The Ass is Always Greener

I used to have a real badonkadonk. One of those DAMN GIRL! asses that followed me around like a shadow and I hated it. I had to buy jeans a size bigger to compensate for my giant behind, contributing to pants that always fell down, too loose around the waist.

I was self conscious, hated my large butt, wanted it to shrink. I was frustrated and embarassed. No matter how my weight fluctuated my ass stayed the same.

Then I got pregnant. And soon after, a baby came out of my person. And magic! My huge ass became less huge. In fact, I spent a good two plus years with a perfect sized butt. It wasn't too big, or too hot or too cold but juuuuuust right. That was until I became pregnant for a second time and my ass all but disappeared.

Here I am, the day before I gave birth to Fable. I dare you to find an ass in this photo:


Fuck. I dare you to find an ass in any of these photos.

I know it's common for bodies to change in mysterious ways during a pregnancy. My size 10 feet grew to a size 10 1/2 during my pregnancy with Archer and then dropped down to a petite 9 1/2 with Fable. And my 20/20 pre-baby vision turned shitty/shitty in the months that followed Archer's birth, landing me an astigmatism and glasses I can barely see without. (My second pregnancy has further impaired my vision. If I ever have another child I'll likely go blind.)

The Curious Case of My All-Butt-Gone Bottom became more curious when my mother admitted to me that the same thing had happened to her.

"My butt became totally flat after I had kids."

"And here I thought your butt looked pancakey because of your mom jeans."

"Common misconception. There's no such thing as mom jeans. It's just that most women get postpartum pancake ass."

"Postpartum pancake ass?."

"I'm afraid so."

"Fuck me."

"Don't say 'fuck' Rebecca.

"Sorry."

Sure enough, she was right. I started checking out moms at my local park and 95% of them were cursed with the same assues. How had I never noticed this phenomenom before? I was scared. I clutched what was left of my behind, apologizing for all those years of wishing it gone, repeatedly cursing the junk in my trunk. Wanting nothing more than to get my badonkadonk back.

I went home and promptly googled "do they make ass cutlets to shove in your underwear kind of like those breast cutlets you stick in your bra?"

Nothing substancial came up.

"I need butt implants" on the other hand...

"Sigh... I wish I had your ass," I said to Hal.

"Oh but you do, baby. You do."

"No. I wish I literally had your ass. Like on my body."

We both laughed but, um.... I wasn't kidding.

GGC

113 comments:

Summer | 11:19 PM

I was JUST complaining about this to my hair girl over the weekend.

Along those lines, who knew that my boobs would become like my down comforter. You know how all the stuffing falls to the bottom? Ya, like that, only I can't fluff mine up.

It's dreadful.

Flat butt, flat boobs...

why can't the stomach follow suit?

little sara | 11:30 PM

Yep, this is my first pregnancy and my ass is FLAT! it's so sad....

bye ass...

Heather | 11:38 PM

What?! How did I miss this side effect of pregnancy? I mean, I got the shrinking feet by a half size; vision that went from slightly near-sighted to fully near-sighted in one eye, and slightly far-sighted to slightly near-sighted in the other; hair that is now growing in darker than ever before... along with the stretch marks everywhere BUT my ginormous belly, and the incredible disappearing breasts (thanks to a combined 28 months of BF).

But my butt? It's as bubbly as ever, still making buying jeans a challenge. I'm jealous of you.

Anonymous | 11:50 PM

you're welcome. :)

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 12:48 AM

You guys are funny.

"Flat butt, flat boobs...

why can't the stomach follow suit?"

Amen, sister. Amen.

And Anon? Amazing tip on the ass lift. Thank you.

nila | 1:08 AM

I was born with pancake ass and now, after my third pregnancy, I fimally have ass. Am Thrilled. I know it won't last though. Maybe that's why I'm subconsciously holding on to the baby weight. That must be it, it couldn't be the box of girl scout cookies I ate the other day.

