Liner Notes 6/25

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Greetings from disasterville where everywhere you look, there are empty walls full of nail holes and scuffs from furniture and tear-soaked memories because I'm as allergic to nostalgia as I'm obsessed with rubbing it all over my body. If I find an old photo album, I must look at that old photo album. If I find an old journal I must read the entire contents of that old journal. If I find an old manuscript, I must read all 373 of its pages and then obsess over the many years I spent tediously editing that old manuscript.

And then suddenly it's 2am and I can hear the babies stirring in the other room and I miss everyone I've ever known and I want them all to be my friends and boyfriends and roommates again. But I don't. But I do. But I don't. But I do. But I don'tdo.
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Sing it, photo of Italian graffiti circa my 2000 summer album
***
My Nana was here on Saturday with her dear friend Becky because they wanted to help with the kids while we packed and also help with the kids AND pack so we made it a party.
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Nana with her junior assistant, Revi L. Coconut
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taking a "farting dog" break
Coincidentally, our new house resides on the same street my Nana lived on when she was a teenager so beyond its appeal as a house, there's also a deeper significance to our new address. I mean, out of all the streets in LA, right? Out of allllllll the streets.

"Hal, it's a sign!"

I say that a lot lately. I say it so much Hal rolls his eyes. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head and mocks me and ha ha very funny fuck off I love you.

Bo started standing on her own this weekend. She'll pull up and then let go like she's surfing and then she'll fall, usually on her bottom, but sometimes on her face. She had a split lip last week to prove it. A bloody mouth, bruises all over her head to match the ones Revi's been rocking for the last few daredevil months.
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another day, another busted lip IMG_5500
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I remember this stage with Archer and Fable, how they were always covered in bruises and how I felt the need to explain every time we went out in public how they got them, because what if somebody thinks something that isn't true! What if somebody thinks I'm a terrible mother! What if somebody _______ and ______ and _______?

I never realized how much I used to care until I stopped caring. It's liberating having four children, in a way, because "somebody" can suck it. I used to mix bottles of formula in bathroom stalls for crying out loud. Now I run around town with formula wrappers hanging out of my cleav. Because I dare you to step to this.

And naturally, because I'm no longer self conscious about all the things I used to be self conscious about, nobody does.
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All but three rooms are fully packed and after dropping ten garbage bags of clothes and twelve more of "stuff we don't need", I am now down to the three garbage bags in my trunk. Full of more stuff we don't need.
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What started as my mourning of every other piece of clothing has morphed into an obsession with filling more garbage bags. My closet is at half capacity right now, which means I'll be wearing the same three things for the rest of the year, but they're three things I love so What. ever, Cher Horowitz.

I bought an old chest as a coffee table yesterday and a plate for keys to place in the entryway of our new home. There's a wonderful stained glass window there and when I saw this sassy little number (below) at the flea market, I had to buy it immediately. (I bartered it down a WHOLE dollar, fyi because I'm a total shark in the negotiations department. Watch out.)
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practicing first position on the coffee table/stage
Today we get the keys to our home and tomorrow we fumigate for termites and Friday I'll start moving some little things in the van in preparation for Saturday's attack.

I had originally planned for the kids to spend the weekend with friends as not to overwhelm them/us but then I realized DUH, terrible idea.
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I want them here and involved in this. I want my kids to know that we're doing this move together. That they aren't only along for the ride. That this is OUR adventure. This is OUR house. And as I've learned thus far in my (albeit short) tenure as a mother of four, everyone HAS to pitch in. What I've also learned is that everyone, when given the chance, wants to. Hell, even the babies have been helping pack. (We put them in charge of CDs, matchbox cars and paper shredding.) 
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I realized last week, after driving by our new house for the zillionth time, that the ship weather vane on its roof has six sails. SIX SAILS.

One sail,
followed by two sails,
followed by three.

So (naturally) I called my mom and cried and then she called her mom and cried and then we all cried. Because that's what we do and signs, signs, everywhere signs and magic and magic signs and signs that point to magic and signs.

