Solidarity

Several months ago my mother decided it was time to let her hair go grey. Twenty-five years of covering her silver roots and she was sick, literally sick, from the hair color and the migraines and scalp shingles that would occur as a result. She had flirted with the idea of going grey for years, asking my siblings and I if we would mind.

"I'll look older," she said. "I'll look different and older and if that bothers you I won't do it."

"Of course you should do it," I said! "You'll be beautiful grey. A silver Fox. Rarrrrhotstuffrrrr."

It wasn't until this winter when she finally made the decision to go for it, reluctantly, self consciously, go for it.

"My friends keep asking me why," she said to me a few weeks back, her grey roots then about an inch thick. "I feel like a skunk."

"Sexiest skunk I've ever seen," I said.

My mother seemed unconvinced and I annoyed that she could possibly doubt her beauty, she who is the most luminous woman on earth, so I came up with an assignment for her, a book to write about her year Going Grey. A book to empower herself and women like her to be real, to embrace age with grace and dignity.

She began work on it right away.
...

Two days ago I found my first grey hair sticking out of the top of my head, silver and jagged as a pube. I plucked it out, examined it and shrieked.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Guess what just happened!" I said to her over the phone.

"What! What! What!"

"I found my first grey hair!"

"Uh oh."

"Dude! Not uh oh. Amazing. My hair is totally standing behind your hair. It's solidarity! My hair is supporting your cause!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I could hear my mom smiling over the phone.

81 comments:

Margie S. | 11:41 AM

I'm totally with you - she will be a silver fox! The pictures don't lie. Your mother is clearly lovely, no matter her hair color. Can't wait for a peak at what she writes : )

BMCthinkswendyisashotasrebecca | 11:41 AM

Wendy=blazin hot. The end.

Punk Rock Mom | 11:44 AM

there is no hair color that could make your beautiful mother anything but beautiful!

Molly | 11:49 AM

Your mom is adorable. And so is Fable's dress. Could you please send your mother to D.C. with a sewing machine to teach me how to that? Like maybe this weekend?

Amanda | 11:51 AM

Your mother is adorable. Good for her!

Haley | 11:52 AM

Just look at how good that grey sweater looks on her, I bet grey will suit her well ;) I say go it for it!!!!!

TKTC | 11:54 AM

Could you be more of a replica of your mother? Lucky you! My hair's already quite curly...interested to see how it grays.

dani | 12:10 PM

The pictures are great. She is exactly like a silver fox. When she finishes the book I will give it to my mom who went gray early and never covered it - and it looks great.

the grumbles | 12:10 PM

She looks lovely! My husband is getting lots of gray hair already. He is bummed but I think it is HOT!

Nothing But Bonfires | 12:13 PM

Um, Mrs. Rebecca's Mom is HOT HOT HOT. Her hair could go GREEN and that wouldn't change.

sarah | 12:24 PM

Silver hair is my favorite and your mom will be even more lovely with it than she is now, and that's saying something! You've got one pretty mom, that's for sure!

Ohana Mama | 12:32 PM

My mom is letting nature take it course too and I think she will be even more gorgeous. I on the other hand, plucked my first gray out, IMMEDIATELY, then realized the old saying pluck one and ten grow back...oh well...I'll soon look like an 18 year old with grey hair. LOL Maybe it will make people finally think I am actually in my 30s and not the nanny or older sister to my kids.

mames | 12:34 PM

what a wonderful way to honor your mother, grey hairs and all. my mama has never dyed her hair and yet, she just glows in her self, her truly beautiful aging gracefully self. here is to good mamas and the wonderful daughters they raise.

beyond | 12:35 PM

i understand your mom was hesitant at first. i have had conversations with my own mother about this and she is not ready to let her hair grey grow out.
i wish more women would understand that beauty comes from the inside and that no amount of hair dye will make anyone look 25 again.
i always find women with silver/ grey hair look really stunning.

Sarah | 12:45 PM

That's awesome. You (with your grey-hair-in-solidarity) are a great daughter + role model for your own children. My mom recently let her hair go grey after years of fretting over it, and I think she looks beautiful, too.

verybadcat | 12:47 PM

When my hair goes gray, it goes. :) A full life, well lived, is something to pronounce to the world.

