Sex, Dancing, Lingerie, Etc (Sponsored + Giveaway)

The following post (and giveaway) is sponsored by Eberjey, home of "the delightful underpinning" aka sexy underthings for lady-people.
eberjey

I've been skirting the issue of postpartum sexuality only because I've had little to say on the subject until recently. I've spent the last six months feeling terrible about my body and the way I look and admitting that, here, or even to myself, makes me feel shallow and ashamed. Because I'm supposed to love my body! I'm supposed to celebrate these dangerous curves, for I am a fertile power-goddess!
sabrinashelf
Sabrina Shelf Bra Chemise ("Come hither" look sold separately)

Except, yeah, not that easy. Because, sure "it's what's on the inside the counts" but what's happening on my outside isn't exactly inviting to my insides, hello. (Sad but true.) Adjusting to life after baby, physically, and in the case of this post, sexually is a difficult thing to discuss. Because sex is supposed to be sexy and yet, the postpartum bod isn't exactly a "sexual plaything". Especially when nursing. And healing. (And I'm still SUPER uncomfortable in my lower abdomen, thanks to a super sensitive and itchy C-scar. Blergh.)
Anyway, because today's post features some of the sexiest underwear I've ever seen (and am currently wearing because lace assists me in my mission for a reclaimed sexual self) I thought I'd write about some of the ways I've reclaimed my body (and sexuality) these last few weeks... And let me just say, this has been a process. It was a process after my first two pregnancies, of course, but not like this and I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, or fear of pregnancy, but I've spent the majority of the last six months rejecting all things sex and sexy and sexual and sexy sex sex.

I'm only JUST starting to reclaim my drive. Which is a relief because sex is HUGELY important not just to my marriage but to ME. Even if (these days) sex sounds like more of a pain in the ass than a pleasure in the... yeah.

I realized this about a month ago when I was moping around feeling like a complete disaster, feeling sorry for myself and my still pregnant-looking stomach and my maternity leggings and whining to Hal about something obnoxious and "how can you even stand to look at me! How could you possibly WANT this body? It's a trainwreck! I'm a trainwreck and oh god... "

And then BAM, I realized the time had come for me to get a grip. I had wasted far too much time feeling bad about feeling bad about the way I looked, felt. I was constantly apologizing for my lack of sex drive, for not getting dressed some days, for feeling like a grotesque blob of blah blah blahbness.

Apologizing was getting me absolutely nowhere. So? I decided to do things that would make me feel sexy instead of sorry. Those things were/are...

1. Start Shopping: A common misconception (and I had it, too) is to wait until you're back to fighting shape to rock some sexy. I was WRONG. There isn't a time in your life you'll need to go shopping MORE than in the weeks and months after giving birth. Remember the fourth, fifth and sixth trimesters! They deserve a flattering wardrobe as well. Or at least, a few flattering pieces that aren't made of sweatpants.

2. Flirt frequently: I'm sure many of you will disagree with me, here, because everything is considered "cheating" these days but one of the keys to keeping my mariage healthy and exciting is feeling sparky with other people. Men, women, it doesn't even matter. It can be a huge ego boost to know that you still got it. Whether that means, eye contact across a crowded grocery store or a hug that lasts a little longer than usual. Conversing with people about things that aren't baby related, even for a moment, can work some serious magic on the mojo.

3. Start a Pornterest: I realize that porn is controversial around these parts for reasons I completely respect. However. I find sexually explicit materials medicinal in nature, revitalizing to a somewhat lost (meandering?) sex drive. Think Pinterest (Pinmedownterest?) for sex. Great excerpts from erotic books, links to favorite websites, etc. Put them all in a secret place and visit them regularly. With something that vibrates.

4. Make Bathtime so much Fun: Remember when baths were for adults? Yeah. I recently stocked up on lotions and potions and oils aplenty so that I could devote an hour or two a week to just... stewing in a warm pool of water full of luxurious things. It's hard not to feel hot with rose petals sticking to your thighs.

5. Dance, Dance = Revolution: The first time I felt "hot" in months was on a dance floor in Austin and it wasn't (just) because I was sweating profusely in my denim jumpsuit. Something about moving one's body among other moving bodies just does it for me. And not even in a sexual way. I realized, regardless of the way I looked, felt, I still had the moves, you know? I mean, I can MOONWALK, you guys! How could I not feel comfortable in this (slightly sagging) skin? In the words of the poet, Madonna, music makes the people come together. I say turn up the music and rock those moves.

Post-bath.

In a new pair of underwear.
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Cleo Bralet and undies = yes please

What are some of your common cures for a the postpartum blahs? What recharges your batts, sparks your fire? I'll choose one commenter at random (via random.org) to win a bra and panty set of your choosing c/o Eberjey. (I'll announce the winner on Monday, April 2nd.) For those looking to do a little shop-shop in the meantime you can use the code GIRLSGONECHILD15 to get 15% off at the eberjey.com register now through April 15th. FYI, They have super cute kids clothes, too.


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UPDATED: Congrats to commenter lucky 13 "Mama D" for winning the bra and panties set! And thanks to all for your candid comments, ideas, advice. I so loved reading these comments. (Very helpful and needed.) You're awesome.
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GGC

239 comments:

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robyn devine | 11:05 AM

oh goodness, i've been feeling the EXACT. SAME. WAY. owen is seven months old, and i've only just started to feel the groove again. i can't even imagine feeling it with having had twins.

and that super sucks about your c-section scar still bothering you. my ob did a ridiculously good job with mine, and after hearing all your troubles i feel super blessed about it.

heading off to check out some new sexy underwear to maybe make me feel sexy again!

ste | 11:07 AM

My son is going to be 1 on Sunday. And I'd like to shower in a wet suit. I have absolutely no interest in sex and no energy to try to get interested in sex. It sucks. It doesn't make my husband very happy, either. I keep hoping that eventually I'll start feeling 'better'.

Shawna | 11:11 AM

I'm still IN the postpartum BLAH.

My daughter is 2 1/2.

Kayla | 11:16 AM

I want so badly to be proud of my postpartum body, I see all around "you a tiger who earned her stripes!", "road maps to a bright future!", "wear those stretch marks, proudly!" MAN, I wish I could, but the fact of the matter is...I just don't feel sexy with purple gashes in my saggy belly. My son is four months old and I've yet to figure out how to dress myself for prime confidence or how to poise my naked body so that it looks just right (as right as it can). These underwear are hot though, gonna check 'em out! Thanks for posting this!

Johi | 11:19 AM

I recommend starting with a date night (which contains margaritas) and ending with lingerie, music, massage oil and very low lightiing...like candlelight.
Not that we actually do this very often.... Good Lord, we are overdue for a date night (and margaritas).
I guess what I am sayiing is that really, the key ingredient for me is a little tequilla. I can be tightly wound and a little tequilla takes the edge off...

dennfinn | 11:20 AM

Oh ladies... I'm SO glad we're all in the same boat. I WISH I wanted to do it more... instead I'm tired. Maybe some sexy lingerie will do the trick!

Elizabeth | 11:24 AM

I'm barely leaving the post-partum blah zone (baby is 17 months) and the thing that got me going was exercise. Basically, my daughter started sleeping through the night and I could get up early to workout, which meant I slowly got more energy and began feeling muscle in places I hadn't felt muscle since Kid No. 1. That made me feel strong and, yeah, sexy. The huz noticed, too, and went from "you don't need to exercise!" to "are you working out today?"

Jana | 11:24 AM

Good post, great questions. Your advice to go shopping is a good one. I've supplemented that by doing cosmetic things that make me feel more special times-ready: painting my finger- and toenails, lady business grooming, etc. Perhaps I just feel like "hey I took all this time to get groomed, can't waste it" but it helps with intimacy.

Ellen | 11:25 AM

Kissing. And shopping. That has been recharging me so far...

Dranrab | 11:27 AM

Reading sexual books is great! (Sookie Stackhouse is a regular of mine)

I'm 3 months now (for the first time) so I haven't yet ventured to post-partum.

Super cute lingerie! It reminds me of classic pin-up women!

Sara Gift | 11:27 AM

Exercise! Just start going outside and pushing the stroller even when you don't feel like it :)

Julia Magnusson (It's not like a cat...) | 11:27 AM

Ugh, yes. My youngest is nearly 2 and my formerly rockin' sex drive is just waking up. Sometimes just making the effort helps. Or smelling my husband's neck. Trying to dress better or wear makeup. And YES, flirting with other people really gets me going. I had a very hot massage therapist for a time; after every session, I'd go home and have amazing sex w/ my husband (alas, the therapist moved to a different practice in a different town).

Mama D | 11:27 AM

Funny that this is a lingerie-sponsored post, because I realized last night that one of the things that makes me feel sexy is a cute panty and bra set.

See, I never feel like my clothes are fitting right. But the stuff underneath 1) is "you" without having to deal with other people making comments and 2) always fits well because, hey, who wants tight panties and bra??

