Me: Sooooo, they weighed me at the doctor, yesterday.
Hal: Oh, nice. What's the damage?
Hal: Hmmmmm. (without the slightest bit of irony) 178 pounds?
Me: blink. blink. blink, blink. blink.
Hal: More or less?
Me: BLINK. BLINK. BLINK, BLINK BLINKINKINKINKINK.
Me: Double Blink. Head-shake. Eye-roll. Triple Blink.
Hal: (Backing away slowly) Did I say something wrong?
Me: Hal, hon... I have lost OVER FIFTY pounds since Archer was born. CAN'T YOU TELL!? LOOK at me. (begins to strip.)
Hal: Well, I don't know! I don't know how it works for women. You're TALL!... I DON'T KNOW!
Me: I'm not THAT tall.
Hal: You're like, tall and muscular!
Me: I'M AT THE GYM EVERY DAY, DUDE!
Hal: I know and it shows. It REALLY shows. I can tell. I...
Me: Don't talk to me right now.
Hal: Wait! No, lemme guess again! Please?
Me: Fine. What.
Hal: 98 pounds? Like Nicole Richie but skinnier?
Me: ... And that's my time!
*Okay so I know it was my fault for asking but I seriously thought (and maybe I was unknowingly drunk) that he would maybe humor me with I dunno, something in the 120's? 130's even? That would have been nice. I mean...?