Three Degrees of Maddox Jolie-Pitt: The March of the Character Actors


As you know I live smack dab in the middle of Los Angeles, within spitting distance from a pretty major studio. Because of our locale, a celeb sighting happens 93% of the time we leave the house. Some sightings are more exciting than others. Paris Hilton at the mall? Not so much. Billy Crystal in the supermarket? Kinda Cool. Brad Pitt and George Clooney at the Coffee shop? Shaka bra.

After living here for seven years and running into celebs in very strange scenarios the whole starstruck thing just withers into an old stick of sorts.

Yesterday while Me, Archer and the dogs were enjoying our afternoon walk, we were confronted by a group of Character Actors. Character Actors always travel in groups and talk very loudly with their hands. If you have ever been in community theatre and/or school plays (ah, yes. The oh-so dramatic life of a middle-school actress) then you will know what I am talking about. Hollywood "starlets" are "classy and demure". Character Actors are more like thespians. That whole dare-to-be-different/obnoxious/not nearly as funny as you are to yourself thing kinda gets to me sometimes, and if nothing else is very easy to spot several blocks away.

It seemed that these particular Character Actors were on lunch break from the studio, crawling my hood in search of food when the leader untangled herself from her herd and lunged at us with a very dramatic pointer-finger.

"I love you!" She shouted.
I pulled my cell phone from my ear as my brother jabbed on about his new course: The Theory of Quantum Solids which was fine because I had no idea what he was talking about anyway. Harvard? I can barely spell it.
"Que? Habla espanol?"
"I love the baby. I love the dogs. I love the stroller. I love the mom. I love the whooooooooole package and I would like to kidnap all of you and take you home with me right now. hahahahahahahahaha."
The rest of the Character Actors chimed in. "Soooooo much!"

At this point my brother had stopped with the thermo-dynamic, superconductor talk or whatever he was saying and he was all, "wtf is going on, dude?" and I was like, "these character actors are totally up on my shit, bro." And he was like, "Be careful. Make sure they are SAG." And I was all, "Totally."

I hung up with brother and thanked the leader of the Character Actors for her kind words. I was not sure if she was genuinely loving the fam or making fun of the fact we were all dressed the same.

"You're very welcome!" She said.
When we made eye contact I knew that I recognized her from something. Yes. She was that one chick from that one movie. She was a really butch chick who wore shorts all the time or a mental patient or had downs syndrome.... and then I remembered! Girl Interrupted. The lesbian, downsy-ish, mental patient who always wore shorts!

The Character Actors crossed the street, acting out their roles: Character Actors crossing the street. A truly brilliant performance.

We walked home and went straight to my computer to IMDB her ass. Talk about random? The head of the Character Actors turned out to be Maddox Jolie's friggin Godmomz and Angie Pitt's BFF. I suddenly regretted not making friends with the Character Actors, especially their leader. If I wasn't so damn judgmental I would totally be hanging with the fam by now. I blew it big time and you bet yer ass when there's a next time (and oh will there be a next time) I will act my way into the Character Actor's guild and ask to be taken to their most noble leader.


GGC

10 comments:

stefanierj | 6:07 PM

Hilarious! My friend lives near the Sony studios over in Culver City and when she worked at CCA she was all up in the crazy celeb shit. She saw Gene Simmmons at the movies one night and was totally like "I SO love you!" and made him feel like the King Daddy he is, and two weeks later, he saw her out, waiting in line for some fab after-party, and totally whisked her into the club with his entourage. Brill, non?

Kristen | 6:14 PM

dude -- HELLO! JUDGING AMY CHICK... I thought it might be her and then I was like NO - she seriously is the godmom? That is a weird pairing of friends...

Kristen | 6:15 PM

My other one didn't go through (comment that is). I was just giving you a back pat for you "I star gaze but don't star drool, baby" attitude.

Okay, going to vote for myself on the CHBM website - just kidding. I actually voted for you (okay, and me too - using my husband's email - I'm a total dork.)

Chag | 7:35 PM

You make me feel o-l-d. Shaka bra?

I still voted for ya, though.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 7:56 PM

Sorry. The shaka thing was from being a teenager in SoCal in the 90's. You think Shaka Bra is bad? Don't get me started with the dude-thesauraus. siiiiick.

MIM | 8:04 PM

Dude. I am so coming to your neck of the woods for a playdate. Even if you don't invite me.



Please invite me.

Wood | 9:32 PM

looks like she named her daughter Hazel a year before Julia did. she must be pissed.

Lilli | 1:08 AM

You make my life seem so dull in comparison :) Love you!

jennyonthespot | 9:40 AM

I stumbled here via Cool Beans Mama, and was intrigued by your bog title... you writing is HILARIOUS - had so much fun visiting! One of my best friends in college was in the theatre group - your written illustration really took me back:)

Alisyn | 8:09 PM

Great, another biyatch with a kid named Hazel. Grr.

What is the draw to Brad/Angie? Their collective beauty? Their rainbow family? Their insane wealth? The sheer novelty of their lives, as played out before the world?

I really don't know, but I have totally fallen under their spell, too. I can't stop looking at them. They fascinate me. And I can't help but feel guilty for buying US Weekly, thus paying the shitbag paparazzi to hound this adorable family, night and day, the world over. I'm very conflicted about it.