A Very Long Month

The month of May has been endless and it isn't even over yet. Archer turns two in two days and I don't even have a gift ready. Or a card written or a post prepared. We're supposed to be having a party on Saturday and I haven't even invited anyone. I don't even know what time we'll have people over or what flavor I want for the cake.

I have been back and forth between my parent's house and Los Angeles. The 405 is my best friend and back and forth I go, slowly cruising through traffic in a car packed with bags and thought-bubbles squashed against the ceiling.

My old friend's funeral was last Saturday in the same church her mother's funeral was, six years before. Her brothers, orphaned and without a sister prepared a speech... "At least she's with our mother, now" they said and my mother and I held hands.

The last few times I attended a funeral, babies were born days after and this time, the same. Little Sage was born two days after my uncle passed away. And Nolan was born the same week Courtney died-- a reminder that humans come and go, usually passing one another on the way out through the revolving door. There is but a thin wall that separates the dying from the newly born. In the hospital and in life.

My Uncle Pete's funeral was last Thursday. My cousins spoke proudly, poised and eloquent on the podium. I sat between my brother and my husband in a room of hundreds of friends and family, standing room only, and when we all stood up to sing Edelweiss, my Uncle Pete's favorite song, I saw my father cry for the first time. And we cried with him, my siblings and mother and me all the while keeping along with the words of the song. ... Bloom and grow forever...

I'm home for now, working on a book due weeks from now and a new business with an amazing woman who I can't believe my luck, found me. I have been sleeping very little, trying to organize my head and my heart and days that are far too short for weeks so long. Shh... Just breathe. One day at a time...

Thursday we go back to my parent's house for the third time this month, and then from there, I fly out to Tennessee to spend some time with my lovely friend, picking strawberries and seeing Graceland and fluttering around the south like butterflies. Cowboy boots packed and ready for dancing.

And phew! I'm out of breath.


The fire has stopped burning, and overhead there are clouds. The sun is disappearing and the sky is gray and dark and we're under blankets on the couch. I was afraid our park burned down but it was saved. The playground still stands. There is so much to be grateful for.

For some, the early June gloom is depressing, but not to me. I always loved this weather, the darkness and the chill and the gray.

Sunshine can be overrated and birthday cakes are just as good out of the box as made from scratch and June will be here soon enough. Just around the corner in fact.

Now isn't that reason enough to tip our glasses? I think, yes, it surely must be.

bottoms up.



Unknown | 4:36 AM

hey, I haven't visited here in a while, though I did know about your fire from a friend who lives in LA. I'm so sorry you've got so much going on, and I hope something - even if it isn't the birth of a baby you know - something comes along to throw things back into balance for you - a 2nd birthday party sounds like a great celebration and you are right, cakes from scratch can be highly overrated especially where toddlers are concerned. Let em all run through a crazy sprinkler and make their own ice-cream sundaes and just take a million photos....safe travels to you and yours.

Fairly Odd Mother | 4:40 AM

Wow, what a month. I agree with Karen---keep Archer's party simple and easy. And Happy Birthday to the little man! Two is GREAT!!! (although my 2 yo is hitting keys on the computer and making me crazy right now!)

Sorry for all the recent sadness as well.

metro mama | 4:51 AM

Breathe. Sip. Keep the party simple (they like it better that way anyway).

Anonymous | 6:48 AM

after the storm comes the sun and, if lucky, a rainbow. we will be there to celebrate archer's second b'day = the sun and share the love and joy = the rainbow. love to you, ecg

BOSSY | 7:02 AM

You have a lot on your plate but you have the hat for the job. One breath at a time.

Anonymous | 9:12 AM

Happy Birthday, Archer Sage. Cheers!

Scar | 11:28 AM

That's officially my favorite pic of you guys ever. And I am so ready to pick strawberries. I even bought new gloves with sheep on them. BAAAAA. Now if only the strawberries can hold out long enough. Hm.

toyfoto | 11:54 AM

I may be the only one who thinks so, but birtday cakes from a box always taste better to me than scratch. Seriously.

Happy Birthday, kiddo.

lmb | 12:57 PM

I wish I could say something insightful to match your beautiful post, but I can't. Just know how utterly fabulous you are.

Namito | 1:38 PM

And have another. Holy hell, what a time you've had.

A big Happy Birthday to Archer!

Anonymous | 8:17 AM

Hang in there, my dear. And give Archer a big birthday hug from me!

Anonymous | 12:28 PM

What is your hubby looking at??? you are calm and collected as a he spots a tornado- love it!

i am with toyfoto- i like cakes from a box. not as much as i like d*cks in a box though :)~jjlibra

Scar | 12:45 PM

i love dick in a box.

Anonymous | 7:07 PM

how about dick-shaped cake in a box? they do make them you know.

also, as tyra would say, you look FIERCE in that picture. nice.