The Breast Years of my Life




Inspired by the beautiful and brilliant HBM and her post, Ashlee Simpson and Me

Once upon a time I was in high school. It was summertime. Lazy days on the beach. Bonfire parties. Making out on the bluffs. Rocking out to The Cardigans in my Cabriolet convertible with cow-seat covers. I was sixteen. That summer I went from a B cup to an E cup in four months.

The doctor said it was hormonal. I had an imbalance. It happened. I was put on the pill and sent to a shrink and I wrote a lot of bad poetry. That was the down-side. The up-side was that overnight I became some sort of amazonian freak. I had always wanted boobs when I was flat-chested and here they were. It was like in BIG when the kid wakes up Tom Hanks, checking out his new, larger penis, like, whoa! This thing's awesome!

That was how I felt. These things are awesome. I spent the summer buying custom made bikinis and getting felt-up. The boys I had been crushing on for years were crushing on me. They wanted to take me to dinner and stuff. Radical.

That summer all I had to do to get a frozen lemonade was show up at the snack bar in my bikini top. No questions asked. I learned very quickly that having large breasts could get me stuff. At sixteen, this was pretty exciting.

At our high school we had something called "The Whore List" and every year, on the first day of school the senior girls would post it in the bathrooms, in the quad, all over campus. I had been on it every year, not because I was a whore but because me and my friends were popular and that's the way it works. Everyone hates the "popular" girls. (I'm no rocket-scientist but wouldn't that make us unpopular?)

My Junior year I was number one, which meant it was the senior girl's mission to make my year hell. I was egged, toilet-papered, hit in the face with beer bottles, pushed on my way to class and the butt of every nasty locker-room rumor. My garage was permanently stained with chocolate syrup, driveway with chalk. There were condoms in the trees and plenty of explicit writing on the walls.

It wasn't funny. It was embarrassing and upsetting and not how I wanted to spend my year. Instant-reputation known by all. Hi, guys. How you doing. I dated older boys because they didn't know anything about whore lists and wanted nothing to do with high school. I kept my head held high as I walked past the older girls and their dirty looks. I pretended I didn't care. I wore clothes that covered me up. Turtle necks and oversized boyfriend's t-shirts. When you have really big breasts, you can't help looking a little, um, slutty. It's hard to tame the cleavage, even in a large shirt.

I got used to the names and the pencil drops and the laughing off rumors. I had "slept with the whole school" before I even lost my virginity. I could hardly keep up with myself, the fiction of it all.

I tried not to let it bother me. The looks in the locker room, the eye-rolls, evil stares from women, freaky dudes trying to cop a feel. The guys at work. On the street. The beach. I laughed it off, gave the ol "you wish" look and kept on, hunching my back and crossing my arms in front of my chest.

If sex was power then how come I felt stripped of it? I went through the next two years hating my body. Hating my boobs. Hiding them even from boyfriends, hands cupped, bra on, lights off. Always off.


It wasn't until homecoming when the entire visitor side of the football field starting chanting "Nice Tits, Queenie" that I decided to do something about it. It was mortifying enough having to wave in my tiara and cape and ride around in a Ford Mustang. (A new one. The old ones are cool.) I left the game in tears. Angry. Out of control. I had thought about surgery before but this time I was going to do it.

"You probably won't be able to breastfeed."
"I don't care."
"You might lose all sensation."
"Don't care. Just get them off of me."

I waited until I was eighteen. I had the surgery. It was the most painful six weeks of my life.

When I got pregnant I prayed for a son. I wanted a boy so desperately. I was so afraid of giving birth to myself. I was afraid of the looks she would get if she inherited my breasts. I was scared I might wake up one day to chocolate syrup smeared across the driveway. I was afraid she would use her body to get what she wanted and find in actuality that she wasn't in control. I was afraid that at eighteen I would have to hold her hand in the operating room, dress her stitches, understand.

