This is Becoming Ridiculous

Yesterday while joking with a friend about how I can't control my crying, I burst into tears.

At first I was fine.

"All I do is cry," I laughed. "Like on my way to the coffee shop? I cried. Because I saw two girls laughing in a car and for some reason, I couldn't contain myself. "

"Wow. Really? That must be weird."

"Yeah. It is. And you know what else...? " I trailed off. I could feel the tears bubble and boil. I bit my lip, widened my eyes and... "It's just. SO. HARD! You know? Or maybe you don't know because you're a guy. You have no idea! "

And then I was sobbing. And laughing. And then that freaky cry-laugh that becomes almost demonic, hysterical, unstoppable...

"Uh... do you want a napkin or something?"

Once again, my trying to make someone laugh had resulted in making myself cry. Smooth.
Wednesday, during a photo shoot for a magazine who kindly purchased two excerpts of Rockabye, I had to duck behind a bench and then a palm tree and cry in private. Archer refused to be photographed, I missed the memo re: seasonal dress. It was storming and we were shooting outside. Under normal circumstances I would see the comedy in this kind of situation, but pregnancy has robbed me of my sense of humor and replaced it with, big-ol-pussy-syndrome. (No offense to anyone's girly bits.) After the shoot I cried all the way home until I was literally cry-heaving. I didn't even know it was possible but one CAN run out of tears.

Archer and I during happier times

Today, dehydrated from so many bouts of hysteria, I drank eighteen glasses of water. And I'm still thirsty. I have never experienced anything quite like this before. I don't PMS. I'm relatively stable at all times. Laid back. With my mind on my money, etc. Even when I was pregnant with Archer I was a rock. No symptoms whatsoever and certainly no mood-swing-hormonal-craziness. I didn't spend my days face down crying. I just went about my business, ate a bunch of ice cream until I looked like the Michelin Man (I'm hoping to be spared the wrath of nose-ate-my-face-syndrome this go around. Time will tell) and popped the occasional tum for heartburn.

I always rolled my eyes when women talked about their hormones getting the best of them during pregnancy. Ha! I guess this would be my payback: me Captain Kleenex of the United Snot of Waterworks. I'm just hoping it ends. Soon.

It does, right?

Please say, yes? Or I'll cry.

Psyche! Trick question! I'm already crying.

GGC

26 comments:

Jocalyn | 1:01 AM

Ok so ya....umm I have been lurking here for about a year and a half....I must not be to good of a lurker at that either cause until today about 5 minutes ago I didn't know you had wrote a book?!?!?!? I feel umm really really blond right now! Also if it makes you feel better I have been crying uncontrollably today myself...the whole BOO HOO really loud kind...but I am not pregnant nor is that even a possibility....I just keep crying and I dont know why....at least you have an excuse :)

Kyran | 6:08 AM

if I were an old wife (which I am, compared to you, Becs), I would say it is all proof positive that you are having a girl.
xo

barbara | 6:18 AM

i second what kyran said about having a girl. hang in there mama. xxoo

marissa | 6:18 AM

Kyran...I was just going to write that exact thing. With my son, I was a relatively sane person. When pregnant with my daughter I was an emotional wreck. Now I am just back to my pre-pregnancy crazy...you know, baseline.
It will get better.

mrs. q. | 6:33 AM

Here's my take: you are having a girl. When I was pregnant with my little guy, I was happy and optimistic (even through my dad's illness and death). With my daughter, ooooh man. I C-R-I-E-D all the time and had temper tantrums And barfed. Then had post partum blues. Good times. (hang in there. it gets better)

Wendy | 7:14 AM

I don't no nothing about babies and stuff, but I will go along and say, GIRL!!

And I was a whack-a-doo for both my pregnancies. Although, I was sicker with the boy than the girl.

good old rusty, rusty nail. | 7:41 AM

i know how to make you laugh, you little rusty nail.

Maremone | 7:44 AM

Dangit! everyone already said what I was going to say..... I think you're having a girl.

I was the same way with my first kid (girl) then with my son, I didn't even know I was pregnant until the second trimester (yeah, I'm one of *those* women)...now I'm pregnant again, puking all the time, crying, my husband is casting demons out of me, all I want to eat is gummy worms and greasy hamburgers from Wendy's. Wendy's only!

It must have something to do with the over abundance of estrogen, or something. I'm crying for you ;) and myself

Bethany | 11:23 AM

Just repeat to yourself: "This. is. normal." Because it is.
Sending empathetic wishes your way!

Liz | 11:25 AM

I am jumping on the Girl Bandwagon. I remember hearing something about all the extra estrogen making you more emotional when carrying a girl.

mothergoosemouse | 12:59 PM

I'm betting that you're still gorgeous even when cry-heaving.

(Familiar with cry-heaving. Usually happens to me when I start yawning while crying. Hormones and sleep deprivation are a deadly combo.)