Anonymous | 1:20 AM

Pilates, my friends. Somehow it pushes everything up and out in a most pleasing way. No actual weight or mass is lost, but it's tightened into a more compact configuration. I have to say that two years after starting pilates with my postpartum train wreck of a body, I am now beginning to enjoy the sight of myself naked, especially the rear view. Wendyx

Heather | 1:45 AM

Are you inside my head? Because I have been wondering this too. All of my pants have been falling off my ass lately. I look like an old man with saggy trousers. And yeah why won't the tummy follow suit?

Marissa W. | 1:54 AM

Look Butt!
I think you look fab.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlsgonechild/2590908290/in/set-72157603993949967/

Marissa W. | 1:59 AM

Try squats and lunges it can help lift up your junk and build your muscle a little.
So if I have a baby I'll get foods stamps, Financial Aid and a flatter ass? Sweet, except for the whole having kids part.

The Adventures Of Mama Sun And Baby Light Beam | 3:42 AM

wow. pregnancy has given me more butt than i can handle. And thighs to match. I had my baby two months ago and the arse/thigh supersized combo doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.

khairun | 4:25 AM

Pancake butt??? Im 11 weeks pregnant and this is the first time Ive heard of this....aarrrggghhh!

btw: you look lovely, no matter how much your behind may disagree with you.

mattandvicky | 4:35 AM

I am still working of my current 3 month baby weight and my husband keeps begging me not to work too hard. Pregnancy actually gave me a bigger rounder ass and he doesn't want to see it leave!

Ashlee | 4:43 AM

I had a big ass before I had kids and Thank God that after two, my ass still stands proudly behind me!

Yes, I have to buy pants bigger to compensate and panties in uncomfortably large sizes to get half ass coverage, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!

eela | 5:07 AM

Never posted before but thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. Having suffered with a pancake ass my entire life, I can highly recommend the following product to help get some donk back in the badonkadonk:
http://www.figleaves.com/us/product.asp?product_id=HT-JAK-K12

Nicole | 5:20 AM

Okay, "post partum pancake ass"? You owe me a new keyboard because I just spit coffee all over mine :)

(and since I have pregnancy insomnia and I've been up since 3am, and have to leave for work in an hour, I am allowed to drink coffee).

I am not currently suffering from pancake ass, but I would like a reduction in ass after pregnancy. Of course, this is unlikely, since the worst symptoms I got all pregnancy were rhinitis and insomnia.

Wicked Step Mom | 5:45 AM

I have always had the same problem with jeans being too big in the waist. But it was to compensate for my legs and not my non-existent butt. My mom said that her butt did indeed get small but her legs got bigger after her pregnancies. I am so glad my girls came pre-made!

Cate Subrosa | 5:45 AM

OMG "Postpartum pancake ass"?!

*crying*

I love my bum just the way it is and you're telling me I only have six months left with it?!

Emilee Mann | 5:46 AM

Sadly They to make "ass cutlets to shove in your underwear" http://www.lovemybubbles.com/shopBB.shtml

It apparently happened to my mother when she had me. I thought to it was those awful pants.

Wish's you the best butt luck

Emilee Mann | 5:50 AM

I ment**

http://www.lovemybubbles.com/land-butt-pads.shtml for above comment No link posted

Maeby | 6:05 AM

OH MY GOD YOU'RE SOOO RIGHT. I'm hispanic so i always had the big booty with the tiny waist which i thought made me look so ghetto no matter how cute my outfits. I hated it sooo much. Now after baby its totally gone and when someone checks me out i totally notice their faces go 'hey where'd it go?'. ugh. Couldnt i just keep a LITTLE bit of it? Don't even get me started on having a baby AFTER you've had breast implants.

Prasti | 6:09 AM

my mom sad that after she had kids her boobs got bigger. apparently, that was not the case for me. after my 1st, my boobs shrank (even my grandmother tactfully commented on it...how lovely). i don't know what will happen to them once i have my 2nd.

btw, i think your butt looks lovely :). doesn't look flat to me.

beyond | 6:36 AM

i have never heard of this phenomenon before. i am going to ask around. this gives me hope because i don't like my ass either. which is sad now that i know it may disappear someday...