Because like I've written a hundred thousand times, it was Archer who made us a family.
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One Archer.
Followed by a Hal and me.
Followed by three perfect girls.

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"Hal, don't you see! It's a sign! It's the signiest of all the signs in signville!"

Hal stared at the picture of the roof for several moments before handing me back my phone. And I waited for him to roll his eyes, to shake his head and mock my enthusiasm. But he didn't. He couldn't.

Instead he gave me a little nudge. And then he kissed my face.
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GGC

53 comments:

avb | 4:31 PM

ESTEBAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Signs are everywhere. My mom, sister, and I feel the same way. xoxox

Entwined Essentials | 4:33 PM

I love that last bit, it made me smile. And I think it's great that everyone is involved in the move. Good luck to you, can't wait to see the new place!

shannon | 4:33 PM

only you can make the packing/moving process so meaningful. in my many moves, i've found that it helps to view it as an opportunity to cleanse your mental/physical space.

and i agree on the absolute magic of the sails! goosebumps!

wonderchris | 4:40 PM

Can the sails picture be framed? I just love that so much. Happy moving! Congrats on Esteban.

Amber | 4:42 PM

That is a beautiful weather vane; and I agree it is a very positive sign.

Emily | 4:49 PM

Beautiful! This made me tear up at the end ...

But your writing always does that to me. :)

Tracy | 5:22 PM

What a magnificent post. You really know how to say good-bye, and hello, and to sail forth. The signs are everywhere, and lucky, lucky you--you are blessed with the vision to see. Clearly, you are continuing a legacy passed down through generations of fierce, powerful, passionate, and creative women. Thank you for inviting us to be a part of your journeys.

Anonymous | 5:29 PM

That picture of Fable with the goggles poking out behind the box is one of the best photos of her possibly ever in my opinion!
-G.

Sabrina | 5:47 PM

I love that your Nana and her friend came to help. So sweet.

Mama Smith | 6:45 PM

I truly love the way that you write. It is a sign, meant to be, and I think your family will be perfectly at home in your new place. I wish I was tuned in enough to my environment to read the signs... instead I always turn things over in my head until I'm nuts. Did I do the right thing? Should I do this or that? I need to start seeing those sails to ease my mind :)

Milla | 7:37 PM

Today at work I had a client named Rebecca Woolf.
I was starstruck a little bit even though I knew it wasn't you.
You're my kinda chick.

Sahara | 7:40 PM

Beautiful writing. I had tears in my eyes when you explained the sails. Hal's a sweetie xx Much love and blessings for your move.

Rock It | 8:24 PM

I love the realness that you put out there in every post and how you put yourself out there too. I remember when you wrote that you just didn't feel like two kids was the end, like you weren't finished....I loved that because your twins are here and they make your family so complete.

Caryn | 8:41 PM

So...when my husband and I were engaged, we wanted to design our own wedding bands. We worked with an awesome jeweler and -- based on the circle of unity -- added the "ups and downs of life" with peaks, valleys and even a protruding rod. I'd take a picture of my ring, except that it is currently being repaired (one of the problems with something one wears with peaks, valleys and a rod!). I'd take a picture of my husband's ring, but, he is currently sleeping and I do not think he would appreciate being awoken for such a photo shoot. I think our rings were signs in advance. My husband became critically ill and almost died (and then -- thanks to his brother and his supportive wife -- received the gift of hope in the form of a kidney transplant). We are celebrating 18 years of marriage today -- and 3 beautiful children who would not be in our lives if not for the generosity of my husband's brother and his wife -- and every day I think about the foresight we had in designing our rings -- that we would be together through the ups and the downs...

Tilly | 8:41 PM

I'm always speechless when I read your posts. You're such a beautiful writer!

Amanda | 8:48 PM

Congratulations on Esteban!!

We love Walter the Farting Dog at our house too!