I do not regret having the surgery. I do not regret the fact that I had to go in two years later and have it redone (they grew back!) I do not regret the fact I was only able to breastfeed my son for six weeks and had to supplement with formula.

The grass is always greener, of course. Pretty girls want to be taken seriously and smart girls want to be pretty. Small-chested girls wear push-up bras and the big-breasted wish you would look away.

Once upon a time all of this mattered. Now, I hardly even think about it. Why? Because I had the surgery and because now I don't have to.

I do not judge women for wanting to change their bodies and for going to great lengths to do so. At the end of the day, we all want to be comfortable in our skin. We want to be beautiful. After the surgery I ran faster. Men looked me in the eyes instead of at my chest, women too. I was more self-confident and most importantly, happier. I wore shirts with buttons. I took off my bra and looked at myself naked in the mirror, hands at my sides. I was no longer consumed with what I could not hide, but instead with what I wanted to reveal.

The times cannot be censored. It is what's on the inside that counts but it isn't so simple. Not today and perhaps not ever. Sometimes, blinded by the exterior we cannot look within. And for me I had no choice but to change it.

I have had plastic surgery. I have had a part of my body, my womanhood removed, taken away. I paid a doctor to make me feel more beautiful and in many ways it set me free.


GGC

58 comments:

Kell | 1:10 AM

I have never had massive boobs except when my milk has come in, I love having smallish ones. I HATE HATE HATE wearing a bra. I dotn around the house, I leave one on the stairs incase I get an unexpected visitor. Im pretty sure if I had huge ones I'd get them reduced too.

I had a bit of a reputation in high school too but mine was justified ;)

Wendy | 4:39 AM

Bec, I could've written this..I had the surgery at 19...worst recovery ever and I would do it all again tomorrow if need be - it was the most freeing experience of my life - I couldn't breastfeed but I gained something so critical that it almost seemed like an okay price to pay for my son's mommy to like herself...great post honey..

Mother | 4:58 AM

God. What torture you endured? Another reason for me homeschool :)

I can totally understand your decision. I shot up from about 5'4 to 5'10-11 over that summer when I was 16 as well! The boobs stayed the same for me though.

Mother Bumper | 5:18 AM

"I was so afraid of giving birth to myself." is my fear also. Then I had my girl. And I realized she's not me, I can't relive my life but please, please let me try what many generations have tried to do: arm her with my lessons and the ability to cope with the crap we endure. I completely understand your decision and I love that you shared this intimate, personal story. You will help others find their strength without judgement.

Dee Dee | 7:10 AM

Thank you for this post. I am having "the surgery" mid September. I am done having kids (I have 2) and can't wait to have the boobs put back to their proper place on my chest and look forward to be able to shop for bras in normal department stores again. I am worried about the recovery having a 1 and 1/2 year old and a 3 and 1/2 year old to care for. My husband is taking 2 weeks off but then I'm on my own. I guess I'll survive somehow. Thanks again for sharing your story.

tpon | 7:22 AM

I had my first surgery at 21 and my second a year later, and even with the sacrifices, it was the best decision I have ever made. And, I will do it all over again once Banzo is born.

Perfect perspective... sometimes, there are things about yourself that need to be changed so that you can start fopcusing on all of these things that don't...

Shannon | 7:32 AM

This was a beautiful post Rebecca. I only briefly experienced large breasts, and ironically it was while nursing. Lord knows the last thing you want is a guy sizing you up when you are 6 weeks postpartum. I was more than relieved when they returned to their usual size. Don't you find it ironic that when women are given large breasts naturally they have your experience, but somehow its attractive and sexy to implant 500cc of silicone?

I also wanted a boy when I was pregnant with Caleb. I was terrified at the thought of mothering a girl. As I have become more confident in my mothering ability, a girl doesn't sound so scary.

tallgirl | 7:33 AM

That is beautiful and why i read your blog.
I am the Queen of the itty bitty titty committee, and hated it in high school and college. Now I love my breasts and my body. I attribute it to being older and having better perspective on things. Plus... if i could snag a hotty like my husband, I can't be that bad looking.

