all things repaired were once broken

<span class=
Three years ago Hal bought me an engagement ring. The story may sound familiar if you were one of the twenty-six people besides my parents who bought my book - which ends with Hal on one knee in Archer's nursery, asking me to marry him two years after we already said "I do."

About a month before Hal and I bought me the ring I had called him from a SXSW to tell him I didn't love him anymore. That I was sure I was ready to end things - that I felt happier than I had in weeks, months, maybe even years. That we weren't meant to be together. Not as a married couple, anyway. That I was done trying to revive our dead relationship with blood transfusions. I was light-headed. We both were.

When I came back to Los Angeles via a "gather-my-thoughts-interlude" in San Diego with my parents, Hal and I spent a lot of time crying. Together. Apart. Together...

We shouted horrible things at each other before pushing hard in opposite directions. Bleeding all over the floor with uninsured wounds. Losing track of sleepless nights, we listed reasons why we should stay together then compared them to all of the reasons we should break up.

Finally, it all came down to our seemingly only common denominator. Archer. He was our overlap in the Venn diagram. He was our reason to wage war for peace.

"For Archer," we said to each other every time we fought. Doubted. Hated. Wanted to run away.

So we started seeing a marriage counselor - equally willing to do whatever it took to make each other happy again, because once upon a time, we were happy. We could swear to god we were.

We found the ring at a vintage jewelry store dot com. Hal was plagued by the fact that he never got a chance to propose to me...

"If your marriage is on the rocks, why ring shop?" people asked.

"I don't know."

Maybe it was because everything we'd done since meeting was backwards? It only made sense we would get engaged whilst contemplating divorce.

I knew it was the one immediately. A champagne diamond cut in half fused with black onyx: one stone made of two materials, darkness and light. The ring was a symbol of what our marriage had been and what it would always be should we choose to stay together: a balancing act of highs and lows, champagne and darkness - a reminder that no marriage is perfect least of all ours.
<span class=
I wrote in my book about the day the ring came in the mail. I wrote about how Hal got down on one knee in Archer's bedroom, asked me to STAY married to him...

What I didn't write about was that until that moment came I didn't know how I wanted to answer. I didn't know if I was going to say yes.

The next six-months were just as precarious as the two years that came before them. Every day was a struggle. Us screaming and Archer crying and me hitting my head against the wall like an addict withdrawing from her past. So many nights lost, us sleepless with back facing back, staring at two separate walls.

Meanwhile, the ring, our ring started shedding diamond chips.

One fell out within the first week of the ring's life on my finger. We replaced it and then several months another one was lost. Then another. Six months = three diamonds out. Three diamonds in. Three hundred bucks = him: "why must the damn thing break so easily." me: "that's just life?"

That was until the ring finally broke broke - its platinum setting cracked down the middle after my dogs pulled their leashes against it one day on a walk. The entire ring would have to be reformed, its setting soldered back together. It was a six-hundred dollar repair and we didn't have the money to get it fixed so I put it in a drawer and waited...

And waited.

And waited.

We waited through the end of Summer as we began to communicate with one another without yelling. We waited through the Fall as we resumed saying "I love you" before bed. We waited through Thanksgiving, asleep on each other's shoulders on the airplane back to Los Angeles. We waited through Christmas when we held hands under the table and New Years when we spent the eve wrapped up in old blankets, watching home videos of Archer as a newborn. One month later we were pregnant. And then Fable was born. And then and then and then and thenthenthen two years had come and gone and still the broken ring sat in its box in my top drawer.

...Until this past Mother's Day when Hal gave me a card with a "coupon" for one fixed post-marriage engagement ring.

A month ago, I went to have the ring repaired. It would only take a week, I was told, so seven days later I returned to the jeweler, ecstatic to finally wear the ring after more than two years.

Except.

Once again...

...A diamond was missing.

It must have fallen off en route from the jeweler's workshop. The man at the front desk was mortified.

"This has never happened before!" he said. "We'll replace the diamond free of charge. We're so very sorry."

I explained to the man that the ring had issues since the beginning - it was delicate and sensitive and prone to loose stones, repairs, patience, but it, this ring was a survivor. A SURVIVOR!