So, lucky for my husband, halfway-to-naked makes me feel sexy. I like the way my cute sets fit -- baby gut and all. And I like the way he looks at me when he sees them. ;-)

Amanda | 11:29 AM

My son will be 3 next month and I STILL feel this way. Great advice - exercise, making an effort to feel pretty, and yes a nice bath will do it. Great post as always!

Christy | 11:30 AM

A really good massage is the best pick me up of all times.

Grace Miller | 11:32 AM

I have a very weak libido. But when I feel pretty, I feel sexy. So I like to paint my nails, wear make-up, and perhaps wear a skirt with a low cut top. And like you, dancing always makes me feel sexy. I miss the days long gone of night clubbing with my hubby.

Carrie | 11:33 AM

Thank you for including the pornterest ideas, so few people talk about this as a great way to get your mojo back! It helps!

Lauren | 11:34 AM

Kissing- more than just a peck, making out is still fun! And wine. Wine makes me feel beautiful, although I hate admitting that.

Catalina | 11:35 AM

I so completly agree with you on the dance-thing. Even better when you use nice underwear beneath!

Anonymous | 11:35 AM

Bust magazine. At the back of every issue is "sex files ONE-HANDED READ". And each one is different and inciting.

Wendy | 11:36 AM

A supportive, yet sexy bra helps me feel a little more desirable and in the mood.

In a post about post partum bodies, why use pictures of only ridiculously thin models? How about using some women with less than perfect bodies? Maybe women who had a baby in the last year and don't have a concave stomach? I understand the company chose these models but how about showing a different vision of sexy and beautiful besides the stick thin one that we are constantly force fed by the media, Hollywood, fashion industry, etc?

Just a thought.

Katie S. | 11:37 AM

Oops accidentally posted this anonymously: Bust magazine. At the back of every issue is "sex files ONE-HANDED READ". And each one is different and inciting.

Aliesha | 11:37 AM

I totally think that buying new clothes was the thing that finally pulled me out of my funk. I was so tired of looking like crap every day, but didn't want to "waste" money on new clothes at a weight I hated. But I finally decided I was never going to be motivated to lose the weight if I felt like a piece of crap all the time. I spent a little money and felt instantly better about myself because my clothes FIT and didnt strangle me all day at work.

Liz | 11:37 AM

Seriously? Who said flirting is cheating?! Casual flirting is actually very healthy. Obviously, locking lips with and touching the other person is a no-no, but a little bit of chatting and heavy looks can be fun.

Thanks for bringing flirting and porn up. I feel like too many people automatically see these as bad things, when they can actually be good for your own health. If anyone is turned off by the idea of flirting with someone else, try it with your significant other. You'd be amazed at how much fun it is, no matter how long you've been together.

Sarah | 11:38 AM

I am not yet postpartum, but I'm gathering information for when I get there! For now, it's the lace that makes me feel like a sex goddess (and the way he looks at me in the lace...yeah, that too).

Angie | 11:40 AM

I downloaded the most ridiculous erotica/porn from the Kindle Owners Lending Library a few nights ago. It did the trick (and instead of "did", I just typed "tit"), and then I quickly got rid of it. Ha.

Mish Lovin' Life | 11:40 AM

I love that lingerie. And I think just by throwing on something like that instantly lifts the sexual slump!

Christi S | 11:41 AM

Once i started working out again 9 months postpartum i felt so much better. something about having your body do something that makes you see it as strong also made me feel like i WAS strong AND sexy!

ChrisC | 11:41 AM

Oooh, so pretty! I don't have kids, but after a few years together, my guy and I could use a fresh spark. Pretty lingerie, yay!

Meg S | 11:42 AM

Massage, massage, massage!

The Hunter's Prize | 11:44 AM

I am very grateful for my partner's support post baby. It would be a lot harder for me if he had a hard time about how I looked, but he does a really good job at making me feel sexy.

But some sexy underwear and a dirty novel are also helpful!

Kim | 11:48 AM

I am right there with you, but my kids are a little older. Like about the same age as yours, but without the twins. And I still am working on getting my sexy back. I definitely need something to hold my MY twins, though. :)

Nearing 10 years of togetherness and 6 years of parenthood. It's like Dr. Ruth said, your brain is the most sexual organ you have, right?

Meghan | 11:48 AM

It took forever to even remotely get my groove back. It's hard physically and mentally with 3 little people demanding so much of me every day.

Jenni Rose | 11:50 AM

My bra just broke today. My 4th trimester has lasted 7 months and is showing no signs of slowing. THANK YOU for this post! It's so great knowing so many people feel the same way. :)

Paige | 11:50 AM

It took over a year for me to feel sexy again, and nearly 2.5 years "post partum" I am too tired most nights to do anything other than pass out. BUT! I agree about the shopping, as early as possible. My mom bought me a pair of comfy wide-legged jeans about three months after my daughter was born, and having nice non-maternity pants was such a huge relief - even if they were a larger size than anything I'd owned before, and I wore them every. single. day. I have to say though...maybe it's just me...I kind of feel like I never really recovered from my c-section incision. I have to wear high waisted pants and undies because anything that hits my stomach where the scar is feels weird. Not painful, just weird.

Me | 11:52 AM

My baby is about to turn 2, yet I still feel like Im in the post-partum stage. I have lost a lot of weight and exercise regularly (training for a triathlon) but I really struggle with "sexy." I used to LOVE feeling sexy and now its like my tiger is hibernating! Ive been single for a year and my exfiance was NOT interested in sex for several months before the break up. Not feeling sexy plus continuously being rejected equals broken sexy. Ive been working for a long time to fix my sexy, and new lil things definitely help! Scheduling waxing or shaving every week really helps me keep up with the self grooming, and when Im groomed it makes it easier to feel sexy. Its all just for me and helps me make the most out of the time the kids are gone!

Allison C | 11:52 AM

Wonderful post, and something that's not talked about enough. I've got an 18 month old, and things are just starting to pick up, which is nice.

Sarah | 11:53 AM

I am right there with you on the itchy c-section scar and flabby belly hanging over the top of it!

I think it's important to take the opportunity when it is presented to you, even if the dishes need done, or clothes need folded, or whatever.

Just jump on it ;)

shadymama | 11:53 AM

i don't know, girl. definitely dancing, cuz, ya know - BOOTY.SHAKING. also, yoga, just to connect with my body in a real and intentional way. the biggest thing, thus far, in terms of body confidence/self-love, has been the mantra "change how you see, not how you look." i repeat that to myself whenever i participate in the (totally cruel and unhelpful) self talk. (sidenote: would i EVER say the things i say to myself, about my body, to a friend that i love dearly? never! ...so twisted...) finally, i'm on a diet - but not the kind that affects what you eat! i'm on a starvation diet of IMAGES. i refuse to look at alla these pics, everywhere of women who i bear no resemblance to...(including the ones in this post-) difficult? yeah, we're bombarded/surrounded/indoctrinated. worth it? TOTES. i wrote these thoughts/this poem 2 YEARS AGO (struggle much?) - may be relevant? --> http://aftml.wordpress.com/2010/03/25/about-bodies/ and, fer what it's worth, i think yer So So Beautiful. cheers.

meredyth | 11:56 AM

I don't know if this counts since I haven't been pregnant, but I would love some sexy undies to help the stress of this year.
Let me make my case: We moved to Austin (awesome but a little lonely) and he's the breadwinner as I look for work & write. This puts us under a lot of stress because though he makes just enough there's no extras for going out to explore our new town, or have dates like we used to. Plus, I feel a lot of guilt for not being able to bring in money too. All of this adds to stress which kills sexy time. We've had a lot of fights that just start by one of us (me) trying to get the other in the mood.

But recently we've been getting better. Here are our solutions:
1) morning / day sex (yes, I know it's not possible for some, but it works for us)
2) $40 date nights. No more than that but we get to spend it together.
3) lots and lots and lots of cuddles, kisses and PDA. Just because the sex drive might be slow does not mean this needs to die down. Sometimes it's even enough because it reminds the other person how much you care.
4) Lastly: lots of kindness and building the other person up and making them feel attractive.

Rochelle | 11:58 AM

It was definitely getting my body back into shape that helped me get my spark back! I'm not a fan of working out, but I LOVE the response I get from my husband because of it!

Ashley | 12:05 PM

I'm only six weeks postpartum, but I had a seriously traumatic birth. I was supposed to have a homebirth but got transfered because baby turned posterior. Anyway..I got the WORST stretchmarks that I've ever seen in my life (being 5'3" and having a super short torso, the baby could only go OUT). I also got PUPPP and have a separated abdomen. Now my stomach looks like the face of a bulldog all sagging around my STILL out belly button that looks like a nose. Obviously hubby has never gone so long without DTD, but I'm like..REALLY? LOOK AT ME!!! I've never felt less sexy in my life. Hopefully I can feel good about myself eventually cause this is just a BUMMER. (I mean, I have stretch marks on my CALF!)
Maybe some sexy undies is just what I need. :)

skatie80 | 12:11 PM

After I finished nursing, getting some cute bras that actually accentuated my newly shrunken assets really helped. Also- lots of wine and Y Tu Mama Tambien after the baby goes to bed! That movie could wake the libido of the dead.

