Making Mom Friends...

... is more difficult than I thought. In my single years I was balls-out fearless. Point me in the direction of a man and I would approach him, ask him out, whatever. No problem. I do not feel threatened by men and have had male friends since I was a child with little conflict. Girls? Another story.

I lived in Los Angeles for seven years (minus a few holes) and have only met five girlfriends total. Five girlfriends that I socialize with once every couple months, talk to once every couple weeks, etc and ALL of them I have met through dudes. That's right, all of them. So, um, yeah, this whole trying-to-make-mom-friends thing has not been easy for me.

Our landlords live next door and are about to have a baby. This was one reason I was in love with our house. A local Mommy friend! I do have a close friend expecting but she lives in San Francisco. My only other Mommy friend is living in Japan. A bit of a swim, really.

Every morning I walk to Starbucks with Archer in hopes of meeting Ms. Right. I have met dozens of Mother child duos but none of them have been good enough. There was the obnoxious caked-on makeup Mom with WAY TOO MUCH USC pride. (Every time I see her, both her and her child are decked out head to toe in maroon and yellow. Ahem.) There was the woman who, when Archer was three weeks old, asked me what his favorite book was. When I stared blankly and answered, "Um. He's three weeks old. He could care less," she laughed and explained that HER son LOOOOOOOVED books since birth and how when he was three days old she took him to Borders and how he smiled and laughed and started reading Dr. Suess books right then and there because genius is unstoppable and on and on and...

"I guess my son is just slow then," I said.
"Too bad. Books are wonderful."
"Oh yeah? Well maybe I will try reading one some day, you fucking idiot." (I didn't really say that but I should have.

There was the woman who was shocked that Archer was not crawling yet because her daughter was crawling at, oh something like four-months. And yeah, she was talking at six-months as well.

"I guess my son is just slow then."
"That's too bad."

Some mothers have been too old.
"Wow, you look good for fifty-eight."
Some mothers have been too young.
"Seventeen? Oh cool! What highschool do you go to?"

Today I met a Mom, seemingly perfect and the most promising Mom friend I have met since Archer's birth. In one hour she did not confess that her child was brilliantly speaking ten languages at age one. She did not quote Dr. Sears' methods for healthy modern child-rearing. She was subtle, soft-spoken and as well as being a mother was someone I related to on other levels. A rare find, indeed. I was so nervous I kept tripping over my sentences, blanking on words like "pacifier" and pulling a Dumbass-Dubya -- reading Vogue upside down between bursts of introductory conversation. When she asked for my number before leaving I was so excited I dropped my pen three times.

Now for the first time in a very long while, I am waiting by the phone. Fingers crossed. This may be the one.



btrute | 4:43 PM

I sometimes find myself daydreaming about a park full of women with full sleeves of tattoos, dressed uber-hipster-ly and their children sporting mohawks and singing the words to Danzig. That would be a punk rock momma's utopia..dontcha think?

Anonymous | 5:16 PM

Don't know why it's so hard, GCG. My wife has the same problem. She's even posted a couple of personal ads on bulletin boards looking for some chill moms to hang out with. No luck so far. I'd imagine the same psycho Type-A freaks that live in NYC are similar to the ones in L.A.

Good luck in your hunt. I hope she calls!


It kinda makes sense for the bulk of us to relate, I suppose. Perhaps blogging is the lone parent's way to maintain a social life with like-minded people that are ALSO parents.

Sure wish the type-A freaks would all move to an island. As for now, I feel very lucky to have great friends dot com.

Anonymous | 10:02 AM

I ditto you. making mom friends is tough, and when I was on maternity leave I did that same walk-to-the-coffee-shop-maybe-today-I-will-make-a-friend! thing. Real friends are hard to make, and just because you need them more when you're a parent doesn't make it any easier.

hope this new one works out.

jdg | 11:09 AM

yeah, most parents I meet annoy the shit out of me, but then again, almost everyone I meet annoys the shit out of me. sometimes I actually get to know them and they're cool. sometimes they prove even more annoying than first thought. I just chalk it up as one of the costs of being a caustic judgmental asshole.

Anonymous | 11:56 AM

It's totally hard to make mom friends. We have this cute little neighborhood with a lot of moms and most of them give me the fisheye when I'm out and about (snots). When I have met another friendly mom (usually at Babies R Us) they seem as ecstatic as I do to meet another nice person.

I've mainly stuck to my old school girlfriends. They all have kids already and we've been friends for ages. But hey, if you're ever back up in the Bay Area ping me... we'll do lunch! :)

Stefania Pomponi Butler aka CityMama | 9:42 AM

Oh how this post hits close to home. I can only say that in my experience, meeting the right "mom friends" takes time and an infinite amount of patience. I tried to go the playgroup route where I looked on line for mom's groups...Um. Yeah, no. The mom friends I have now I've met mainly through craigslist and through my blog, believe it or not. Most of us take a laid-back, slightly irreverent approach to parenting. None of us takes ourselves too seriously. Give it time...I hope she calls!

Anonymous | 4:00 PM

Oh, how I HATE those my-child-is-a-genius-and-yours-is-a-dumbass mothers.

But your post made me laugh because it reminded me so VERY much of me. Dating was a lot easier than meeting mommy friends.

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Tanya Norton | 1:16 AM

It is exactly like you described it....I feel like you described me! I tried coffee group for a few years....sporadically in the end... and now my baby boy is 5 I have quit trying to pretend I liked trying to deal with competitions and dramas....I am slowly and surely deleting them from my Facebook friends now!! With my Persia baby (3 in August), I bestow the pleasure of social interaction and the learning of the how-to's of socializing through 2 mornings at kindy! I have missed the best friend thing so much though! I mentioned this to another mother with older children and she said she met her 2 best friends once her boys started school. So now, as I drop off and pick up my son from school I look at the other mothers, knowing that many of them will be around for the next 5 years at least and wonder which suits me best? I want a best friend, one that matches me and compliments me, but isn't my husband? Maybe a Dad friend would be easier, but I don't think my current Dad friend hubby would be so excited about that.....I can imagine picnics in the park with new Dad friend and our kids.....yeah....nah....I want a girl friend! Anyone moving to Auckland.....tomorrow? xxx