I came home empty-handed. It would take another week until the ring was repaired.

This time Hal and I weren't surprised.

"Eh, I figured."

"Yeah, me too."

The ring is back for now. It has its stones, its setting mended. And yet we suspect, as it so typically does, the ring will break again. One of the stones will fall out, need to be replaced, mended, its setting cracked a hundred more times during the course of our union.

I wear the ring every day. As a reminder, not only of our love and commitment to each other, but of our broken selves -- and all the times we wanted to leave each other but didn't, all the times we WILL want to leave each other but won't. The times we have before and will again threaten to divide - totally natural for two such incongruent forces, people, stones.

Marriage is as hard as love is easy -- a venture as romantic as an open wound, seamless as a patchwork quilt, fragrant as an alley after hours. And yet, here we sit, howevermanyyears later: side by side, stinky, bloody, inside out in love and every day working together to maintain that. Reminding ourselves that balance takes a lifetime to achieve. That we are a family by choice rather than blood ties and types, that sometimes the only way to find the vein is to make a fist...
<span class=
In order to fuse well we had to first acknowledge the sharp angles and lines that separated us. That will always separate us. For us it took time and much war, but eventually we found our peace by missing piece.

Everything good and important and worthy must break from time to time. Otherwise, it would never know its worth. Otherwise it would just effortlessly exist, like heaven and other man-made ideas that lure with the hands of invisible salesman.

Some things must break in order to be appreciated for their repair.

GGC

120 comments:

Amanda | 10:35 AM

Not to sound weird or stalker-y, but one of the things I love so much about your blog is that your life is very, very, almost scarily similar to mine. I can not tell you how kindred this post was. Especially since only three or four weeks ago I sat with my husband looking online at divorce options. Certain this was it, that I just couldn't be married to this person, too different from each other.

But somehow, despite many bombs thrown at each other out of spite or misunderstanding, we salvage the pieces. We have to. For him (our son).

And that is marriage. Imperfect and sometimes painful and testing. But worth it. So worth it.

Marie-Ève | 10:35 AM

Great post. I bought your book and I'm pretty sure there were more than 26 of us who did! I think the ring is very you. And always appreciate your honesty about your (happy-ended) struggles with your marriage; it never fails to make me reflect on mine.

Penelope | 10:48 AM

This is an incredible post. Absolutely incredible. Thank you for sharing it. I certainly needed to hear it.

JustLinda | 10:51 AM

What an amazing post.

I want to say more, but what more can be said? Well-written. Glad to have found you, given how much I love and appreciate well-written stuff.

Anonymous | 10:53 AM

Loved this post. I get very tired of hearing how cheeky and wonderful marriage is all of the time. It's nice to hear validation of the very difficult relationships that exist (sometimes) through a mixture of pure will and strange love.

RenderMeMama | 10:54 AM

If marriage was perfect, it would be terribly boring wouldn't it?

Constellation | 10:59 AM

You know...I really need to remind myself not to read your blog while I'm sitting at my desk at work. Because then I have to come up with something like, "Oh...I'm just teary because I am allergic...to...the bamboo plant on my filing cabinet...no, I'm...serious."

When in reality I'm welled up because you have this spiritual gift of 'telling it like it is.' Yeah...marriage? It's like that.

I can't wait to go home, so I can rush over to where my husband is, and hug him a little tighter today.

Danielle (elleinadspir) | 11:10 AM

It has been a while since I read a post that made me cry. This post has them streaming down my face. Thank you. It is beautiful. In a world where most love is spoken of in the hollywood sense, it is nice to hear about love and marraige in the real, true sense. And I am so hapy to see the ring that I read about in your book.

The Hojo Family | 11:14 AM

Ok, so this post totally made me cry! So amazing! What an awesome story and I just looove the meaning behind your ring! It is so what I needed to read today!!

Pati | 11:15 AM

Having been with my man for 23 years, two kids (and still not married)....I loved this post!If I can say anything it would be to remember we attract people in our lives that bring out the worst, and best. Being in a relationship is a mirror to what needs healed and addressed in your life...we can't change anyone, only ourselves and happiness is a daily choice.
I'm happy you guys have made it through, your ring is a perfect symbol. Loved this post.

