1. I never got around to posting the following Momversation, mainly because I wasn't in the mood to be controversial but I do want to say this: Jealousy has become status quo when it comes to relationships and I don't think its healthy. There's a reason so many marriages end in divorce and I believe a great deal of that comes from the pressure one feels to exist as someone's everything. I feel very strongly that the article that sparked this episode perpetuates paranoia, guilt and "omg I touched my friend's knee and he was a dude and I'm a chick and it totally turned me on I SHOULD CONFESS TO MY HUSBAND because I'm an awful CHEATING CHEATER!"
Come on, really? Is that what it's come to? We're afraid of making eye-contact at the risk of falling in love? I'm sorry but that's just sad. Flirting IS NOT evil. Neither is fantasizing about fucking the UPS guy.
I personally stand by the following when it comes to marriage and monogamy be it physical, emotional et al: Animals stray because they feel caged. People cheat because they feel trapped. There is nothing more attractive to a caged bird* than an open sky. Remove the cage? There's no need to fly away. (*Please pardon the cliche)
Hal will never fulfill my every need as a woman just like I will never fulfill his every need as a man. (I'm his wife, not his life.) We live in a social society. Therefore connecting with people OUTSIDE of the home should be celebrated, not shamed.
Psh. No wonder we all feel so alone, geez.
2. As with the Emotional Affair episode, I got so caught up in last week's vacation that I forgot to post the following episode, discussing books that changed our lives.
My first take was ten minutes long because I couldn't stop talking about Henry Miller and how I quit college to be his bitch. So consumed and affected by Miller's work, specifically Tropic of Cancer, was I.
I used to sit in my car outside Miller's old house in Pacific Palisades with my laptop and write, stalking his ghost like the paparazzi, hoping for a glimpse of what I don't know. From there I took day trips to the Library in Big Sur. Befriended Magnus, keeper of the library, met my literary agent at the Henry Miller writer's workshop where I spent a long weekend workshopping a novel that has since been rejected into retirement. RIP, ye piece of my soul.
But I digress... Any writer who has never read Miller should. He's a writer's writer like no other and his ability to turn sand into pearls has been the motivation behind my optimism as a person and openness as a writer. Miller taught me that in order to be extraordinary as a writer you must write fearlessly and truthfully. I'm far away from mastering this art but I've made it my life mission to try.
Other books that changed my life that were edited out for time:
The Cities of the Interiors books by: Anais Nin** - They're genius. They're raw. They're true stories tucked behind a fictional curtain with holes in it.
A Woman Speaks by: Anais Nin - Nin was the first person I read who spoke of "humanism" ... This book gave voice to thoughts I didn't know I had and helped me identify who I was and am as a thinking woman, human being.
Written on the Body by: Jeanette Winterson - Written by my favorite living author, Winterson writes with her entire body. Her books are like a dance. The best ones always are.
Fear of Flying: Erica Jong - this book was the coming out party of my sexuality. I read it in High School and it was the first time I felt comfortable with myself as a sexual person and writer (good writing not unlike good sex is about being uninhibited and, well, open.)
**much like Miller, I have read practically everything Anais Nin has written. I have a tattoo around my hip based on a passage from her book, House of Incest.
3. It used to be about talent and beauty. Now its about what people are willing to expose. We salute and also curse those whose lives have become our entertainment, shallow blondes seemingly happy to film themselves having sex via webcam, weird dudes with anger management issues. The current reality stars du jour just happen to be a mediocre looking couple living with a bunch of kids.
And yet we care about them? Of course we do! They're exposed! And fascinating, now more than ever because they know they've gone too far! So we get to pity them, salute them, take mercy on their poor, unfortunate souls!
The truth is? We put them where they are. We are the mistress in their marriage, the reason for their divorce as much as they are. By tuning in every week we have lined their pockets, but also stripped them of pants.
And now? We get to watch them scramble to get dressed. That's entertainment?
You tell me.
Soon enough, they will disappear from the headlines along with Paris and the stars of Big Brother and Rock of Love. In the meantime, we mourn and scorn, roll our eyes at the tabloids and then, quietly, when no one's looking, slip a copy of US Weekly into our grocery carts.
Thank you all for your comments on my last post. Your support and ability to open yourselves to me and each other is inspiring and so helpful. Fable has been amazing these last two days. It's almost as if she's tuned into my frustration and is kindly adapting to my needs. She's napped twice and although she's still struggling to sleep in her crib has been very understanding about the boobs. The plan is to slowly wean her. For now, I'm cutting down to two feedings daily. Putting her to sleep in our bed at night and then moving her to her crib where she sleeps until morning. Baby steps, right?