Sleep Training... Myself

Zadie does her best impression of early-morning-me.

I'm not a morning person. Totally embarrassed to admit this but I typically don't get out of bed until 8:00 am 8:30 most mornings. Sometimes as late as 9:00 9:30. AM. (And I say "AM" because there's been some confusion in the past.) Ths MUST change because Archer starts kindergarten on Monday when I will be leaving the house no later than 7:45 7:30 sharp to take him to school.

That, my friends is some scary shit.

In my defense, the reason I'm such an awful morning person is because I'm an awesome night person (Hey now!). The earliest I'm able to get to bed is 12:30. Er, the earliest I USED TO BE ABLE to go to bed was 12:30. I've spent the last week "sleep training" myself to get into bed at 11:00 with an 11:30 eyes-closed-head-on-pillow policy. Alarm set for 7:00am.

Yes, drill sarge! Er... not so fast.

So far I have failed. Every. Single. Night. And every. Single. Morning. I'm. Just. Going. To type. Like this. From now. On. No, I'm not. Just. Kidding. I will say though, although it's true I have failed, I have at least been up earlier than usual. And in bed by midnight. Which is, you know, progress. And yet, still problematic.

Lately, and maybe it's because I'm trying to sleep train myself, I've become obsessed with other people's sleep habits. I stalk twitter after midnight to see who else is awake. I probe every friend, even stranger I meet at the park re: their bedtimes.

"Hi! Cute kid! Love your stroller and also, when do you usually go to sleep?"

"No, we're not using that swing. Go ahead! And by the way, what time did you wake up this morning?"

"Where is your son going to kindergarten and also how many hours of sleep do you need in order to function as a healthy human being?"

"Your child just stole my kid's shovel! How do you sleep at night?!! No, seriously. How do you literally sleep at night? I'm genuinely curious."

Sleep is one of those things, kind of like pooping, that, even though we all do it, is relatively personal and seldom discussed. Also, much like poop, I think it's fascinating! Two Girls, One Sleeping Pill = THE Internet sensation of the future! And yet, most people, I find, are ashamed, even embarrassed of their sleep habits. Myself included...