59/100

I've been an emotional wreck for the last few days re: Archer's last day of preschool + uniform arrival = discombobulation nation, so I thought I'd post my favorite video to sob inconsolably to. (I'm a massive Ben Folds fan and highly recommend everyone go see him perform live in their lifetime. Arguably the best live show out there.)

We had planned to keep Archer in summer school through August but last week Archer said he'd rather hang at home with "his trains" which is obviously code for "my mom" so last friday suddenly became Archer's last day of preschool, leaving me totally unprepared for the emotional tidal wave that has landed me atop a Redwood of angst.

Behold, the gone years:

Sunglass Attack
lilcaterpillarface.0
Happiness.
Veteran Egg-hunter
In the Cuzzi
I'm Dancing with My Elf
Promo Proofs
Paparazzi, No!
har
Happy Distractions

Last week Archer caught me crying and was like, "Mom? Why are you crying?" and I said, "Duh. You're growing up," and he said. "Oh, mom. Don't be sad. Cause, know what? Someday, I'll get really old and die and come back as a baby and when I'm three I'll go to preschool again in like, a hundred-something years."

And then I felt much better.



59. Still Fighting It by: Ben Folds

GGC

57 comments:

LL | 12:16 AM

I love the pic of you guys reading the magazine. I remember the first time you posted it, I thought it was just awesome!

I've been going through all my old baby pics and can't get over how long ago it was since mine were babies. My 12 year old is starting to find her own way, and I am happy and gutted at the same time. It's amazing to see them grow and change, but sad too.

You're so lucky you have had your blog since the beginning. You will always have your memories to reflect on, even when your memory fails you :)

Meemo | 12:26 AM

What great pics. Can't believe how many years I've been lurking here watching him grow.

Just wait til he's your height. My son just turned 12 and he's exactly my height. It's so weird being eye level with one of my kids. They grow way too fast.

~eve~ | 3:49 AM

Aww. I cried just reading that. And THEN I cried when I listened to that Ben Folds song. Which, by the way, is on his University a capella album and is awesome.

88 Highbury Corner | 4:13 AM

He's such an old soul but old souls always still stay young at heart. Lovely post.

divrchk | 4:33 AM

I saw Ben Folds with his Piano in a small theater in Northampton, MA. Most. Amazing. Show. Ever. I'm registering my kids for K and 2nd grade today. YIKES!

TLR | 4:42 AM

OMG - major blubbering watching the video. Like you my little boy starts K-garten and I've been a mess all summer. I keep telling myself that he will grow into an even sweeter intelligent boy in September as I'm sure Archer will.
Thanks for sharing the video. I'm sending it to my friends so they can reminisce and cry with me.

Nicki | 5:04 AM

I cried horrendously when the first went to school, I cried far more when the second went, and then I thought my heart would break open when the eldest left Junior school and went onto Secondary (I have no idea how that translates to US ages- he was 11). Yet each time I think they need me less, that I'm losing them slowly to the passage of time, how I mourn when I know I'll never hold my babe in my arms, I get reminded how they still need me. That journey with them, like yours with Archer means that they grow and express their love less with Weetabix kisses and stumblingly cute words. Yet instead its replaced more with insightful views on the world that express a side to them that I've helped instil, tastes that I've offered them but they've moulded into their own.
You did good girl.. remember that. The wild child girl has a grounded, beautiful, insightful boy with profound views on the world around him and the sweetest eyes physically and emotionally.

Don't cry, celebrate all your combined successes and look forward to the journey ahead, because trust me in many ways it just gets better...

Althea | 5:12 AM

Oh. Oooooooh. I cried this morning when my mom asked me if I wanted to talk. Then I cried when I thought about how our kids reach in directly to our hearts and feel it up in ways you never thought possible.
Archer is such an amazing soul. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

Missy D. | 5:16 AM

You've got me crying at my desk at 8:00am!!! Wonderful photos... and that song is killer! The lyrics rip your heart out.. what a talent Ben Folds is! Thanks for sharing!

Missy D. | 5:16 AM
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Missy D. | 5:17 AM
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Jenn | 5:52 AM

Aw maaan, I started tearing up at the beginning because I KNEW what Ben Folds song was coming up.

PS. How profound is your kid? Yer so lucky. I know you know that.

Lisa | 6:04 AM

It's so hard to watch them grow up. Mine just read her first words Saturday. I was just sitting crying softly as she read. I think I just lost my baby.

Thank goodness she was too excited to notice me.

Ashley | 6:22 AM

You have wonderful children. Archer has captured all of our hearts through the early years. Don't look at them as "lost years" but stepping stones to the amazing litte guy he's become. Congrats on moving on up Archer! Have fun with the trains/mommy this summer!

roni | 6:55 AM

i love your blog. this post was just too much :) my son is going into 3rd grade. it doesn't get any easier for me with each "moving up" ceremony. AND he's been playing piano for the last year and a half. what song did he want to learn a couple of months ago? "Still Fighting It"!!! talk about sobbing as my husband and i heard this beautiful song being belted out by an 8 yo. still amazed by these little people. you Archer is so astute. i love his observations. enjoy!

