Liner Notes 6/11

I spent most of the weekend separating my closet into "yes" "no" and "maybe" piles, which was a total waste of time because everything just ended up in "maybe". Because how could I possibly part with the hideous red and blue/totally stretched out skirt I wore the first time Hal and I went out together? How could I say goodbye to all those memories? THE MEMORIES!

But after many hours of deliberation re: the eyelet skirt and whether or not it would come back in style someday, something wild and foreign came over me. His name was Reality C. Heck and he was SMOOTH. He was smooth and fast-talking and he reminded me that our "new house" has tiny closets. And that there are a grand total of four of them. And they're tiny. TINY. Circa 1928 tiny with vintage charm and zero practicality for modern day excess. (One of the reasons I fell in love with the house is that very few things have been updated. Closets (complete with old Hollywood built-ins) included.

But they're very small closets.

Hold on, did I mention the closets are small?

So, yeah. Peace out eyelet skirt circa 1999. Peace out. 
helping me pack
Of course, to make things REALLY stressful and fun, we aren't positive we will actually be moving into said house. We only know that July 1st we will be moving. I do not want to go into particulars at this time for obvious reasons and although it's looking pretty certain that Esteban is all but ours, we have yet to "close". And so. We are still... open? I don't know anymore. The situation is not ideal. Limbo is not as fun as the bending-over-backwards-beneath-a-pole game suggests. 
There have been many tears and lots of yelling and dozens of hours spent perusing rentals "just in case" and also because it makes us feel like we're doing something constructive. You know, like flirting with all the wrong guys instead of waiting for the right one.

If he is indeed right.

Everyone who has been through this before (thanks for the pep talk, Erik) has told me that in the end, it will all be worth it.

To stick it out. 

To rent the house until the sale closes if we must. 

To move forward (full steam ahead!) on blind faith if we must. 

AKA, keep packing.

And sorting.

And breathing.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the... oh look! A cute baby!
Hold on, another cute baby!
And what's that over there? A little girl hiding in her brother's old robot costume
The girls will be nine-months on Wednesday so they decided to spend the last week preparing for college.  Their army crawl is dunzo, replaced with an impressive and sturdy crawl that allows for upward stair climb. (Downward? Not so much. And both babies have the forehead bruises to prove it.) They're also standing. 
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Bo rocked it first and then Revi who not only stood up but started walking the perimeter of her crib which is adorable and also petrifying.
The girl is clearly on a mission and the following images do little justice to her current state of "I'm going to walk before I turn seventeen-months old, sorry mom." (Archer and Fable walked at seventeen months. Both of them.) Yesterday girlfriend pulled up on my shirt, let go and tried to stand on her own. And then fell. Because, yeah, sister... you're not QUITE ready yet. STOP THE MADNESS!
But she doesn't care. She doesn't even care. 
IMG_4969 "I don't care, mom. "I don't even care."
And while I'm boring you with milestone details, let's talk about food and how the girls are down to (sniff) three bottles a day ONLY. The rest of their meals are actual meals. Revi polished off an entire heirloom tomato yesterday, followed by an avocado (shared with Bo), a thing of blueberries, some noodles and approximately everything else that is edible in our fridge/cupboard including some leftover quinoa and a piece of raw corn. Even the mashed up stuff they are OVER. They want to feed themselves. So everything is a complete and utter mess. Two babies eating tomatos, followed by avocados followed by blueberries and quinoanoodlebroccolicheeries? Who wants to come over for dinner!
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Between Baby Food-Fightville and the entire contents of all (six) of our closets on the floor, our house party is really going off these days. 

Which brings me back to packing. And the "maybe" pile that sits behind me, taunting me with memories.

Of the time my old roommate crashed my ex-boyfriend's car. I was wearing the white eyelet skirt that evening. I forgot about that night.

Until now.

Which, THANK GOD! That night was TERRIBLE. I want to forget it always and never think of it again!

Kind of like the first time Hal and I got together and how he was a complete asshole and I hated him. I did! I hated him! I wore that ugly skirt and realized that Hal was NOT the man for me. No way.

So why must I insist on hanging onto these things? Why am I so indecisive about everything? Why are there three things in the "no" pile and dozens in the "maybe"? 

Because sure, this stuff is full of memories. Everything is. But that doesn't make it worth something, right? That doesn't make it a "yes". 