Rachel | 6:42 AM

OMG I had no idea this is a common phenomenon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my jaw has just dropped to the floor. my badunkadunk was my calling card and it's gone. i'm in shock that this is happening worldwide as we speak.
BTW i'm in love with your writing - keep it comin' sista

motherbumper | 6:49 AM

I think this is one of those secrets they don't tell us about until we are card carrying members because otherwise we wouldn't apply for the job.

Karen Sugarpants | 6:54 AM

Dude. You can totally have mine. I have enough ass for two!

BDS | 7:09 AM

Behold:
http://www.lingeriemart.com/Vedette/VE156.htm

I always had a feeling that Mom ass was not a result of Mom jeans. Oh, the things I have to look forward to. Maybe I will lose my breasts as well? Sexy.

April | 7:11 AM

i haven't lost my ass yet, but it has widened. hmpf :-/

Rocky | 7:18 AM

If you think that's bad you should see what happens to the guys stick after the baby arrives.

Loukia | 7:25 AM

Gosh, I wish I had your problems! Mine certainly did not get smaller after 2 kids. On the contrary, everything on me keeps growing!

Sharon | 7:30 AM

Yup...my round ass and perky D-cup boobs are a thing of the past after two kids. I went from a full D to a full-ish B after nursing my first. I'm a C/D now, nursing my second, so I don't know how much smaller I'll be once I wean her. =(

cathartic | 7:44 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.
cathartic | 7:46 AM

oh golly. i was talking to my husband two nights ago about this. i have my plastic surgery list. after one more child, it will be...
boob reduction/implants
because my boobs are like an E and hang more than ever now.
tummy tuck
because they can cut out my stretch marks and skin fold.
then ass implant
because my once "glass got an ass" (glass is my last name) name is now "glass got no ass"
why....why does motherhood have to do this to our body? im going to try the pilates that someone suggested!!

lichen | 7:50 AM

And here I thought I was alone in my pregnancy ass loss. I must say, it feels better to know that you guys are out there, ass-less, just like me.

maybe we should start a support group?

Liz | 7:56 AM

Been loving your blog for a few months now, and this one made me laugh so hard. I'm 12 weeks in on my second and already dreading what will happen this time around. I didn't have an ass to loose (too bad hips don't get smaller after giving birth!), and what little amount of boob I had swelled out of control and eventually deflated. (went from a small B to a DD while nursing, and pre-number two was an A) Sheesh, it's just not fair.

On a positive note...I love your fashion style and am totally envious of your maternity clothes in those pics!

Desiree Fawn | 8:00 AM

This is why babies are cute ^_^ So we have something cute to look at when we have stretch marks, a flat as and crazy boobs. :)

Desiree | 8:08 AM

You had a beautiful belly during your pregnancy, OMG I hope I will have one of those when I get pregnant.

You should definately check this:
http://tinylink.com/?DoyDdZ7RNA

Padded bum enhancing pants by Booty Pop. ;)

Allison the Meep | 8:10 AM

I lost my previously awesome and just right boobies. 18 months of breastfeeding shriveled me right up to nothing. Now I'm lucky if I can wear a B cup.

And in the ass department, it seems that pregnancy caused me to grow an extra ass on my back. It looks so good muffin topping out of my jeans.

I can only imagine the havoc my next pregnancy will wreak on my already wobbly bits. Bleh.

bitemycookie | 8:40 AM

dood. 10.5 is nada.

i went from a 9.5 to an 11 after 2 babies and am holding strong. do you know hard it is to find hot kicks, not in a tranny shop, in an 11? and you wonder why i don't have any shoes.

i think your ass is squeezylicious just as it is. halberto's too.

Motherhood Uncensored | 8:42 AM

My ass, completely gone. I have to wear belts now. BELTS.

What's next? DEPENDS...

mames | 8:43 AM

hmmm, i still have my ass, a sizable portion, but then, i still have quite a bit of weight, not sure i can even call it baby weight as they are almost two. i guess i could make the argument that i should not stress about the weight because it is all that is maintaining my booty, and i am not sure i could function with a flat ass.

the conversation with your mom is hilarious. mom jeans, it makes me think of the snl commercial on the topic.

and you look pretty fab, girl, with the ass you have.

