Sex, Dancing, Lingerie, Etc (Sponsored + Giveaway)

The following post (and giveaway) is sponsored by Eberjey, home of "the delightful underpinning" aka sexy underthings for lady-people.
eberjey

I've been skirting the issue of postpartum sexuality only because I've had little to say on the subject until recently. I've spent the last six months feeling terrible about my body and the way I look and admitting that, here, or even to myself, makes me feel shallow and ashamed. Because I'm supposed to love my body! I'm supposed to celebrate these dangerous curves, for I am a fertile power-goddess!
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Sabrina Shelf Bra Chemise ("Come hither" look sold separately)

Except, yeah, not that easy. Because, sure "it's what's on the inside the counts" but what's happening on my outside isn't exactly inviting to my insides, hello. (Sad but true.) Adjusting to life after baby, physically, and in the case of this post, sexually is a difficult thing to discuss. Because sex is supposed to be sexy and yet, the postpartum bod isn't exactly a "sexual plaything". Especially when nursing. And healing. (And I'm still SUPER uncomfortable in my lower abdomen, thanks to a super sensitive and itchy C-scar. Blergh.)
Anyway, because today's post features some of the sexiest underwear I've ever seen (and am currently wearing because lace assists me in my mission for a reclaimed sexual self) I thought I'd write about some of the ways I've reclaimed my body (and sexuality) these last few weeks... And let me just say, this has been a process. It was a process after my first two pregnancies, of course, but not like this and I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, or fear of pregnancy, but I've spent the majority of the last six months rejecting all things sex and sexy and sexual and sexy sex sex.

I'm only JUST starting to reclaim my drive. Which is a relief because sex is HUGELY important not just to my marriage but to ME. Even if (these days) sex sounds like more of a pain in the ass than a pleasure in the... yeah.

I realized this about a month ago when I was moping around feeling like a complete disaster, feeling sorry for myself and my still pregnant-looking stomach and my maternity leggings and whining to Hal about something obnoxious and "how can you even stand to look at me! How could you possibly WANT this body? It's a trainwreck! I'm a trainwreck and oh god... "

And then BAM, I realized the time had come for me to get a grip. I had wasted far too much time feeling bad about feeling bad about the way I looked, felt. I was constantly apologizing for my lack of sex drive, for not getting dressed some days, for feeling like a grotesque blob of blah blah blahbness.

Apologizing was getting me absolutely nowhere. So? I decided to do things that would make me feel sexy instead of sorry. Those things were/are...

1. Start Shopping: A common misconception (and I had it, too) is to wait until you're back to fighting shape to rock some sexy. I was WRONG. There isn't a time in your life you'll need to go shopping MORE than in the weeks and months after giving birth. Remember the fourth, fifth and sixth trimesters! They deserve a flattering wardrobe as well. Or at least, a few flattering pieces that aren't made of sweatpants.

2. Flirt frequently: I'm sure many of you will disagree with me, here, because everything is considered "cheating" these days but one of the keys to keeping my mariage healthy and exciting is feeling sparky with other people. Men, women, it doesn't even matter. It can be a huge ego boost to know that you still got it. Whether that means, eye contact across a crowded grocery store or a hug that lasts a little longer than usual. Conversing with people about things that aren't baby related, even for a moment, can work some serious magic on the mojo.

3. Start a Pornterest: I realize that porn is controversial around these parts for reasons I completely respect. However. I find sexually explicit materials medicinal in nature, revitalizing to a somewhat lost (meandering?) sex drive. Think Pinterest (Pinmedownterest?) for sex. Great excerpts from erotic books, links to favorite websites, etc. Put them all in a secret place and visit them regularly. With something that vibrates.

4. Make Bathtime so much Fun: Remember when baths were for adults? Yeah. I recently stocked up on lotions and potions and oils aplenty so that I could devote an hour or two a week to just... stewing in a warm pool of water full of luxurious things. It's hard not to feel hot with rose petals sticking to your thighs.

5. Dance, Dance = Revolution: The first time I felt "hot" in months was on a dance floor in Austin and it wasn't (just) because I was sweating profusely in my denim jumpsuit. Something about moving one's body among other moving bodies just does it for me. And not even in a sexual way. I realized, regardless of the way I looked, felt, I still had the moves, you know? I mean, I can MOONWALK, you guys! How could I not feel comfortable in this (slightly sagging) skin? In the words of the poet, Madonna, music makes the people come together. I say turn up the music and rock those moves.

Post-bath.

