TOTW: Does This Baby Make me Look Straight? By Dan Bucatinsky

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I first met Dan two years ago at AFTERBIRTH, a reading of parental stories by local writers, mainly well-established screenwriters and comics. Nothing says oh.holy.shit. like climbing onto the stage to read a personal essay among some of the funniest writers in all the land. And then you're on stage with your little piece of paper and "is this thing on?" microphone and there's Matthew Weiner in the audience and OH KILL ME NOW. But not. Because everyone turned out to be really cool, especially Dan who was completely personable and not at all intimidating, gracious and normal and hilarious and (duh) I fell instantly in love. The piece he read that night is now a chapter in his new book, Does This Baby Make me Look Straight: Confessions of a Gay Dad and it's as hilarious as the rest of his memoir, which I happened to read in two sittings, laughing all the while. (It's so good. SOOOO good.)


***

GGC: Dan. You're an actor, writer, producer, performer, essayist, and now author of this fine little number. What compelled you to write this book and who did you write it for?

DAN: I was performing essays about my experience as a dad -- about how my life has changed since becoming a parent - as part of a show called AFTERBIRTH: stories you won't read in a parenting magazine and I found that after a few years, I had really come to love being so honest and no-holds-barred about my writing... it felt liberating. Like I'd been wearing emotional spanx and I finally whipped them off. So I wanted to write more -- And also... there was nothing else out there about the experience of being a dad who happens to be in a same-sex relationship and I wanted to write something that Don and I would have loved had it been out there when we became parents. 

GGC: How has fatherhood changed you? And in what ways are you still the same crazy Dan?

DAN: Well. I think I will always be the same "crazy Dan"... in that I'm a multi-tasker... I like to be active... always moving... trying different things. Keeping BUSY. But when I became a dad -- there suddenly became this enormous FOCUS to my life... I won't say it mellowed me -- because anyone who knows me will bombard you with emails. I'm not mellow. But my heart got so full -- and my sense of priorities shifted -- that suddenly I felt like there was this giant laser pointer inside me that was directed -- and driven -- towards these tiny creatures. It's nice to think about something other than myself... and kids have done that for me. And forced me to appreciate the genius of the WET WIPE!!!
DAN BUCA
GGC: Why was it important for you and your partner (of twenty years) to get married?

DAN: Don and I don't need a piece of paper to prove we are committed to one another. We wake up every day as we have for the past twenty years and continue to make that unspoken DECISION to be together -- and that is the very definition of commitment. But once kids were in the picture -- it felt like we created something larger than ourselves -- a FAMILY... and it suddenly felt important both legally and symbolically for us to show our kids and the world -- that we were a family just like everyone else. The kids go to school with other kids whose parents are married. There is already plenty of difference in our family from the others -- this was one way to mark an example of how we're the same. Two parents. Who love each other. And are committed to one another. And who have committed ourselves to loving and caring for these kids forever. That seemed like it deserved an official MARRIAGE. 

GGC: Your chapters about your children's birth mother are some of my favorites. I assume your kids' birth mother (Monica) has read your book? How did she react?

DAN: To be honest, I don't know if she's read it. So far, I haven't heard anything. But I certainly wanted her to know how much we valued her -- and how much gratitude we feel for the sacrifice she made. 

GGC: There are two (very handsome) Ken dolls on the cover of your book. Which one is you?

DAN: The one holding the kid, duh. One of them is clearly doing all the work.
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GGC: Your memoir is about being a "gay dad" but it's also about the universal parenting experience. Regardless of sexual orientation, family is family, love is love, poop emergencies in Pier One are poop emergencies in Pier One. Clearly, that's the big joke, right? That there's nothing conventional about any family? LOL?

DAN: Yes. Very well put. I didn't SET OUT to try and prove some point. But I think in the specifics -- lies the universal. In other words ... we realize by hearing the very small, specific and detailed story of one parent's diaper nightmare or sleep-training struggle... that all of us parents have something in common. At the end of the day -- it takes MEETING another dad -- to realize how much common ground we share. I like to joke... the diapers smell the same, but we gays may just look a little better while we're changing them. You know? (Fewer pleated shorts with leather braided belts.)

GGC: What do your kids think about your book? Your husband?

DAN: Don was a little apprehensive... naturally. But when he was reading an early draft, he left a post it on top of it after he left it on my office chair and it just said "love". I've kept that post-it. The kids love the cover. And like seeing it in bookstores. I told them it was about how we came to be a family and how much I love them. But I'm not sure I'm going to get a real READ on how they feel till they're a little older. Hopefully I won't need to get a restraining order.

