It happened in Target. Fable was experiencing her very first ride in the red cart. (Until today I have only worn her shopping so twas a major milestone. We're talking PAGE in the baby book*.)
Fable was beyond stoked to put her legs through the holes and dangle her chubby feet in the nothingness. It was a quick trip. Only a twenty-minute window was had so I pushed Fable quickly through the aisles, grabbed a box of diapers, Healthy Weight Dog Food because obvy, welcome to LA, a pack of white tee-shirts for enduring summer with a bobbler (that's baby/toddler for all yous new to my isms) and a pack of Sweet Mint Orbit gum (my brand of choice).
Fable was in heaven, she was. She clapped her hands, waved to strangers, laughed like no one was watching.
We paid for our purchases and filed into the elevator. I had just pushed the P1 button when a nice older-ish woman turned to my squealing-with-glee baby and said:
"What a happy baby! Is she always like that?"
"Yes! She truly is. Ever since she was born..." and then, because I HAD TO KEEP TALKING... "She must have come out on the right side of my vagina!"
The seconds that followed were quite possibly the longest seconds in the history of the universe. People turned. Eyes widened. Fable went on kicking her legs. I might as well have farted, taken off all my clothes and sang Karaoke right in that moment because the looks of WTF could not have been more WTFish.
"Like, you know... the right side of the bed. But... vagin...a. Just kidding. Hi."
Good recovery, Bec. Now that you're just kidding everyone is totally cool with you just mentioning your vagina at 9:52am in a crowded elevator of randoms.
When the elevator finally dinged, I raced like mad toward my car where I locked the doors and hid under my steering wheel.
It was there that it dawned on me that, holy shit! I just blogged out loud!
Vagina talk is shmagina talk in print and even though most of you reading are people I don't know, it never feels weird publishing explicit stories about my lady parts for some reason.
Talking vagina to an elevator of strangers? Quite another story, I now know.
And in other near horrifying news, a pregnancy scare!
*I wish. There's no baby book. Actually, THIS is my baby book.