Normal mom | 10:29 PM

Love it, so honest and open. You make me want to have 2 more!

Normal mom | 10:29 PM

Love it, so honest and open. You make me want to have 2 more!

Edwina | 10:30 PM

I can't wait to see the new place, I am ridiculously excited for you! Congrats.

kim {the non-mom blogger} | 10:30 PM

I loved every morsel of this.

We are moving, too. I follow you on Instagram and our house looks very similar these days...boxes everywhere...it's nice to know I'm packing and purging in good company. Good luck with Esteban.

priscillapants | 10:32 PM

ok. on top of loving your blog and being a reader of it for forever (even though i am childless, single, and 29) i must come out of the woodwork and make a plea for you to NOT USE THAT SASCHA BRASTOFF DISH AS A KEY DISH!! firstly, you got an amazeballs deal on it, secondly, i'm a collector of his pieces and it will be super sad if it gets all scratched from the keys.
just google the "mid-century mod davinci"--you know, in all of your free time when you're not wrangling 4 children, packing, and moving. he was a really important, talented designer and his pieces-- while being quite beautiful--are hard to come by.
*stepping down from soapbox*

Anonymous | 11:26 PM

Loveliest, most delicious post, EVAH. I believe in magic and signs and fate too. Hang in there over these next few days - much love and karma coming your way from web strangers. Good luck!!!

Ginger | 12:58 AM

Artful Vision is seeking new artists - made in US. www.artfulvision.com

Tove | 2:37 AM

Ahh I love Esteban already!
ps. I bought the Ballet Beautiful after reading your post about it again. Just did my first try and although it burned like hell, I feel like I walk a bit taller. xo

Laura | 3:50 AM

Esteban is the one. I love reading your blog it makes me want to laugh, cry and have more babies ALL AT ONCE. xxx

Anonymous | 4:59 AM

my heart sighs, you have a way of making a lady want and be clucky!

Arnebya | 5:02 AM

Just keep seeing the signs, believing in them, acknowledging them. Sending you good packing/moving/baby wrangling while packing/moving vibes. You make me happy.

Anonymous | 5:04 AM

Also if you like farting dog, check out the wonky donky book/YouTube clip from us in Aus, great book and stinky fancy pants x

Katie | 5:10 AM

I love your soul, sista!! AND it's already moving in to Esteban :-) All the best to you, as always :-)

Teresa | 5:51 AM

Sniff, sniff. Awesome post! I agree, signs are everywhere. We just have to look.

Virginia-Ann | 6:16 AM

Not only are the sails a sign but the weathervane itself is a sign of your family sailing into a wonderful new chapter in this house, your house. May your house and family be blessed with wonderful times, joyous memories, and nothing but the best.
Enjoy!

mommaruthsays | 7:12 AM

Goosepimples and happy little tears for your family!

Rebecca | 8:08 AM

Just found your blog, and I am in love! I am the exact same way with nostalgia... if I find an old diary I MUST reread it and look for patterns in my life, foreshadowing, etc. And then I start wishing for old boyfriends and friends and realizing I can't go back, blah blah blah... And it gets harder and harder to spend hours reminiscing because I have a baby now and there's just not TIME. Life is crazy. I think I'm gonna have to read your book. :)

Anonymous | 8:36 AM

Amazing post! Love it!

ellen c | 9:06 AM

I love this post, and all the pictures, and all the signs. Everything...love.
SO excited for your new house. The girls, seriously, could not be more pretty

Ashley Austrew | 10:47 AM

Oh, Rebecca. You make me want to believe in magic.

Alt-Mama | 10:55 AM

Aw, shit. Y'all are so lovable Congratulations on the move, and the signs; do DID find Esteban. Rock the chaos.

Alt-Mama | 10:58 AM

Ps. (I am also, apparently, a mess of typos today... But I swear it was a person and not a hacker-bot that typed out the above.)