Kara | 8:11 AM

Similarly, I got my boobs in a few short weeks (unfortunately, in between the time when I bought my prom dress and the day of the prom- the cups ranneth over- my friends FATHER took video of my boobs and the limo driver asked me out. eww, eww, eww). People did treat me differently afterward. I'm 5'2 and a full D cup. I have a love/ hate thing with the boobs. I can still buy bras at "normal" stores and I have learned to live with people looking... but I do worry about my daughter who has me as a mom and a grandmother who's an E and another who's a DD. My college roommate had a reduction and nevre loooked back. I think it's all in what makes you feel good on the INSIDE. Great post.

Andrea | 8:20 AM

So with you, here. I wasn't as much a target as you were, but I wasn't as popular. I don't know what I got up to because I never had the courage to get properly fitted, but I would imagine before the knife I was pushing an F or FF. I was at least a EEE. They took ELEVEN POUNDS out of me. I only gained 18 pounds during my entire pregnancy (puked the first 4 months) if that says anything.

I would do it again in a heartbeat. The recovery was difficult, but I managed to figure out how to change my own bandages, and I never looked back. Now people notice ME. I'm not just a pair of boobs.

sunshine scribe | 8:27 AM

This may be one of my favourite posts you have written (and that says alot because I devour them all).

"Sometimes, blinded by the exterior we cannot look within." That staement is something I think every single one of us can relate to on some level at some point in our lives. And the idea that the grass is always greener is so painfully true.

When we judge women for the choices they make for their body. For their self confidence. For their happiness. We are judging unfairly.

This was a brave post and an empowering choice. Standing here clapping for you.

Oh, The Joys | 8:41 AM

GGC - I am a 32F. This post RESONATES so much. I haven't had surgery, but I am so familiar with the rest of it. After two pregnancies (and the resulting even bigger-ness)I have to admit they almost seem small now. Best, OTJ

Mom101 | 8:43 AM

I am sitting in Starbucks in tears (and people are looking at me funny) - for your honesty, the rawness, the truth and pain of this and the beauty of your words.

I'm so glad you wrote about this. I saw your comment at HBM and I wanted the whole story in your ever spectacular words. Thank you for me, for my daughter, for girls everywhere.

It's okay to not love ourselves all the time.

The Flip Flop Mamma! | 8:45 AM

Wow. That was powerful! Have you ever looked in to speaking at highschools? Teen girls need to hear this message...I'm so serious. I was completely speechless after reading that post. It was beautiful. Somehow, we need to start talking to our kids when they're young about body image, and accepting all people. I think it's something that's overlooked by many. There are generations of people growing up with horrible manners who only accept people by the worlds standards. I was often made fun of in highschool for the opposite reason you were. I was the flat chested skinny girl. I was 5'8 and only weighed 96 pounds, soaking wet. The boys always teased me...and I was told the thing most overweight woman are told "but you have such a pretty face." I hated hearing that! But you are absolutely correct...everyone wants to be different from who they are.

Chantal | 9:38 AM

Amazing. Just amazing. I doubt I could be this strong when faced with the pure meanness you encountered.

For me it was my height. I desperately wanted to be short and dainty. I hated my height until I was 18 and recognized that it was an asset and who I was.

6 weeks of nursing after a reduction is an awesome accomplishment! Rock on to you.

Nicole R. | 9:39 AM

Thanks for the insight into the other side. It sounds terrible to be objectified. I was so skinny in high school that the locker room joke was that my bra would fit better if I put it on backwards ...

I used to be a 34 "Almost B" (it is too a size!) but now I am, after a year of nursing, a 34DD. But I'm a 5'7" size 6 and no shirts fit me! Are there special clothing stores for big-breasted women that I don't know about?