Martha | 12:12 PM

Hmmm. I didn't feel too many postpartum blahs the first time around. I didn't gain too much weight and I was back in fighting shape in a few weeks, and happy to get back in the saddle at four weeks. Next time around it may be different, as I think I'll be more tired! Being tired is definitely the biggest sexy-time killer. But a romantic movie often helps put me in the mood. So many people post about Eberjay and their lingerie is just gorgeous! If I had some money I'd get myself some.

oh, jenny mae | 12:16 PM

although the youngest is 3.5, we had a pretty heavy drought last year & one thing that has helped is bringing toys back into our bed. i recommend vibrating things to everyone.

Anonymous | 12:17 PM

Three babies in four years - youngest just turned one. A shower at the end of the day is KEY. Coming to bed CLEAN. Sometimes it's at midnight, but that's OK. And then taking the time to rub in a nice smelling lotion puts me in the mood. BUT, here's the thing. I can't help but think, No no no! This is my first shower in like three days and now you're going to mess me all up!! My husband joked, "wow you've really made the window for having sex with you small!" Not the day OF, but the day after, and then not the third day. Luckily, I'm getting showers a lot more regularly now.
Here's something I'd LOVE for you to find for me. I just bought new pretty underwear, got in the bed all clean and smelling good and it was off within a minute. He never even saw it! So what I would like is a new pretty nightgown. Am I the only woman on the planet that still wears one? Pretty, but not see through. Something I could wear around the kids...but pretty. I have a style I love. Cotton , but not clingy. Flowy. Sleeveless and then wide enough at the top so you don't see your bra, with buttons down the front for easy access for your baby and him. I really like this style too because you can be on top or bottom with it unbuttoned and give him the boobs but not the tummy. Just above knee length. What a sexy gypsy would wear in the south. Where are they?? Maybe I just need to make one... But, if you could find that for me - I'd be completely turned on. ;-)

Anonymous | 12:22 PM

Postpartum Blah...it will go away, but it takes some time. Be proud of yourself and your body.
The problem is "time".
you HAVE to take some time for yourself, end everything will fall into place...
Of course, shopping helps a lot :-)

Candace | 12:28 PM

It was really hard for me to even think about sex after #2 because my body was not my temple. I still feel very disconnected to it (after 18 months) because it is so different from what I want it to be, what I remember it being. Anyway, one way I reclaimed a little sexy was to sneak into my husbands bed (I sleep with my two babes and he has his own room, sad but whatever gets us sleep) in the early morning. These early morning rendevous have been amazing for us. I seem to feel best about myself after I've had a fullish night's sleep. Good luck!

Margaret | 12:29 PM

Honestly, I'm glad to read that I'm not alone. After weaning my 11 month old and my husband buying me some sexy undies, I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and finally having a drink!

Francie11827 | 12:30 PM

My son is going to be two next week and the last six months or so things have been back to normal or better for me body image wise. My husband threw away all of my huge maternity underwear that I was still wearing and I had fun picking out some new things. I agree that exercise really help me feel better energy and body wise. Best wishes and this too shall pass!

Patsy | 12:34 PM

I am reading each and every one of these comments. I am due in 8 weeks and the stretch marks that are already taking over my belly make me feel awful.

I am so glad I am not the only one!

MamaMeg | 12:34 PM

It took 7 months post baby #2 to get my groove back for any sort of "adult" time. Now, 4 years later, after work, dinner prep, homework, clean up, baths, books and brushing 2 other sets of teeth the thing that keeps me happy is exercise. Yes, I got to the gym at 8:30pm and come home to my husband feeling strong, accomplished and sexy.

Playground Confidential | 12:35 PM

I know that getting the baby out of the room is going to be huge. In the meantime, though, we'll have to rock some kitchen loving.

Amanda | 12:36 PM

Breast feeding killed my libido. Until each of my kids weaned and I was getting a sane amount of sleep, no amount of sexy underwear was going to work for me. I need 1. Normal hormones 2. Sleep 3. Time to relax and refocus my mind on sex (the bath thing is helpful). If I don't get those, wearing lacy underwear is equivalent to trying to melt an ice berg with a hair dryer.

jesse k | 12:42 PM

exercise!! even a little yoga or running.

kelli(q) | 12:45 PM

Ever since my Mirena removal last June and addition of Prozac to my daily diet, I have lost my sexy fizzle. It has waxed and waned since my son was born in 2008 anyway, but this past several months have been awful. The extra 40 pounds haven't helped, either. So gurl, even though I only have half your kids and no C-scar, I get it. My vagina is closed for business right now. Exercise is totally my go-to fix but I have so little energy lately, too. A vicious cycle I have to break with the power of my own will.

I don't think I own a single matching bra/panty set, even though I've always thought it would be awesome. These are gorgeous. Majorly diggin' on the Clementine & Isabella sets, but there are so many gorgeous ones.

Mena | 12:46 PM

Even after four years, between the time my vajayjay expanded to allow a bowling ball through and now (returned to its pre-bowling ball shapely-ness), I still am not quite comfortable in my slightly saggy skin, rounded hips, and pendulous breasts. Paradoxically, I feel sexiest without clothes on at all, in bare skin nudity. I must find clothes that make me want to strut, ones that are not just see-though American Apparel bodysuits (yes, I have been known to just wear this divine article and I feel like a million bucks.) Maybe I should take a job as a plus-size lingerie model?

Katie Lee | 12:47 PM

I haven't had children, but I have had times when my husband and I are in a slump. What helps for us is to go on a date. Can anyone say anticipation?

Aimee | 12:48 PM

In addition to feeling super NOT sexy, being wet and dry in the wrong parts of my body, having little sleep, and just feeling all around like the most asexual person alive, the pharmacy kept calling my HUSBAND'S cell with reminders to pick up the mini pill. I almost felt bad for his daily reminder that his wife was not going to put out that night...except I feel like pushing a kid out of the vadge makes us even!
Maybe I'll take a bath tonight. And wear cute undies. Thanks for the tips.

Aimee | 12:51 PM

I feel ya...I'm just hoping it goes away at month 3 like colic!

Madeline Wilson | 1:00 PM

My little boy is a week younger than your girls and I'm also just getting my groove back. Excercising, flirting, and lovely (and persitent lol) oiled up massages from my hubby have helped get the bowchicawowow back.

Anonymous | 1:03 PM

I'm 6 months pregs with baby 2 and feeling pretty groz (think reptilian, droopy, tired, etc) Both my husband and I are away from the house working 40+ hours a week, and with a busy home life. Sex life was great pretty quickly PP, but now into pregnancy 2 it has nose dived. Things that help me get over (or on) the hump:

1. Just do it. I spend so much time internalizing my disdain for my body that I often cannot find my way out of myself. Sometimes I just make myself go for it (sexy time), and feelsomuchbetterforitafterwards! Sex really does amazing things for your joints/muscles too

2. Talk to hubs. Sometimes hubs will offer pathetic/obnoxious invitations of himself which make me laugh more than want. Sometimes all I need is to sit down on the couch and have a long conversation with him after the kid has gone to bed; then I remember what it is like to like him because...

3. When the chores are done, and there is finally some time to catch up, we do the things we like to do (eat, drink wine, listen to records, light candles, have baths, etc) Doing all of that reminds us both of our own lives BC.

4. Sunshine/outdoors help. MAGOG, we live in the great white North and spend far too much time in darkness during the winter season; however we love hiking/sailing/swimming/walking, and when we do so my mojo improves; dramatically, to the point where sometimes I suggest to my husband that we go for a hike to get me in the mood. Trees/plants/animals/growth; those things are all inspiring, in so many ways.

That is my cents worth. I don't need to mention how lovely you look all the time (pregnant, not) because I know, so hard to be objective about yourself. Glad you are feeling better though, and talking about it!

Mae Bryan | 1:08 PM

Wow, this is personal, but I love the honesty. For me, I try to do things that will make me feel confident and pretty (exercise, pedicures, etc.). Also, vacation is great, and I love doing something exciting and romantic together.

Jill | 1:10 PM

My sex drive was pretty crap even before getting pregnant. What's been helping, weirdly enough, is using my birth relaxation techniques to feel relaxed and ready for sex. Doesn't exactly make you feel horny, but for me, relaxed enough that sex isn't uncomfortable is progress.

Ali | 1:11 PM

Ooh la la. I love their stuff, comfortable and sweet.

Katherine Haas | 1:12 PM

What recharges me is a good workout. A lot of sleep. Feeling healthy makes it easier. Trust me, cause I've tried the sitting on the pity pot/drowning sorrows in piles of fries...sometimes when you know what doesn't work, then you see the opposite works...even if you dont realize it in the moment!