Glenda | 11:17 AM

I bought your book too! and loved it! Love this post. I too was married first then got the engagement ring on our one year wedding anniversary. A surprise that came in the mail too :) Marriage is definitely lots of ups and downs but it's willing to stay together and making it work.

My fav quote on marriage: "A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time" ~Anne Taylor Fleming~

Thanks for sharing!

Diane | 11:17 AM

Great post, Rebecca. I love that you appreciate your life, your kids, and Hal, but that you admit the realness, the tough stuff, too. Our scars, our chipped edges, are what make us human.

And I bought, read and loved your book. Everyone should :)

Estelle | 11:18 AM

Your writing style and your honestly continue to leave me in total awe and also leave me inspired. THANK YOU a million times for sharing your world and your stories. And that ring is stunning.

Amy M | 11:24 AM

Hi Rebecca,

May I share my mantra with you? My oft-repeated, sometimes whispered, occasionally shouted, always apt, personal refrain:

"There's a crack in everything / That's how the light gets in."

(Leonard Cohen, Anthem)

LOVE

Rachel | 11:39 AM

wow. so beautiful! the ring...the journey. all of it!

Tanna | 11:40 AM

I 100% agree. Been there and worked through. I have yet to convince my husband to attending counseling with me, but I go and it helps all of our relationship. Congratulations on seeing that marriage is a choice and work and worth your whole self.

Thank you for being an example for our generation, marriage should not be disposable as so many other things are.

Alexis | 11:55 AM

I don't even think I have words for how amazing this post is. I haven't been married as of yet, but was way too close to all the things in my parents' marriage. To this day I am often surprised that they are still together, that they have made it work through all the crashes & explosions. "Marriage is as hard as love is easy," you put that so well.

Beautiful.

LC | 11:56 AM

Such an eloquent translation of the reality of most marriages. Thanks for baring and sharing. The ring is beautiful.

NotoriousMLE | 12:16 PM

Somebody told me once that the best couples are drawn together becasue they are wounded in a way that help each other. I really loved this post Bec. I feel like the point where you really truely hurt each other and still fight together is when you know you can make it. Choosing to be together every single day. Marriage.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian | 12:16 PM

I find it nearly impossible to keep from tearing up when I read most of your work.

What a beautiful explanation of what it takes to be apart of a real marriage.

agirl | 12:28 PM

Shit. This is beautiful. Thank you.

BookishPenguin | 1:06 PM

I love this post. Love love love it. What beautiful symbolism in that ring. I have to say, it really does seem like the only ring that truly fits your marriage as you describe it - and it's beautiful.

TKTC | 1:24 PM

"Sometimes the only way to find a vein is to make a fist." The whole post was beautiful but that one line is sticking with me. Glad you fought/fight for it.

wonderchris | 2:20 PM

WoW, tears twice reading this one.

The ring is perfect - broken and repaired perfection.

It is a reminder of my husband's struggle with brain cancer. He was broken and he was then repaired - perhaps a bit wobbly - but the appreciation that comes from love that has been broken is real and so very wonderful!

Brooke | 2:25 PM

Beautiful. The ring, but most especially your story with it. As always, I love the way your words speak to so many so easily.

leaner | 2:27 PM

Once again, in awe of your words. I love this post as I am sitting here, tears streaming down my cheeks because it totally spoke to me.
Thank you.

Sydney | 3:04 PM

I bought your book too! Read it from start to finish when I was supposed to be doing my dissertation - whoops! Couldn't remember how it ended though, so maybe a re-read is in order.

This post is wonderful Rebecca, you are a terrific writer and should be very proud.

Amy M, thanks for sharing that quote, it's beautiful!

Baby in Broad | 3:41 PM

This was a very...timely post for me. Last Friday was my 5th wedding anniversary, and I'm still not really sure how I feel about that.

I wasn't going to write about it, but now I think I should.

So thank you.

mama wants more | 3:47 PM

beautifully written.

Alex | 3:51 PM

This is a really great story and very similar to my story with my husband.