Melysa | 8:44 AM

I really really wish I had this issue. And I'm not sure how I know about this site - but for those mourning your former tush - check out this site: www.lovemybubbles.com

curryrl | 8:44 AM

I wish I got "postpartum pancake ass" - instead my already large ghetto booty just expanded! Buying pants of any sort is difficult at best. Especially since I also have no torso so I have to buy low-rise everything or they come up to my (postpartum pancake) boobs. So really low-rise pants + ghetto booty = standing room only in all pants!

Another unfortunate thing... my daughter inherited the ghetto as well. She's in for a lifetime of struggling to find pants that fit! :(

geminigirl64 | 8:44 AM

My foot size went form a 7.5 to an 8... so all my good shoes, garbage.

I never had an ass to begin with, but I think the 20 extra pounds Im still carrying around form my pg is giving me a bit of an ass.

Sigh

My husband on the other hand has a nice round tush. I too wish I had his ass!

Kelli | 8:46 AM

OH my God, I just noticed this phenom on my own body, and it was a shock... it seems like my ass has migrated upwards a few inches to my stomach, which likes to hang out over my jeans. I have to "tummy-tuck" (aka pull my jeans up, that have rolled down beneath my muffin top) every 15 minutes. And I wear low-rise jeans. What the fuck.

Miss Grace | 8:53 AM

I didn't lose my booty (thank GOD that's one of the only things my body's got going on), but I did lose my curly blonde hair. Can't figure out why my hair got straighter and darker with pregnancy...

Dana | 8:58 AM

i realized that this happened to me about a month after my son was born when my husband said (while standing behind me), "i've never seen anyone's ass just disappear like that." great. thanks.

anyways, glad i'm not alone. flat-assed misery loves company, right?

casadekaloi | 8:58 AM

Umm...I'm due in about 10 weeks, and I had no idea this could happen. And...um.

I don't know if this sounds bad, but this is one of the more disturbing things I have heard about the post-pregnancy body. I already have small boobs (which I actually love and MISS and mine haven't even gotten super huge yet), I'm not prepared to lose the booty.

Faith | 9:07 AM

OK, so during pregnancy, I actually GAIN a cute butt (normally I don't have one), but then afterwards...I'm afraid that I loose it again. Pregnancy is so weird. And yeah, let's just all have a moment of silence for previously firm boobs and used-to-be-flat abs. GRR.

Elizabeth | 9:43 AM

Well, shit then what do you do if you NEVER had an ass? What will happen if I have a baby? Slide off of chairs?!

Miss Tricky | 9:49 AM

I had the exact opposite action take place....I had no ass for as long as I care to remember and then I got pregnant. Whoa. In fact I remember walking in front of some big store windows one day and seeing it in my peripheral vision and being all "what is that? do I have an ass now? sweeeeet." I assumed it would abandon my when I delivered, but almost four years later it is still going strong.
Unfortunately my breasts went from being gloriously and unusually large and perky to the sad, tired, defeated and wimpy things they are now.

Nicole | 9:59 AM

Hips get wider resulting in flatter butt. Similar phenomena to when you gain weight your pants get shorter.

Kimberly | 10:02 AM

I have two kids and still have a badonkadonk (which, proving your theory that the grass is indeed always greener, I would gladly lose).

So I have pancake boobs and a stretched out belly AND I still have a bubble butt? So. Not. Fair.

Saj | 10:13 AM

Sadly, I seem to be in the 5% of moms you saw at the park that still have plenty of ass. I don't think it's changed much, but it's definitely there!

As for the boobs, those have definitely changed! I still wear the same bra size, but without a bra, it doesn't look like it!

And don't even get me started on my belly pooch! After having a 9 pound, 10 ounce baby, then a 10 pound, 4 ounce baby two years later, it isn't what it used to be. Thank God for tankinis!