ECR | 10:06 AM

I would like to read a whole book on the Breast Years, if you could make that happen. There's so much more I want to know about you and all the places your cow-print Cabriolet took you. Love the writing, love the voice.

Dee Dee | 10:29 AM

For those that have had the reduction, I'd love to know what size you went down to. I'm currently a 38H and hope to go down to a D. This is still huge to everyone else but to me, it seems tiny...

Fraulein | 10:33 AM

Fantastic post. When I was pregnant I felt sure I was having a boy. I think now, almost two years on, that I was trying to convince myself the baby was a boy because I was so desperate not to watch a daughter go through what I went through as a kid and a young adult. I thought I was so fat and ugly in college, because I got that impression from the guys I was with. I look back now at pictures of myself in college and I see a totally different person than the one I saw in the mirror back then, and it makes me so sad. Years and years of hating myself, for no reason.

Women are screwed in this society no matter what -- someone always thinks we're too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, our boobs are too big or too small. But lately, as the mother of a girl, I've started to try and chart a different path for her. I plan to tell her how smart she is, and how if she works hard enough, she can accomplish whatever she wants. I will insist that the whole key is to reject this society-imposed bullshit about appearance. She needs to know that the key is NOT TO CARE what the 'cool kids' think about how she looks. Or what anybody else thinks, as long as she's happy with herself.

Not many 18-year-olds would have had the courage to make the choice you made to have that surgery, GGC. Congrats on being true to yourself. That's always the right choice.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 10:52 AM

First of all, WOW to all the comments. Amazing stories and insights. Thank you for sharing.

I wanted to answer DeeDee's question. I asked for a C cup and after everything "settled" I ended up a small D/large C depending on the Bra.

Fraulein | 11:22 AM

Also, isn't it bizarre how some women's breasts continue to change in size after adolescence and how some women get huge during and after pregnancy, yet others stay the same? I've been a B cup since I was 14 or 15 years old. When I got pregnant all my friends said, "You better go buy bigger bras -- you'll get huge!" But my boobs remained exactly the same size. Then the baby was born and still nothing got any bigger. Well, aside from my ass. ;)

But, per my previous comment, I can't get overly worked up about that now. I've spent more than enough time hating my body.

Jaelithe | 5:37 PM

I've always thought breast reduction surgery for very-large-chested women to be one of the plastic surgeries that is completely justified.

I mean, yes, in part, it's about looks, but it's also about health, and convenience in everyday life. I know many large-chested women who have developed serious back problems, and have trouble exercising properly because of their breasts. And there is of course also the clothing factor.

During high school I constantly wished my own smallish breasts would just grow just one cup size bigger . . . but when a large-chested roommate of mine in college confessed to me once that she wished she had my breasts, because mine were still as perky as they'd been at 13, while hers, being so big were already starting to sag, I gained some perspective!

Rock the Cradle | 6:23 PM

What a hell of a high school you went to! What complete and utter assholes you went to school with! How the hell do kids get to be that vicious?

I completely understand your decision. It grates on me that you had to make it under such grim circumstances.

What I feel is, that regardless of what has been physically removed, you have more womanhood now than you ever have had before.

Her Bad Mother | 6:27 PM

What makes a woman is the courage to take charge of her body and her self and make no apologies. That's womanhood. That's power.

And being a powerful woman makes a powerful mother, and that's a greater gift to Archer than any amount of breastmilk.

kittenpie | 6:49 PM

A friend of mine in high school with large breasts also told me that yes, men looked her right in the chest. For it to go so much further, for you to be defined by your breasts is just not right, and I'm sorry to hear that you and to put up with such stupid, painful shit. I totally get why you would want to be rid of that burden, to uncover yourself, to come out from behind your breasts and be seen for your glorious and amazing self.