GGC: What's next for you? What are you working on?

DAN: I, along with my business partner Lisa Kudrow and my husband Don, created a show called WEB THERAPY in which I also get to act with Lisa... our second season premieres on Showtime on July 2nd. And I'm also an actor on the Shonda Rhimes series SCANDAL, playing the husband of the chief of staff. I've also just joined the writing staff, as a consulting producer, on the 9th season of GREY'S ANATOMY. So I'm definitely busy. But I love it.
BuckaroosPhotoBooth2011
Dan with his husband Don and their kids, Eliza (6) & Jonah (4)
***
Dan's giving away three copies of his new book as well as some Does The Baby wet wipes because  dude is borderline obsessed with wipes for some reason. To win? Leave a comment below and I'll let random.org work its magic. 

For more on Dan and Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight check out the book's website, here. Friend Dan on facebook here. Follow him on twitter here. Order his book here. Turn on your television and see his face on every channel.  Good luck and much thanks to Dan for for his wit and wisdom. (And wipes.) 


Good luck and happy weekend, all!


UPDATED: Congratulations to random.org chosen winners #17 Michele, #74 PKJ and #90, Megan! And thanks to all for participating! More fun giveaways coming soon!


GGC

164 comments:

Ashley, The Accidental Olympian | 2:55 PM

Crossing my fingers for the book! Ok, the wipes will work too. But oh dear, the book!

Tracy | 2:56 PM

Would love to read this book. Poop! Wipes! Yay!

Sarie | 2:59 PM

I just finished reading a book and need something else to read. Going to find this one.

srk32104@ gmail.com

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 2:59 PM

@Ashley The wipes actually come WITH the book. So you can read and wipe butts at the same time.

Naturally, right?

Unknown | 3:00 PM

I would love to read this book!

katie | 3:08 PM

Ooooh, I would love to win this book!

Jen | 3:20 PM

Sounds like a great read! I'd love to win!

jenniferhuff at gmail dot com

Colleen | 3:20 PM

I've been wanting to read this book!

robin | 3:29 PM

I completely understand his obsession with wipes-I have the luxury of having a child who seems to be magnetically drawn to poop for some reason. I mean, seriously, she is like the moon and poop is the ocean. Or something. The book sounds great, too :)
rsbrag@msn.com

Sarah | 3:32 PM

This book sounds awesome! Thanks for the chance to win it. :-)

MissRed | 3:42 PM

I would love to read this! He sounds awesome :-) .

Anna "Niusiya" Niusity | 3:43 PM

Such a nice interview! I'd love to read his book!

Michelle | 3:46 PM

Sounds like a great book!

Meredith T | 3:48 PM

Hilarious!

Penny | 4:30 PM

Oh dear Lord this book looks funny!

Laura | 5:19 PM

I would love to read this but I have *no* book budget this year ... pick me pick me pick me!

Michele | 5:23 PM

Sounds like a great read!

Kristin | 5:24 PM

I need a good summer read!

Jessica | 5:35 PM

Looks like a fun read!

Monica | 5:35 PM

I would love to read this book. If I don't win it I will buy it!

Elizabeth | 5:46 PM

Universe please let this lesbian mom bookphile win!!! Especially since I got a speeding to key today and no longer have any discretionary $ :(

Katie | 5:48 PM

looks like a fun read!

caryn | 6:10 PM

I'm all about families -- in whatever forms works! I'd love to read this book -- sounds like something the social worker AND mom in my would really enjoy!

Sarah | 6:22 PM

Haven't I seen Dan on Grey's Anatomy??? I'm a new mom (watching a fair amount of Grey's on instant netflix) and would love to read this book! :-)

Pepper Blossom | 6:33 PM

would love a chance to read that book!

smalltown20something | 6:43 PM

This book sounds great!

smalltown20soemthing[at]gmail[dot]com

Joël | 7:14 PM

I have been a fan of Dan Bucatinsky since he wrote and starred in "All Over the Guy" and helped me with my comfort level with myself being gay as well. I've looked up to him ever since and he's my role model. I too am creating my website/blog to tell my story as a Latin gay stay at home dad, my process to becoming a family and the adversity I faced. Also there want any resources out there for gay dads so I want to create that. I hope to learn and read his stories in his book. I've met him twice this year by chance and it was great. :-)

chrisv | 7:15 PM

Looks like a fabulous read.

Thanks!

CaressaRenae | 7:17 PM

Sounds great!