And sure, getting rid of stuff is sad. Putting a decade worth of maybes in the no pile is terribly sad but more than that it's terribly necessary.

So. Consider this my moment of silence .... for the eyelet skirt and its cohorts and all of the many things I don't need anymore: _____________________________________________________________________ 

In the end, there are only a handful of true "yeses" in our house. And they are the same yeses regardless of where we end up and what we end up with. 
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Supercute | 9:56 AM

For the closet dilemna, I would suggest seeing if you could make some sort of blanket/quilt out of the clothes you are hanging on to for nostalgia reasons. That way you have something tangible to remember with, but snuggling with a blanket of memories is way more fun than holding on to old clothes you'll never wear again. Another good option is to take pictures and keep them in their own special album (this is also good for knickknacks!).

laura @ hollywood housewife | 10:14 AM

I kept sentimental underwear from the eighth grade until I was twenty-five. I mean, I packed them and moved them to California with me. What in the world? I still think about that underwear sometimes. But I'm really glad I don't have to come across them on a random Tuesday while searching for the right sports bra.

Megan | 10:14 AM

I have heard of that a memory quilt. Some people make them with their babies' old onesies or tshirts, etc. I just did the same thing with my clothes and because even IFm should pads make a come back, I will NOT be wearing them. Into the No pile went the dress that I wore when my husband of 15yrs proposed to me. I was nostalgic for a minute until I remembered the shoulder pads....
Happy sorting!

Jessica | 10:42 AM

The babies are eating solid solids?! My Lina is 8 months and gaga and pukes on things as chunky as very mashed avocado. How did you do that?

Erin | 10:51 AM

My daughter often has trouble letting go of things. My solution is to take a picture of the thing and put it in an album. You could take pics of the maybes, and then toss them into the no pile, and still have those memories when you look through the pics.

Melanie | 11:39 AM

Yes, I am a fan of photos too, perhaps with a quick blurb about your favorite memories wearing each thing?

(also, Jessica, I think babies are just funny that way. My twins, who are almost 15 now, would only nurse, period, until they were 12 mos, no matter how hard I tried to feed them solids. My almost 12-year-old, however, wolfed down almost a whole plate of mediterranean orzo salad at 9 mos, complete with the kalamata olives and red peppers. I let him choose the "when", and he is by far my least picky eater. Dunno if those are related or not, but I guess I mean to say don't sweat it too much. :) )

Sarah @ Williamsburg Baby | 11:47 AM

I very much feel your pain. We have to move July 1st and had thought our close would happen around June 15th but there's always one more document and delay. We are approved but something could go awry with our dates which means stress, storage, yadda yadda. Oh, and did I mention that July 1 I will be 35 weeks pregnant!? Fun times.

Adrianne | 11:54 AM

Well with all of your extra time and desire to fill it (haHA), I think you should have an internet garage sale/auction with your "maybes". Then the buyers could post fun pictures wearing their "new to them" clothes! Ok, so that's probably a little bit more effort than it's worth, but it sounds fun! :)

I have a nine month old as well but she hasn't made any real attempts at feeding herself yet. Maybe she's lazy, because she's pretty content to just sit back as I shovel food in her mouth! Haha. Though I did let her go to town on some watermelon this weekend and she rocked that! I just hope she doesn't decide she hates purees before I'm able to get through the bags and bags frozen stuff I made for her!

Morgan | 12:02 PM

One thing I found that helped the last time I did a major clothing purge was to take pictures of the clothing that had memories attached. That way, if I ever wanted to, I could look at the outfit and remember it, without having to move and store all the old tshirts...

Arnebya | 12:06 PM

Erin, that is an excellent suggestion! I have a few things that have been sitting in the closet just because...I can't. But I know I'll never wear any of them again -- ever. The photo idea is wonderful.

I have no words for the cute that is Bo and Revi, really I don't.

Kali | 12:09 PM

space bags. looooove space bags. I'm a clothes/memory hoarder too. I've gotten about 10 yrs worth of clothes that will NEVER fit me again into a tub. I had planned on passing them down if I had a daughter. I had a boy. Maybe my granddaughter will like them.

PS I live in an 800 sq ft apt with 2 closets. Space bags and rubbermaids will hold a multitude of past sins.

