Deet!

Momz: You are such a fake! I don't even see tears. Psh, whateva, I'm outta here. Goodnight. (walks out)

REPEAT X 5 times until...

Arch: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHI'LLTEACHYOUTOLEAVEMEHEREALONE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Momz: You win. You so win. (taking Archer into bed with me) Goodnight.

Arch: Zzzzzzzzzzz (Out like a light)

Archer: 1
Momz: 0

ROUND TWO:

Momz
VS Archer











Momz: Goooooodnight nappy-face!

Arch: Doodah coo-ca lalalalalabababababadaaaadooooooooo.

Momz: Love you too! (creeps out of room)

Arch: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH x infinity

Momz: (walks out on porch with magazine and reads about whatever new diet is happening in VOGUE. Cries because I cannot afford to wear head to toe Chanel around the house all day. Walks back in the house greeted by light-whimpers. Thinks, "yes. I can handle light-whimpers." Handles light-whimpers until SILENCE...)

...tip-toes into Archer's room to find him dead asleep like this:



Or if you prefer, the film:


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Hunched over like a drunk during naptime and I had won. BY GOD I HAD WON! I gave myself a high-five and whispered very quietly...


"...Heed this Omen, Bugsy."

Current Score:
Archer: 1
Momz: 1

(to be continued)

GGC