The Truth About Denise Richards and Heidi Klum

You know who I am talking about even if you don't follow the rags. If you have ever set foot in a grocery store, or passed a newsstand, you have seen them: the skinny bods of celebs post-baby, posing for Playboy, strutting down the runway in bra, undies and wings, waving from the arms of Celeb husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends...

There was a feature on MSN a few months ago about "HOW CELEBRITIES LOSE THEIR BABY WEIGHT SO FAST." The fact that women are stupid enough to waste their time reading is beyond me. It doesn't take an insider to get it. Um, hellllo? These women are LOADED. They snap their finger and shit happens. I need to lose 60 pounds by Friday. Easy! Breezy! Beautiful, cover girl!

"Swallow a few of these, your trainer will be there at 5am, no eating, and we'll hire ten nannies to assist you with your little one."

These women are NOT breastfeeding. These women are dieting hardcore and working their asses out. That is the secret. I know. Shhhhhh.

And yes, it is possible to lose the baby weight quickly, but as far as I can tell, all of us do not have the cash or star-power to make it happen within weeks.
Working out and eating right can only go so far when you just squeezed a human out of your vagina (or stomach), so give credit where credit is due: to you for doing it the REAL hard way, without a staff of 345 on hand at your beckoned call.

Can I get a "what, what?"

Bitches, please.

GGC

12 comments:

the weirdgirl | 12:24 PM

Yes, I am so there with you. I've managed to lose some weight, by dieting and working out after the breast feeding stopped. (And oh, is that first couple of months HARD! You get used to eating SO MUCH while breastfeeding and then you have to reprogram your body.)

Anyway. Even with the weight I've lost my stomach DOES NOT look like those girls. I'm not sure how you get back to that... maybe a year from now I'll get close. Maybe. (I think it involves losing even more weight (like a scary amount), but then I lose my boobs).

coolbeans | 9:49 AM

Yesterday, in an email to my brother, I wrote, "Easy, breezy, beautiful. Cover girl."

We're like, sharing a brain cell or something.

If it is YOUR JOB to lose weight and someone PAYS you to work out five hours a day, it's a hell of lot easier to take off pregnancy pounds.

Jadenfish | 10:15 AM

what, what!

The Captain of the Ship | 1:14 PM

word, yo.

i gained 50 or so lbs.

i breast fed for 6 months. it took 12 to lose them all, and i lost an appendix in the mix so i figure that was the last 5 or so.

um, also id like to note that when you only gain 25 and lose 12, 10 or so is CAKE in one month.

less so when you don't starve yourself over 9 months.

what. what.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 2:05 PM

I gained 60 lbs. It was not pretty. I have 10 more that I want to lose but at least I am back in my old jeans... the whole rockin the maternity duds for months after birth was pretty depressing.

word up, G's.

stefanierj | 1:53 PM

Serious what-what here. I do not think those broads really had babies--where is the saggy belly skin that persists even after the poundage is gone? What about the every-time-I-get-my-period Bloatilla-the-Hun effect that is WAY worse than before pregnancy?? Stretch marks anyone?

To those skinny post-baby celebs, I say "sistah please." Oh and "thanks for making it easier for the rest of us." PS Love your blog! Can I link it to mine? I'm http://mommymatic.blogspot.com

Alisyn | 2:36 PM

For REAL.

I'm not sure how much I gained with my girls, because each time I had to step on the Scale of Death, I told the nurse to zip her lip. I know it was more than 50 and less than 70, and frankly, that's knowing too much for my own good.

For every Heidi and Denise, there are probably 100 real women out there feeling fat and tired and amazed by how their bodies changed during pregnancy, and how f***ing hard it is to lose that weight.

Bitches.

happygal | 9:12 PM

How do those supermodels lose the post-preg saggy belly skin?
Two words: tummy tuck


ick.

Anonymous | 12:53 PM

Klum's stomach looks waistless and huge now. If she had anything done they did an awful job.

Anonymous | 9:01 PM

I AM SORRY BUT YOU ALL ARE TOTALLY IGNORANT. LET ME TELL YOU. I AM 24 AND PRE-PREGGO WAS 120 5 FOOT 6. I GAINED 70!!! YES 70 POUNDS AND PUSHED OUT A 9 POUND BABY GIRL!!

I 100 PERCENT BREAST FEED, NOT ONE DROP OF ARTIFICAL MILK....AND I LOST ALL MY BABY FAT WITHIN 3 MONTHS. NO SURGERY, NO EXERCISE, JUST NURSING ON DEMAND LIKE GOD INTENDED!!!

ITS NOT THAT HARD, ITS JUST THESE WOMEN WHO DONT WANNA NURSE ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY!!!!!!

Anonymous | 9:09 AM

it's easy to lose weight and be stretchmark free and have nice belly skin after the first child, even the second..but when you get to number 4---things change. i agree that these women can look like their original, pre-baby selves because they have the money to pay for quality postpartum services. i have struggled with trying to find money for a doula, the best in skin repair creams, and exercise/healing classes and trainers. Lots of folks are in la la land when it comes to these "celebrities"--forgetting that they make loads and loads of money and enjoy a very comfortable way of life. The typical American citizen does not bring home the kind of money these folks see in a year---that said, maybe we all need to figure out how to get rich so we can get the postpartum care we deserve : )

Anonymous | 2:51 PM

The celebrities have worked their a into g to get where they are, it is not right to say they just arrived and suddenly had all this cash. They also focus and do the right things for their bodies. Many of them don't have nannies and if they do well most of them deserve it, they are giving their families a good life and working hard. It's no good complaining just because you are not prepared to do what you can to be happy with your life.