Julie | 12:11 PM

I love your comments about Revi being on a mission. I have always said that about my little one (2 and a half now). It's absolutely fabulous to see her go for what she wants even if it is exhausting following her all the time. She walked at 10 months and hasn't looked back since. I'm glad I get to come along for the ride, wherever her mission takes her! even if I sometime wish she would just sit still for a minute.

Steph(anie) | 12:34 PM


Altadena Mom | 12:35 PM

I feel like we are living parallel lives. I, too, have a son(5), daughter(4 in July), and g/g twins (13 months). We also have a 2011 grey Odyssey. Unfortunately, we moved out of LA last year for NY (and hoping to move back in 5-10 years). We just closed on a house here last week. It was not certain that it would happen until we walked out of closing with keys in hand. I hope you get the house and everything smooths over soon. :)

Red Stethoscope | 1:14 PM

I've been reading since you and Hal lived in that tiny two bedroom apt. with no A/C that you had to open the front door to ventilate. Whether or not you end up with Esteban, it's exciting to see your family growing and your life moving forward. I can only imagine the chaos of packing with little people at every turn, though!

Justine | 1:16 PM

I just went through this whole packing thing in April. We were going to smaller closets as well, but the majority of the stuff were baby/toddler clothes that I needed to part with. (My youngest is 7, after all.) I kept a few momentos, but the rest was donated, assuming it was in good condition. That included my ridiculous cat shoes that I never wore and my odd reebox ballet slipper shoe things that I never wore. Those were tough getting rid of, but I had to toss emotion aside and think practical!

Amelia | 1:27 PM

So...can we just all put on matching camp outfits and get some braces and have a last-night-of-camp kum-by-ya moment? We're supposedly closing on a house next week and I'm traveling for work this week and we're housesitting for my parents instead of living in the land of boxes (my parents are in your neck of the woods, BTDubs) and my son only wants cereal but not THAT cereal, and I am having the opposite problem of you...I don't want to save anything (except baby socks which took me 1367 hours to pack this weekend because I had to touch and smell each one. SO TINY.) I kind of just want to walk away from it all. Instead of feeling nostalgic for skirts, I'm feeling like a firestarter. Anyway, camp? camp fire? s'mores? understanding hugs? kum-by-ya?

Solidarity, sister. I'm of the opinion that no matter what, it's going to be tomorrow again, which basically means: this too shall pass. And one day you're going to be hanging on to the pants that you were wearing the day that you go the keys to YOUR house. One. Day.

Jack's Mama | 1:50 PM

Think of all of your future clothes :) in your future (small) closet!! I live in an old house with TINY closets and anything maybe you should throw out! You will feel so much better!
Life in your new house will be full of cute!

Anonymous | 1:55 PM

Wait! Wait! Don't you have a friend / relative / acquaintance that sews? The clothes you are considering discarding could be transformed into some smaller duds for some smaller dudes....rather dudettes........Bo and you home. Then you could still have the memories AND cute(r) babies:)

Kim | 2:06 PM

You have closets in your mind. Store the memories there. Pass on the threads. (Have I mentioned I love eyelet?)

Suzanne McKay | 2:54 PM

Ugh! I know. I KNOW! It's SO hard to let those things go!!! Just do it. Keep the memories. Cleeeeaaannnnssseee! It'll feel so good afterward!

Krystle | 5:24 PM

RE: Esteban
Everyone will tell you that it will all work out, but I know exactly how you feel. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and the house isn't yours until you sign on the dotted line ten thousand times. And you write the check. I hated that stress, and I hope your housing-related stress is over soon. Crossing my fingers for you and the family so that you don't have to continue making yourselves so comfortable in the minivan!

Sarah @toddlersummer | 8:09 PM

I totally still have my eyelet skirt circa 2000. It's moved across the country with me. I feel your downsizing pain!

K | 8:39 PM

Isn't our emotional attachment to clothes interesting? Totally the same way, and I get from my mom. :) So my oldest took his first steps at 8 1/2 months!!! So by 10 months he was running, no joke. We would take him to the playground to play because he was so active, but it was so weird to see a baby on the play equipment. My second son is 10+ months and is still army crawling - he is just now tentatively taking belly-off-the-ground crawl-steps on all fours, and I am reveling in his baby-ness/lack of mobility while it lasts. :)

Amanda | 9:07 PM

I think you've got all the yeses right!