I really love it.

I have been doing a This Is Us series telling my story to my readers and I'd love to put a link back to this post.

sabrina | 4:41 PM

thank you again for sharing one of your many life experiences that I and maybe many other can relate too.

I also bought and LOVED your book. I just reread it the other day.

candace | 4:42 PM

Yup, after almost 11 years married, I can say that we go through the same things and the tough times do not get easier. Babies, work, school, life, it all gets in the way sometimes and yes, sometimes it would be so much easier to leave.

Elle Vee | 4:56 PM

What a beautifully-written post. And by the way, I bought your book. Well, actually, I asked for it and received it for Christmas last year. (And I don't think we're related!)

jessica | 5:06 PM

absolutely beautiful. thank you, i needed this today.

Karen | 5:39 PM

Such a very beautiful piece of writing, and it brings personal tears to my eyes.
My husband and I have been married for almost a year (our anniversary is in 3 weeks) -
and it has been a hell of a year with days and weeks of good mixed with the knock-down, drag-out, hurting one another fights, threats of divorce, clinging once to his icy windshield wipers at 1AM screaming at him that he was not leaving and I was not getting off of his car.
I keep hoping we will pull it together and look back someday at how very far we came.

Nancy | 6:04 PM

I love you.

P.S. On my shelf, your book is between Dooce and Patty Hearst. Make of it what you will...

Mar | 6:11 PM

I LOVE your writing style, this was a really great post

Dear Mason... | 6:46 PM

The most beautiful blog you have ever written... and Ive read them all. ;)

Missy | 7:10 PM

Thank you thank you thank you...this is exactly what I needed to hear today.

Little Red Dog Studios | 7:11 PM

I bought your book. Love it. Read it twice. Passed it on to my sister in law.

Ashley Parker, 2008 Class Reporter | 8:03 PM

God your such a beautiful writer. Don't ever stop writing.

Shilo | 8:22 PM

Fucking A! What an incredible story.
Also, that's the most stunningly beautiful ring I've ever seen.

mare | 8:24 PM

Truly one of the most beautiful expressions of love and faith ever written.

Anonymous | 8:32 PM

Just when I'm sure you are so beyond me in style and skill and life experiences, you write something that resonates to my core.
I think a characteristic of great writing is when one's writing connects people from different backgrounds through a common experience. The beauty of your blog is the diversity and connection of all of us to you and each other. Thank you. - Emily

Lynsey | 8:57 PM

Your honesty is is beautiful. Way too often, i think it's just us with these problems. That's not the case.

saradickens | 9:11 PM

Gorgeous post. The ring, too.

I have been putting off buying your book for MONTHS, and I came here tonight to find out how to order it. It's weird to me that the night I finally decide I cannot go another day without buying your book, your post would have made up my mind anyway.

Sarah | 9:11 PM

This is so honest and so beautiful, just like your book - which I couldn't put down. Thanks for reminding us that we're not alone when marriages get tough.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 9:24 PM

Totally didn't mean to guilt anyone into buying my book. I totally understand why you wouldn't and why many don't. Totally, totally infinity totally(s). I shouldn't have written that bit in the beginning. My apologies.

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm floored as always by your generosity and kindness.

Pam | 9:50 PM

Damn. You always hit me with some truth in the time of need. Thanks.

Meemo | 9:59 PM

This was beautiful. We all need to hear these words. Now I just want to go home and give my husband a big ole kiss. Thanks for constantly inspiring me with your words.

Kara | 10:58 PM

Absolutely beautiful post. Relationships are so complex. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs with us.

johnmayersquare | 3:17 AM

What a way you have with words...Thank you for all that you share with us- such a profound truth. You have a gift!

saradickens | 5:31 AM

No guilt/apologies needed. I laughed at that part. I've only waited so long to buy b/c I have a 3.5 y/o and a 15 m/o to keep track of. Once I get into a book, the rest of the world ceases to exist until I'm done with it.

I sent the link to this post to my husband. Marriage has never been written of more beautifully or with more honesty.

meredyth | 6:27 AM

Beautiful. This is a great description of a real marriage. I love that your ring is providing you a great metaphor to remind you of all the work you've put into the marriage.

