1. Diaper Disposal Systems: Diaper Dekor? Sucks. Diaper Genie? Even worse. Not only are they ugly but they stink after one dirty diaper and who wants their baby's room (or any room in the house) smelling of fetus feces? Not me. I couldn't handle the stench. I tried placing our Dekor outside but it was still disgusting. Flies would find their ways in the plastic tie bag and when it came time to empty the disposal system into the trash I would all but throw up in my mouth.
Hark! The Diaper Dekor. It even looks like it smells like poop.
It only took me about a year and a half before I came up with a diaper-disposal-system-free alternative: tying the dirty diapers up in Nature Baby Care bio-bags (you can buy them at Target) and flinging them into the garbage pail outside. We tossed the Dekor when Archer was about a year and a half and this time around? I absolutely won't be using one. I'm a big fan of the whole "don't shit where you eat/sleep/place your child to sleep" thing, so there's also that. And so I say: Death to diaper disposal systems!!!! Besides, those pesky replacement liners? Far too expensive. Seriously, the little bio-bags cost $4 a box and they last, like, two months! And no indoor poopy smell!
Nature Babycare Bags = BFF
2. Lap Pads: When I was pregnant with Archer I was under the impression that I would need THOUSANDS of them. So guess what? I bought THOUSANDS of them and guess how often I used them? Never. I ended up donating them all to Goodwill, hoping that someone, somewhere would have some use for such seemingly useless items. Burp cloths on the other hand? Buy thousands of them.
3. That Boppy Neck Support Thing: Again, a useless item you're not even allowed to use in a crib or bassinet OR car seat... so what the hell, then? A neck support thing that can only be used, where? On the couch? When you're kid's just hanging out, resting by itself? Uh... huh? I never once used the thing and wondered how the hell they got so popular.
4. Thermometer Rubber Duckies: At first glance, these things seem brilliant. A rubber ducky that tells you if the bath is too hot by saying "HOT" on its rubber bottom. Of course, once you start bathing your baby you realize how silly they really are. Because honestly? New parents are about as paranoid when it comes to water temperature as it gets. Do we really need a plastic duck to tell us whether the water we are bathing our child in is too treacherous? I mean....
5. The Rainbow Fish Bath Book: This was one of those "classic" gift books. Why? I don't know, but we received at least three of them between Archer's infancy and toddlerhood. And WOW. Just... Wow. Talk about the worst message I could even THINK to send my child, even as an infant. If you are unique and beautiful (have rainbow scales) and someone wants your beautiful uniqueness (rainbow scales) well then BY GOLLY! Give all of your beauty and uniqueness (rainbow scales) away so that you can be mediocre (have one rainbow scale left) just like everyone else! How this book has become a classic, I will never know. It is positively the worst children's book ever.
Don't judge this book by its cover. It looks sweet and innocent but really it's the Toddler's Communist Manifesto by
Marxist Marcus Pfister
6. Baby Einstein CD's: I will never hate on the Baby Einstein collective as Archer grew up digging the DVDs and prefers Little Einsteins over any and all television, which is fine with me. The show is responsible for Archer's obsession with all things instrumental including his impressive ability to distinguish Oboes from Clarinets. But those dreadful CDs playing Mozart and Beethoven with synthesizers? Wolfgang and the boys are surely rolling around in their graves. I mean, really. Children should be exposed to the REAL thing... not some knock-off version of.
I'm sure there are plenty more I could add to this list but my brain is toasted and I need to sleep
lie down with my eyes closed whilst being kicked the shit out from the inside and if I'm lucky, fall asleep after two hours of trying to get comfortable only to wake up four-minutes later with the urge to pee like Austin Powers so PLEASE! My wonderful readers, answer me this: What baby stuff do you deem unnecessary? Specifically, what items (if any) do you totally and utterly despise?
Speaking of lists, this weeks "weird pregnancy symptoms" includes talk of kooky sex dreams and bloody pillow cases! Yeah, baby.