Jamie | 8:08 PM

I agree with Flip Flop Mamma...I think this would be a powerful post to share with teenagers. I'm so sorry you went through such a hellish experience in high school dealing with this but you've dealt with it and moved on. Bravo to you and thank you for sharing your story.

p.s. I went from an A to a C cup in one year and I thought that was a big deal...guys teased me relentlessly my sophomore year of high school...thank God they stopped growing at that point!

Stefanie | 8:59 PM

Sweet Jesus you're a good writer. Well, you know I relate to this post as I went from a DD to a small C and never looked back myself. It's amazing the judgement we get for things we cannot help but it does feel better to "fit in." That is a sad thing but it made all other things about myself that are different much easier to accept because I wasn't wearing them on my chest for the world to see. I used to look in the mirror and only see Dolly Parton looking back and I thought "I'm not this big boobie person." And now I'm not. Amen.

Lena | 9:08 PM

I did the same thing. I understand. COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

Anonymous | 10:27 PM

Beautiful, Bec. Bravo.

-JFK

SuperFiancee | 5:08 AM

My 15 1/2 year old daughter could be you in this story. Me? I'm a D cup, but she is overflowing a DD and is absolutely miserable. Begging for the surgery on a regular basis and I keep trying to tell her that she needs to wait until...::gulp::...she stops growing. Even telling her that hurts me, because I know it hurts her.

The kids have been pretty mercilous. One story that springs to mind was of a day when her English teacher was out and while the substitute teacher was getting acclimated, the boys in class were passing around a sheet wagering on what size bra she wore. When the sheet made it to her in class, she got so upset.

I worry about her having this surgery, but know it's impending. Most helpful to hear your story and I plan to pass along the post to her as well. Thanks for sharing.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 8:57 AM

Jamie/flipflop- I actually did to HS assemblies for a couple years and random speaking engagements on MSNBC, Fox Family and a couple other networks. I was like a teen spokesperson on popularity/relationships. It was all because of Chicken Soup Teen Soul, which I wrote and edited for for many years and my bosses kinda threw me into the speaking circuit. I even had my own non-profit for a minute, a teen issue/arts website and newsletter and stuff. It was a good few years and I got to travel and meet tons of great peeps... I feel too old now. The schools hired me because I was just out of HS and was speaking as the kid's peer.

It's all GOOD though! Now, I get to hang out with teenagers through work 5 nights a week and it's amazing! Thank you for the rec, though. :)

Blog Antagonist | 1:10 PM

This was so insightful, and sad, and why the fuck do girls have to be so MEAN to each other?? Did we not teach our kids acceptance and kindness in the pre-pc days? Does pre-politically correct mean pre-humanity?

Also, I blame society and the media and MEN for sexualizing and objectifyiing breasts. They have taken an functional part of our anatomy and made it the object of masturbatory fantasies. It pisses me off.

I bloomed late. I had no boobs and when they did come, they were small-ish. They still are. I like them. But I once wished for really big ones, so your theory is correct.

As badly as I wanted a girl, I am sometimes glad that I don't have one. I would be terrified if I were charged with providing her an identity apart from her physical self. I think it's fucking impossible.

Diana | 1:37 PM

Wow.
You don't know how much I prayed (and cried) for a son when I found out I was pregnant. For the same reason as you- I didn't want to give birth to myself because my junior/senior high school years were horrifying. I went through torture, and it wasn't because of my breast, it was because I wore glasses. Or braces. Or because they were just stupid. Who knows? I never asked...
I have a son. I couldn't have been more thankful.
I commend you on writing this. And don't apologize for making that decision, it made you happy, that's what counts.

brooke Marshall | 4:12 PM

Oh Bex, I know I'm responsible for that beer bottle part - oops. At least we're buddies now, I was such a beotch! Love you, xoxo

Amy | 6:09 PM

I was a 34DDD for so many years,went to a doctor to have the sugery after I got sent home from work (WORK!!!) for wearing a in-style shirt that three other women were wearing but I looked like a porn star in the shirt. I was told I could not breast feed if I had the sugery. I went home with my two big breast. Then I had two babies. My breast disappeared somewhere with the last one, he drank em gone. I am now a full C, without back pain. I relate to your story, but just last night I could not sleep, I kept trying to remember how my big breast went to the side when I layed on my back and how much I hated it.

mo-wo | 11:45 PM

Must say I wish I could think of some physcial intervention that would give me the attitude adjustment to look in the mirror with the contentment you describe.