Sleeping back to back. Been there. HATE it. I actually hate it worse than fighting, sometimes I make up just so we won't hate-sleep.

superblondgirl | 7:02 AM

Thanks for that reminder that I am not the only one with a marriage that is a beautiful, painful struggle - that no one has a perfect union, that people are hard to live with and that we all have to fight to keep our heads above water and keep struggling against all the currents. Earlier this year I made an awful mistake, a series of awful mistakes, that shook my marriage down to its foundations, and we have been rebuilding them for nearly eight months now. It's good to know that even if you haven't screwed up like I did, you and so many others feel like I do, like my husband does. We are all in the same boat, the same waterfall of somanyfeelingsallatonceOMG. Marriage is so hard, life is so hard, but in the end, god, how it is so worth it now, looking over all the efforts we have made and how far we have come. Despite the pain and crying and tears, it is the best thing ever.
Also I'm glad that I'm not the only one who smacks her head against things when she loses her shit. ;)

superblondgirl | 7:04 AM

OH! And I bought, read, loved, and passed on for someone else your book a long time ago, when it first came out - so def. more than 26 people (you should have seen the waiting list for that sucker when I posted it on paperbackswap!!) Be proud of what you wrote and know that people really are reading it.
XO

Megan Matthieson | 7:11 AM

god. that was beautiful. thank you so much for sharing.

Lauren | 7:28 AM

thank you :)

mel | 7:32 AM

thank you for this post. as I question the ups and downs of the relationship with the father of my children, this spoke to me.

mel | 7:32 AM

thank you for this post. as I question the ups and downs of the relationship with the father of my children, this spoke to me.

Liz | 7:33 AM

When I married my husband 6 years ago, I thought, “I will make the choice to love him every single day.” Now, after the birth of our daughter, an act that binds us together for life, our differences seem to be magnified. Your post comes at just the right time. I want to do whatever it takes to make that choice to love each other every day an easier one.

Kate O'Grady Jewelry | 8:01 AM

Love this post, your ring, and your book. I do believe certain rings/stones/jewelry have a special journey with us throughout our lifetime, particularly those special pieces that we choose to express certain aspects of our selves/life choices, like a wedding ring. And the journey of a special piece of jewelry can definitely include breaking and being repaired...changing, growing and continuing on with us, as we ourselves change, grown and continue on. Aspects of the essence remain, but take on newness with each repair. Beautiful.

mommymae | 9:14 AM

your honest moves me. good to hear a happy ending with the knowledge that things ebb & flow.

love the ring. i wondered what it looked like when you described it and it's more beautiful than i imagined.

brooke | 9:38 AM

For my husband and me, the decision to stay married was far more significant than the decision to get married. Because by then, we really knew what it meant, what we were in for, what we had to lose. And in honor of staying married, we re-set the diamond in my engagement ring. We weren't just engaged or married. The new ring commemorated a decision to stay married in spite of and because of everything we'd been through. Congratulations on staying married!

dana | 9:52 AM

ain't it true.

saraspunza | 10:29 AM

You are a brilliant writer. This made me cry. You have a way with words that cuts to the quick and leaves readers wanting more. Well done.

Anonymous | 12:26 PM

I am a blog-less reader but I definitely appreciate your open and honest and beautiful writings. So this post moved me to comment a simple "Thank You". For your inspiring dedication to the happiness of yourself and your family.

Mrs. Cline | 1:01 PM

Your recollection of your engagementpostmarriage in Archer's bedroom is my favorite part of your book. Favorite.

And this post, possibly one of my favorites also.

Sara B | 1:38 PM

Thanks for sharing this.

dietplaid | 1:41 PM

I really needed to read this post today. Just today my husband and I talked because I have just been freaking out at how different we are, how I keep getting furious over little things because of how different we are, but we're hanging in there. You rock.

Denise | 1:51 PM

This is the writing that I believe we all so love from you. Honest, deep and heartfelt.

