Things That Go Bump in the Night

closing in on 36 weeks

I'm not sleeping very well these days for obvious reasons. My gigantic enormosity, being the main one.

(These days, I look at men with huge beer guts with real curiosity as to how they sleep at night because a beer-gut is very similar-looking to a third-trimester pregnant belly, except it's not as temporary, which leads me to wonder how these dudes function 365 days out of the year? How do they shave their downundas? Tie their shoes? Bend over to pick up fallen kites? How do they sleep!? I mean, seriously? Look at this guy?) 

I sleep with six pillows to Hal's one an am still unable to find a comfortable position. It's hard to sleep with a five and a half pound moving creature in your belly, not to mention the unpleasant truth that the eight-month-pregnant body was not designed with sleep in mind. 

Between the peeing every thirty-two minutes, (averaging about six pee wake-ups a night) the heartburn, (averaging about 10 Tums daily) the dehydration that probably comes from peeing so much (every time I get up to pee I have to down an entire glass of water) and the random baby kicks to the spleen, (or whatever organ it is her foot is kicking) sleep is not for the pregnant. 

Which brings me to my theory (besides the obvious reasons listed above) as to why pregnant women are up all night long til' the breaka-breaka dawn:

Our bodies are in prep-mode. The end of pregnancy is hardcore training for the marathon of sleepless nights ahead. Isn't it so nice of our bodies to look out for us like that? Taking all chance of sleep away so when our babies are born we can totally be like, "Sleep? What do you mean, sleep? I don't sleep. Who sleeps? What is sleep?" 

The only difference between waking up to pee and waking up to feed, rock, calm a wailing baby is that instead of chugging three glasses of water at 4am (some of us*) can chug three cups of caffeine! Ole!

Not to mention that unlike our beer-gut brothers in the unable-to-tie-our-own-shoes 'hood, we also get to wear concealer under our eyes on mornings after sleepless nights, which, yeah... God bless concealer

bedding (in the background) by Anthropologie. 

GGC

*this is one one of the few perks of being a formula feeder. 


36 comments:

Cate | 4:49 PM

Just a note to say, even thought your belly is big...your ass and legs look amazingly tiny! congrats, my but got bigger than my belly with all of mine.

nancy | 4:53 PM

I remember in the weeks after my son was born, realizing that many hours had gone by--like five maybe--and I hadn't needed to pee in that whole time. And I thought, Thank god!

All that stuff--the crazy inability to sleep, the peeing, all the other weirdness--is so fleeting. Enjoy what you can, and hang onto the fact that your body will be your own again soon.

Backpacking Dad | 5:48 PM

Another perk: he can get up with the baby for the 4am feeding.

That's a perk for both of you, really. You get to sleep; he gets to have you well-restedl. Sorta.

Micah&Brooke | 5:59 PM

You're one friggin' sexy biatch Becca!

Wicked Step Mom | 6:02 PM

Backpacking dad, I agree with you. Formula feeders can share all those late night feedings.

You do look amazing, Becca! And it will all be over before you know it, so hang tough!

Lindsay | 6:13 PM

yes, the prepping for no sleep. why???
Are you wearing skinny jeans in this photo? You look great, way to rock the bump.

Mariselle | 6:18 PM

Yay to all loud and proud formula feeders! I am currently one of them and my 2.5 month old girl is quite happy thank you very much...plus, Mama likes her cafe. Lots and lots of it. Congratulations on your girl!!!

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 6:47 PM

They are skinny jeans. Well, maternity jeans by 7 and they're skinny cut BARELY fitting right now but I'm on a mission to squeeze my ass into them until I squeeze something else out of me. It's either that or peasant skirts everyday which is just SO 90's ;)

CaraBee | 6:50 PM

First off, I would be very surprised if that guy is shaving his downundas. I have said since the beginning that the sleeplessness of pregnancy is training for baby. Although my bitch friend slept fine until the day her baby was delivered. How is that fair?

Btw - Halfway through Roackabye and loving it!

jdg | 7:12 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
jdg | 7:13 PM

oh bec I love that a lifetime of being pube-free has skewed your perception of the rest of us so much that you think a man so far gone that he has a beer gut gives even the slightest thought to shaving his balls.

when you see strangers do you imagine them all well-coiffed down there? because me, I figure most people I see look like conan the barbarian under their skivvies.

meliss | 7:20 PM

I was sent a link to your post from a friend. I'm 35 weeks and can relate to everything you wrote! Thanks for the great laughs and the scary reality of it all written out!

graham's mom | 7:59 PM

i remember wondering the same thing about beer guts the first time i had to squeeze my pregnant self in behind the steering wheel of my (very) compact car. thinking "good god, is this what my high school debate coach had to deal with EVERY DAY?? because this freaking sucks."

Ana | 9:21 PM

You look great, I am glad you mentioned using pillows because I am having a horrific time staying alseep. I will try tonight and hope that I get some decent sleep.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 9:31 PM

pillows are EVERYTHING. One for the head. One for the neck. Two to spoon and two between the legs. Sleeping is still near impossible but at least it softens the discomfort somewhat. :)

Rachael | 9:32 PM

How can you possibly look so GOOD at almost 36 weeks? Awesome!

