I once read an interview with Dita Von Teese about how she kept her marriage fresh with Marilyn Manson. She wrote of the importance of mystery i.e. never let him see you peeing with the door open. Lingerie is a must, always wear makeup and don't you dare let your mate ever smell your poop! A lady never farts! Etc. You get the picture.
I remember reading the piece and thinking my marriage was doomed because even at the beginning of our courtship, peeing with the door open was just... I dunno... what we did. Farting in front of each other came soon after. Was I crazy to think I could fart in front of my mate one minute and then seduce him moments later?
Uh... no. Dude never refused sex because I was gassy. Nor have I ever been turned off by a good old-fashioned fart. Because guess what, people. EVERYONE FARTS. Just like everyone looks at their snot in the kleenex after blowing their noses. Am I wrong?
Of course it's important to look good for one another, to put forth effort to keep the marriage sexy and interesting, share fantasies, give one another hot oil massages while listening to Enya or whatever it is that turns you on as a couple.
But as well as taking garter-belted, hotel-porned, feel-eachother-up-at-fancy-restaurant weekend getaways, couples need just as much a good old-fashioned burping, farting contest where the winner gets to pee with the door open. Because, really? What good is a "fresh" marriage if you can't be real with each other?
I guess what I'm saying is this; put on some blush once in a while, some sexy heels for a night on the town but don't hold in your farts. You'll get a stomachache. And if you're Dita Von Teese? A divorce.