I want to be proud of that stage in my life as much as I was proud to turn 18, 21, 25, or as proud as I will be to turn 30 this year. It took some time to accept, but fact is? I've been rocking this world for 30 years now. Hear me ROAR. ;)

Amanda | 12:53 PM

Your mother is awesome!

Is her book going to be out soon? If she decides to publish it, I'll for sure be buying a copy for my mom, mother-in-law, grandmother, etc.

Just as Rockabye was a book that comforted and inpired me, they'll have hers for the same purposes.

The fiance has little grey hairs popping up all over his head. I love them. I'll be knockin' boots with that salt n' peppa head forever!

Anonymous | 12:58 PM

Your mom's concern about looking older is really a valid one. My mother in law let hers go and she looks 10-15 years older and her wrinkles seem to be exaggerated now. Perhaps your mom's experience will be different.

Personally, if the dying gave me headaches and such, I would get some really cool wigs and have fun with them. There are some magnificent ones out there.

Thank you for leaving the comments open for input.

Frosty | 1:03 PM

Your mother is luminous! My mom made that decision when I was only 16 and even at that age, when you're practically always embarrassed by your parents, I thought she was stunning. In fact, I'm actually looking forward to my turn because I trust her genes will help me be as beautiful in my sixties as she is in hers.

Yay for grey!

Anonymous Midwest Girl | 1:06 PM

My mom has three sisters, and she is the only one of the four who has let her hair go gray. She does, indeed, look older than her sisters - but she also looks more elegant and classic. She's a huge role model for me and is the most beautiful woman I know.

Erin | 1:09 PM

My Mom finally went grey a few years ago, and I think she looks more beautiful than ever. For what it's worth - she had it dyed blonde beforehand, and then grew out the grey. Made it a little more manageable to her since the blonde blended with the grey.

Prasti | 1:18 PM

i think she looks just lovely :)

my mom used to make me pluck out all her grey hair. each time she found one she would ask me or one of my sisters to pull it out. then it got to the point where there were too many to pluck out...now she dyes her hair. i'm sure my time will come when i'll get my daughter to pluck out all the grey hair from my head!

Goody | 1:20 PM

I'm in my forties and about half grey. I have a four year old son and everyone thinks I'm his grandmother. Everyone.

Still, I'm not about to make myself ill colouring my hair and really, I sort of chuckle at being called granny.

Part of the problem is that you almost never see a woman with grey hair (at least not where I live-and if you can't find grey haired old ladies in rural Nebraska...well where can you?). The eighty year olds are "getting dipped" (I just love that expression).

I wish I looked half as great as your mother does.

http://www.eattheblog.blogspot.com

amber of TheAmberShow | 1:30 PM

Your mom is awesome, and BOY OH MAN do you three ladies look like each other. How beautiful!

Leigh | 1:31 PM

Your mom looks amazing, and I think she will look fantastic with her natural hair color. Yay for grey! I found my first almost ten years ago and I'm only 30, (yikes!) but I'm all for embracing it.

duck | 1:37 PM

Your moms gorge. Looks like you have many years of hot-stuffness ahead of you! Good genes can do wonders...

Heather | 1:44 PM

Your Mama is really beautiful. I see where you get your beauty and also Fable :)

bea | 1:56 PM

Silver Gray is HOT.

My mother went gray at 27, and at 35 I'm not exactly following her path but I'm not far from it. My cousins on my mothers side are the same - I see it as an obvious badge that we're connected, and I'm proud (mostly) of it!

Your mom will rock the house in gray!

Brooke | 1:58 PM

I think she looks stunning with the gray. It's Blythe Danner elegant.

Lady K | 2:01 PM

Your Mom really looks fantastic ad I applaud her decision.
I am 43 and have quite a bit of grey mixed in with my light brown hair....I pretend they are blond hi lights! I don't plan to dye my hair mostly because I am too freakin lazy to haul my ass to the hairdressers every 4 weeks for a "dip"
I had a great Aunt who blue rinsed her hair FOREVER. When she hit her 90's she stopped dyeing her hair and lo and behold she had a beautiful halo of downy white hair. I should be as lucky as her.

coolteamblt | 2:22 PM

Ladies, I've been steadily going gray since sixteen. Keep rocking the gray, she looks fabulous! I'll bet you will too, when the time comes.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | 2:40 PM

I found my first grey hair at the ripe old age of 19 =) There's nothing wrong with grey hair, I think it sort of adds dimension.