When you do finally get rid of the old clothes you'll never wear again, you'll wonder why you hadn't done it earlier, regardless of the memories associated with them. At least, that's the way it was for me.

I hope Esteban is yours soon!

Connie T. | 11:28 PM

I just moved into my new house. Moving everything is a pain, unpacking and putting it away is an even bigger pain. I find myself not wanting the stuff that I held onto for years. I keep taking Goodwill stuff that they can sell, plus I get a tax deduction. I bought some shelves and big plastic boxes to put stuff into and put on the shelves.

Emma | 2:34 AM

"I don't care Mom. I don't even care" is GOLD!

I've just failed on the 'No' Pile. We move this weekend and everything has gone in the 'Ahh Feck It I Can't be Arsed Making A Decision' Pile.

Jess | 6:50 AM

closet space needs to be added pre nups. it's a constant battle of wits.

Jessica Joseph | 7:47 AM

For some reason I always find your posts address something I am also going through - perhaps it's just that my daughter is almost exactly a month older than your twins. The food thing - my daughter also is refusing the purees and/or anything that is super easy to prepare or clean up. Would love to know how you have handled feeding your little ones. When to just give them the exact thing you are eating, etc., etc. But the tomato, avocado, quinoa, blueberry lineup was exactly what she ate yesterday. Exactly.

Also, I'm not moving, but lately feeling the urge to rid our home of extraneous stuff that's been hanging out too long. There is some inspiration on this guy's blog

Siobhan | 9:23 AM

Ughhh...packing! That's what I'm supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW! But I'm not. Obviously. We are moving from Ontario to Manitoba at the end of July, which doesn't sound too bad until you realize it takes 3 days to drive there. Factor in one 6 year old, one almost 8 year old, a dog, a 5 month pregnant woman (hey, that's me!) and that just stretched to 5 days. Ag! My husband is in Manitoba already so I have to pack the whole house by myself. I'm trying not to think about it, it'll just give me a panic attack. Eep. At least we have a house ready to move into to. Now I just need to get this house ready to be put on the market. Which I may just be avoiding too. Ah, me. Anyway, good luck Rebecca! Packing anything tends to be a minefield full of memories for me anyway.

Kim | 9:34 AM

BTw, I can not get over how different Bo looks from the other kids. I have a feeling there will be a point in life when someone will say something like, oh, these are your three and a friend? And Revi will say, "I'm her twin." And no one will buy it. It's so funny.

Unknown | 10:41 AM

Take a picture of the clothes with memories. Create a visual story you never have to part with. :)

Grandpa Norm | 12:15 PM

You may not see it - others also may not see it, but I think Rev looks like me.
Grandpa Norm

jessica weliwitigoda | 2:30 PM

I love to declutter and I have a very small wardrobe. I say get rid of it all! Once you start getting rid of things, you won't be able to stop. I went from being extremely sentimental, to hardly sentimental at all. I recently moved with two small kids. I moved way more stuff than I should have, which was still not a lot, compared to many Americans. We’re now looking forward to moving into a smaller place next year and I’m already looking at all the items I want to get rid of before the move.

The less stuff I have, the better I feel. It’s easier to find and store things and I really enjoy the items I choose to keep. I also feel better about the things that I buy because I know that I will truly love and use them.

I think of stuff like living items. That skirt deserves to be worn and loved, and by donating it you are giving it the opportunity to be “new” again. It’s kind of silly, but it really does make me feel better, especially as I get rid of items of my girls as they grow out of them.

It’s hard, but I recommend getting rid of stuff now, before the move. That way, you can start fresh in your new house (wherever it may be!).

Good luck!

jenn | 10:44 PM

Awwww, just wanted to say that I love this - love your words, your memories, your realizations. You sound like a such a grown up - and I mean that in the most empowered, knowledge crafting bad ass way possible. Life sounds hectic and amazing and full and you are strong and rockin and seeing that world you drifted into, from, to -

Ky | 10:36 AM

Take pictures of the 'maybes', then toss them out. You will feel so free when you do.

No Mommy Brain | 9:09 PM

just getting caught up on your blog...what a fun surprise to see hal reading my book to your kids! it may sound really dumb but i totally got chills. ; )