Misfit Hausfrau | 6:15 PM

It really stinks that every pregnancy is completely different from the last. One has no real idea what to expect. The babies will be completely different too. Namely because you are TOTALLY having a girl.

It will get better in a couple of weeks. Right now you NEED to cry your eyes out. In a couple of weeks you will be just as passionate about eating Reese's Penaut Butter Cups. Or Kale maybe.

Jen aka Evilynmo | 8:23 PM

So funny and real!! I love your blog and your writing!! =)

Frances | 3:02 AM

It eased off for me around the 2nd trimester then of course came back full force in the 3rd. Hang in there!

spicylikeginger | 4:08 PM

I'm Ginger, your cousin Jotham's girlfried. I enjoyed meeting you at your cousin's wedding last spring. I really enjoy your GGC and Straight from the Bottle blogs. I love your sense of humor, and your transparent honesty. I've never had kids, but I think I'd like to, so I find your perspective as very helpful and truthful. I am so sorry you're burdened by the crying. Since I have no experience of my own, the only thing I could think of suggesting is talking to your obstetrician...(???) Anyhow, I really just wanted you to know that I support your creative efforts, and that I really enjoy what you share.

spicylikeginger | 4:11 PM

Oh, and also - I pre-ordered your book and I am super excited about reading it!!

Based on what you said about the movie, Once, I decided I wanted to see it, but the day we showed up to watch it, it had already been pulled from the theater. I rented it today, finally!

Her Bad Mother | 7:18 AM

Okay. Ummm. How to say this? It might end. When the baby comes. Or maybe later.

I'm nearly 7 months along now. I burst into tears at the sight of Wonderbaby's socks, at toenail growth, and at plastic bags floating down the street. Also? I developed an uncontrollable tendency to bitch-fit. ANYTHING can set me off. A spoon dropping on the floor. Husband putting his pants on wrong leg first. ANYTHING.

So. I don't know whether or I'm going to be sobbing or snarling five minutes from now.

I'm so sorry if I've frightened you. It couldn't be helped.

xo

Anonymous | 9:42 AM

i think it's twins :)

Anonymous | 10:02 AM

This may not be a comfort to you, but I was drifting in and out of cough syrup-induced sleep this weekend, in between surfing the web when I could open my eyes, and I had a dream about a post you wrote. The post was apparently in the future - because you posted a photo of your TRIPLETS. They were adorable. I had to visit your blog to make sure it was a dream and that I hadn't slept for months...

Kristina | 10:18 AM

It may be a little redundant to mention that there are a lot of hormones pumping through you right now. And yes, they cause those crying jags. But they are also doing good, good things for that baby :)

Also, how far along are you again? Usually in the first trimester your ovary is creating all needed hormones with the added "benefit" that they go in equal amounts to your baby and into your bloodstream. Usually in around the beginning of the second trimester, your placenta has developed enough that it takes over hormone production for your baby. That means you don't get so much of the side effects. (morning sickness and perhaps crying fits?)

Hang in there mama.

(old reader reading again because I'm a pregnancy nut)

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 10:38 AM

Triplets! Ahhhhhhh! My grandmother's a triplet! It's in the genes. Let's think positive, though. One. One is great and good and yes, one. ONE!

Anonymous | 11:08 AM

you are soooo having a girl. I was the same way. It is waaay too much estrogen! :)

ALEXA YOUNG | 2:10 PM

OMG...I think I'm having a girl too! And I'm not even pregnant! JK. I'm not feeling all that manic today. And after checking out that old post with those post-partum shots of you? OMG again. I had no idea you were capable of looking that bad. Sorry...but WOW. I never would have believed that was even you--except for, um, all the inner beauty that's clearly about to bust out? Okay, I'll stop now. You know how hot I think you are. Sending a virtual case of Kleenex atcha. Come over and play soon, K? XOXOXO

ALEXA YOUNG | 11:53 PM

BTW, my love...I was thinking about what I wrote here and hope you know that I meant you've always looked SO beautiful to me that I can't believe you could possibly take a bad picture. I don't think it really came out that way. (Frankly, I sounded like a major a-hole biatch and no kind of sympathetic friend. It was a punchy afternoon and, well, I do like to walk around with my foot in my mouth whenever possible, you know?) I'm also sorry to hear about all the BS with your F-FACE ob/gyn. That is the worst kind of awful but I know you'll find a way to get the right doc for you AND Arch. Great advice from peeps over there. I LOVE YOU. xo

Anonymous | 5:39 PM

x

FauxClaud | 9:52 AM

Ha, no news falsh sinc I see others have already sid it, but.. if you were emotionally a rock with a boy preganancy, then I immediatly thought, yup..must be a girl baby.
I have heard something about double the female hormones makes us even more nutzo emotional... and for sure, I expereinced it with my one female child as oppposed to three boy pregancies....I cried more in Scarlett's invitro months than all three boys put togther.

Girl. Defintely.