-katherinehaas@yahoo.com

Stephanie | 1:15 PM

I really enjoy spending a looong morning in the bathroom getting ready. Shave the legs, the panty line, do my nails, face mask and/or scrub, etc. EXTRA pretty time. It's hard not to feel like you look great when you've gone the extra mile and enjoyed the process!

Kristen | 1:15 PM

I can get into a serious funk when it comes to my body...so I find that just doing it usually gets me feeling good again...Exercise....a good shower and shave!! Just taking a few minutes to take care of myself

Alyssa C | 1:19 PM

There is nothing better than dancing alone in my room (in my best undies) to get me feeling better. Something about moving my body and laughing - it's the only way.

BlackberryGirl | 1:21 PM

This is such a wonderful wonderful post. I almost pinned it under for Moms Postpartum. Remember that old book, "I lost Everything in the Post-Partum Depression!?)

Each and every one of your suggestions was spot-on as some of my British friends say. To add to that, I would suggest one thing that worked for me, well two things: Great stockings to go with the new lingerie and a lightly boned corset-cami for wearing is mood-making of a good sort. It still gives me a kick to wear very pretty things under very Mom clothes.

New sheets and pillowcases. Really. In shades to compliment some lingerie/sleep tees. Garnet Hill has great things but even the local semi-discount store can have pretty all-cotton sheets. My husband actually surprised me with a set of really pretty sheets for our bed and the "guest"room bed, for naps. My sister added really lush bath towels and a few lacy face cloths that were JUST FOR ME. Amazingly effective.

And as for the Porn...I am a serious Erotica buff and had my stash with photos hid away but with Tumblr, oh my. A few quick peeks and my-oh-my. As for the flirting, hey I'm a Southern Girl, we flirt as naturally as breathing and it is totally necessary to get the right hormones flowing.

As for your poor tummy scar, my sister had the same issues, she used various creams, one from EarthMama faithfully but it took time. And you know, it's been years since I had a baby, and I still don't like the lower tummy. At all. Grrr. But a very good kiss on the back of my neck at the right time, makes me forget all about that, especially if I'm wearing fancy panties and sexy-sweet bra. Our sexuality is so important.

It strikes me a strange that the very activity that makes babies, does things to us like that...maybe it is to insure we take care of them when they most need it or prevent another baby too soon? Who knows, but as a long-time married lady (who just like you married younger than my friends and peers), I cannot stress how important it is to rekindle that spark.

Thank you for such a wonderful honest caring article, I am sending it to some friends of mine that are seriously struggling with Ugh-No-Sex Please, I'm a Mother issues.

Take care,
Jennifer

Melissa | 1:21 PM

I love Eberjey! So sweet and pretty.

BlackberryGirl | 1:22 PM

This is such a wonderful wonderful post. I almost pinned it under for Moms Postpartum. Remember that old book, "I lost Everything in the Post-Partum Depression!?)

Each and every one of your suggestions was spot-on as some of my British friends say. To add to that, I would suggest one thing that worked for me, well two things: Great stockings to go with the new lingerie and a lightly boned corset-cami for wearing is mood-making of a good sort. It still gives me a kick to wear very pretty things under very Mom clothes.

New sheets and pillowcases. Really. In shades to compliment some lingerie/sleep tees. Garnet Hill has great things but even the local semi-discount store can have pretty all-cotton sheets. My husband actually surprised me with a set of really pretty sheets for our bed and the "guest"room bed, for naps. My sister added really lush bath towels and a few lacy face cloths that were JUST FOR ME. Amazingly effective.

And as for the Porn...I am a serious Erotica buff and had my stash with photos hid away but with Tumblr, oh my. A few quick peeks and my-oh-my. As for the flirting, hey I'm a Southern Girl, we flirt as naturally as breathing and it is totally necessary to get the right hormones flowing.

As for your poor tummy scar, my sister had the same issues, she used various creams, one from EarthMama faithfully but it took time. And you know, it's been years since I had a baby, and I still don't like the lower tummy. At all. Grrr. But a very good kiss on the back of my neck at the right time, makes me forget all about that, especially if I'm wearing fancy panties and sexy-sweet bra. Our sexuality is so important.

It strikes me a strange that the very activity that makes babies, does things to us like that...maybe it is to insure we take care of them when they most need it or prevent another baby too soon? Who knows, but as a long-time married lady (who just like you married younger than my friends and peers), I cannot stress how important it is to rekindle that spark.

Thank you for such a wonderful honest caring article, I am sending it to some friends of mine that are seriously struggling with Ugh-No-Sex Please, I'm a Mother issues.

Take care,
Jennifer

BlackberryGirl | 1:22 PM

This is such a wonderful wonderful post. I almost pinned it under for Moms Postpartum. Remember that old book, "I lost Everything in the Post-Partum Depression!?)

Each and every one of your suggestions was spot-on as some of my British friends say. To add to that, I would suggest one thing that worked for me, well two things: Great stockings to go with the new lingerie and a lightly boned corset-cami for wearing is mood-making of a good sort. It still gives me a kick to wear very pretty things under very Mom clothes.

New sheets and pillowcases. Really. In shades to compliment some lingerie/sleep tees. Garnet Hill has great things but even the local semi-discount store can have pretty all-cotton sheets. My husband actually surprised me with a set of really pretty sheets for our bed and the "guest"room bed, for naps. My sister added really lush bath towels and a few lacy face cloths that were JUST FOR ME. Amazingly effective.

And as for the Porn...I am a serious Erotica buff and had my stash with photos hid away but with Tumblr, oh my. A few quick peeks and my-oh-my. As for the flirting, hey I'm a Southern Girl, we flirt as naturally as breathing and it is totally necessary to get the right hormones flowing.

As for your poor tummy scar, my sister had the same issues, she used various creams, one from EarthMama faithfully but it took time. And you know, it's been years since I had a baby, and I still don't like the lower tummy. At all. Grrr. But a very good kiss on the back of my neck at the right time, makes me forget all about that, especially if I'm wearing fancy panties and sexy-sweet bra. Our sexuality is so important.

It strikes me a strange that the very activity that makes babies, does things to us like that...maybe it is to insure we take care of them when they most need it or prevent another baby too soon? Who knows, but as a long-time married lady (who just like you married younger than my friends and peers), I cannot stress how important it is to rekindle that spark.

Thank you for such a wonderful honest caring article, I am sending it to some friends of mine that are seriously struggling with Ugh-No-Sex Please, I'm a Mother issues.

Take care,
Jennifer

Kerry | 1:36 PM

I wish I wanted sex more, but with a 3.5 year old and a 9 month old there are plenty of libido culprits: fatigue, stretch marks, saggy tummy, temper tantrums. A little slow dance can help me to forget the day.

brooke robyn cannon | 1:37 PM

Hello, i know I dont know you, and heck, you have even less of an idea of who I am, but I saw this and thought of you (your son) and wanted to share...http://www.lmnop.com.au/2010/11/streetwise/
Maybe a little creepy to see something and want to share with a complete stranger, but heck, um, its a mom-thing?
Brooke

LiciaLee | 1:38 PM

It took me a long time to get back into the sexy thing. I don't even know what finally happened. And the sad thing is now I am pregnant again and the only thing more unsexy than post partum time is 1st trimester time. BLEH.

Alyssa | 1:40 PM

A few things the recharge me:

1) Exercise. Damn, does that ever make me feel like I just conquered the room and now I can, ahem, conquer other things

2) THAT bra

3) Reminding my husband that I need to hear that he loves me and that I'm beautiful and then reaping the benefits after he obliges.

Ana | 1:41 PM

Thanks so much for your upfront words. Really. I feel like this subject isn't discussed enough and it's so prominent and valid for so many women. It's all a blur for me with my last baby, but as far as I can remember it simply took time and patience. I think I had a moment of realization like yourself where one day I said enough is enough and began to focus on myself again. As for my current state, I am 40 weeks pregnant and anxiously awaiting not only meeting my sweet baby, but also getting back on the road to feeling comfortable in my body again. I'll likely refer to this post in a few months. Thanks again. :)

April | 1:42 PM

I'm currently dealing with post-miscarriage sexuality. It's hard to feel sexy when it feels like my body has failed me. Maybe I need to buy myself some pretty undies?

Katie | 1:44 PM

I am now 23 weeks pregnant again and I was about 18 months out with my son when I started to get a drive back at all. I think the stemiest it has been was on our honney moon which was when my son was 18month old and what did my husband do. He knocked me up again. I mean I give him the booty but it out of guilt and knowing I should. Shhhh... Do not tell him. I have huge sore boobs. And once this child is born I am going to have huge sore nursing boobs and after that I am going to have huge sagging boobs.

But hopefully eventually I will have the sex drive I once had.

Amy | 1:47 PM

Those undies are gorgeous (and look comfortable!).

