Letter to my Skinny Jeans

Dear Skinny Jeans,

Hi. It's me, GGC. We broke up about ten-months ago when I was two-months pregnant. It was sudden, I know and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. One day you were on me and the next? Folded up and pushed to the back of my closet like yesterday's news. I didn't mean for it to happen so fast. It's just that, my hips thickened a lot faster this pregnancy and past the eight-week mark, I couldn't wear you anymore. I couldn't wear any of you. Not even you, Cheap Monday stretch-jeans that I so adored and wore pretty much every day last year. Not even you.

Us: days before I outgrew/left you for maternity jeans.

It wasn't you, skinny jeans. It was me. I went and got knocked-up and couldn't wear you anymore. I gained forty-five pounds and have yet to lose them all. I'm trying, though.. I'm really working on it and I'd appreciate if you could find it in your pockets to forgive me for leaving you in the dust-bunnies, in an old GAP bag, no less.

Every day for the past two-months I've tried you on. Pleaded with you to zip over my flabdomen. Begged your zipper to forgive my waist and your buttons to reconcile with my hips. And yet, so far nothing has been resolved. It's obvious that you're still upset with me for leaving you. It must have been hard for you to see me parading all over town in my paneled-Seven jeans and maternity leggings. But! Or should I say, butt....

You'd have to be blind not to see I want you (on my) back and I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm worthy again. I'll work out more and eat less. I'll give away all my maternity jeans once and for all and I won't even ask for them back this time. Good riddance, maternity jeans!


I think you and I are capable of wonderful things, skinny jeans. Great adventures, plenty of high-heeled nights on the town and boutique shopping for sweaters and tops and vests. A new wardrobe to compliment you. To compliment us. (You would look GREAT with my spanking new handbag, FYI.) I want you to feel wanted again.

I hate that we can't be together, skinny jeans. I'm tired of pretending with my fat jeans. They're comfortable, sure, but they will never make me happy. Not like you have and will (HOPEFULLY!!?) once again.

So please, beloved skinny jeans, cut me some slacks. Open up your fly and let me back in.

I miss the way we wear.



Anonymous | 12:35 AM

Ooohhhhh! I love Kooba purses! Love them and have had two! I got a new handbag for Christmas too. It isn't a Kooba ..... but it's one I've drooled over for TWO YEARS!! yes, I'm ridiculous. But really, life is all about handbags and shoes ... is it not?!
PS I have a flabdomen too!

Anonymous | 4:37 AM

You'll be reunited. You'll see.
Whereas I just threw out the Skinny Skirt, because, after three years? She no longer even recognises me....

Prasti | 5:02 AM

i agree...soon the two of you will reunited...and it'll feel so gooood.

Anonymous | 5:07 AM

Is it just really silly for me to assume that buying a pair of skinny jeans in a larger size is out of the question?

April | 5:53 AM

flabdomen. LOL. love it.

Brooke | 6:15 AM

Flabdomen is a new word for me that I absolutely love and will have to use! And I hope my skinny jeans want to reunite with me one day too!

Unknown | 6:23 AM

You and I are in the same boat... why won't that last 15 LBS just fall off??? I really have to work out to shrink my giant arse back in to submission? It seems so....

Flabdomen... absolute hilarity right there.

Anonymous | 6:50 AM

Sob. Don't get me started. I'm afraid to step on the scale.

And if you're not in yours, you dedicated working out hardworking mama, then God knows mine are realllly laughing at me from the closet.

Hello, New Year's Resolution #478....

Anonymous | 6:57 AM

I love you. :)
I discovered this website a few weeks ago. So I started reading from the beginning. Then for Christmas, my mom bought me a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, and I found your story. Which was a nice surprise.
I may only be fifteen, but I do love your website. And I know the Skinnies and you will be reunited soon. :D


lover. that, um, handbag? has to be EASILY the most horrifyingly, uh, un-pretty thing i have ever seen slung across your shoulder. i will duct tape your mouth shut so you and the skinnies can get back together if you promise to roll only with louis and never with this this this kooba gooding jr. bag. no really. boyband agrees.

calling foo over to ask her, "ew. what's wrong with rebecca's purse? it got burned?"

don't make me ask bub.

minniemama68 | 8:26 AM

You'll be back with the skinny jeans soon. Didn't you have to lose twice as much with Archer??? Jeez, you could do this in your sleep!!!!

BTW, your outfit is adorable. And the maternity shirt??? Man, I'm jealous. The fashion industry doesn't make cute maternity clothes for fat girls. Bummer for me.