Thank you for reminding that love - in or out of marriage - is a choice. A wonderful beautiful choice that we make every day!

flyrish | 1:59 PM

Beautifully written and so refreshingly honest. I love the ring and I love that you found a way to spin its repeated breaks into something of true value.

Anonymous | 4:15 PM

I love your blog. You are so blunt and real about your life. I bought your book and thought it was amazing. I'm sure there were more than 26 of us who did. :)

Hannah V. | 7:48 PM

Thanks so much for this blog post. My husband and I have had a few bumps, but I am determined to keep working at it.

Elisha | 5:47 AM

This post is greatness. Just beautiful.

Erma | 5:50 AM

Thank you for writing this.

I have nothing noteworthy to add as I think everyone else's comments express how I feel in one way or another.

It just makes me feel hopeful that even though I'm doing what some people call "backwards" in my relationship and child (I joke around and say I'm doing it the European way), we can still make it work. Maybe not the traditional way, but SOMEHOW. As long as we're both in it to win it.

Anyways, too much information for you.

In a nutshell: I feel you. I respect you more, the more you share about your life. :)

Anonymous | 6:17 AM

Thank you for being so brutally honest with the world. That is what I love about you and your family. Honesty. And that fact that you do not give up. How great is it for Archer and Fable to have two parents who not only love each other, it is a daily battle but you are willing to work on it, but also love their family's and do such a great job on rearing them. Bravo.

I have twin 4 year olds and as a parent I know I battle with things as a mother/wife. I try to keep my hubby first but that is so hard. B/c the kids take up so much time. But it is so worth it. For me, my husband, and my kids. God is so good to me and to you. We are blessed.

Thank you for sharing all of your love, life, and experiences with us!

R

Chelsea | 8:13 AM

wow, this is so touching. Thank you for this.

I remember when I wrote you on myspace when I was pregnant-after reading through half of your book in about a day, and crying and laughing almost at every page! And you were so kind and sweet to me. I loved reading about your love story and how you guys have fought to stay together. I think it's really beautiful.

Thanks for sharing. AND, your ring is gorgeous!

elena from greece | 9:06 AM

been there... thank you for this post...

Anonymous | 9:35 AM

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME post! I love the ring and what it symbolizes... your words hit home as usual.

Alliterative Love -- & Life Lessons | 9:39 AM

what's broken can be mended again...love the ring, love this story.

Anonymous | 10:56 AM

I've read your book! I loved it! And it was recommended by someone else who read it, so that makes 2.
Anyway, thanks for this post. Our 5-yr anniversary is coming up and even if I wanted to celebrate, what would we be celebrating? That we haven't gotten divorced...yet? Ha! This post was inspiring. Maybe I will go to bed tonight feeling like I actually like him. Because day to day since our girl was born 2 years ago, it's a toss up.

Anonymous | 11:49 AM

Any advice on a good vintage jewelry website? The ring may not have been perfect, but you may know something I don't about where to shop!

I love me some vintage jewelry...

Lisa | 11:56 AM

Love this post. It is SO true! Thank you for sharing your story. You have a gift for finding meaning in things and I love your honesty.

Stephanie | 1:57 PM

This was my favorite post you've ever written, hands down. So inspirng and worded perfectly. I could quote it in 100 different places. Honestly, amazing. And best of all, it's real. You rock!

Courtney | 4:55 PM

I have never commented on a blog post before. And I read a lot of blogs ... especially yours. But, I have never ever ever ever felt compelled to send a message of love and gratitude for the words I read. And, now, here I am. I'm a wife, a mother, an artist, and a conflicted soul who believes being conflicted is the way to being whole. I thank you sincerely for letting these words out.

Lindsey | 4:58 PM

Once again, your blog has taken something almost too hard to talk about and turned it into a ray of hope. My marriage is also broken. Broken beyond what I would think is repairable. I keep trying day by day. Many days I have no idea why I keep trying. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in a broken marriage.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 5:29 PM

Thank you all so much. You make me feel safe enough to share.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 5:29 PM

Thank you all so much. You make me feel safe enough to share.

agirlandaboy | 6:02 PM

And what a testament to your willingness to brave the breaks that you wear the ring every day, out in the world with all its dangers, instead of locking it away in a drawer, where no one will see, ostensibly to keep it "safe." But YOU know, of course, that the diamonds will never sparkle if they never see the light.