Adventures In Babywearing | 7:04 AM

Oh man I wasn't planning on crying this morning. I love Ben Folds- I haven't seen him in eons but it was a great show. Love the pics.

Steph

Marie-Ève | 7:20 AM

Archer is so perceptive, it almost spooks me out when he says things like this (I mean, what 5 year-old says things like that? Wow. I always think about your grandma being sure he's the reincarnation of her husband or something). Great pictures, very bittersweet.

mel | 7:20 AM

He is a doll and those pictures are just priceless.

L.A. Stylist Mom | 8:32 AM

I balled when I walked Z through that pre-school gate for last time, and he asked the same Q: "Mommy, why are crying?" And I told him "Because you'll never be back here as a student again." It's a tough one - so tough thst I'm not even clicking on that Ben Folds link. BTW, I put R in that *exact* same double-neck guitar tee this very morning! x

Baby in Broad | 8:35 AM

Archer! Oh my God! I'm dying and I don't even know him (except through your blog, of course). What a truly amazing little man.

Birdie | 8:50 AM

holy shit. that video just slayed me. killed me dead. need to go pick my almost 3 year old boy up from daycare and squeeze him.

cora d | 8:53 AM

Now I want to cry because in your pictures I saw my little baby getting bigger and leaving pre-school, though she's only 9 mos. I keep saying to myself, adamantly, "I'm not ready for this!" (this being her getting older), as though by saying so, often enough, it will stop her growing.

Though, I don't actually want to stop her growing - watching her become a little person has been amazing.

This parenting gig, it's a tough one.

Polly | 9:24 AM

Awwwwww no! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes!

Oh and btw, I think I can almost see my apt in the pic with the stroller. How strrrange.

Mrs. Melberry | 9:26 AM

I LOVE this song. Archer seems to be wise way beyond his years.

Anonymous | 9:39 AM

Finally. You wrote about Archer.

All you ever talk about is Fable anymore.

memelaroo | 9:44 AM

The timing of this is ironic. I was up late last night freaking out about the fact I'm sending my first born to high school in a few weeks.

But JAYSUS! The video. I can't even deal with that right now. Sob friggin' central.

Love it though. <3

With a heavy hart, I wish I could tell you the growing up thing gets easier. But, I'm not gonna lie. :P

KAT | 9:49 AM

That is one smart little boy you have there! Love Ben Folds. Thanks for sharing the video.

Maria | 9:55 AM

Gosh Archer had a beautiful way with words! One day you should publish a book with nothing but his quotes as a kid. I'd buy it because it'd be amazing.

osodemadre | 10:22 AM

I love everything about your posts. This post made me tear up.

Amanda | 10:35 AM

It's kind of crazy that Archer at 5 years old makes more sense about life then most 30 year olds I've encountered. I want him to be my life coach. What an awesome boy you two made.

Bringing Up Ben | 11:31 AM

Great! Now I'm crying too!

I have been a wreck over Ben going into Pre-K. He told me that after Pre-K comes kindergarten and then college and I just lost it.

I miss my baby!

Thank you for always capturing exactly what's in my heart and head. Love you!

Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas | 12:36 PM

Ben rocks the free world (and a little communism, too). Congrats on the transition. I'm glad he's eager to move on and hope he continues to be excited about his new adventure.

Jennifer | 1:05 PM

Ah, man. Did you have to make me cry twice today? That video was gorgeous.

My Bottle's Up! | 1:12 PM

::SOB::

i'm touring a preschool with my magoo tomorrow and weeping while watching this.

Amy | 1:51 PM

This made me cry a little cause it does go so fast. My best friend's little boy just turned seven! WTF? My baby girl is turning two in September. Say what???

These photos are beautiful. I love Ben Folds too. Saw him live a few years back and was blown away.

seekingclarav | 2:11 PM

This totally made me emotional, then I got to the pic of the two of you reading W magazine and started laughing my ass off. Classic.

I'm about to have number 2(a boy!)and freaked the freaked out over the fact that my baby girl is almost 2.5. My god. But each day is more amazing than the last, so there's that.

Ashley | 4:15 PM

Thanks for posting one of Bed Folds's most beautiful songs. I've seen him live 3 times and it's been mindblowing every time.

Fifi | 5:15 PM

Thank you very much for the song, and the photos of you and your beautiful boy - my oldest son is nineteen, and for him growing up is one hell of a bumpy ride.
Today was a pretty terrible day for my son and me, and I think your post was just the perspective I needed.
Thanks again.

flyrish | 5:21 PM

We're all sharing in your sorrow! I didn't expect to get weepy, but yep, that video did it to me too. My guy is 19 mos and he's already growing way too fast for me.