Hope | 10:35 AM

LOL! I nearly died....flabdomen! hahaha!

Anonymous | 11:16 AM

Perhaps I, too should try this method: being NICE to the skinny jeans. Maybe that will make them fit. Good luck! I bet you're back in no time.

Maternal Mirth | 11:59 AM

"Open up your fly and let me back in."

I think I may have said that to my hubz a few times ...

Wendy Altschuler | 12:41 PM

this is so funny; thanks for your humor!

sweetmelissa818 | 12:42 PM

That was very eloquently put. I'm 100% with you on that one!

Katy | 12:53 PM

Alas, the last thing said to me by my skinny jeans........."YOU ARE DEAD TO ME."

Goodbye Skinny Jeans.....Hello Pleated, Mom jeans with pouch control.


Anonymous | 2:03 PM

Just buy some new smoking hot heels to entice the jeans. They'll come, baby. They'll come.

(This must be the year for bags because I got me a sweet purse, too! Didn't even ask for it. Yeah, my babe's got taste.)

Dianna | 3:33 PM

You will be back together soon! It seems I need to write a letter to my own skinny jeans aswell!

Desiree | 4:58 PM

Gahhh, I feel your pain! I'm 36 weeks 3 days AND I WANT MY PANTS BACK! :( Every moment of maternity jean wearing is making me sadder & sadder :(

I can't wait to wear normal, panel free pants again!

Avalon | 6:05 PM

"cut me some slacks" i love it. you=awesome

Unknown | 7:11 PM

Oh lord. Also? Nursing? Does NOT automatically make the weight fall off you, as I found out. Am I too impatient to think that 10 weeks postpartum is TOO LONG ALREADY to still be wearing my one pair of maternity jeans? Do I really have to exercise to lose the last 15 pounds of the 40 I packed onto my 5-foot-tall frame? Because I am sleep deprived and right now I congratulate myself if I go outside with the baby for a walk.

tiarastantrums | 9:07 PM

HA - love this!! LOVE skinny jeans and mine are getting snug nowadays - need to stop eating!!!!!!!

Deidre | 10:52 PM

This was absolutely pure puntasticness...

I am sure that you and the skinny jeans will once again dance together.

A | 8:04 AM

Is it too late to claim "pregnancy weight" at 10 months post-partum?

geebus, i need to get to work on this "flabdomen."

Kimberly | 9:03 AM

"I miss the way we wear."

Fantastic line. :-)

Mom101 | 4:16 PM

I sadly broke up with my skinny jeans long before skinny jeans were actually in style. Which means skinny jeans and I never had a chance.

I'm hoping the two of you can find some harmony together. Something tells me it's meant to be.

If it can't be me...well, I'm glad it's you.

chantalart | 5:13 PM

This was downright inspiring...I'm working toward the same goal, but my baby is a 14 month toddler. Today I pushed the stroller up the steepest hill in my neighborhood in deference to your stories about hiking with Archer in the baby carrier. You did it before and you can do it again! And you motivate me to do it too.

Vodka Mom | 7:21 PM

OMG I LOVED that post!!!!

loved it.....

kittenpie | 7:23 PM

Me, I got boots for Christmas. Nice chunky ones.

and those last couple of inches between the btton and the hole are evading me, too. So frustrating! I hate trying to dress postpartum. I have only 8 lbs left, but they seem to be all in the tummy, which I just don't know how to work around, since I'm normally all in the hips. Now that the holidays are ove,r I must get to work.

ps - my word ver is "mable" - so close...

Anonymous | 7:29 AM

Oh GGC- I feel the same way. Except I'm 13 months post babies! Sigh. Only 18 more pounds to go- new years resolution, here I come!

Unknown | 7:19 PM

Ha. I love you. Flabdomen is the best new word ever...of course, I feel like the Flabdominal Snowman these days (hey! That was kind of a good one, no?). I was seriously going to kill you if that first picture was you already back IN your skinny jeans...but of course I wish you lots of luck. I'll need some myself this year...my goal: Drop 40 before I'm 40! OY. xoxo


Flabdomen. Yes. Best word ever.

Now how do I make it go away and leave me alone with my old pants?

AP Mommy | 2:50 AM

Well put - It's the same thing I've been saying to my skinny jeans for the last 4 months. Siigh someday I hope to reclaim my old clothes. Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous | 11:42 AM

You! Keep writing--- you make me so happy.

Unknown | 11:41 AM

lovely peace of writing
very inspiring