Raina and Andy | 1:47 PM

I'm 1.5 months out from having my 2nd. My husband just asked last night when ,y 6 week appointment was with my ob. He was wondering when I'd get the ok....made my stomach drop.

I'm gonna go get something new to wear that fits right and maybe enjoy a glass of wine before!

The Cribkeeper | 1:51 PM

After 3 pregnancies, I was left with ugly, bulging, lumpy varicose veins and tons of spider veins in my left leg. Ugh. I couldn't even stand looking at it. I couldn't imagine my husband wanting a wife with "old lady legs". And the boobs....don't even get me started on the boobs. I had quite a pair back in the day. Now,after nursing 3 kids, I shop in the LITTLE GIRLS' department. I think I wear a AA. Ridiculous. Meanwhile, my husband, who swears he doesn't care, comments on the "racks" of random women all the time. Not awesome.

Chrissy | 1:51 PM

I was ready for sex again when my son was a couple of weeks old...but my body wasn't yet! It was agonizing having to wait...

Now, I just need to read a bit of Anais Nin, or thinking about my husband...and I'm there.

robyn | 1:55 PM

date night has been a life-saver for me. taking the time to focus on me and putting a little extra effort in has made such a difference in my attitude. i may not be able to splurge on a new dress each time, but i try and put on something that makes me feel sexy underneath.

glenda | 2:00 PM

date nights, candles, scented lotion, red, lingerie, lace...

Amanda | 2:03 PM

I had babies every 2 years 3 times. Each time it was way more a mental game than a physical one, which is to say I had to get my head in the right place before I could feel good in the, ah, right place.

I think the bath thing is a good one, somehow being reminded that soft is a good thing helps you forgive the soft in places you might not want.

Love that you said this out loud!

hattie | 2:03 PM

A shower recharges me. Always. Especially if we shower together.

Susan | 2:03 PM

A friend's first pregnancy was triplets and she went from a never pregnant body to what you would expect after growing three people.
She was not in love with her body, and one day her husband brought her home some lingerie. She saw that it was in her pre-pregnancy size and, when he insisted, she only put it on to show him how bad it looked. His response? "Look at that ass! Now get up on that dresser!" And so she did.

hattie | 2:03 PM

A shower recharges me. Always. Especially if we shower together.

Amanda Nan | 2:05 PM

Apologies in advance to anyone with innocent eyes but I MUST tell you about this! Porn pinterest aka Snatchly.com.

Myssie | 2:07 PM

I have hit that "sexual peak" thing that always sounded mythological. Real or not, I am...there. All. The. Time.
Thankfully, I have a partner who is more than happy to play.

katalia | 2:09 PM

I'm not postpartum, but I plan to be some day. I am currently a curvy girl that struggles with body issues. my husband likes my curves though, and I get catcalls from strangers, so I guess I should be grateful for what I have.

beyond | 2:16 PM

oh gosh. for the first 6 months nothing could interest me in sex. nothing. now, at almost 8 months postpartum it's coming back. getting my body back is a huge part of it. and being a little less tired.

Amelia | 2:21 PM

You are awesome. That is all.

McConnels | 2:23 PM

I think this probably sounds awful, but if i'm not feeling that sexy/in the mood (which is 99% of the time with a 5 month old), but I fake like I am, then I end up actually feeling that way. I finally had to suck it up for my husbands sake, and found out that it works for me. Thankfully I know I won't feel like this forever...

Whitney | 2:24 PM

I run. And run and run and run.

I used to feel guilty leaving the house to work out after my first kid. Then I had a second and all the weight from both making me feel disgusting. I used to run, so was easily discouraged by my out of shapeness, but I started slow and built on every pound (or even half pound) of success. It gives me a mental health break and a time during the day when I feel strong again, as a woman, not just a mom. I know I am a good mom, but sometimes there is nothing less feminine or girly than being a mom, and nothing is sexier than feeling strong in my body again.

Anonymous | 2:26 PM

a weekend away kid free with hubby always helps kick start things.

couponmama23_at_hotmail

Britt | 2:33 PM

I am a 23 year old mother of an almost three year old and a just turned one year old. I had a rockin' body that I didn't even close to appreciate as a youngster. And I have battled the past three years with the way I look and not letting it dampen my sex life with my husband. I find that taking the initiative and setting up sexy rendezvous with my husband makes me feel a lot better, because even if I'm not the hottest thing around anymore, I can set the mood and please my man. Listening to a good mood setting soundtrack really helps too. And I'm sure some new undies would kick it up a notch! :) Love your blog lady!

Kirsten | 2:35 PM

Nothing like a little lace pick-me-up!

Anonymous | 2:42 PM

I love you. I love your words. I love your perspective on this subject, but... oh man... the pictures are just totally bumming me out.

robin | 2:45 PM

Thank you for your honesty. I agree, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands...in more ways than one. Ahem. I still have what I consider my postpartum body, and my son is 13 months old! I don't want to spend my life hating how I look, hating how I feel, hating that I hate how I look and feel. Eventually you need to just get up and DO SOMETHING...whether that means exercising or getting a pedicure or joining weight watchers or buying new clothes or lingerie. Whatever works for you. For me, getting dressed every day, in something without an elastic waste, helps immensely. :)

Melanie | 2:47 PM

After my twins, I was 25, with a wrinkly, saggy, old-lady body. And yeah, all the powerful-fertile-goddess talk is great and I'm all for empowerment, but part of me never really internalized it (mostly the nursing-boobs-twin-skin-belly part of me). I was so afraid that I was ruined, because I had zero desire for sex. I was relieved when the hormones kicked in again at 9 months and my libido resurrected itself. So was my husband. My youngest kiddo is almost 12 now, and I am finally mostly at peace with my body. I'm in a new relationship, saggier than ever, but all the important bits work. I did three things to get here: 1) I started yoga, and unintentionally discovered that an hour of focusing on my strength completely changed my relationship with my body; 2) I stopped apologizing for my body and stopped warning potential intimate partners "what to expect"; 3) I stopped berating my body out loud and surprisingly, it stopped happening in my head too. I realized I had been feeling betrayed by my body's inability to recover its shape. This bod has done amazing things and it's still sensitive in all the right places and also, *I love sex*. So I focused on that, and as far as I can tell, as long as I'm into it, my man-type person is into it too and neither of us is worried about what the other looks like. No one ever talks about this stuff...I admire you for putting it out there. :)

Jill Smyth | 2:50 PM

Making time for myself was the only thing that worked for this lady. Well that, and the dance revolution. Maybe the hula hoop. Okay, so there are lots of things but it took a year and a half for it to work at all.

Maggie | 2:51 PM

I love just putting that little extra effort into "grooming" to make me feel sexy.

Meredith Toraason | 3:00 PM

After having baby #3 it was like a jungle down there, so I went and got a nice Brazilian wax and it made me feel really sexy!! Like when you get a hair cut:)so fresh and clean! My hubby loved it too! Exercising and getting my bode back definitely is helping too!!

Anonymous | 3:16 PM

While I cannot speak to the postpartum issue, I can speak to the issue of addressing weight at the end of a very stressful grad program (are there any that aren't stressful?) The answer is exercise. Nothing too serious, just enough to get the energy back and then things start happening from there.

NOELLE ALOUD | 3:29 PM

I'm in a 20-weeks-pregnant, 15-pounds-heavier funk. Sex? No, thank you. Except that it's so important! And I really MISS it. But, just...no.

I just bought myself about $100 worth of stuff for my face (which is more than I ever spend in one go, EVER) so I could at least look a little more rested and refreshed, but it honestly never occurred to me until just NOW that I could go out and buy some new lacy underthings for my new size Large self.

Lacey Jane | 3:31 PM

I had a baby less than two weeks ago. Luna Faye Diem. My sweet sweet delicious baby girl. I have absolutely nothing to add to these comments because my husband tried making out with me the other day and I burst into hormonal postpartum tears for a good 20 minutes because of how fat I suddenly felt. Sigh. I will, however, read the comments and hope that someone else has something excellent to add to your list!

Andressa Gobba | 3:33 PM

I have the most horrible postpartum body... My son is 10mo and I'm still the weight when i gave birth. and you wouldn't believe it, but my inside scar herniated, so I have the superficial scar and what looks like an intestine hanging out of my belly. I think it's because I spent the whole time for 2 months sitting down breastfeeding (he would suck for 3 hours in a row, sleep for 2 and begin again), and the scar inside my abdomen came out... It's really awful, my belly too, nothing fits me but anyways I get horny near my period... Ever since I gave birth...
For what I've seen for your pics, your body is phenomenal, I was jealous of you when the girls were newborns, you looked amazing already back then.
For what it's worth I think you're super hot, you look like a goddess and for Europe and Brazil you look skinny (I'm Brazilian and live in Switzerland)!
P.S. For your itchy C-scar I've heard of a shot of cortisone that would heal it, ask your obgyn. (I wish THAT was my problem! :o)

Andressa Gobba | 3:33 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ruth Hannah | 3:36 PM

A new outfit & a lil wine always seems to do the trick :)

jess | 3:58 PM

Just walk around naked after a bath or shower, even if you don't feel sexy I bet your man still thinks you are, mine did.....oh and yes I agree...wine.