Heidi | 7:31 PM

Can't wait to read this book!

heidi dot pardo at gmail dot com

Andrea | 7:40 PM

I would love to read this book! Sounds great!

motorcitymarkham@yahoo.com

Kristie | 7:42 PM

Sounds like that book is right up my alley! Love your blog!

Sara | 7:43 PM

This book sounds awesome :)

Tara Vuono | 7:55 PM

The book looks great! And awesome interview!

Kerry | 8:18 PM

Sounds like a fun read!

Heather Bauer | 8:23 PM

Can't wait to read it!

Ashley chavez | 8:34 PM

So awesome!! Ashcatchem88@gmail.com

Kate | 8:35 PM

Wet wipes are pretty awesome...good luck to me!

Leah | 8:36 PM

this looks so good! i'd love to win a copy :)

Anonymous | 8:56 PM

I adore this guy... He sounds so funny. And wow what a #~<€% $ resume.! How dare he be so awesome.

Would enjoy a free copy of his words but I'd love to buy it even more... So let's see what happens. Eh?

mcleod01@hotmail.com

Kere Win | 9:03 PM

Sounds like a great read. Looking forward to it!

Margo | 9:05 PM

This sounds wonderful! With a newborn and a toddler, I'm not sure I'll have time to read the book RIGHT NOW, but I'd love to- I miss reading!

Franziska | 9:12 PM

That sounds like a great read ... would love to win a copy!

megan | 9:19 PM

Would love to read this!

Christa | 9:49 PM

This looks amazing! Can't wait to read it.

gin | 9:51 PM

It's meant to be! I attempted to buy this book earlier this week and I didn't have enough money in my account. Stupid student loans...

Libby | 10:25 PM

Would Love to read this :)

E | 10:28 PM

I NEED TO READ THIS!
This sounds hilarious!

Christine Troskie | 10:30 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous | 10:31 PM

Sounds like an awesome summer read!

Amalia | 10:46 PM

I want to read this!

Kinsey | 10:46 PM

Oh, how I would loooooove to get my hands and eyeballs on a copy of this! Sounds like my kind of humor. =D

Meg | 10:47 PM

That book sounds AWESOME.
We are years away from adding human children to our queer family (one hyper one-year old dog is plenty while we're in school, thankyouverymuch, since she chews walls) but I am reading as much as I can about others who have done what we will do.
Also, that means I'd give the wipes to any of the several friends I have with babies right now!

Rachel | 10:55 PM

Love is love is love... It saddens me that something that should be obvious to all is still an issue in our society. There are lots of ways to make a family, but as long as there is love (and wet wipes) all is good :)

Hope I get to read this book, it looks great!

rachel@conky.org

wndl | 11:32 PM

yes, i need to read this book. he's hilarious on Scandal.

scheung1122 | 11:36 PM

Sounds like a great read, can't wait to see the next season of scandal n new storylines on greys!!!

McDreamy | 12:40 AM

I totally love what this guy is doing! The book sounds like a master piece to me! I mean, the cover, the name, everything! I've never heard of him before, but I think that if I'm able to win this book, I'll become one of his greatest fans!

Jolca | 2:19 AM

The books sounds great, would love to win it.

beyondconfessions | 3:12 AM

Sooo keen to read the book, sounds great!

TaraMW | 3:25 AM

Would love this--thanks for the opportunity!

Nicole | 4:33 AM

This sounds awesome! Thanks for the great interview!

Mary | 5:23 AM

There's often nothing more entertaining than a gay man's take on things. I'd love a copy of this book!

Kelley @ peekawhoo | 5:30 AM

Great interview!!!
And wet wipes work magic, indeed.

Krystal Schmidt | 5:37 AM

Awesome interview!!! This book sounds hilarious, can't wait to read it :)

AmandaC | 5:42 AM

I'd love to read this book! And free is always nice. ;p

L | 5:53 AM

Sounds like a great summer read! I got all of two paragraphs into your story before downloading the sample to my kindle.

Anonymous | 5:54 AM

i would love to win, but even if i don't i'm totally buying this shiz. amy.putman@gmail.com

Brandee | 5:55 AM

Yes, just heard about this book. Can't wait to read it and gift a couple copies!

Jen D | 6:00 AM

Wish-listed the book, just in case I don't win.

totalxindecision at gmail dot com

Elizabeth Barone | 6:03 AM

The fact that he's a part of ShondaLand alone would make me read this, but I actually have a novel in its second draft with two moms as one of the themes, and not only does Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? sound like a great read, but I also think it'd help me flesh out the two mom characters a bit more. It's been hard writing them because there just isn't anything out there like this... except now there is! Whether I win or not, I'll still be picking it up.

liz@elizabethbarone.net

Unknown | 7:14 AM

Very excited to read this whether I win or not!!