Alisyn | 3:31 PM

My god, your high school sounds like a fucking nightmare.

I know the hardship of having big breasts, and I applaud you for doing what felt right to you, and for your life.

You are beautiful. Inside and out.

Stephanie T. | 8:03 PM

That was a beautiful post.

I'm sitting here with my 38 DD's and wishing that I could get a reduction, too. I know I would feel so much more comfortable in and out of clothes. Did insurance cover yours? If I can finagle a way to have insurance pay for it, I'm going to have it done.

Emily | 9:12 PM

you made this flat-chested girl realize that the grass is not always greener. Fantastic post sister.

Mama C-ta | 8:29 PM

Inspirational post! I've been one to always want bigger but had a good friend go through something very similar to your high school years and she was so much happier after her breast reduction. Not nearly as evil though, kids can be crazy cruel and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should but I must say that's why we're really leaning towards homeschooling.

We can only hope to raise our little boys to always look girls in the eye no matter what.

Anne Glamore | 8:08 AM

This is an awesome post. I wrote mine from the other side of the fence, but the truth is, I wouldn;t trade.

Beautifully written!

Anonymous | 11:14 PM

Anon man-yep a guy- said, "I wish men would wake up and understand on so much a deeper lever of human interest-I came here because I have a friend who could be any of your stories, but-unkn to me, may have decided not to do the surgical route- but your stories are so motivational- any feedback to me as to whether I ought-or not- share this blog with her? It's a friendship only, and I want her to have a better health/body experience- says she has been thru diets/personal coaches, programs et al, and nothing has helped. Ideas to wkpickett0154 at comcast.net Thanks- send your guys here to wake up- maybe some will. William.

J | 7:52 AM

Came here because of the perfect post award. Congrats. :) Great post. I'm a C cup, so never had the horrors that you've described, but certainly had guys look at my boobs rather than my eyes. Not fun. I wish I were a B, and that my butt were a B, too. (It's a C+ ;) )

Anyway, thanks for this. My best friend had the surgery, and has also never regretted it. Another friend went from mosquito bites to a large C (she's TINY, so they look more like D), and she's never regretted it either. Love that about them both.

something blue | 9:53 AM

It always shocks me how people can be so cruel to others. Those are horrible experiences that no one should have to endure.

"The times cannot be censored. It is what's on the inside that counts but it isn't so simple." I hope that more people educate their children not to cast stones against others because of appearances. It's an education process of teaching new generations to not be judgmental about how another person looks. To end the name calling, because no matter what a person looks like, others can always find something to be cruel about.

Having the ability to be comfortable with the outside can make the inside bloom. With no doubt, this post is perfect! Congrats.

Mary-LUE | 9:10 AM

Here via the PP's. Wow. This was amazing.

Sally | 2:21 AM

thank you for your honesty and openness

Waya | 11:48 AM

This post sure deserved a PPA, that's how I found you and this entry was incredibly honest! I'm very glad that you're comfortable in your own skin finally. We all need that love and confidence.