In a new pair of underwear.
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Cleo Bralet and undies = yes please

What are some of your common cures for a the postpartum blahs? What recharges your batts, sparks your fire? I'll choose one commenter at random (via random.org) to win a bra and panty set of your choosing c/o Eberjey. (I'll announce the winner on Monday, April 2nd.) For those looking to do a little shop-shop in the meantime you can use the code GIRLSGONECHILD15 to get 15% off at the eberjey.com register now through April 15th. FYI, They have super cute kids clothes, too.


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UPDATED: Congrats to commenter lucky 13 "Mama D" for winning the bra and panties set! And thanks to all for your candid comments, ideas, advice. I so loved reading these comments. (Very helpful and needed.) You're awesome.
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GGC

239 comments:

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Morgan | 7:32 PM

Love your post and commend your honesty. i can totally relate.

I think it's a huge shame that there aren't more types of bodies shown in media today. I think that if we could see women (and men) of different shapes and sizes acting happy in their skin, sexy, just doing anything then maybe it would allow us all to just breathe and accept ourselves. I look at the underwear models in your pictures and sigh. Wouldn't it be nice if one of them was a short girl or a chubby girl or in some way not a tall, skinny, white girl?

Anyways, best of luck in your sexciting adventures. I love reading your blog because it's such a nice mix of happiness and bliss and the reality that life can be challenging. Thanks for keeping it real.

ACB | 7:37 PM

Lipstick! I hated my post-partum hair and wardrobe (didn't mind the body too much), so a makeup infusion was the only way I could feel sexy easily when out of the house.

Also, being a fellow working & stay-at-home mom, I found that exhaustion was the number one libido killer for me. Once I started letting go of things around the house, asking my husband to help more, and getting a sitter every now and then when I was home between gigs, I suddenly felt much sexier! Who knew that sexy feelings were so tied to one's overall energy level??

Thanks again for all you share with us. I am grateful for your voice in the "Mom-osphere."

janie | 8:06 PM

oh, these are cute, maybe even cute enough to feel sexy when I'm in the blahs....maybe...;D

Annie | 8:34 PM

We went the "we're gonna have to work at it" route, and committed ourselves to having sex pretty soon after I had our daughter by c-section; right around six weeks. We talked about it a lot first, and just acknowledged that it wasn't really going to be about the sex, it was about just starting to get back to ourselves. I was also adamant about lights off, which I felt kinda stupid about at the time, but hey. It really does help you focus on the sexy good feelings, instead of all the noise in your head. We are now back in babymaking mode, so once again, sex is less fun...but I feel so much better about it this time around knowing that we are capable of taking it back for ourselves when the time is right. I think the hardest part overall is just realizing that the crazy, wonderful, juicy sex we had all the time in the beginning is probably gone for good, no matter how many kids we do or don't have. The adjustment to sex as a married couple is harder for me than sex as a parent - if that makes any sense!

Bunny | 9:58 PM

I wish I had something good to say, but I am pretty much always game. We couldn't wait to get back in the swing of things afterbthe kids. Sex gives me a pick me up. When we need a pick me up we watch some porn together and that gets the mood going instantly.

Emily | 10:38 PM

As always, you rock for your honesty in your posts! What has helped me tremendously was being able to sleep through the night again so I had some energy (my youngest just turned 1 and decided to sleep more than 5 hours!). But even before that I had to do a little mental shift. I think a previous commenter said that the more you play, the more you like the game... sort of like that for me.

The body's not perfect, but it wasn't ever really perfect to begin with. But it is thankfully fully functional, so I'm doing my best to enjoy what it can do instead of what it looks like. That and some sexy underthings. ;)

Cathy | 3:04 AM

The worst for me was that I didn 't want my husband anywhere near my boobs when I was nursing. 14 months later it was ok, but then I got pregnant soon after and they were sore to touch. My husband talks about "getting his boobs back sometime in May 2013". Hopefully it will be a little earlier.

Becky | 9:16 AM

Dates: there's just something about selecting pretty underthings, a cute outfit, getting dolled up for an evening with my man. We connect over the course of the evening, enjoy each other's company, and end up feeling sexy and lovey and able to just relish each other. Time away from the kids is always a sure way to ignite a spark.

Kelley @ peekawhoo | 9:33 AM

Hmmm...I was a bit of a slut after #2 was born for reasons unbeknownst to me. Then after #3...well, it took a while.

Sometimes it just takes looking at my husband through the eyes of my 18 year-old self and BAM. There it is. And then I look at him through my 36 yo eyes and I still think he's hawt.

I like what you say about flirting. I flirt with everybody. Seriously.

And running. Running does the trick.

Thanks for the opportunity!

Jessie | 9:42 AM

My "baby" will be 10 in May and I don't think I've felt completely sexy since! Just my own insecurities, I guess. But I've found that the easiest way to want sex and invite sex even without feeling that I want it is to compliment my partner. Making them feel wanted and desired always comes back onto me feeling wanted and desired and then we both feel good and enjoy some adult time. Even if I feel I don't want it, I'm always glad I made the move because it makes us feel closer and I momentarily forget that I am not happy with my body....