Betsy | 3:59 PM

I hate admitting this. I got my sexy back after I had my son almost right away.

But now, after 5 miscarriages, is when I feel like sexy has left and will never come back. I have pregnancy weight gain with nothing to show for it and I cannot seem to get sexy back no matter what I do.

Erin | 4:07 PM

May I suggest loading up your e-reader with erotica? There are tons of well-written novellas that are under $3. This one does it for me, but there are plenty of flavors available!
http://www.amazon.com/Bottoms-Up-Come-Again-ebook/dp/B004C44LEG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333062372&sr=1-1

Jessica j | 4:15 PM

The only thing that makes me feel better is exercising. Even though it doesn't make a dent in the beginning, just knowing that i'm doing something to change what I don't like makes me feel good. Oh and tight jeans that remind my crotch that I like things touching it.

Beth | 4:31 PM

Agree with a lot of these comments and the post. My kids are 3 and 6 and it is still challenging to find the right window of time for sex.

Amy | 4:45 PM

So. I have an answer to your post-partum blues! If you want to feel 'in the mood' I recommend watching Game of Thrones (HBO series, first season is on Netflix). Think raw masculinity. Khal Drogo gives me a major funny feeling, and I end up in a make out session (and more) with my husband every time he's on screen. I'm serious, and I've never watched another show that has done that to me! Try it... I'm actually going to buy the 1st season because it has brought back some much wanted sexy feelings post-baby (my daughter is 14 months).

I also wonder if your body image is hard for you right now because you lost so much weight before you were pregnant with the twins. Your body was in amazing shape! You still look great, and I'm sure you'll get back to that weight in time. It's tough to be patient. But yeah - Khal Drogo! Sex on a stick... :)

LR | 4:54 PM

Sex sounds great at 10:00 in the morning...but after being home w/ 6 mo. old and 2.5 yr old all day, I am physically and mentally exhausted at 9:00 pm. It sux. I don't want to look back on my life and think - I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE SEX!!!

I'm from Austin - glad it assisted in getting your groove back!!

SarahR | 5:07 PM

I agree completely with "flirting" it is definitely a good ego boost to catch someone checking me out :)
The best thing that has worked for me though, is time to myself, or dinner with friends. Just getting out without the baby and finding a reason to get dressed up.

rachel | 5:12 PM

I haven't had to deal with postpartum blues, but to beat the regular old not feeling so hot kind of blues, I like to spend an hour or so mix and matching long lost items from my wardrobe during a private dance party. It never fails, that after a while, I start to get my groove back and in the meantime find something to wear that inspires me to get out and be bold.

Ashley | 5:16 PM

Thank you so much for posting this! I am 7 mos. preggars with baby #2. Though I really do love being pregnant, I am ready to have my old body back! I'm thinking about buying a cute undies set as inspiration to get back in shape post-baby.

Ashley | 5:21 PM

I'm 6 months postpartum with my first, and I quicly realized that underwear make me feel sexy. One of the first things I did was go shopping for new panties. My husband's a butt guy, and I like to show mine off ;) haha

Ashley | 5:40 PM

My husband would appreciate this. But, I haven't had a child yet, but I have been in a funk. I loved what you said about not waiting till you are in the shape you want to be to go shopping. I went on a shopping trip to Vegas for my birthday and didn't buy a thing cause I wasn't the size I wanted to be. Thank you.

Natalie | 5:47 PM

Smooching and planning a weekend getaway - my mom will stay with the kids.

Delania | 5:50 PM

My youngest is now 7, but I still get caught up in the busy..3 kids...kid related activities..work..volunteering..who is that man lumbering around the house and wouldn't I rather get some sleep mode.
When I need to remember the sexy goddess in me I have to pamper myself. Color my hair, wear something pretty, drink champagne, paint my toenails. Anything that makes me feel happy and spoiled can rev my engine!

Jill | 5:59 PM

Reading novels with sexy sex in them is a huge help to me. Outlander was a personal favorite book of mine post-partum, but I've given up feeling shame over the occasional purchase of a romance novel at the bookstore. I also feel like staying the night in a hotel (without kids obvs) can help kickstart things- sometimes it feels like our bed itself is part of the problem - too close our daughter's bedroom, too filled with other associations (baby sleeping with us, etc)...

Guerrilla Mom | 6:17 PM

Love the article, but the pics of boyish figured girls in that underwear didn't do much for my post baby body image issues. Ha. I never want to try on that underwear now that i've seen them in it. If any of those women have had babies i'll riverdance in public. On the subway. Into manhattan. During rush hour.

Unknown | 6:21 PM

Not in the post-partum at this point of my life, but maybe some pretty underpinnings can get me there quicker! I know Husband would love these pretty things!

A fine mess | 6:47 PM

I've been a professional art model for 12 years- through two pregnancies. The only thing worse than posing nude every day while pregnant, is posing nude postpartum.
I don't care what all the artists say, I know it ain't pretty.... stretch marks, loose skin, leaky breasts-- oooh, baby!

My youngest is about to turn two, still nursing, and sharing my room, so I'm still struggling to get my libido back.
My poor husband is patient and understanding, but I know it's driving him crazy.
Perhaps something a little nicer than my usual sports-bra would help things along?

Riss | 7:13 PM

I had twins 11 months ago. I nursed until they were about 8 months (due to low supply) and as my milk left, my libido came back...(slowly but it did).

My c-section scar and belly were sore for a long time after the surgery. You must check out this link for details about massaging your scar... (which is helpful because scar tissue can lead to painful intercourse and incontinence and all that jazz). This massage only takes a few minutes each day...I do it while watching tv. It has really helped.

http://youtu.be/he_YB9e__rQ

For me, actually doing the deed made me want to do it more...The more we had sex the more I wanted to have sex! We really got back into our groove, but it was very closely related to nursing for me.

Of course, having kids is such a game changer, and it rocks the whole marriage and communication and everything.

But with time, and communication, and sexy lingerie of course, in my experience, the sex can get even BETTER!

Erin | 7:16 PM

I gave birth to twins two years ago (also had a c-section). And it's only just lately I realized that change is what works to bring the juice back - basically any small change, applied to any everyday thing - dressing in one new thing, drinking one different thing, taking one different route. It's like breaking the crust off something that's been frozen, and other change is easier. Good luck to us all!

Ashley | 7:23 PM

Ugh. I hate to even think about post baby sex. I'm due in five days and haven't wanted to be looked at or touched in what feels like an eternity. That being said, last time I gave birth, I bought my first fancy silk french lingerie two months after giving birth. It gave me the boost I needed to get back in the game. Nothing really felt like it was in the right place, of course, but my nipples weren't hanging out of a nursing bra, which was an improvement. I might have to invest in the Cleo set, it is, after all, the name of my soon to be baby girl. Thanks for the links to some sexy, somewhat modest lingerie.

J&B | 7:27 PM

Thank you for sharing!

NK: Style-ING w/ Children | 7:27 PM

a bottle of wine, a foot rub and just DO IT. I know this sounds harsh, but the fun comes when you're having fun. I always feel better about myself after I have had sex. Always. It is the best ego boost, because the guy just wants you. SO my advice would be to just do it and think later :)
Having sex after the baby was strangly similar to having sex for the first time. It feels kinda weird and strange, but the 2nd time feels better and on the 3rd, it is you initiating it.

My husband lasted the required 8 weeks (I gave birth vaginally) and that was that. And I'm so happy because our sex life post-baby is even better than pre-baby.

yes yes | 7:38 PM

Dancing around the house in cute underwear always works. Yes, please.

Sarah | 7:41 PM

Love, love, love eberjay! Also Love this post. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. So wonderful to hear from so many women, that I'm not the only one!

LaurelAnne | 7:45 PM

Working out definitely gets my blood pumping :)

Nik | 8:14 PM

I gave birth to my third child this past November. I gained more weight this time around than with my previous two pregnancies. My husband was ready to hop back in the sack after six weeks (he kinda likes the curves). I wasn't feeling it totally, but went for it, and like others have said, just having sex made me feel better and more "normal" than if I had held back b/c of my not-perfect body image.
Then the three kids and I left town for six weeks to visit family, while my hubs stayed behind. It was on this trip that we discovered the incredible allure of sexting. Seriously, people. Super sexy sexting with my husband has been so amazing! We were practically bursting at the seams by the time I got back to town. And we have continued sexting occasionally during the day while he is at work. It's kind of a weird juxtaposition at times to be sexting with your husband while taking care of your kids, but after 15 years together, we are enjoying ourselves more than ever in bed. We are being more explicitly sexual with one another than ever before and it is a complete turn on. I'm so delighted and surprised that this has happened to us. Totally unexpected and a little life-changing.
Great topic and so timely for me. :)

Sweep Nets | 8:32 PM

I haven't being feeling sexy myself and I came to the conclusion that its my bedtime attire... I bought some nice pjs that are sexy and comfy and I feel much better about myself and of course my bf loves too :)

Margaret H. | 8:37 PM

love this post. 3 kids in 2 years really changed my body. i didn't love it before and really not happy with it now. i'll need to try some of your tips...