Rebecca | 6:10 PM

Beautiful and so very true. Thank you. I can't wait to share it with my husband.

Ida Mae | 7:45 PM

needed this!
thanks you!
ox

Caitlin | 9:11 PM

You are, without a dobt, the most talented blogger I read, likely one of the most talented writers I have had the pleasure of reading in my life. Thank you.

spicylikeginger | 10:42 PM

A thousand "thumb-ups" and "likes". This is so inspiring. I'm finally with a guy* that makes the "hard work, worth it". And I finally get what people mean when they say: "relationships take work". They do take work, and damn it, it's worth it! I'm so happy I finally understand that. I want to share this post with my man. I bet he'll just nod his head and look at me through the corner of his eye, as if say "yep". Hugs to you Rebecca!
* (ps - not your cousin.) (pps - I'm not bitter, and we are friendly w each other)
And I bought your book too. Are you serious that only "26" people bought it? No. I will try to post a link to it on Facebook, my friends will know that I liked your book. I have recommended your blog to my friends who have kids. I will buy your next book. Hands down. <3 Ginger

Hilary | 6:59 AM

I love this. I love this so much.

Robyn | 11:52 AM

"...sometimes the only way to find the vein is to make a fist..."

Holy shit best line ever. Genius!

Love the post, and the ring. Sometimes things have to fall apart so you can build them back up the way you want them.

Becky | 1:12 PM

Wonderful post. :)

My husband and I have only been married a little over a year. We were together 2+ years before that... a few months after getting married, we were about homeless for about 6 months, living in a unfinished spare storage room in his mother's house. We've definitely had some ups and downs.

Unfortunately, we want kids but can't afford any right now. We just got back on our feet and on our own in June.

This week, my wedding ring broke. :( I'm trying to figure out if I want to get that one fixed or buy a new one... I was never really fond of it anyway. Meh.

Elaine A. | 6:36 PM

Marriage is such a journey and it sounds like your ring has certainly been on one of it's own!

I really enjoyed reading about this (continued) journey. Thanks for sharing it with us...

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 12:53 AM

Thank YOU. All of you. Very much.

Cath | 6:37 AM

Oh, how timely! I wish I had visited your blog earlier this week!

Last monday, my boyfriend of 7 years said he didn't love me anymore and that he was moving out.

I cried and I screamed but managed to be coherent enough to make him understand that we had issues, but those could be dealed with if we only took a little break and that if we loved each other at 5 years old, then found each other again at 17, we were meant to be together at 36 or 75...

He moved out, but only to move in the guest room. We are roommates now. But he agreed to turn a goodbye into a maybe... And I firmly believe that after this breakup, we will come back together stronger than ever. It is a necessary step, I just have to do my best to push through it and become a better person. Your story gave me even more hope. Thank you.

OEsme4046 | 3:01 AM

Great post!! Loved it...

Ray | 1:22 PM

Thank you SO much for sharing with us your heart. For being so brutally honest, and for weaving beautiful words together; to create an amazing story.

That ring is BAD ASS and so is your story.

Continue on fighting for, "LOVE."

Robyn | 9:30 AM

I'm ( by way of introduction ) old enough to be your mother, but read your blog to remind myself that I was once ( and, inside, am STILL ) a Rock & Roll Mama. Married, off and on, for 37 years to a musician/computer geek. That's 37 years of tears and joys and 2 children, and much love and pain. And disappointment, when Rock & Roll dreams slowly turned to the realities of putting kids thru college, and my one income was no longer enough to squeak by. Life is funy, and difficult, and merging 2 lives doubles the difficulties, yet halves the pain. It's nice to be reminded that sometimes, others feel the same way about commitment.
Thanks
Robyn