Belle K Miller | 11:54 AM

My husband texts me from downstairs to meet him in 5 with my heels on... after the kids are in bed of course! Fun.

A.E. | 12:22 PM

Don't want to think about it! I'm 23 and childless. I feel sexy a lot of the time. But now I know what to look forward to. The future is bright.

Jen | 3:49 PM

This sounds lame, but I think trying to get more sleep helps a lot. Because when I'm exhausted, there's no way anything else is going t happen.

Virginia-Ann | 3:54 PM

My body is WAY past postpartum, and in fact is postmenopausal! I can tell you that some cute undergarments or nighty can do wonders for any woman. It is amazing how you can see your body in a whole different light just by wearing something new and a little different.

KatieD | 6:11 PM

I know there are a bazillion comments above this one, but I have to say that this hit me at the right time... after my first set of twins (who were normal tiny twin sized) my body and sex drive bounced back in a reasonable amount of time... but after round two with my two 7.5 pounders i'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that that skin and scar just aren't' ever going to go away... I know some people would bitch slap me for even saying it... but my belly was my good area - flat in even the worst situations - (thighs, boobs, butt - not as great, but you use what you got)... now with that part of me being a disaster area I'm not really sure what to do, and if you don't feel good about yourself it's hard to feel sexy! I think the cute (but forgiving) and pretty undies may be just the thing - my husband thanks you! hugs and good luck and thanks for saying what I've been worrying about for the past year!

Expat Mom | 6:48 PM

I have to admit, this time around, I got my groove back WAY faster than with my first two. I think it's partly because I lost so much weight during the pregnancy because I was so sick and partly because I was so sick . . . not puking makes me feel awesome, lol. That being said, when I look in the mirror and see the fresh stretch marks and droopy boobs, I have to pull myself out of bad thoughts. Putting on stretchy jeans that make my butt look good helps. As do sexy tops. And my husband coming up to me and saying, "Wow, you look HOT!" (I recommend telling your hubby to pay lots of compliments like that)

Also, flirting and kissing your man throughout the day can stoke the fire for when your kids are finally in bed . . . even if you get "EW!!!!" from the peanut gallery. ;)

SingsTheMagpie | 6:58 PM

My sexytime recharges consist of going swimming and going to belly dance classes. There's something about swimming. It's the only thing that I am actually graceful at performing. I am a freaking mermaid, people. Belly dance classes have given me the courage to dance in public, too.

Sara T. | 8:04 PM

I LOVE the flirting comment. My baby is 8, and I have spent the last two years finally losing the "baby" weight and getting into better shape. I look better and feel better and people (men) notice. I like it. So does my husband!

Anonymous | 9:59 PM

This comment is sort of sad, and disturbing: "Because sex is supposed to be sexy and yet, the postpartum bod isn't exactly a "sexual plaything." Some women (and their partners) are perfectly find with their own postpartum bodies. Get out of the "everyone should look like a celebrity" mindset and your outlook will change. I've had four children too, so my body has definitely changed, but I'm find with it and so is my partner. Just because a woman has some extra weight or loose skin doesn't mean she cannot be sexy or feel sexy. That is narrow and shallow thinking, and quite unrealistic I might add.

Anonymous | 10:00 PM

**fine** not **find** geesh.

L.L. | 8:28 AM

This may not be an original answer but a few drinks and some dance music help me reclaim my sexy. I am currently 4 months post pardum and still feeling the body blahs, so I appreciate this post!

Anonymous | 1:20 PM

Oh, I can relate! My littlest is 2yo, and I *still* feel like I don't have my bod back... not sure that I ever will. But for me, the best pick-me-up was (is!) a new haircut -- instantly makes me feel sexier! That, or new sexy undies.... :)

ELP | 7:19 PM

My answer has always been shopping, mani-pedi's, and I love a good bath too...wish all these things would happen more often!

Jessica D | 9:01 PM

i know it sounds sappy, but my husband is the cure for postpartum blahs. HE love cures and everything that comes with them.

erin | 9:44 PM

i'm so there with you...minus the twins. bleh.... i'm gonna go get some sexy somethin' tomorrow. i'm down to my pre-pregnancy weight, which is still about 10 lbs more than i'd like to be. but the real kicker is my tummy. it will NEVER be the same. my sweet baby boy wrecked it. and now what's left is a saggy little mess of a tummy. i need to find some sexy cami's STAT. thanks for the thoughtful suggestions.

