For the last few days, every time I change Archer's diaper he goes straight for the gold. He hasn't peed in my eye in months, but that squirtgun has become the most exciting toy yet. I try to pretend like I'm not looking, like I don't notice the bond forming between boy and balls and suddenly I remember this song in kindergarten that this boy I liked use to sing before whipping it out on the playground and before I know it I'm singing the song to myself and to Archer and to the dogs who are like, WTF woman!
"My ding-a-ling. My ding-a-ling. I like to play with my ding-a-ling."
Little girls don't have that option. We can't just whip it out. I was always jealous of this fact as a youngster. Mine was all hidden and I couldn't write my name with my pee-pee and pshhhhh, what a rip off!
A few years back I was at the beach when I saw a mother chasing her little boys who were running around the beach naked, squirting each other with their Pen15 guns. She was so embarrassed and frazzled and trying to distract the beach/audience by singing "La la la la, nothing to see here! Doo, doo, doo-doo... WHAT ARE YOU LOOOOOOOOOOKING AT?"
It was quite a scene and we were all slightly embarrassed for her but only because SHE was so embarrassed. When I was a little girl I did all sorts of embarassing things too, and that is kinda the way it works. One day Archer's girlfriend will come to dinner and I will pass the naked baby photos and he will say "Mom!" and I will say, "What? It's just a little penis" and we'll all laugh/ he will kill me. That is how it works, right? Innocence is bewildering sometimes, the fact that nothing phases Archer, embarrasses Archer, shames Archer is so wonderful that it makes me think back to the times in my life when I felt the same. When I was young and lessons were learned, the world opened-up, revealing several layers of dried skin, when innocence was lost. Things change. Quickly. Every year memories are drawn-over with new crayon.
Having a baby is like clicking REFRESH on ones own childhood. Every "first" is another reminder, telling stories forever, generations upon generations, without using a single word. And even though I don't have a penis, these mommy/baby moments still take me back...
GGC: Gone with the Nostalgic Wind