Lecalli | 6:42 PM

wow. i know exactly what you went through. i'm superfiancee's daughter. i'm 15 and have DDD breasts. life is so hard. i hate having large breasts. i cry myself to sleep more time than not. i only get attention from guys for my boobs. and girls get mad at me. like i'm just doing it to steal they guys or something. i get accused of stuffing my shirt a lot, they think i want these. i have physical problems as well as emotional, and i still have to wait 3 years before i can get the surgery. i hope you know what i'm talking about. my mom told me about this blog, and i thought "finally, someone i can rant to." if you have any advice or insight, it'd be much appreciated, since i still have along way to go.

aliza | 4:32 PM

My sister sent me a link to your post because she knew I could relate. I have been at least a D since I was 16 and at one point was a DDD. I even recently lost 50+ pounds and only dropped to a DD! I hate not being able to buy a bathing suit in a department store. I hate that I wear a size 4 in pants but need a 12 in a shirt just to close the buttons. I have thought on and off about the surgery since my teenage years, but I have never had it because I don't know if I want to lose the opportunity to breast feed my future children. I admire your bravery and appreciate your situation. Thanks for sharing.

laurie | 5:34 AM

coming a little late to this party, but i want to celebrate this line with you:

I had "slept with the whole school" before I even lost my virginity. I could hardly keep up with myself, the fiction of it all.

you are such a precise and evocative writer. you are capable of writing a whole novel with a few small strikes of the keyboard. thank you for sharing your talent with us. i feel lucky to "know" you and i savor every word you write.

Sonja | 9:27 AM

Talk to me sister!! I live in NC and just found out that I wouldn't have to drive to Atlanta to buy a bra at the store where I've been buying my bras for the last few years. This week the Nordstrom in Charlotte sold me a 34 I, as in A,B,C,D,DD/E,F/FF,G,H/HH,I - I'm practically in the middle of the alphabet! I've thought about having a reduction for years, but wanted to breast feed and have great nipple sensation that I'd hate to miss out on! ;-) Running and shopping would be so much easier. We'll see in a couple more years... It always amazes me with all these women getting implants that there aren't more clothes and bathing suits available! Maybe if I lived in CA... I too experienced the visciousness of teenagers, boys and girls AND was relieved when I had my son. As always, love your writing!

Kimberly | 2:08 PM

Thank you for sharing this story!!! I went through all the same things as you did in high school and I hated it. I've not had a reduction yet and cannot wait for the day when I can. I want to have another child before doing so. Not so much because of the whole breastfeeding issue, although that's part of it, but because I want to avoid a second surgery. BTW, I was unable to breastfeed my daughter. I tried, God knows how hard I tried, and nearly had a mental breakdown because my body (my breasts) wouldn't do what they were designed to do. After all, when you're bigger the last thing you think is that you won't be able to breastfeed!!! What's the point of having these if they won't do what God designed them for?

Shaina | 6:16 PM

another thank you...a lot late, but i just found this via the dooce community. i'm set to have my surgery on the 28th at the age of 22, free with insurance because i have back problems that no 22yearold should have. my back freaks out new chiropractors. they're like, what? how?you're too young! and i'm like, BOOBS. yeah.

i'm 5'4", 130-135ish, and have 34DDs on a very small frame. i was gonna ask for a C, you said ask small so i'll ask for a *small* C.
i am scared about not being able to wipe my own butt. i hadn't heard that one before! ugh i hope mine is not that bad. no way am i gonna let someone else wipe me. i'd rather jump in the shower (once i can, that is).

that being said, i'm confident that this is right for me. it's my senior year of college. who knows what the future will bring--kids, i hope, but i'm good with adopting too. i'm not fretting over breastfeeding; my mom didnt really breastfeed me or my brother and we turned out alright. I'll be sad if i do lose sensation, but my boyf will just have to find another way of getting me in the mood ;-)

i just can't wait to go out bra shopping. seriously. for once. i HATE it now, i pretty much just buy the same kind of minimizer over and over and over. i want *variety*!

thank you for sharing your story. i hope to be able to blog some of my experience too, although i'm nowhere near as good a writer as you!

gabbygirl10555 | 5:16 PM

Wow, I can relate to your story. I grew up in a family of 5 generations of huge boobs. I was 16, a DD, 5'0" 118 pounds. I had a reduction at 21 and it was the best thing I've ever done. My daughter is now 16 yrs, 5'6" 130 pounds and a 28HH. She's had to change high schools due to sexual harrassment...it has been a reallly bad year. I've always told her that when she was ready, we would look into a breast reduction and she has finally made that choice. Luckily a long-time family friend is a plastic surgeon and is seeing us for a consult this week.