Mirinda | 10:19 AM

You are SO going to love me. I just read last week in some stupid magazine (I read too many or I'd tell you which one!) that Frederick's of Hollywood carries panties that have little butt pads in them...for pancake ass syndrome, apparently. So there ya go :)

Veronica Vaughn | 11:11 AM

My best friend has been suffering from the mom-butt even BEFORE she had children. Ive been trying to get her to try the Victoria's Secret V-lift jeans.

You should try em', maybe you will like em'. Then let me know. If she hears that Girl Gone Child wears them, she will totally buy them!

EdenSky | 11:18 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.
EdenSky | 11:21 AM

EdenSky said...
Well great, now I have no hope. I'm 23 and I already have post-partum pancake ass and a matching set of post-breast-feeding pancake boobs. My theory is that all the baby weight was simply applied 6 inches too low. If I could lift the thunder thighs up to the ass area and the jelly roll up to the boobs everything would be perfect.
Do they make underwear for that? Maybe If I stand on my head I'll get some reverse gravity action and things will fall back into place.

the weirdgirl | 11:21 AM

I love how your mom tells you not to say "fuck" but "postpartum pancake ass" is OK! Because, somehow, postpartum pancake ass sounds a lot worse. I mean, if you're gonna start cursing at people.

xoxo, collette | 11:50 AM

I LOVE YOUR BLOG!

Oh my goodness... for a while, I was thinking that I was the ONLY ONE who experienced this. My friends (post-baby) never believe me when I tell them that I used to have a rather big booty... & I was just like you, where I cursed that big booty back then & wish it would SOMEDAY (&hopefully, ONE DAY) come back!

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | 11:52 AM

So, um, what about those of us who have always tended towards the pancake ass end of things?

Does it just vanish altogether?

I've been enjoying the pregnancy swayback thing because it makes me look, er, assier (?word?) than ever before in my entire life lol. Very sad to hear I'm fucked.

Heather Maxwell-Hall | 11:52 AM

LOLin over here. seriously. you're funny...and also scaring the shit out of me and my already-pretty-meager ass. i'm 6 months pregs and starting to feel like a chubby alien, so this disappearing butt news is making me die a little inside. apparently there's post-weaning weight gain to look forward to, too? awesome.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 12:00 PM

Oh, you guys are KILLING me so much with these comments. CLASSIC. And for all of you with flat ass pre-baby? Get ready for OH INVERTED ASS!

Just kidding. Sounds like many of you grew an ass because of pregnancy so there is hope for you my ass-lacking friends yet!

Also the comment about no-ass-syndrome being caused by widening hips? Smart lady you are. I never even thought of that before and it absolutely makes sense.

As for the boobs? Let's not even go there.

Sallie | 12:44 PM

This is devastating. About the mom ass not being a result of mom jeans. My one nightmare is that I will end up with my mother's butt. And yes, my ass dissappeared after birth too.

coc | 1:09 PM

i had a big butt before and a GIANT one now-maybe i can give you some of mine

Amanda | 1:12 PM

Luckily the Latin genes hve kept my ass...ample, I suppose.

However, I have kind of noticed that the good ol' rump is looking sort of lackluster these days. I've been doing squats and pilates to make sure my butt doesn't meet the backs of my knees. And today I start burlesque training, so we'll see how that works out.

This reminded me of a Scrubs episode where Turk says-

"J.D. the only difference between a white woman and a black woman, is that when the black woman asks you if her jeans make her butt look big, you say "hell yeah!"

P.S.- LOVE your shirt in the last pic!

courtney | 1:38 PM

I've never had an ass. It makes shopping for jeans a pain. (Pain in the ass? Haha?)

I feel your pain.

KAT | 1:38 PM

One can only hope that the same thing happens for my shoe size! Thanks for giving me hope during the 2nd pregnancy!

Brooke | 1:50 PM

My butt obviously did not get the memo. One kid later, and no matter how much weight I loose, I still have junk in the trunk and the shadow that follows me everywhere!

Kirdy | 1:54 PM

I LOVE your blog, I read it almost everyday. This is an amazing post! Same thing just happened to my friend, so you aren't alone. I also love how you have so many photos of pre, during and post pregnancy, and I love how your bed in the background is unually not made...I'm not being funny either, I really love that. It's what a mom's room SHOULD look like, and you aren't afraid to put it out there along with your tummy pics. Keep up the great work and thanks for keeping my friends and I in Mpls. MN smiling during the work week!

