My nipples are on fire.
It honestly feels like someone is grating them like cheese before sprinkling them with shards of glass only to top it off with a few spritzes of lemon juice. It fucking kills and has since I started nursing Fable eleven weeks ago. Maybe it's because of the breast reductions. Maybe it's just me. All I know is that nursing my baby is agonizing. And yet... I love it. WTF? Perhaps the pain is what is making it so rewarding for me.
Kind of like getting a tattoo and how the pain is almost.... pleasurable? Like I endured in order to leave the parlor with a beautiful scar. I don't know if I would be as into tattoos as I am if they didn't hurt. It's the pain I crave more than anything, honestly. The feeling of the needle. The buzz. Watching something become permanent. With me always. A sign that I'm a masochist? Perhaps. But that's like, fifty-seven blog posts worth of TMI.
So let's get back to nursing...
My post about how to breastfeed after a breast-reduction is up on Work-It Mom, today, but I wanted to follow up by sharing a bit more with those of you hoping to breastfeed post-op: It hurts. Bad. Probably because there isn't enough milk being produced (all those broken ducts) so the baby sucks that much harder to try to maximize consumption. Or maybe it's just that I've had two reductions so my boobs are that much more effed to the up. It also could be that I'm nursing Fable around the clock and my nips are permanently in her mouth (Trying to feed her the least amount of formula as possible) so the poor dears are sucked to the bone. Then again, maybe I'm just a puss.
I guess, I just don't want to mislead anyone by making it seem easy because it isn't. It's hard and painful and will likely leave permanent scarring (not that breast-reductions don't scar like crazy but you know, FYI.)
I will say this: one day I'm pretty sure I'll miss the pain. And that in itself is reason to grin and bear it. At least it is for me. For now.
I do want to support everyone's cause if they/you should decide to breastfeed post-op and let you know that I'm here if you have questions, concerns. I was unable to breastfeed Archer past the six-week mark and even then, I pretty much solely pumped, and mainly supplemented with formula so I've been on both sides of the bottle, so to speak.
Fore more information you can read my "how to breastfeed after a reduction" post, here. Word to you, mothers.