Rebecca | 8:51 PM

Interesting to me that the post is all about feeling postpartum, which I can completely identify with, yet riddled with photos of impossibly thin, young women, who have clearly yet to reproduce.

Caitlin | 8:58 PM

get the kids to sleep! Then it doesn't take long to get in the mood (though the mood might not last too long since I'm usually so tired!

Elliot | 9:47 PM

Thank you for talking about flirting and porn! It seems like everything I read these days is written by conservative Christians who are all about "courting" and abstinence-until-marriage. It's so nice to hear other people talk about sexuality like it's a normal everyday thing - which it is!

AUSAcara | 10:02 PM

The past 6 months have been the only time in my life that I have ever disliked my body. And that is hard. Shopping helped, as well as handing over the baby to husband so I can have more say in running our business. Just feeling like a person who is capable of more than raising a baby did it for me! (Even though bringing a baby to life and caring for him is definitely the best thing I have ever done - that doesn't make it any less hard.)

Leigh | 10:06 PM

For me, it's being around water that got me back in the mood postpartum. Baths yes, but hot tubs and a day trip to the beach, even better.

Megan M. | 10:20 PM

My youngest just turned two, but I still feel all kinds of disgusted by my flabby belly. I definitely need the kind of pick-me-up that pretty lingerie brings! :)

Amalia | 10:21 PM

Thanks for being so honest. You are real.

eta | 10:29 PM

Oooh I love the prisoner of love look!

Melt Momma's Heart | 10:39 PM

I feel much sexier when I remind myself that I am okay as I am. I can always improve, but I am just fine the way I am now too. It does wonders for my mood.

Nanana | 11:12 PM

Put Vitamin E on the scar. It will make it smooth out and disappear. Here's how: Purchase a bottle of Vit E 1,000 liquid filled capsules. Snip open over the bathroom basin and apply to the scar twice a day. Sorry it smells a bit. (If you and Hal are about to cuddle skip it until morning.) Also, Lou and I found a French drink that was a genuine aphrodisiac. Wild! Name began with an A. I will try to find the name of it and write out the recipe that Hal can mix for the two of you. XXOO

Morgan | 1:09 AM

well, i'm not quite sure what the answer for me will be, but with a three week old baby (and itchy c-section scar) this is so very on topic for m right now. sexy panties sounds like a good start, at any rate....

Anonymous | 3:30 AM

I'm fine with my body shape - always have been thank goodness. Though now I have an open heart surgery scar that runs red and blue and angry looking (even after seven years) from the base of my throat straight down to even with the underneath crease of my breasts, then over directly under my left breast and around to my side.

Try finding sexy bras or camisoles that aren't low cut, a cool blouse that isn't, or anything that doesn't showcase that scar. Even though years ago I stopped trying to hide it completely - after all it's my Life Line - I wouldn't be here had I not had the life-saving surgery - it can't help but be the thing that stands out when dressed in "sexy" (which always seems to showcase the cleavage area). Wish someone would make a sexy style that wasn't so low cut.

Jean

neena | 3:30 AM

Love the post! But the lingerie...do they make anything for us curvy girls? We like to feel sexy in underthings, too. And, nothing can take that away quicker than a bunch of skinny, perfect bodied models trying to sell us underwear.

erica @ expatria, baby | 4:15 AM

It took me about a year to recharge my post-patum batts, and I only had one kid. Not being exhausted, buying a few nice things, getting a bra fitting, and having my husband say nice things about the way I looked went a long way to helping me feel better.

Lauren | 4:32 AM

Exercise, new clothes, haircut and most importantly - sleep

lexi | 5:05 AM

man, it's taken me ages to feel even remotely attractive again, but it's happening! what it took for me was a healthy diet and some new clothes. yoga helps too. but i guess even more importantly: positive mental attitude. :)

Perfectly Impurfect Me | 6:45 AM

Finding your way out of the postpartum blahs should be a joint effort between you and your partner. Putting forth effort on my part by wearing a hot pair of heels or by pulling my hair up so that my neck/collarbone is exposed and then seeing his desire for me reflected in his eyes...yea, that fuels my libido and instantly makes me feel sexier!

Liz | 6:50 AM

A girls night with a couple cocktails in a swank lounge always helps me. We can talk about raunchy things and when I get home, the kid is in bed and the husband reaps the rewards of a relaxing and fun evening.

Melanie | 6:53 AM

I have never had a huge drive (always been insecure about my body) and after having now 6 year old triplets, working full time, and getting a masters degree, sex was the last thing on my mind. But I'm trying to get better and some sexy, non-cotton undergarments might just be the next step! I'm ashamed to admit this, but at 32, I just bought my first toy and reading my first erotic book, 50 Shades of Grey. Both have added that much needed spark!

KatDinsmore | 6:54 AM

As much as I want to believe all of the this body did miracles, earning your stripes, & other such crazy sayings to make you feel better- I just don't. It's hard to feel sexy when not wearing a bra makes your boobs leak. Nothing says a good time like squirting your hubby with milk.

bek77 | 7:03 AM

For some reason I am in this situation now too (my son is 6) - I thought it was Mirena but it hasn't really improved since I had it removed :( I need all the help I can get!

JosiePosie | 7:10 AM

I have some sexy alone time while the hubby is in the other room. Getting myself off before even attempting to jump his bones makes me feel sexy, desirable, and devious like I have side-mistress (who lives in my night stand...)

JosiePosie | 7:11 AM

BTW http://theshapeofamother.com/

Zoe | 7:11 AM

My youngest (of three) is exactly one year older than Bo and Revi, and I am only now finding my way back to me. I'm buying new clothes and am planning on getting a pixie cut this summer (the haircut I had when my husband fell in love with me). Sex still seems to be at the bottom of my list (working full time doesn't help), so I really need to make an effort and rediscover what I find sexy. I might have to get an eReader just for erotica so no-one can see what I am reading (hey, I'm British and therefore a bit prudish, despite growing up with topless ladies on page 3 of the daily newspapers). I also lost all of the baby weight quickly, but my belly could easily fool people into thinking I'm pregnant again. I don't like it. I'm going to start Zumba soon too, and hope that exercise/dancing helps. It can't hurt, right?

The funny thing is, I feel sexiest when trying for a baby. My primal instinct kicks in, and I want sex all the time. But sadly for my husband, I get knocked up immediately and sex goes out the window. I wich I could fool my body into thinking we are TTC every month. Maybe some booze will help!

Erin | 7:12 AM

Looking into my husband's eyes--with attention--until the body b.s. in my head starts to break apart and fall away, and I can really connect.

Althea | 7:18 AM

I PROMISE the c-section scar will get better. It will still feel a little weird, but NOT as bad as it does now.

When I want to feel a little sexified...I pamper myself. A warm shower, some good-smellin something...cute undies...
a glass of wine helps, but wine is not an option for an almost-six-months pregnant woman like me.
You will get there. YOURE HOT!!!!!

Liz L | 7:49 AM

I have been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Holy crap. There was a sex kitten just waiting come out after reading that book.

Amanda M | 8:08 AM

I don't know about post-partum, because my first baby is due in a few weeks, but I know I don't feel very sexy right now. Or don't feel like I look it, which can be something else. I am probably more proud of my body than ever before though, so I would like to be happy with how it looks! Shopping is something I have been avoiding, since this is only temporary and all, but you are most definitely right that properly fitting clothes can make a huge difference.

Kay | 8:16 AM

Honestly, I think just being touched, undemandingly, is one of the best cures for "not feeling it," especially because of body issues. And since it's so much easier to feel bad about your stomach than your back, I think backrubs are the best way to go. You're lying on your stomach, so it feels protected and not on display, and you just get to enjoy the sensuality of being pampered. No pressure.

Julianne | 8:28 AM

i didn't read all the comments so i apologize if someone already said this, but this might help with your scar itchiness:

http://www.ehow.com/how_6568030_desensitize-surgery-scars.html

and again, thanks for writing!

Megan aka mean mama | 8:30 AM

I went all out and got boudoir photos taken. Come on this is the biggest my boobs were ever gonna be, so I went for it. I had to buy new undies, get my hair cut and colored. But they did everything else - my makeup, put my outfits together and pumped me up. I took a girlfriend with, they gave me a full glass of champers and took the most beautiful photos ever. My husband loved them but so did I.