Rochelle | 7:37 AM

I love wipes, too! They're miracle workers.

Maggie | 7:46 AM

this looks like a good read!

PKJ | 7:55 AM

Oh wow, that looks like a great read.

Megs | 8:01 AM

I love wipes....have them everywhere! I ask for them as supplie sin my classroom! LOL Look forward to reading the book:)

Wanda Lynn | 8:19 AM

I would love to read this! Every where I go I have been hearing nothing but good things, my interest is piqued!

Isaac Van Geest | 8:22 AM

I want to be a dad so bad! I would love to win this book

Just | 8:30 AM

Sounds like a great book...I need some laughter in my life!

Candace | 8:32 AM

My gay sister and her wife raised a daughter who just graduate high school, I bet she would love this too. And she is a comedian!

Jen | 8:42 AM

I need an excuse to find time to read! And I love a good, funny memoir-- cool (but not surprising) that you made such a cool friend!

Sam Aida | 8:55 AM

Sounds like a great book, I'd love to read it!
samantha.aida@gmail.com

S | 9:59 AM

Free copy of the book or not, it sounds amazingly funny. I'll be adding that to my book wishlist!

Leslie | 10:34 AM

Sounds like a great read, great guy, great family situation. Would love to win!

Megan | 10:48 AM

Would love to win, but will probably buy it if I don't. Wait...will that disqualify me? :)

Ana | 11:18 AM

Haha. "The one holding the kid, duh. One of them is clearly doing all the work" Love that. :)

Kristen @ frostingandfroth.com | 11:21 AM

Awesome. Would love a copy!

Design Thoughts | 11:56 AM

Cant wait to read this book!! Thanks for sharing!

Not So French Girl | 12:29 PM

Sounds fantastic!

mandaA | 2:30 PM

Would love a copy - thanks for the giveaway!
Amanda

Amy | 2:37 PM

I would always love a new book to read!

Brooke | 2:48 PM

Would love to read this!

Kate @ zMOMbie.com | 4:31 PM

Sweet, and I was just looking for my next book to read. This sounds like a great one. Go Dan! :)

Kristy G. | 4:50 PM

What a wonderfully appropriate blog post! I'm on the way to being gestational surrogate for two dads. I'll be sure to share this with them too :)

beyond | 5:02 PM

fingers crossed!

Jessica | 5:37 PM

Sounds like a great read. Thanks for a chance to win!

Lisa | 7:39 PM

This book sounds great - I'd love a copy!

casazzacombs@yahoo.com

Diana | 9:45 PM

Can't wait to read his book!
Daisychick96@hotmail.com

Blaine Family | 4:26 AM

if I don't win it, I'll probably just buy it. thanks for sharing.

Martha | 5:01 AM

Sounds like a great book!

A. | 6:17 AM

Sounds like a great read!!

stacyquarles | 7:03 AM

Great article! I would LOVE a copy!

Knit and Purl Mama | 8:14 AM

I'd love to win a copy of this book! It looks good! Thbaks for the opportunity!

Kelly O'Keefe | 8:49 AM

Great post! Thanks for the contest, too.

Amy E. | 9:20 AM

Ooh, even if I don't win this, I'm going to have to read this book. It caught my eye in the local bookstore last week anyway and now I'm really going to have to check it out!

Bunny | 10:41 AM

Would love to win this book.

Anonymous | 11:35 AM

great interview! i would love to win the book. christa

kristin | 1:58 PM

sounds like a great read - can't wait to check it out.

vlothrop@suffolk.edu | 4:16 PM

Me please me please! : )

Tanya | 8:12 PM

I would love to get this book!

K | 9:33 PM

Me, Me!! I have a son named Jonah too!

Sarah | 12:25 AM

Book sounds like fun. And my 2-year-old could certainly use the wipes!

sara | 5:56 AM

i'd definitely enjoy reading this book!

Rebecca | 5:58 AM

I would love to win this book!

Jules | 6:06 AM

Great interview! Im going to check this book out if I dont win!

Erin | 7:21 AM

This is so my type of book! Even if I don't win I'm adding it to my summer must read list.

Allen | 7:46 AM

pick me!

GaelaS | 7:54 AM

This book sounds awesome, no kids of my own, but I fully appreciate and enjoy learning about the struggles and triumphs of my friends and others.

GaelaS | 7:55 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Call me Kate | 7:56 AM

Does this baby make me look scared shitless? And if so, why is a second one growing in my womb?