Your mother will be beautiful with grey hair. Tell her I said so!

Lalapoo | 2:51 PM

I started having grey hairs when I was like 18, so imagine me at 30 right now. I have been systematically coloring them sine the age of 22; and guess what my hairs are falling apart so it is on doctors orders.. yes Doctors orders.. that i have to stop coloring.. and straightening my hair..
Ugh, so I am on the same road as your mom (even at 30)

Ray | 3:19 PM

Awww, you are the sweetest daughter supporting your mother like that. And looking at those photos there’s no doubt that you look like your mom. Sweet photos of your mom and Fable by the way. Question: Is your mom a writer like you?

Anonymous | 3:39 PM

Your mama rocks for going grey! My mom went grey/white in her mid 20's and for a long time embraced it but in her late 30's changed her mind and now dyes her hair back to her "natural" jet black - it looks completely un-natural and ugh. I look forward to your mom's book so I can pass it on to my mom and hopefully she'll gain your mom's strength and wisdom thru what she reads.

zakary | 4:52 PM

Your mother is beautiful! Fable looks a lot like her.

Amy | 5:01 PM

When my mom embraced her gray, she cut it really, really short at first. Really short. Like less than an inch, inch-and-a-half long at the longest point, short. Now that all the un-gray stuff is grown out, she looks like this:

http://prettybabies.blogspot.com/2009/02/going-gray.html

Isn't she fabulous?

Beth in SF | 6:05 PM

She's a fox indeed. Pass on my compliments :)

Summer | 6:13 PM

You are the sweetest daughter.

Now onto business...where did you find that adorable headband?!?

Anonymous | 7:16 PM

Wow good on your Mom for embracing her gray hair =) and how ADORABLE is little FABLE!!!

For me though who's 24 and getting silver hairs it's not quite as sexy lol.

I HATE chemical dyes and so this is the solution I found... totally NATURAL and strengthening to my hair: http://www.hennaforhair.com/freebooks/

Just thought I'd put that out there for anyone searching for something healthier ;)

courtney | 9:03 PM

She's gorgeous and will look just as good, if not better, by having gone gray.

uptowndowntownnyc | 9:32 PM

She will look beautiful and powerful. A true crown to wear proudly.

xoAshley

P.S. Fable's cheeks look positively edible in that last photo.

mfk | 10:06 PM

beauty clearly runs in your family. you have a hot mom and a hot baby. (wait...) I think it's really sweet that your mom asked your opinion and was so concerned that she would risk migraines to keep herself looking the same for you! but yeah, I think grey/ gray is totally the way to go once you are "une femme d'une certaine age" as they say.

nicoleantoinette | 10:30 PM

All of the women on my mother's side were grey by their late 20s.

When I found my first (few) greys this year, I COMPLETELY LOST MY SHIT. Somehow, up until then, I was still holding out hope that I'd be the exception to the family rule.

Damn it.

Vodka Mom | 3:27 AM

"My hair is supporting your cause!!"

that was so damn funny!!!

Badness Jones | 5:04 AM

Your mom is lovely - and if I look half that stunning when holding a grandchild, I will bow down to thank all Gods!

Wicked Step Mom | 5:27 AM

You are so supportive that your hair is helping too. That is awesome!

Fairly Odd Mother | 5:47 AM

Your mother is gorgeous and will continue to be gorgeous with gray hair. I personally much prefer a more 'natural' look than when women try to go platinum or some other odd color that doesn't really fit with their skin.

And, this reminds me when my mom & dad were out with some friends and one said that she really wanted a "silver fox" (coat). My mom put her arm around my gray-haired dad and said, "I already have one".

I think your mom will be a silver fox as well.

Ashley B. | 6:02 AM

I love when women let themselves go silver! I think it looks fabulous. The older women in my family would sooner shave their heads, and I really hate that! It just seems so fake.