This article is for bride's to be but it should be for new moms too. And this is the photographer I went to. http://offbeatbride.com/2010/06/wedding-boudoir-photos

Marie | 8:44 AM

For me (and this seems right given the post) it's actually wearing lingerie that helps beat back the blahs. There's nothing like wearing something hot, even or ESPECIALLY if others around you don't know it, under your regular clothes to put some spark into your attitude.

Anonymous | 8:47 AM

Random comment but thought you should know...I've been reading since Archer was a baby (rarely comment) and am finally expecting my first. I ignore most babycenter e-mails except the weekly updates, and today I randomly clicked on one titled "42 things that change when you have a baby"....and wouldn't you know, you're the author! love it.

Anonymous | 8:55 AM

My son is 3 1/2 years old and I'm finally getting my body to where I really want it. It's just icing on the cake though because I did the hard work of finding TRUE acceptance of my body a year postpartum.
Thanks for this post! And thanks for your honesty Rebecca!! You rock!

Lesha | 9:37 AM

I think dancing and a bit of flirting are my favorite way to bring sexy back. Just a few weekends with my best girl friends, some younger flirty guys and music and I felt back in charge of my sexual self.

dm | 9:39 AM

Exercise helps, for sure, but so does a mind-shift. When I wasn't really feeling in the mood, I'd put on my game face and go for it anyway, knowing that it was more about feeling connected (for both of us) than the actual physical nature of the act. It's like working out--some mornings I just don't really feel like it, but I put on my game face, shift my attitude, and always feel better for having done it. Point is, if you spend your time thinking about how much you don't want to do something until you have mustered up the perfect mental state to do it, it won't get done. You snooze, you lose. And so does your relationship. At least that's how I see it. (Also, the more you get back in the game, the more you will want to play.)

Flambo | 9:45 AM

After 2 kids, I've really only gotten my swagger back after my son turned 3 (he's turning 4 this July). Pre-kids, my husband and I were lustful and flirtful and all those great things that come with time, energy, and slim bodies.

Then, BAM. Pregnancy #1, along with a 50 lb. weight gain. I never thought I could be more unattractive and unloveable, despite my husbands insistence of the contrary.

Things that have worked for me since then: working out regularly, masturbating often, fantasizing about "other people" (but not acting on it), porn, and new clothes. So basically, everything you mentioned in your post!

Oh, and a really great hair cut and fuck-me heels are pretty helpful as well. ;)

JessCowgirl | 10:14 AM

With a baby almost 11 months old and still nursing, I'm right there with you. Not to mention full time work and graduate school. I've been told by other women that once weaning starts, things pick up a little bit.

Reading this made me remember to call my husband, ask him to pick up ingredients for our taco and tequila night. We'll put little guy down, watch a movie, drink some margaritas and spend some real time together on the couch without our laptops.

Pretty Natural Mama | 10:17 AM

Painted nails for sure! Fingers and toes. I'm not really a finger nail polish type of girl, but it really does make me feel fancy again :)

Unknown | 10:22 AM

Exhaustion, even though my babies are five and nearly two and a half. And I still want one more. Guess I better find some sex drive if that's going to happen...

I do love the products showcased here!! So pretty and sexy without looking slutty.

anon | 10:43 AM

sleep is the only cure for lagging drive. unfortunately, it's the hardest thing to come by once you've got babies in the house. I'm convinced that most of the postpartum blahs are due to chronic sleep deprivation. I mean, by the time the kid is 7 or 8 months old, mom hasn't been sleeping through the night for about 10 months (what with the discomfort/pee breaks in the third trimester). Brutal! But this too shall pass.

Adrianne | 10:53 AM

I debated whether to even comment on this because if I won, then I might be forced to, you know, wear something sexy. And I'm not feeling too sexy these days.

What recharges me? Sleep! And a little bit of time to myself to blog, read blogs, edit pictures, etc. But yeah, mostly just sleep. Hubby getting up early with the baby would be nicely rewarded:)

Jenny | 11:10 AM

I'm so glad you wrote about this. I've been wondering what other people are thinking about their bodies and sex lives after having babies. None of my close-enough-to-talk-about-this friends are moms, so I can't even ask them! It's nice to know that there's a whole range of experiences out there.

Also, the lingerie in this post is rockin'; I definitely need to do some shopping!

Sorry about your c-scar. They suck.

ACG | 11:23 AM

I think being flexible. Not in THAT way, but flexible in timing. If we stuck to a onlyhavesexatnight routine, it would never happen. Also love your suggestions,and think trying something new and different can only help...usually:)

Amber S | 12:28 PM

Clearly this resonates with so many of us! I'm 4 mos. post-twin-partum and there is A LOT of jiggling going on with my body. Finding sexy sleepwear that covers my belly is essential. Going out on the town with a fellow mom-friend, getting all cute, and snickering about how the guys have no idea I'm 31 with 3 kids helped too. Oh, and also fake it till you make it! Just starting to get down with my man will make me in the mood to keep going.

Alexis S | 12:33 PM

Candlelight and one--and only one--glass of red wine. Perfect!

Jenny O | 12:54 PM

Totally right about flirting. I think about it less as "are you a potential sexual partner?" as flirting often is, and more as being my most fun, funny, sparkling, attractive self. Also dude honestly, I'm close to three years postpartum and the libido - or more accurately, the attitude about sex - is not the same. A lot of times I feel like I have to take the attitude that the appetite comes with the eating (as it were), or we'll just end up not banging for weeks because the longer it's been, the less I want it. But on another note, having to try harder now that we're no longer hot young things and just being naked in the same room is enough, we have branched out into things like lingerie, shoes, toys, etc. So maybe my best advice is to just keep trying!

Marin | 1:00 PM

Does Hal have the same issues, and can he write a guest post from the dad perspective? This is an important topic!

Because after sleeping again, losing almost all of my baby weight, and cutting out sugar (so I have MUCH more energy now), I am ready for sex and my husband is the one who is too tired. He actually says he prefers sex in the morning, which doesn't work with kids. Not good.

Thank you for a fun and honest post!

TaraB | 1:01 PM

Hear, hear! My daughter is almost nine months but I cannot even stand my stretch marks. Ugh, my husband wants his pre-baby wife's sex drive back.

Rachel | 1:09 PM

I appreciate your honesty always, especially as a childless person who wants to have kids one day. I WANT the down low! So thank you.

On the topic of underthings...my husband thinks it's sexy when I...wear underwear. Seriously. I go commando 99.99999% of the time. So when he sees me putting on a pair of anythings, full coverage or not, he knows he gets to take them off in a little bit :)

Michaela | 1:09 PM

I have a two year old and been feeling so blah I couldn't take it! And anyone who knows me would say I'm not the "blah type". But sometimes I don't waht to be the one to pick up everyone's emotion pieces....how do I pick up my own? I made a conscience decision to start makeing time for myself. Seems easy. But I always choose dinner, or friends or kids or husband happiness over my own. And my own time. So I started making adjustments to make time to make myself happy. Work out over lunch. Run with the double jogger stroller. Wake up early before the fam does to go to the gym. Small feats that equal a happier sexier bod me.

LPO momma | 1:17 PM

Massage and kissing! This works for me...sexy under garments work too!

LPO momma | 1:22 PM

Massage and kissing. Sexy undergarments work well too!

Anonymous | 1:26 PM

I have a two year old and a 7 month old baby. It's much tougher to find my interest in sex this time around. I am slowly getting there and find it helps when I stop thinking negative thoughts about my body and start giving my husband long lingering kisses. It also helps to go out and pamper myself!

Juree | 1:54 PM

I am only about 6 months along but could definitely use some sexy lingerie!

lacy | 3:02 PM

It took about 1 1/2 years and a lot of exercise and watching what I ate to get me feeling sexy again. It really is something you have to "work" on, unlike before baby...at least for me. Sexy underthings are always helpful ;)

lacymckinney@gmail.com

Jack's Mama | 3:25 PM

Your post motivated me to have sex last night, now i just have to go out and buy the sexy stuff! I have 2 sexy things from my wedding, but besides that i'm lost on wear to begin! I have chubby legs so i need not to show those off and show off other assets.
Working out is great but i hate when it feels like something else on my super long to do list. I had to get stitches on my knee 3 weeks ago and I havent been allowed to work out-one more week of healing left but it has been nice to have the work out pressure off the daily to do list, but i can't wait to get back!

Claire | 4:25 PM

Watching a romantic movie together really works well for us. I can't believe I'm admitting this "out loud," but we've been known while watching somethign really sexy to end up having some sexy time on the couch! Sometimes just being in a new location helps.

But for the image issue, just taking a few minutes to make myself look decent, or hello - clean - makes a big difference in how I see myself during the day. Of course I have my sweat pants days, but the days when I feel like I"m wearing something decent and stylish, makes me feel better about myself. And there is nothing more sexy than confidence. It's the difference between doing it with the light on, versus doing it with the light OFF. ;)

leah | 5:22 PM

Great post. I like to pretend to be the sexy British nanny when I take my twins out for a walk. It forces me to slap on some lippy and chuck the yoga pants.

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