He's a Screamer, Ladies and Gents...

...He's also a non-eater and an insomniac. Hmmmm. Something happened and I missed it. For the past (almost year) il postino was coasting on 12 hour a night sleeps (with the occasional midnight jump-on-bed-giggle-a-thon) and then rather recently it's "I'm an all night party person, and I'm so emo I'm going to cry-sing in the pitch-darkness until you rescue me from my prison of despair" which of course I do because Archer's scream is the loudest, most high-pitched radar-esque noise I've ever heard and I'm afraid he will somehow bring down the ghetto-birds that swarm the 'hood (perhaps in search of the character actors? They* seem to be multiplying** all over the mile radius, some a little crazier*** than others)

Poopa Loompa's eating habits have changed suddenly as well. Dude's interested only in cookies, (which I accidentally introduced him to) those little Gerber-cereal-things (that are delicious by the way) and meatballs (thank you whoever recommended them,the boy's diet would be in serious jeopardy if it wasn't for you.)

Little Boy Blue has also found his ability to "swat." He swats unwanted water, milk, and me when he wants to be alone. Er, not really alone because he's still clingy-man, but he doesn't want me when I want him and blah, blah... Typical boy/girl stuff.

He's also a stripper which is cute and I appreciate European openness and comfort with one's body. Nakedness is fine and fabulous and if it wasn't for the squirt-gun- pee-extravaganza that occurs in the prison of despair, I'd be all in favor. But alas, the pee everywhere thing makes it a little difficult to be supportive. I know diapers aren't exactly "cool" Archer, but come on and be a sport and WEAR ONE for I don't know, TEN MINUTES?

And beside the non-stop laundry, no sleep and no-no-no-no food protest, he's the most adorable little pirate of the snails. He is. He really, truly, totally and completely seriously is.


P.S. Thank you, Uncle Frank for babysitting so we could get air-trashed and air-rock out on our Mother's Day eve air-date.

*This dude is always the nicest guy ever. He's the neighborhood friendly guy.

**All I can think of when I look at this duder is full frontal.

***This dude is ALWAYS angry. Yelling at his dog, his kids and making an absolute scene wherever he goes. AND he wears his butt cleavage like a fashion accessory. Hello, 1993!!!!


Anonymous | 11:43 AM

Words of warning, GGC. At our pad, the next phase after swatting was throwing. First, it was hilarious. Now? Not so much. Last night, I got pegged in head by a sippy cup.

As for your neighbor Todd? Won't he always be Dick from "High Fidelity"? Love that guy.

Anonymous | 11:56 AM

Did you buy Trader Joe's Meatballs?

Come to think of it that's what The Boy is having for dinner...

Chris | 11:58 AM

My little guy would eat nothing but those Gerber Fruit Puffs if we allowed it.

And I guess you're right. Michael Rapaport's career has descended to character actor status.

Canadian Mommy | 12:00 PM

This stage should pass soon! My girl was all about not sleeping suddenly after ages of great sleeping. Then one day she up and started again! It was a miracle. Oh, and as for the naked thing, we got one of them too. My hubby is acutally European, but c'mon! I at least wear a diaper when sleeping! (she's 2 and potty trained and loves to get 'nooneee' when she is in bed!

Chicky Chicky Baby | 12:10 PM

OMFG, the sweet guy from High Fidelity lives near you? I lurve him.

My daughter went through a phase (a couple of months ago, right around the same age as Archer) when all she would eat were gerber puffs, cheerios, and bananas.
(*Warning: Unsolicited advice*)
I just kept giving her little bits of other foods with every meal and eventually she came around to some of them. Just wait until he's a bit older and you can start hiding vegetables in things like omelets and grilled cheese sandwiches.... you can start doing that now by hiding carrots in the meatballs.

Good luck!

Unknown | 12:40 PM

I thought I was alone! Leah refuses to keep her shirt on these days- she's really become quite adept at whipping it off in one second flat. And she's a swatter, too. And we're big fans of the cereal snackin squares over here, too!

