If I have learned anything after birthing a human, its that when old ladies flag you down from across a busy intersection, keep walking. They do not need help crossing the street. They are simply trying to tell you that you are doing something wrong as a mother and your child will surely suffer because of your inadequacies. This has happened to me 12,345 times already and Archer is only four months old.
On our way home from Ralphs, while crossing 3rd and La Brea at dusk (the sun is down and it is pretty close to being completely dark outside), an old Italian/Polish/ Russian/ woman stopped us on the crosswalk. I should have known right then, but alas... She was muttering and I thought, once again, that the mangy, mustache- cursed woman needed my help. She was lost? Having a heart attach? Etc.
"Heylowwww missus. Your child no see at this time. Light bad for eyes!"
"Excuse me? It is nearly completely dark out."
"Yaaaaaaah! Zis light makes bad eye for child. You cover the face like zeeeees."
The babushka tried to pull the stroller shade over Archer's face.
"What the hell are you doing? He's fine."
"Wha? No! Cover eyes. Its bad from streetlights go bright. He go blind!"
"I think he will live. Thanks."
She shrugged and pouted. " Fine. You are ze bad mother. Bad, bad mother."
The light turned green. I rushed to the sidewalk, pushing Archer to safety. The old wife was still in the middle of the street stopping traffic with her outstretched pointer finger, wrinkled in the lamp light.
I rushed home to the sound of her voice in the distance. "Bad, bad mother. He go blind! Bad mother.."
12,346 times and counting...