Stunning photos! I especially like the one of Fable and Archer all piled on top of you. So sweet.

BookishPenguin | 5:50 PM

I'd be a wreck, too, if I had all of that happen in one week. The mini photo essay of Archer is so precious, though. What a great journey already in just these few years.

And, I'll add, you used my favorite word - discombobulated - which just today I discovered makes my 3 mth old son laugh. Gotta love that.

Emsxiety | 6:02 PM

It's an amazing flash back without the squiggly lines and funny noises.

Mrs. Q. | 7:40 PM

No, I will NOT! You cannot make me play that song! I can barely swallow thinking of my little guy starting kindergarten. He's only a few weeks older than Archer, so I've been riding the same scary tidal wave of emotions. Seeing his bald-headed baby photos makes it so much worse. The days are long, but the years are short...

fallgirly | 8:33 PM

I can only imagine what you are feeling. This post made me cry. I feel for you sister!!

Jessica | 9:07 PM

Darling pics ... love to see the progression. Great post.

jael | 9:25 PM

Ohmygod. I love him. So. So. Incredibly intelligent. Rebecca, well done on going from Wild to Child. Your family is precious.

Anonymous | 10:32 PM

Love the photos and song! I was curious about something---I was reading some of your old posts from waaay back when Archer was maybe still a toddler, where you wrote about sharing his life in public and how you were going to stop writing about him when he entered kindergarten. Have things changed, or are you still planning on doing that? I think you had written that it was family decision? Just wonderin'...d

spicylikeginger | 11:39 PM

I was just thinking about the same thing Anon 1032PM asked. Also - does Archer really think about re-incarnation? Fascinating.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 12:15 AM

Anon/SpicyGinger - Yes. Will post about that later in the month but when Archer starts kindergarten (it has always been my intention) to privatize his life, or at least most aspects in it. I will still be writing about my experiences as his mother but will very much be keeping his experiences, thoughts and ideas private.

And in a way, I think I'm sort of mourning that, too. I love sharing him with the world. I think he's fascinating and riveting and inspiring but I also believe he is his own story and I don't want him to ever feel like I told it for him...

I'm going to miss writing about him as I do (which I have tried to phase out in the last year, last few weeks there's been a surge of Archer posts but only because I'm swan-songing) and will miss having a sort of baby book of his every day and moment... But I know it's the right thing to do. I know my kid. I know how he hates all eyes on him and I hope he forgives me for putting him out there as I have done or at the very least, doesn't mind too much.

Again, will blog more about that at a later date... xo

Making it Lovely | 1:49 PM

Well thanks for making me cry. I'm exceptionally weepy these days, but still. I hadn't listened to that song lately, not since actually having a child of my own, and so yeah. That combined with your post? Tears.

Cynthia | 5:14 PM

You're killin' me with this video. My baby starts pre-k in a few weeks. She's 3 and 1/2 and being super tough. Me, on the other hand, I'm a mess.

team stephens | 7:04 PM

jsut read this post & totally cried. lOSVE the first pic of archer especially... the whole post makes me kick myself mentally, we're stuck in a teeeeeeerrible 3 1/2 year old stage with my daughter right now (deployed daddy + new baby sister + suddenly out of preschool + just being a precocious 3 year old = HELL for mama), and it made me take a deep breath & remember that before i know it she'll be 5 then 9 then 14 then 19... sigh.
& LOVE LOVE LOVE ben folds!!! havent been to a show since it was ben folds five... buuuut totally were some of the best shows ever.

jenwingard | 10:04 PM

My daughter is 4-1/2 and we are both struggling with her growing into a big girl. Lots of swings between independence and regression to being my baby. This post hit home in many profound ways in our house. My daughter asked several times while listening to the song, "why does it have to hurt to grow up?" Good question baby. Good question. Thanks for the great post!

Anonymous | 8:43 AM

LOVE the bottle of booze in the background of the photo with you holding Archer upside-down.

caramama | 10:16 AM

Wow. I remember when he was first going off to preschool. Time really does fly.

Heather | 12:41 PM

I remember a few of those photos from your blog way back when. My how he has grown.

I saw Ben Folds perform live with the Houston Symphony a couple of years ago. It was very cool.

BonJoey | 11:49 PM

Hey I just noticed your "Posted By Girls Gone Child" header at the beginning of every post actually says Girls Gone "cIIIld" not "child", three I's, or the roman numeral 3? Do mine eyes decieve me? Could this possibly be like a subliminal hint of some sort? ::wink wink:: Number three on the way? ;)

Anonymous | 3:48 PM

I sobbed like crazy while reading your post and watching the video with my daughter. I was just thinking about how this was going to be her last year at preschool and then she'll have to go to school everyday when she starts kindergarten. She then looked at me and said, "Mommy, everyone has to grow up"...more sobbing from me. :)