Mom101 | 2:05 PM

I have no advice except to say I think you're foreshadowing my life to come in a few months.

Michael Rappaport is a freak. Lili Taylor has a restraining order against him. I still think of James Remar as the guy from Warriors. Heh.

Anonymous | 2:13 PM

You've got to get the inside scoop on "Snakes on a Plane" from super-nice-guy-character-actor-man. That movie is gonna rock harder than the Air Guitar Championships!

jess | 2:27 PM

dude! i hope you took the opportunity to get well-rested when you had it. i don't think you'll get another chance for a few years, now that you're riding the first wave of toddler-hood

Anonymous | 2:27 PM

Hey now...some of the commentary seems a bit too show biz. I mostly watch Japanses films so Michael Rappaport is unknown but Toshiro Mifune is man of the moment.
Now, about food, swatting, hitting, screaming, et al... he's a baby and he's playing his part.
Would you rather a Woody Allen in the crib with psycho-babble? Be happy...the Archer man is on target.


Ugh! Rappaport is bad news. He was threatening to punch his kids in the face in front of dozens of people in Jamba Juice the other day. Classy. And it wasn't even the first time. He's always yelling at his dog and everyone who is standing somewhat next to him. Oy to the vey. Bad, bad man. I hate his guts.

RH- Yes! The TJ's meatballs. They are my new friend.

Granddad Norm - You are funny. HEE.

Gina | 3:51 PM

This is a cute post. You are a really great sport! Thanks for making light of what really drives us mad... good luck with the sleep thing. That is so tough!

Her Bad Mother | 4:00 PM

He's going to make some girl - or very happy one day. Or, more likely, make untold numbers of girls sweetly miserable.

Cuz some girls dig the bed-jumping, pee-pee waving good times that only a true bad boy can offer.

And the hunger strikes, bizarre food preferences and high-pitched wailing? Hallmarks of poetic angst.

All wrapped up in one doe-eyed, tousle-headed, impossibly gorgoues package? Trouble. No question. S'gonna be heartbreaker.

Her Bad Mother | 4:39 PM

Gorgoues shuld read Gorgeous. Gah.

Keypad happy. All jacked up on all the Archer-y goodness.

MrsFortune | 4:50 PM

What kind of cookies did you accidentally introduce him to? Because one can survive on nilla wafers, vienna fingers, and such. A nilla wafer meatball sandwich would be particularly yummy, no?

It's the shape of his head that makes him so effing cute. Gah!

Anonymous | 6:34 PM

He looks SO gleefully happy in your video below. I was going to ask if he was teething but after seeing that... I think you're right, he's shaping up to be quite the party guy!

Christina | 7:10 PM

Welcome to the wonderful world of toddlerhood. Now pass the cookies and Gerber puffs - those are two of the foods on my toddler's small list of foods she will attempt to eat.

And dude, you just gave me another reason to hate Michael Rapaport. I already couldn't stand him on The War at Home. Something about him just really made my skin crawl. Now I see why - what a jerk.

Andrea | 6:12 AM

The Gerber puffs make a good toy, too. Gabe couldn't figure out the lid, so it became a rattle. Then, he figured out that he could use his two bottom teeth to pry the lid off. With a satisfying *pop*, the lid came off and the rattle became a confetti thrower. What fun! But then he'd play vacuum and eat up all the puffs from the floor. We bought so many of those cannisters. And you know what? Take the label off, they make great holders for cotton balls, q-tips, and other bathroom necessities where the original packaging is cumbersome.

*Tanyetta* | 2:56 PM

Yo Archer,

DJ here!

Keep your moms on her toes. She loves that kinda stuff. Only cool dudes swat stuff that we don't like... soooo welcome to the club!

Hey did you know that those puffs can fit nicely up your nose and the inside of your ears and....well, nevermind we've already scared our moms enough for one day!


bunmaster | 5:46 PM

I've got a screamer too. And a non-eater of the solid variety. And a smacker that I'm sure will progress to being a swatter. The crying ain't so bad but the screams, they are like a brace of harnessed seagulls in your ear.

Good thing they are adorable isn't it?