GingerB | 1:59 PM

My ass went north, to the upper butt zone, which is the lower side of the hip zone. Hard to miss when the handles get so big, but the cheeks? Oh yeah,sister, they are so gone. They may also have migrated up to populate the F cup breast size I got with baby numero uno, so far holding steady with seven months in on baby duo. It is a damn good thing I see myself as more than the sum of all my parts.

Thanks for the laugh!

clueless but hopeful mama | 2:17 PM

Hey there, your online Pilates instructor here. Just wanted to chime in about the flat-ass syndrome. It's common for lots of reasons: as a pregnant lady/new mom, you sit WAY more than you ever did (especially if you have a slow nurser), also your gait and posture totally change during pregnancy and will often stay that way unless you take steps to correct it. When your center of gravity changes (and HOW) during pregnancy, your glutes often stop firing in the same way and need some help getting back into shape.

So yeah, just another RAH RAH Pilates comment. Get someone good who can do a full postural assessment on you! (Abs too! How's that going?!?!)

Anonymous | 2:31 PM

My 90 year old Granny was so concerned with looking fabulous, she always wore "butt pants". Like a padded bra, but for your ass. I quess this disappearing butt thing has been going on for gernerations.

Amie | 2:35 PM

Yes, I was just noticing this about myself. I have totally lost my shapely behind since having my first child. I have to admit I kind of feel better knowing that others are suffering the same loss!

Beth | 4:03 PM

If I lose my ass, my husband will be crushed.
I am on baby number 2...eek.

Nat | 4:07 PM

Karen shared this Google. Hi -- I'm Nat.

I will always remember calling a good friend after I had The Boy. After recalling the atrociousness and near-death experience of The Boy's birth, I then went on to complain about the state of my ass.

"Nat," she said. "It's not so much that your ass if flatter, it's more that your hips are wider."

(I work out, it's better. Not what it was at 18. Alas...) Suppose he's worth it.

Heather R. | 6:23 PM

Wait, what..? What is this pancake-ass phenomena that you speak of? I myself have only ever suffered from postpartum fat-ass. Hmmm...the plight of us 5% girls. Boo.

Ray | 7:49 PM

Hahaha! Great post. And on that question of if they had jeans with butt cutlets attached to them: I actually saw a pair of those on television A LONG TIME AGO. So maybe if you look hard enough you'll find them. That or you could buy a wonderbra, cut off the straps and attach them to your favorite jeans in the designated "butt area!" LOL (but that would probably look weird)!

Question: I NEVER knew that being pregnant could hinder your eyesight. That's scary! Did you ask the doctor why your pregnancies lead to giving you such poor eyesight since before babies you had 20/20? I just find that really odd. Wow.

Well, take care.

Miranda | 8:05 PM

I lost my arse and my boobs. I now have neither and I look exactly like a pink stick. Awesome.

Anonymous | 8:24 PM

Me to husband...trying on jeans after baby #3: "Are these too tight" Him: "No, you finally have an ass in those."
I bought 'em.

Kimberly | 9:34 PM

I thought I was the only one whose eyesight went straight to hell after I had my baby. I already had to wear glasses but after having my daughter I suddenly could barely see out of my right eye. Turns out I have a catarack. Crazy! Oh, and my feet grew a size and a half. :( I didn't have a big shoe collection but I loved the ones I had and was sad to see them go. Hopefully they found a new home where they were well loved. Sigh.

Anonymous | 10:06 PM

I'm childless, and have always had a flat-ish ass. And sounds that if I get pregnant, it may get bigger, or it may get flatter. Sounds like a gamble to me!

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too | 11:04 PM

I'm LMAO here! The only way to get your ass back is a lot of uphill work on the treadmill. Which, is essentially, a pain in the ass. So you choose: pain in the ass or no ass?

writebrite | 5:47 AM

My ass dissapeared, too. While I used to have to wear belts to compensate for the skewed butt-to-waist ratio (although that extra pocket in the back can be handy for snacks and such) I now have to wear belts to hold my pants up. What the crap?