Ester Jean | 11:31 AM

Oh my god - your high school experience is all that I have seen of California :( WTF is going on there?? I got my 36DD size when I was ELEVEN years old. That was a mind-f^%#. When I was that age, everybody at school was cool to me because I got them while I was on chemotherapy. By the time I was 16, my body was like I had given birth to and breastfed a family of 5. I have strech marks over 90% of my body, my boobs are the same size but sag. The second school I went to, where they didn't know my cancerous past, I was bullied and harassed every day, but not like you experienced! God! That makes me so mad! I have never thought about having reduction done, but I am both assuming/counting on them getting smaller once I breastfeed a couple babes. Thank you so much for sharing this. I wish you had visited my high school on your speaking circuit...

Trista Nicole | 6:32 PM

While I was reading this it really hit me hard, it was as if I was reading what had happened to me. I am only 18 now and last year was my senior year in high school and lucky me the summer before my graduating year I went from a C cup to a E cup. During my senior year as well I hadn't even had my first kiss mind you done anything else, yet somehow I became the 'easy' girl in the school and my number was appearing everywhere. For months I would get daily messages from guy saying that "I should have sex with them" it was no longer a question if I even wanted to it was a statement. The last months of my senior year were the worst moments of my life. I am now in university and I really want to get a breast reduction but I am so scared, reading stories like this though helps me figure out what to do.

Anna | 5:08 AM

I had similar experieces growing up - not the chocolate penis, but the attention because of my boobs, which "came" when I was 12. I was called 'Daisy' because 'only cows have udders'. I was groped, in front of teachers, and nothing was done about it. I was regularly propositioned by adult men from age 13 onwards and I was not ever dressed in anything other than pretty dorkish clothes! I ended up having the surgery when I was 29, after years of chiropractic, osteopathic and physiotherapy appointments together with hard core training of my back muscles all failing to a) avoid back and neck problems and b) have people look me in the eye (G cup). The operation was the best thing ever. I've now just had a baby and am not able to fully breast feed. There is so much pressure to exclusively breast feed (and I understand why) but it feels a little lonely sometimes to not be able to. Your post really made me feel better and not so alone! Thank you!! PS - Bo and Rev are gorgeous!

Anonymous | 2:06 PM

Thank you all for your stories. Boobs are a source of pain for me. And everyone can tell. My kids say, "Mom, I see your boobies!" when I get out o the shower. every day.

I was the first in school to get boobies. Third grade. My mother later told me she thought they might be tumors. (Um, no. Thanks, Mom.) I have always 100% been shy about them. Maybe because my mom would say Oh, that shirt looks... sexy. (Every top looks sexy on me unless it's a turtleneck.) People peeking at me changing @ sleepovers, boys chanting names. I really do hate them. Except when I was feeding my babies, and even then, I felt a bit like a cow. But there was this revelation, "Oh, THIS is what they're for." I've always, always, always been interested in having a reduction (though I'm a DD now, I think.) But, I do look down on the 60 year old woman who has balloon boobs. I don't know why. It's just like she doesn't "own" herself. She's bought into the stereotype. I gotta say, I was on the way opposite side of you, Becca. Not the one on lists, always the one missing from them. And my daughter, I think, will the the popular one, the cheerleader, and I don't know if I should push her towards that (to be herself, hell yeah!) or try and shield her from the shallowness and everything is looks-ness of that arena. It kills me when my daughter says, "I want to look like X." I think she is the most beautiful thing as she is.