Anj | 10:59 AM

I NEVER comment. I always comment to myself and go about my day. But this...this ballsy out pouring of signs, and packing, and blood, and boxes got me. I am a sign girl and my hubs is a roll eyes guy so this struck me. Thank you for your words and your signs (I've found a few for myself here).

Miss M | 11:30 AM

I have been reading your blog for a long time but never commented. I can relate to a lot that you write about but this post is as if you have written about my life. We are moving on sunday, I only have two kids an a dog but we live in utter chaos at the moment and I can´t wait for it to be done. On the other hand I am so nostalgic about our old apartment and kind of don´t want to say goodbye...and the things that have to go and all the signs I have been seeing since we found the new apartment...

Good luck with the move! I will be thinking about you this weekend and I can´t wait to hear more about your Esteban!

Jess Reese | 12:18 PM

Another one who never comments, but is always here because of posts like this. You're too awesome.

devon | 12:38 PM

Let me in that house!!! I can't wait!

Kim | 12:40 PM

I was trying to figure out the sails. I thought it was first you, then you and hal (plus Archer) plus the girls.

We moved a lot of times. I'm debating moving closer to L.A. proper (like, from 10 miles east of Pasadena to Burbank.) you know, 25 miles. Or maybe even closer, because why did I move to L.A. from the east coast suburbs if I want to stay inthe suburbs? But you'd think I'd be ruining my kids life by moving us those 25 miles away. I think I'm picking up my 5 year old's drama meter. (I've lived in 5 homes as a kid, stayed in 8 if you count the places we stayed for more than a month, but less than a year.) If you add after 18, it's about 10 more. I have trouble *not* moving, but I always love going back to the house I grew up in.

Get ready to dig into those home improvement style projects. When we finally got the keys to the house I lived in most of my childhood, my mom, brother and I stepped in, and started ripping off the ugly wallpaper. Before we'd even brought in one suitcase. Ah, memories

Larissa | 1:21 PM

Been reading for over a year and never commented. I love that you see the signs in your life.

Wishing you all the best and lots of new memories in the new house. Trying to understand why I'm getting all emotional.

Anonymous | 2:50 PM

Beautiful post!

Maybe you could forgo scratching that gorgeous bowl by putting some sort of glass plate in it?

Elizabeth Barone | 4:35 PM

I say just use the dish. Things are meant to be used, not hidden behind glass.

I'm amazed by those sails on the weathervane. That's really freaking cool.

grandpa norm | 5:18 PM

Congratulations on the move.We wish we were there to help.
Grandpa Norm

S | 8:50 PM

A beautiful family deserves some beautiful magic! Congratulations and best of luck with the move going smoothly!

Also, this is not even remotely related, but the first thing everyone says when they see my 1-year-old son is that he has amazing eyes (even I'm jealous of his crazy long, thick lashes). In these pictures, I think Bo and Revi could give him a run for his money!

kate the great | 8:56 AM

Are those babies even real? Seriously. I have doubts. They cannot be real.

Anonymous | 3:01 PM

You guys are wonderful people who deserve every last wonderful thing. So happy for you all!! Good luck with the packing and congrats.

Clandestine Road | 12:12 PM

I love the last line. I love that you feel peaceful about the move and where your family is headed. I wish you all wonderful things.

The Head Family | 6:34 PM

I think when you get a lot of signs and that synchronicity is all around you its the Universe's way of letting you know that you're making the right decisions are exactly where you are meant to be :)

Ray | 5:24 PM

“Because like I've written a hundred thousand times, it was Archer who made us a family.”

That's when the tears started for me.

I happen to be someone who loves symbolism very much. And it's crazy to see how much of it has crossed your path. It's so meant to be yours. The house with the Six Sails (wowie, wow, wow...). And the fact that your Nana lived in that same street, as a teenager, is mind-blowing. It's like coming full-circle again. Her going off that street, creating a life, and having that life create another, to someday meet again in the very same space...Equals a-pefect-stars-aligned universe. Awesome.

Your life is so beautiful.