Boy Meets Penis

For the last few days, every time I change Archer's diaper he goes straight for the gold. He hasn't peed in my eye in months, but that squirtgun has become the most exciting toy yet. I try to pretend like I'm not looking, like I don't notice the bond forming between boy and balls and suddenly I remember this song in kindergarten that this boy I liked use to sing before whipping it out on the playground and before I know it I'm singing the song to myself and to Archer and to the dogs who are like, WTF woman!

"My ding-a-ling. My ding-a-ling. I like to play with my ding-a-ling."

Little girls don't have that option. We can't just whip it out. I was always jealous of this fact as a youngster. Mine was all hidden and I couldn't write my name with my pee-pee and pshhhhh, what a rip off!

A few years back I was at the beach when I saw a mother chasing her little boys who were running around the beach naked, squirting each other with their Pen15 guns. She was so embarrassed and frazzled and trying to distract the beach/audience by singing "La la la la, nothing to see here! Doo, doo, doo-doo... WHAT ARE YOU LOOOOOOOOOOKING AT?"

It was quite a scene and we were all slightly embarrassed for her but only because SHE was so embarrassed. When I was a little girl I did all sorts of embarassing things too, and that is kinda the way it works. One day Archer's girlfriend will come to dinner and I will pass the naked baby photos and he will say "Mom!" and I will say, "What? It's just a little penis" and we'll all laugh/ he will kill me. That is how it works, right? Innocence is bewildering sometimes, the fact that nothing phases Archer, embarrasses Archer, shames Archer is so wonderful that it makes me think back to the times in my life when I felt the same. When I was young and lessons were learned, the world opened-up, revealing several layers of dried skin, when innocence was lost. Things change. Quickly. Every year memories are drawn-over with new crayon.

Having a baby is like clicking REFRESH on ones own childhood. Every "first" is another reminder, telling stories forever, generations upon generations, without using a single word. And even though I don't have a penis, these mommy/baby moments still take me back...

GGC: Gone with the Nostalgic Wind


jdg | 12:35 PM

totally. one of the coolest things about having a baby is that you see life in those first days/weeks/months, that time you have no memory of but now you get to see how it kind of went. love it.

you need a pee pee tepee.

Will | 12:56 PM

I still go for mine every chace I get and I'm at least twice his age.

Alisyn | 9:39 AM

At 3, Hazel has only just "discovered" her... bits. She likes to sit on the drain when we empty the bathtub. Hah! I love it, and I also feel compelled to pull the shower curtain closed.


Thanks Alisyn. I was beginning to think "penis blogging" was turning away all female readers. Cute. Cute!

Dutch- what the hell is a pee pee tepee? Sounds fun.

Will- you are so much younger than I thought. Perhaps your "gay sleep disorder" is related to night tremors?

the stefanie formerly known as stefanierj | 12:52 PM

I can only tell you that the obsession with the Little General only gets more profound as time goes on--at least it has for Heavy D.

At almost 11 months, his wee is his constant touchstone (pun intended) whenever the dipe is off. In the bath, it goes rather like this:
play with toy duck.
assure self penis is still there.
chew on bath book.
ensure that penis is still attached.
bang cup on side of tub.
check penis once more for good measure.

*sigh* If this continues, I'm thinking of changing his nickname from Heavy D to D-Unit. D-unit sounds more like someone who's always grabbing his thang.