I really shouldn't judge, though. Whatever makes one happy and comfortable is the way to go.

And I'm just gonna comment here on mac and cheese and Harvard because I'm lazy.

My mom raised me on healthy balanced meals until the age of 3 when all I would eat was HOT DOGS. (Grandma fed them to me, big mistake, mom almost died.) She let me do my picky food thing, consistently (but gently) tried veggies and other good stuff, and eventually I went right back to my healthy food loving, veggie worshiping self.

And honestly, it's not like you're feeding Archer fast food or anything soaked in chemicals and crap. So while he might not be getting the vitamins he was getting before, you're not feeding him anything that's bad for him. And while my opinion means fairly little considering I'm not a parent, I think it's wise of you not to force him to do anything.

And congrats to your bro!!! That is fantastic!! You've got one awesome family.

Jenny | 6:36 AM

This is really strange...I JUST found my first grey hair yesterday! My hair is super long, so when I plucked it, you could trace the past months and years of brown that slowly grew into silver. I was at the cycling/yoga/massage studio I work at with a few older female friends (one totally silver at 46 and one greying at 52) when I discovered it and they were so excited for me! It was a wonderful celebratory moment and I felt lucky since probably NO one else would have reacted to greying hair in this way, but low and behold, I check your site this morning and yay! Thanks for being so affirming to not only your mother but all us ladies out here!

Jen B | 6:47 AM

I too had to stop dyeing my hair this past year due to health problems. I was dyeing for over 25 yrs and suddenly early last summer, at the age of 37, I would get dizzy and my heart would thump. That was it. I stopped cold turkey.

Now I have this head of reddish/blondish brown color, it's natural but can't figure it out. It's also riddled with greys at the top. But I like it.

I always said if I was to go grey I'd let nature take its course. Granted I'm not completely ready to see it coming through, I have no choice as I refuse to try and color it again.

Your mom looks beautiful Rebecca. As do all women who go grey. I think it's a lovely thing to do!

April | 6:56 AM

wow, your mom's gorgeous. bet hal loves those odds :-) she'll look great with silvery locks!

Valerie | 7:42 AM

Oh she is just STUNNING. Seriously, I think grandmothers are perhaps the most beautiful things in the world. Wisdom, love, and spunk all wrapped into one.

Tracie | 8:20 AM

Your mother is beautiful! And you are such a sweet daughter.

Steph | 8:31 AM

She is one hot silver fox mama!

Anonymous | 8:51 AM

http://www.cafemom.com/dailybuzz/beauty_style/2433/Embracing_Gray_Hair

foodiemama | 9:14 AM

that is awesome that your mother is dong that! Why the hell not! It's funny you write this now.
I know I am 31 and a few years away from going all white, however this past year I have discovered many many white hairs. I am blonde for now so it looks weave-ish until you notice how cat whisker like they are but about 4 months ago I thought fuck it, stop coloring cause I like your mom was obviously allergic to it and my dr. for many many years linked hair dye to health issues. Anyway, I haven't colored my hair in months and seeing how it works out. I am not really bummed to much though. i am relatively low maintenance as it is, haha.

mommymae | 9:54 AM

i started going about 5 years ago. all of my new ones are perfectly white and beautiful. while pregnant this last time, the white went away (weird) but has come back with a vengeance and started creeping to the front. my dad is completely white and his hair is gorgeous. i imagine i'll let it go, but may change my mind. it'll probably be like when you grow your hair out and have that really ugly stage where half the hair is white and half is brown. so far, i stand with you.

Schmutzie | 10:25 AM

You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/02/five-star-friday-edition-43.html

growingupartists | 10:36 AM

I'm so-o-o going salt-n-pepper myself, when the time comes. I've probably got about five years to get used to it. Tell your mom to walk proud (the Woolfster's her daughter!) Internet trends spread lavishly!!

Mirinda | 10:38 AM

Your mom is beautiful and holy cow you two look a lot alike!!! I say go gray, she'll look great...and that's precious to tell her your hair is supporting her :)

Anonymous | 12:53 PM

I am 32 years old and have spots of grey on the top of my head and down the front side. My husband does keep asking me when I am going to die my hair again. I have been dyeing it for years. I stopped after having twins 3 years ago. I feel that I look great with what the good Lord gave me. It does not bother me one bit. I actually think that it gives some character.

