(Another) Two-Sided Poo-Poo Haiku for YOU!

Thank goodness I have an endless well of inspiration for such articulately crafted eastern-rooted poetry. No really, THANK GOD!


My Poop Has Texture, from Archer's P.O.V:

I grab my poopy
And when Mommy screams real loud
I smack her quiet


He's Right. It Really Is Quite Textured, in a mother's words:

Ever been poop slapped?
It isn't so glamorous
(Talk about war-paint.)


Anyone else out there have any poop-war-stories as of late? Please do share in the comments. I'm thinking it would make for a great book, no?


GGC

22 comments:

My float | 1:33 AM

I walked into my son's room one day when he was supposed to be sleeping, only to find his cot, his clothing, his sheets, the walls, covered in poo.

This happened about four times. I thought I'd broken the habit. Today he walked up to me with his hand covered in poo that he'd pulled out of his nappy. Gah, the gag reflex has kicked in...Blergh!

Mom101 | 5:53 AM

I grunt and I push.
Constipation's just no fun
Neither are prunes. Sigh.

Andrea | 6:41 AM

Poo squishy to touch.
Cannot keep my fingers out
Good paint substitute.

MILF | 8:03 AM

Mommy removes diaper.
I grab poo.
Great hair gel.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 8:38 AM

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahaha! Smooth. Very smooth.

CJ | 9:03 AM

Looks like chocolate...
Honey, please don't eat that stuff.
My son disgusts me.

merseydotes | 9:26 AM

My personal poop story is a year old now, but I think it is rather timeless. Enjoy.

SuperFiancee | 9:35 AM

My younger sister
Was more photogenic
Once poo-coated...

(Or so I'm told. I was too little to remember actually doing it to her. Keeps her in line, though. Even forty years later! Don't make make pop a poo on you!)

SuperFiancee | 9:36 AM

damn...totally screwed that up.

How about it we change the last line to..

"With a poo coating"?

tallgirl | 10:24 AM

I strain in the bath
I want to see some bubbles
but i get a toy

something blue | 1:12 PM

Wee babe bunged up
Do I have to pull it out?
Nothing helps her.

Toddler is potty trained!
But husband leaves a note,
"Check feet for poo."

Double Ick.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 1:22 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

These are amazing! Keep em coming, people.

J's Mommy | 6:05 PM

I wish I had a catchy poem, but alas my little one is now pooping on the potty. Just know that one day he won't be flinging poo anymore.

Awesome Mom | 7:05 PM

I just did a whole post on poo. My eight month old baby freaks out and trys to roll over every time I change his diaper. Once I get him settled down he starts grabbing down there and trying to spread the joy around. Fun times!

Her Bad Mother | 7:54 PM

I grab at my poo
Hands clutch wet turd
My mother screams

I grab at her poo
Bad Siamese cat
Dirty with cling-on

Rock the Cradle | 9:55 AM

Warm squishy brown stuff
smeared all over Mama's arms
finger painting...yay!

bitemycookie | 12:02 PM

beware shooting poo
nearly missing gramma's hair
funny, but still gross

(a tale from foo's first week of life)

mwah.

talk about a bitchslap, tho.

Suburban Turmoil | 3:30 PM

Whoat. I've never been poop slapped. The worst story I have is that my husband showed Baby the contents of her diaper while he was babysitting her and explained to her in detail what she was seeing. So now several times a day, she'll say, "I have green poo poo" to whomever is around. Ugh...

Christina | 8:48 AM

Lots of poo needs out
Diaper off - I give a push
It's on mommy now

Kristen | 7:34 AM

Oh my god, hilarious, and frightening...

Amanda | 3:30 AM

Well, I've never had it *thrown* at me... but the daughter (the older one) used to love painting the walls and the floor and the bed and the toys and whatever else she could get her hands on with it when she was a toddler. Wtf is so appealing about smearing poop allover the place? Blergh.

Kate | 6:03 AM

The first time at home
Nervously changing her bum
Flies past my face. Splat!

I knew nothing of parenting, 22 and confidently inept, I brought my new babe home from the hospital after a traumatic birth. Mom was there and showed me how to lift her legs, and well, when I did it there was some mustard-yellow explosion that coated the adjacent wall. A slow-mo camera shot might have wiped away my temporary confusion; the poo appeared on the wall so quickly it took a moment to realize what had happened. And yes, my hand was also covered in mustard-yellow newborn baby poo.