Cat | 9:47 PM

Laughed with that beer gut guy.
You seem to be pretty prepared with the formula thing, the no sleep thing and all.
Just read your post about middle names and want to know wich one you chose. In Spain it's not usual to give middle names... and I really hate them because, c'mon, what's the point on giving your child a name he won't be using? Gee, I even changed my one and only name because I didn't like it at all. I'm all about "the shorter the better". So practic.

Anyway, I agree with the above that you look too cute with those tiny legs and arms and the belly.

Zeynep | 12:32 AM

When I was 35+ wks preggo with both my sons, I swear I thought I would never:

- See my feet again
- Tie my shoes again
- Have a thin nose again - what is up with the swollen nose? I get the belly and the boobs and the butt and the arms and the chin and whatever, the nose? My nose gained like 2 pounds!

I kinda liked the way hubby tied my shoes though. And being able to use the belly as a table. Yep, first son was born at 41 wks, and boy, I could balance a watermelon there.

And yes, I agree with the other commenters that you look very very cute :)

Anonymous | 1:43 AM

Yes, you look great! Yes, I've wondered the same thing about beer guts(I'm almost 35weeks). Yes, I am writing this at 4:45 and have been up for an hour already because sleep is SO uncomfortable! GAH!!

Heather | 3:53 AM

It's just before 4 a.m., the 38 week fetus is kicking me, I'm thirsty, and the heartburn is so bad it's making my eyes water. Thank god you relate. I think pregnancy insomnia is the cruelest joke in the world. Many "well-meaning" people keep saying things like OH just you wait! You'll never sleep again once the baby comes, so I'm trying to bank sleep and enjoy it as much as I can but um, my body and fetus are not cooperating. Really. I am excited for the time when I get to get up for an actual reason.

PS I dosed out on Tums and switched to Cherry Mylanta a few weeks ago. Much better, although I went through a bottle in one week. Awesomeness.

April | 5:27 AM

You look amazing!

AudreyC | 8:46 AM

It drove me NUTS at the end of my pregnancy when people would tell me to get lots of sleep before Baby arrive. Hello, people - do you not SEE the BAGS UNDER MY EYES?!? I wanted nothing more than to sleep.

Also annoying: trying to take advantage of being childless by going out to dinner, movies, etc. as I simply couldn't sit through anything those last few months at home, much less in a theater.

The crazy part? I am totally ready to do it all again!

You look great. I can't wait to see that beautiful baby girl that you're growing!!

Miranda | 9:03 AM

I'm guessing that "that guy" does not shave his "downunda"! :o)

Issas Crazy World | 9:07 AM

And wine, you forgot wine. :)

The thing is, I'd kill for a good nights sleep right now. (am 39.5 weeks and haven't slept well since at least 32 weeks.) I know our body is preparing us, but mama is tiredy.

Sarah S/C | 9:09 AM

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1839995,00.html?cnn=yes

I thought you might enjoy that link. It has nothing to do with the pregnant mind, but it does relate to your post awhile ago about eating meat. And it's really quite interesting if you research it a little bit after reading the article. =)

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 9:30 AM

Thanks, Sarah. Great link. It's really unfortunate that this kind of report doesn't get the media coverage it deserves. People talk about SUV's being bad for the environment. Cattle farms (and the subsequent beef consumption) are FAAAAAAR more damaging to our planet than a family of SUVs. Again, thanks for that!

Rhea | 10:02 AM

You look great! And ready to delivery soon.

I knew a woman pregnant with twins who gave up sleeping in her own bed and just slept in a cushy recliner the last couple of months of her pregnancy. Got a big ole lazy boy in your den?! hehe

metalia | 1:41 PM

You look AMAZING for 36 weeks, oh my GOD, woman.

And the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I totally slept on a cushy living room chair. Could not. Handle the bed. (Or more specifically, heaving my ass UP from said bed.)

kittenpie | 3:12 PM

My hint - body pillows. You can get away with one or maybe two of the 5 or 6-foot long things and wrap them under your tum and between your knees. But the turning from side to side as your loose hip joints get sore is what killed me. Ugh. Just think - a few more short weeks and you can sleep on your back again! I am loving that.

JuJu | 5:15 PM

You look fan-freaking-tastic, Bec!

I wish I looked that good NOT pregnant. ;)

Rebecca | 7:22 AM

you look amazing and so skinny!

Mom101 | 12:02 PM

Okay my ass was literally the size of your belly. I looked like a figure 8 on a diagonal. I think you look rockin even if you feel like crap. (which, clearly you do. Hope it goes fast mama!)

Anonymous | 3:22 PM

I just had my first baby, and I had some complications that left me unable to breast feed. Dare I say....I am enjoying the formula? I know that in this day and age formula feeding has become this borderline shameful thing/dirty little secret, but damn, I can drink coffee and alcohol and my body is mine. My husband and parents can help with the feeding. I would have breast fed if I could have, but you know, I admit that there have been some upsides to formula feeding as well.

Nil Zed | 4:06 PM

The thing is, you have that moving creature, the beergut guy just has, well, beergut. That changes everything.

Plus, they sleep on their back (which you can't) and snore.

Anyway, you look great, beergut guy does not. You Win.

SuZ | 5:37 PM

You look amazing for someone with no sleep! :)

The Pestana Family | 1:38 PM

I keep concealer in every bag I own...Dear Concealer, I love you...