Your mom looks great! She should not be worried and the fact that she was feeling side effects from it should be the biggest reason for stopping. It is the soul that people should look at, not the oustide beauty.

Love your site and your kids are God's gift to you! (as mine are to me)
Regina

k-m-s | 5:06 PM

Mom is totally stunning. And you look just like her.

LOVE Fable's dress!

breedermama | 8:59 PM

Your mom is a beaut. I actually think that gray hair is incredibly gorgeous, it looks mythical almost. I really want my hair to go gray, but from the looks of my mother (who's hair color I inherited) it will go white instead.. which is pretty cool too.

El Cheese | 6:15 AM

that dress is awesome! go gray! i think gray hair is neat. as long as you have the confidence to pull it off...

Who's the boss now, kid?! | 7:35 AM

Mac'n'cheese not a balance meal? Bah!
I wouldn't classify my daughter as a picky eater but to get a dark green veggie into her has been a real challenge. Try a "HULK" smoothie. I've gotten as much as 16 oz. of Spinach into a smoothie and she begs for more! HA! Gotch again, kid!

Anonymous | 10:50 AM

hello there, she could use HENNA do dye her hair,...
it´s healthy !! natural,....... doesn´t give headaches !!
....... odile
http://www.herbalhenna.com

Anonymous | 10:54 AM

http://www.hennaforhair.com/techniques/index.html

Katie | 11:18 AM

I always said I would never dye my grays. I figure I used enough hair dye in high school to drown myself in.
But THEN at 27 the little creeps started creeping in... and I started plucking them out only to be told by my hair dresser that this will not cause 10 more to grow in the plucked strands stead, but rather I would eventually pull the hair follicle out and thus create a bald spot. awesome.
So, no dye and no bald spot for me. But I hate it, hate it, hate it. I rather relish looking young. I guess this will keep me away from the slippery slope of becoming what my Kiwi friends refer to as "mutton dressed as lamb".

Alison | 11:58 AM

I can't imagine dyed hair being worth any kind of health problems. I've been trying to get my mother to stop covering her grey hair for years. She does these weird red highlights. In all other ways she's aging very gracefully, so why the fake hair? I'll get a copy of your mother's book for her when it's finished, maybe it will help my case.

Happy Veggie | 12:46 PM

Good for her. I'm still sticking with my no coloring even though I'm going gray early so I don't have to do the skunk thing some day. Your mom looks amazing, and I think she'll look even better with her "real" hair.

just beth | 11:36 PM

your beauty and Fable's beauty so obviously start with your mom...(not to discount your hubs at all...) and you can totally tell she's going to have GREAT silver hair.

but mostly? how fabulously brave of her to do something she's trepidatious about!

xo

b

p.s. my eyebrows are going grey, and i think its hysterical.

Strongrrl | 12:27 PM

Awesome! Your mom is totally beautiful. Maybe it would make her feel a little better to use one of those shampoos for grey/silver hair.

Binky | 2:22 PM

What is it with all the gorgeousness in your family? No generations skipped there.

Alexa | 5:51 PM

Awwww what a sweet post! She is gorgeous, and she must love having you as a daughter.

Dusty Brown | 11:36 PM

Your mom is adorable! If it makes her feel any better, my mother-in-law went all the way gray at about 36, and she still looks fabulous!

Anonymous | 12:34 AM

You mother is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! I hope I look half that good when I am her age, seriously...

Miz Kizzle | 2:47 PM

Once again, you are right on target with the most important thing in life: one's appearance.

Candice | 12:44 PM

I just love this story, and I hope I can inspire this confidence in my mom soon. She's a bit less brave than yours, and requires some subtle encouragement!

emily | 2:39 PM

I saw these pictures on your flickr and thought, wow, her mom is so elegant. Then I read this post. She would look Amazing with grey hair. At this point in life, I look forward to grey hair someday - i think women with grey hair are some of those most beautiful people.

Anonymous | 7:11 AM

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/03/17/Why-Your-Hair-Turns-Gray-as-You-Age.aspx