Robyn | 9:30 AM

I'm ( by way of introduction ) old enough to be your mother, but read your blog to remind myself that I was once ( and, inside, am STILL ) a Rock & Roll Mama. Married, off and on, for 37 years to a musician/computer geek. That's 37 years of tears and joys and 2 children, and much love and pain. And disappointment, when Rock & Roll dreams slowly turned to the realities of putting kids thru college, and my one income was no longer enough to squeak by. Life is funy, and difficult, and merging 2 lives doubles the difficulties, yet halves the pain. It's nice to be reminded that sometimes, others feel the same way about commitment.
Thanks
Robyn

Robyn | 9:31 AM

I'm ( by way of introduction ) old enough to be your mother, but read your blog to remind myself that I was once ( and, inside, am STILL ) a Rock & Roll Mama. Married, off and on, for 37 years to a musician/computer geek. That's 37 years of tears and joys and 2 children, and much love and pain. And disappointment, when Rock & Roll dreams slowly turned to the realities of putting kids thru college, and my one income was no longer enough to squeak by. Life is funy, and difficult, and merging 2 lives doubles the difficulties, yet halves the pain. It's nice to be reminded that sometimes, others feel the same way about commitment.
Thanks
Robyn

Jen | 9:55 AM

I love how honest your blog is. So fucking honest. It's a pleasure to read insightful, soulful writing, about how life is, not how we wish our lives would/could be. It's so pathetic when I read other blogs and all they post is 'rainbows and unicorns'. While there ARE some moments in our lives that are like that, reality dictates otherwise. Keep the reality comin'!

Anonymous | 12:56 PM

Hi Becca,

Great article!!!!!

You are so insightful for your young age and an Amazing writer!

You help the world!
Much much love your adoring Aunt Fran xxoo

cora d | 3:40 PM

Thank you. Your marriage parallels mine, so I am grateful that you share your thoughts and experiences.

In a post about Fable once you mentioned she was your and Hal's reward for making it through the tough times. I love that and felt it described our daughter perfectly - our reward, our jackpot, for toughing it out, trusting the love and each other.

Anonymous | 7:38 PM

Well, well said, Rebecca.

Anonymous | 5:40 PM

There are some of us who understand that the very act of fighting for something (anything) is what makes being human so tragically perfect. You are one of those people. I typed 130pm into my google search and your blog popped up, whether due to some cosmic alignment or perfect coincidence. Thank you for being such an amazing writer and sharing that talent with us.

Monika | 1:57 PM

I just discovered your blog, and I need to tell you how beautiful this post is. Your writing is incredible and your message is refreshing. As someone with a relationship that has undergone a "this cannot be mended" period, you give me faith for the future. Thanks for putting it all in perspective.

tara | 3:14 PM

First time reader. I saw your headline 'life story' and who could resist? Wow, what a fantastic read. Thank you for sharing that. It is very timely for me.
And the ring is so unique, very beautiful.

Anonymous | 8:37 PM

Great post. I think you would like NieNie's blog.

Anonymous | 10:37 AM

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was on my way today to the lawyers office to finalize our divorce but after reading your post it gave me hope and I shared your link with my husband. I only hope and pray he reads it and somehow gets it like I did. We have two babies to hold one for (age 2 & 6) and it hasn't been easy. Yesterday, I thought was our breaking point. Today reading this made me think twice. Pray for us.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 10:40 AM

Just read your comment. Wish you would have included your email address but I'll respond here, instead.

I wish the best for you. Whatever that means. Sometimes marriages don't work out and it isn't your fault. My hope for you is that you can find happiness, either together or apart. Marriage is so difficult but if you can push through the dark parts, there is a potential for an amazing light. It was that way for us.

Sending you love and strength and more love.

Beverly | 6:13 AM

Wow. What a great story, and so beautifully written. I got goosebumps more than once while reading it.

Wendy Turner | 3:31 PM

What a beautiful ring and an amazing story. Thank you for sharing!

Now I can't wait to read you book - I ordered it online last week. :-)

Anonymous | 5:49 PM

Thank you for sharing this. Your experience gives me hope for my own insane complicated relationship.

Rebecca | 5:23 PM

I am not one of the 26 people besides your parents who bought your book. But I did check it out from the library and loved it. LOVED it. :)

I loved this story, too.

vickichristine | 2:00 PM

i know you wrote this so long ago but i just read it and cried at work. so beautiful and honest.