Anonymous | 1:44 AM

I'm still in the postpartum blahs and my twins are 32 months old! Over 2 1/2 years! Eek.

First, when I was a bit in the mood after giving birth (two months or so later) it was too painful. We tried and tried, but it just wasn't physically working (doc said estrogen levels were still too low, caused dryness and other issues). And then, poof, it was gone. No desire. My poor husband. I also lost the baby weight within six months (probably all the stress) but then gained it back when they were a year old. So sad. I had tossed all my bigger clothes b/c I thought, "well hell, if I could lose all the weight so fast, I surely won't ever let myself gain it back". WRONG. Gained 35# and can't get it off. Don't even feel like trying, and it's making my desire for sex even worse. And so I wear my old, frumpy clothes taht do fit, and keep staring up at the shelf of cute skinny clothes that don't.

Life with twins is just so overwhelming, even though it's different than infancy, it's still damned taxing. Who wants to have sex when you can sleeeep? My husband and I have seriously had sex maybe 15 times in the past 2 1/2 years. Not good. And maybe twice in the past six months.

Must must must get my mojo back and the idea of wearing sexy underthings and looking at sexy pics might help. Thanks for the suggestion. I just assumed it would make me feel worse, in comparison, but maybe it won't.

Thanks for writing about this. I'm sure so many of us needed it!

Jenski | 5:12 AM

This was a great post, my son is 9 months now and I really struggle with this. Putting the effort into getting dressed/made up really makes a difference for me. So simple, yet for some reason reason so difficult to do on a daily basis.

Erin | 6:00 AM

Just do it. That's my advice. Because once you just do it -literally- all the feel-good hormones make you, well, feel good. And want to do it again, maybe later. It's a complete up-cycle if you just get over the hump (SO MUCH PUN INTENDED. ha)

These products are so very lovely. Thanks for the giveaway! xo

TBD | 6:34 AM

One of the first times I left the house ALONE (post baby #2), I went and had myself measured for new bras. Granted, I cried in the dressing room because I had gone up two cup sizes, but I bought myself something cute with ruffles & felt a little better :)

Stacy Gould | 12:23 PM

good for you! I still feeling down about my body 2 years post baby

nicole | 2:17 PM

I'm not yet a mama, but work stress, financial woes, family drama and other things pertaining to LIFE have me bogged down -mentally and emotionally- and I am struggling to keep up with my frisky husband. New lingerie from Eberjey might do the trick. It certainly wouldn't hurt. :) Thanks for the chance to win. And thanks Bec and everyone in the comments for making me feel like I'm not alone in this. xo.

nicole.boddington@gmail.com

alphastar | 4:19 PM

I have a few rules for myself - and these are NO MATTER WHAT. I have 2 boys (5 yrs & 3 1/2 years) and sticking to the following has helped me out mid-pregnancy, post-partum and even now.

Always wear matching underwear - even if it's cotton and that means solid color bra and coordinating color print panty - matching means you put some thought into it.

Only 3 days a week MAX that I can spend rhe whole day in yoga gear (without having gone to Yoga).

My husband and I email eachother sexy pics of ourselves. Not raunchy, just suggestive.

If I'm not "feeling like it", Itell my husband but let hi give me aback massage. Chances are, I'll end up feeling like it!

Alissa | 7:11 PM

Um, I need this!
Hialissa@gmail.com

Stephanie and Matt | 7:30 AM

I still need to figure out just what that thing is! :-) Maybe it's this lingerie.

The Slick Mom | 11:00 AM

Sex is now a scheduled event in my house. :| I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I want to have more, please my husband more, but god damn I just don't feel it. Maybe some lingerie will help!

Betsy | 1:21 PM

After having my first baby, I definitely did not feel normal for a while. Besides leaving the hospital still looking pregnant, and having loads of stitches.....well, you know! I have found that the best way to get the libido back in order is just to dive in. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship and even though I did not feel like it as 8 weeks PP, or many days I do not "feel like it" now, I just go ahead with it. And surprise(!), after a few minutes I am enjoying myself :) I am always glad after the fact. We try for at least twice a week!

lindsay | 12:32 PM

Wow, thanks so much for sharing what everyone feels post-baby and few people talk about. I think one of the most shocking things for many moms is the difficulty we all have getting back our mojo post baby. It is a source of serious stress and guilt. It's great that you are talking about it so moms out there know they are not alone and feel inspired to renew their sexuality (and, I am with you, few things feel as wonderfully sensual as a hot bath!!).

LouEffie | 1:48 PM

Get out of your pajamas and put on makeup every (or at least most) days. :)

Danielle | 1:13 PM

Thanks for "keeping it real" with this post. I like when you write like this. I wish I had a friend to sit down and talk to about this, but I feel much the same way.

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