Boobs. Well, they've always been smallish, but have now also migrated south. I didn't think that was even possible. But how some liken their boobs to tube socks with a tennis ball in the bottom, mine are a little more like ankle socks with a golf ball...not fun for anyone.

But to all you ladies with a fetish for shoes, mourning those fabulous shoes you bought pre-preggy that no longer fit: Have faith! Three years after my second child was born, although, sadly, 3 months after a massive closet cleaning that had me rid myself of the sadness of great shoes that don't fit anymore, my feet are back to their pre-preggy size and shape. Just hold out, girls. There is hope, at least for our feet. :)

mpp | 6:41 AM

wait...in the previous post with the pic of you as a blonde, you clearly do not have a large butt (unless it's some crazy angle)....

OEsme4046 | 8:28 AM

You look AMAZING!!!! I would kill for a body like yours...

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 9:45 AM

IMPP - I was fourteen. Nothing was large yet. I'm pretty sure I was still stuffing my bra, too.

Kim and George | 10:47 AM

Two kids myself, same problem ( add on permanent fupa pouch too!). However, yesterday the lady at Nordstrom said she had the cure with Joe's Jeans, Honey cut. She was right! They are magic.

Joy | 12:41 PM

So I had to go look in the mirror!!! OMG!!! Your right! I guess I've been so hung up on my less then perky boobs, my curlier then ever hair that I can't figure out how to control, and the other little "extras" motherhood has given me to notice my butt! I don't know whether to thank you or throw a rock for this new found knowledge. Just kidding. Well, maybe. If I throw a rock I'll at least make sure it's a butt shaped one.

:-)

bluejeanamy | 1:16 PM

oh no. this is really disturbing news to me. i have ze-ro ass and ze-ro children. does this mean i will have a LESS than zero ass after kids? a concave ass? will i be able to sit down? help?

My handle is Craezie Lady: this is what I'm all about. | 1:20 PM

Laughing my ASS off! That's hilarious! My poor mom, THAT's why she's in ass-debt! I'm sorry that I can't say the same for myself - through 3 pregnancies, my ass stayed as bootlicious as it ever was, and if I could give you some, I TOTALLY would! (and the boobage! I totally had to upsize when I bought bras recently! WTF?!)
Rock on, Sista!

Anonymous | 3:32 PM

In my neck of the woods we call it "mattress ass" - happened to me, too. :-(

That Nora Girl | 5:42 PM

Well I never had a very shapely butt anyway but it sounds like what happened to yours also happened to my boobs. I still mourn them.

Anonymous | 9:19 PM

I know people are saying these things in a somewhat lighthearted way, but why are some people equating a curvaceous ass with "ghetto"?
I know that women of color are more predisposed to having lovely round asses. Are we to say, then, that the lovely round ass makes you look like you live in the ghetto because you look more like a minority?
I am quite happy with my non-ghetto, super-fabulous big black ass, thank you very much.

And I'm truly sorry that GGC is mourning the loss of her lovely round booty.

Mary | 9:25 PM

well, you all, when you are an Indian woman, you have NO ASS EVER.... boobs you have trifold! But then, after I am breastfeeding my darling child.. I have become like that lady in the movie Waitress. I now have two boobs who are no longer speaking to each other,much less LOOKING at each other!! Seriously, one is looking north the other, south. And the one looking north is huge... the other one, about the size of a grapefruit... there goes my ability to wear figure hugging shirts....

Prasti | 5:20 AM

my husband just read this post and loved it. he apparently thinks i've got a nice booty...but wouldn't you say he's biased?

eringremlin | 10:12 AM

I'm all for the support group. We could dub it Assless Lasses.

Danielle-lee | 10:47 AM

OMG, I'm gonna lose my ass?? It's already eroded after the first kiddo. You're telling me it is going to get WORSE?? fuck me! (sorry GGC's mom)

StuffMomsWant | 11:57 AM
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StuffMomsWant | 12:02 PM

I like to call it being "junk challenged." It is now my mission to find pants, shorts and jeans that give me the illusion of an ass. One hint: Back pockets that aren't placed too low :-)
Please forgive me if this posts twice. I'm also "technically challenged."

