"There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we're all supposed to act, dress, speak and they serve no one. Anyone who defies these so-called norms becomes worthy of comment and scrutiny..." - Ellen Page
This essay on masculinity is also an important read, especially this part which I found especially poignant:
Patriarchy doesn’t make sense. Beyond that, it’s dangerous. And it’s not dangerous because of what it does to men’s egos when they are faced with the slightest hint of “emasculation.” It’s dangerous because it somehow makes those moments important. It’s dangerous because the men whose self-esteem and self-confidence take a hit during these fleeting moments of “emasculation” don’t just bottle it up inside and allow themselves to whither away (dangerous in its own right, to be sure). No, it’s dangerous because those men, believing they are entitled to feeling masculine and powerful in a world that worships the masculine and powerful, often take out their frustration on the rest of society. They hurt those they deem weak. They find solace in performing a toxic masculinity in other areas of their lives. They further poison the well in order to find a sense of self in a dangerous system.
Also? If you aren't watching Broad City, you might want to start watching it yesterday. Oh, how I laugh watching that show. I laugh and laugh. And while you're at it, check out the Transparent pilot episode on Amazon. It is very important it gets picked up for series because it's beautiful and nuanced and real and isn't about cops.
Also, thank you. For your comments on
yesterday's Tuesday's post. Hal and I both read them and were blown away by the response. Fucking life, man. What a mess! And marriage? Disasterville! Oh, but I do love this old and broken house and the broken people who live here and mold is what happens sometimes and everything is going to be okay. I had no intentions of buying a new house or marrying a perfect human being or being anyone's ideal but I will say this: when I sent Hal that post on Monday, hoping for his blessing (I would not have published it otherwise -- this is his story, too) he responded with love and support and hope and confidence in me as this person who shares all of this shit that would be hard on many (most?) significant others and I thought to myself, "who else in the universe...? Who else would be, like, sure, you can write about me being scared of rats and yelling at you. That's what you do and I trust you," and I am so SO sososo grateful for that. I am so grateful that on the days when I want a divorce, I can be like, "I AM GOING TO WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW" and Hal's like, "HERE'S YOUR COMPUTER! I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU WRITE ABOUT THIS STUFF! GOOD FOR YOU!"
It becomes clearer to me every day that I've met my match, even though our colors clash and our stripes go different directions. Thank you, Hal.
And thank you, Ellen Page for your heartfelt speech and Mychal Denzel Smith for your piece on toxic masculinity and Jill Soloway/Amazon for making a beautiful REAL LIFE television show and Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer (and Amy Poehler) for making me laugh until I cry every week and thank YOU, friends and neighbors, for being so cool and generous with your time and words. You're an amazing group of human beings I am completely unworthy of. Love and light to all.