I'm just about halfway through my pregnancy, coming in at 20 weeks and am wondering how the hell I'm going to double in size at this rate because I do not look four and a half months pregnant. Four and a half months is "barely showing" territory. Uh... not. So. Much.
Today some homeless guy stopped me as I was coming out of the gym.
"You look like you're pregnant!" he said.
"No, actually. I'm not."
"Yes you are! You're lying!"
"Okay. You got me. I lied. "
And THEN dude proceeded to follow me to my car.
"What are you having!?" he shouted.
"I don't know, dude." I walked faster.
"Whaaaaat Arrrrrre youuuuu haaaaaaviiiiiingggg..."
"I dooooooon't knooooooowwwwwwwwakajhsdkajdkajds!"
I almost forgot how weird people get around pregnant women. I mean, this guy was already kind of nuts but still.
After that I came home and spent well over an hour trying to figure out what the hell to wear today because it's hard to be creative with one's wardrobe in 100+ degree heat when you're carrying around an enormous hump on your torso.
I'm in my fourth costume change of the day, I kid you not, which is crazy because I did nothing today but the usual gym/work-at-coffee-shop-until-2:oo/pick Archer up and take him to get a smoothie/go home and sweat fucking bullets until bedtime. Although, I gotta say, when you're typing away next to the guy who wrote this, you kind of want to look presentable. Or maybe that's just me. Or maybe that's just me living in Los Angeles for ten years. A part of me expects myself to look writerly when I'm writing (Perhaps this is why I've always had a crush on cigarettes. And old man hats. And vests. And eye-patches) so then I become this obsessed with what I'm going to wear person who always ends up looking like some version of the same as everyone else. Except unlike everyone else I put all this unnecessary effort into it, which is such a waste of time for something that doesn't matter even at all. ESPECIALLY for a writer who no one ever sees anyway.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I get distracted when I'm hot. I ramble. And fall asleep on the hardwood floor like a dog. But seriously? How does one honestly dress as a pregnant person in the summer? I'm kind of thinking of starting a flickr set of (your) inspiring summer-pregnant looks because I give up. Wife beaters and beach-skirts are just not cutting it. And can we please talk about flats being highly unflattering to swelling ankles? (See above photo.)
Is it October yet?
I'm like a Sophomore with Senioritis.
Congratulations to the winners of the BFF contest I posted last week. The two runner-ups who will be receiving GGC BFF mix CDs are: Amy and Angel!!! And the winner of a signed copy of Alexa Young's Frenemies is.... She Likes Purple! Congratulations you guys and thanks so much for participating! (Everyone's stories were AMAZING! Thank you so much for sharing. If you're Amy, Angel or She Likes Purple, please email me so I can get your prizes out to you asap!) Thanks, everyone!