AmyAnne | 5:20 PM

I have been bitching about this since my 2nd and let me tell you after my 3rd I am all but assless AND boobless. There is no hope.

While shopping for a bra 14 months post-partum I asked if they also carried the 'extreme pushup' bra I now have to buy in underwear. The clerk walked away. What?! I'm seeing here that there may just be a market for this item.

meredyth | 9:50 AM

Oh man. I'm screwed. I am blind already! If I get pregnant and this happens I'll be so blind they won't let me drive, even with contacts. And I have an ass that I've just gotten used to. I'd be sad to see it go. Especially if it's replaced with the mom ass. Does working out help at all?!
My boobs are already sagging. I'm trying to prop them up but if I get pregnant they're going to go too...
But, thoughts of your lovely little girl and having one of my own might just make me take that chance.

Sarcastca | 8:33 PM

Oh dear, now I'm holding my ass and praying it never leaves me. ROFL :)

angela | 10:09 PM

Dude. I totally still have a huge ass after 2 kids. This post inspires me to cherish it rather than curse it. BUT the kids wreaked havoc on my teeth--I had 7 cavities after the 1st one, and 5 after the 2nd. So no more kids for me unless I want dentures! :) And they do make jeans with butt implants, but I always imagined they would be sweaty. Especially in Southern California.

kittenpie | 6:29 PM

Ha - nothing could defeat my ass, no matter how much I might wish. Of course, mine is all about the width and the hips as much as about the outward aspect. so maybe it's just different. Anyhow, it tempts me to tell you what a lucky thing you are, Bec.

Anonymous | 12:26 PM

You can totally have some of mine!! I have a true (white girl) ghetto-booty, that grew with my first pregnancy and I almost dread to see what will happen to it with my second....

mpp | 7:35 AM

"white girl ghetto-booty"? wow...do people think about what this means. as previous anonymous pointed out, ghetto booty implies a minority living in the housing projects. i live in NYC and believe me there would be a lot of people pissed off to hear a white girl talking about her "ghetto" booty...

Anonymous | 10:17 PM

I know!! WHERE HAS MY ASS GONE as well. Just had to chime in. I feel like a melted candle.

Betsy
http://www.betsykingphoto.com

Pearmama | 10:29 PM

Growing up, I had the fat ass and my sister had the giant boobs. But now, she is one her third kid, her butt is flatter than ever and her boobs resemble tube socks with rocks in them.

But I still have a fat ass. Even after 6 kids, it's still looks like I flexing my butt muscle. It just has spread a little, gotten wider. Sigh.

And they do have booty cutlets! Go down to your local latino market where they sell jewelry, music cds, passports, medicine and cash your checks--they got booty shaper underwear! I swear! Everytime I go, I wanna buy my sister a pair.

yvonne | 7:30 AM

you just have to work on squeezing your ass together...seriously some how the baby widened the sit bones, geee,,wonder how that happened? so you have to kind of force them to go back and do alot of lower back and ab, general core work to get things back..being a mom is hard work!

Anonymous | 6:35 PM

my yoga instructor said that flat ass (and the accompanying duck walk) are caused by the body not knowing to go back to pre-pregnancy (it gets stuck in the pose it acquired during late term and delivery). he swears he's seen many a woman get her mojo back through yoga...might be worth talking to someone about?

Anonymous | 5:17 PM

I used to have a big yet toned, poppy-outy butt, and unlike the author, I appreciated it. I loved it, men loved it. After the birth of my first son, it all went away. Nothing I do seems to be bringing it back. Not hiking, not squats, nothing. Has anyone found a scientific cause? There must be some reason, hormones maybe?

i2yy4u | 8:09 PM

well i have the pancake syndrome also but mine has just decided to change directions and went from sticking out to spreading sideways like too much water went in the batter and it just spreeeaaadd...i dont want a butt pad maybe a harness or a butt brassiere lol