Barnicles | 8:25 AM

I actually just gave in and brought this straight away. sounds amazing and something interesting and funny, aside from all the single-mindedness i find myself around day to day.

Thank you x

MySleep-DeprivedLife | 8:25 AM

i want to read this!!

Leslie | 8:31 AM

This sounds hilarious! Thank you for the opportunity to win one! :)

Rockabyebye | 9:00 AM

If i don't win it, I'll buy it! Thanks, GGC!

littleelle.com | 9:08 AM

i'd love to win this book!

Priscilla Edwards | 9:11 AM

Oh how I need a good laugh!

Kate the Great | 9:14 AM

Wet wiped deserve to be obsessed upon. I want the book and the wipes.

Steph(anie) | 10:05 AM

I'm with Dan, you can't live without wipes :)

I remember him from Under the Tuscan Sun!!!

Jaesi | 10:21 AM

Dan sounds like a great guy! Interesting read, I'll definitely check it out.

Mary | 11:01 AM

Looks hilarious!

Denny | 11:21 AM

Fingers Crossed! If not, I'll be buying it this weekend - can't wait to read it!

Anonymous | 11:27 AM

I'd love a copy!

Lindsay | 11:40 AM

Would love to read this book
milivanila@gmail.com

dani | 11:40 AM

Book looks awesome! Fingers crossed :)

KP | 11:43 AM

That sounds amazing. Can't wait to read it! What a beautiful family. :)

indubitably DOT kate AT gmail DOT com

Berit | 12:12 PM

Book sounds awesome. And with a toddler and an infant, I could ALWAYS use wipes...

Anne | 12:15 PM

Love.

AMS | 12:30 PM

Love Web Therapy--and Dan on it!! Can't wait to read the book ...

Maggie | 12:46 PM

Looking for a good summer read... hopefully this is is!

Stephanie and Matt | 12:55 PM

The book looks great; would love to read it!

Anonymous | 1:31 PM

Went ahead and bought it.... Can't put it down! Thanks for the recommendation :)

Carra Nicholes | 1:46 PM

Oh...I didn't think I could love you any more than I already do, Rebecca. Thanks for proving me wrong. I can't wait to check out this book.

Anonymous | 3:12 PM

Pick me! Pick me! Interesting to note that the author of the book also writes and acts on Web Therapy (which I LOVE!). I learned a new fun fact today. Look at that!
Megan
asuangel17 at yahoo dot come

Kara | 3:14 PM

Would love to read the book!
kduck913@yahoo.com

RACHEL | 3:16 PM

I would love to read this book by the pool this Summer. :)

Casey | 3:35 PM

need this... and wipes... these twin boys bums don't clean themselves!

Sophie | 3:56 PM

What a fun book, I would love to read it!

Chelsea | 8:26 PM

This book looks really funny! I'd love to win it!!!!

;)

Ginger | 12:58 AM

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Katy | 5:32 AM

This looks amazing!

bluebent@hotmail.com | 5:50 AM

Looks like a great read!
Christina

Chrissy | 5:58 AM

"Emotional Spanx" had me rolling! Can't wait to read it.

FSURia | 7:13 AM

Adorable! Would love to read it!

Sarah | 9:58 AM

Awesome. "There is already plenty of difference in our family from the others -- this was one way to mark an example of how we're the same." Exactly why my partner + I are getting married in a few weeks... so important to show my daughter that we are a family just like everyone else!

Emily | 5:04 PM

I too would love to win this book.

Lindsey | 7:41 AM

Would love to read this!

Jesse | 3:12 PM

the book looks awesome! funny reads are a must for young moms

CallieAnnie | 11:00 AM

Wipes and a book! Two of my favorite things. I'd be a surrogate so gladly if my husband was onboard with that. So many great single and same-gender parent families around. Thanks for the chance to win.

Sue | 10:47 AM

I hope it's not too late to enter! I would love to win a copy of Dan's book - and wipes!

Madeline Wilson | 3:18 PM

I want to read it!

Bridgitt | 7:04 PM

It's probably too late, but I need to read this book!

cora d | 9:25 PM

Thank you! It's painfully obvious I'm a mom because I'd like either the books or the wipes. Coradavidson at gmail dot com

Girl Knits | 2:12 PM

Did you pick the winner(s) yet? If not, is it too late to enter?

Rachel_K | 8:57 AM

I am checking to see if I can borrow this from the library!

Sara | 1:58 PM

Sounds like a fun read & one I'd like to share with my friends in 2 daddy families :) Pick me Bex!