New Babies Make Me, Um, Want A New Baby

I know I have written about this at least ten-thousand times, but I happen to be coming off a weekend new-baby-in-the-family-lovefest and I feel a little babysick.

Every day is a battle of the hormones. I click open my birth-control pills, shake my head and down the hatch, bitches. I carry on business as usual. I've even had myself convinced for the past four months that I don't want another baby for a WHIIIIIILE... "Maybe an only child is for me," I've thought on several occasions.

"I'll be a one-child, career mom! Archer is all I need! Baby #2, Shbaby #2... Psh. Whatevs."

Then I met her:

Baby Anushka...Beautiful AND quad-lingual!

Stop me if you've heard this one before (and yes, I know you've heard this one before x 7817298173) but there is something about a gorgeous, smiley, new ten-week-old baby that causes a mother to look long and hard at her own baby, and see, well, a non-baby.

I used to think of Archer as a tiny wittle person with tiny bitty-witty fingers and teensy tiny ears. Except all of that has changed since he became a full-grown man. A bonafide dude:

See? Archer and my mom are almost the same height!

It doesn't help that my childhood BFF is going to give birth any minute and every single dingle woman on the local playground is either pregnant or "trying" and frankly, it's hard to fight the urge to smoke crack when you're neck-high in crack. Baby-crack. Little tiny, powder-smelling, upchucking, baby-crack.

So much for having the baby-craze-thing licked. So much for 2010 as the perfect year to start thinking of baby #2....

My major problem is this; I look at Archer, my manly adult son and I think:

A. He's too cute not to make another.
B. He's going to need a friend to fuck with (I had my brother for a solid twelve years before he grew to be 6'1000)
C. He's not a newborn baby anymore which is weird and confusing
D. My vagina ain't getting any younger. Kegels or not, I might as well get this party done and over with by thirty so by fifty I can be a hot GILF like my mom (pictured above.)

I do realize that having a new baby is a giant pain in the ass and pregnancy is even worse, but I also now know, more than ever, how wonderful it all is. The first days. The first year. The love and the smell and the feeling you get in your heart watching them grow. From newborn to toddler to lead guitarist in a college indie band:

"I'd like to thank you for coming out and supporting our band, Archers of Archer..."

I'm going to go ahead and blame my cousin for all of this. And hope that, just like last time, I lose the urge and move happily along with my life, as a proud (and camera-happy) mother of one.

At least for now.



Anonymous | 12:07 AM

My advice (I'm sure you LOVE to get advice from complete strangers) - just do it! I am rapidly approaching 31, my son is a few months older than Archer and we've been trying for a year to have another one. Outcome - it's not happening. Many months of nada and one miscarriage at 3 months... I feel totally and completely old and wish I had had my babies as soon as I got married at 24.

Wendy | 5:10 AM

Why did you have to show up on my computer screen? Of all the computers in all the world...

Dude, I had just talked myself out of wanting a third. And now, after reading and looking at cute babies...I WANT ANOTHER ONE.

I blame you and hold you are totally responsible.

*running off to hide from the other part of the baby making team*

Anonymous | 6:29 AM

I have two and I still get a little baby fever from time to time. I really shouldn't even had read this post b/c my mind goes where it should not go.

Archer is one cute little dude. It is amazing how much bigger they look compared to babies, isn't it?

Hey, there is always laser vaginal rejuvenation ;-) I know, I know. I read about it in Health magazine this weekend and apparently all the porn stars to do it. I had no idea people lined up to do plastic surgery down there!

Anonymous | 7:10 AM

Damn you! Now I want a baby even more. And I don't even have ONE to sort of placate me into waiting "a few more years".

And now my boyfriend has signed up for 5 more years of school, which I've just now (right this moment, seriously) realized that means I can't have a baby for another 5 years which means I'll be 29. Eep!

PS: 3 years apart is totally the best pacing for kids. It puts them at different stages developmentally and keeps them from being such rivals. But that's just what I've noticed (my brother and I were 2 years apart: got along great as kids, hated each other when we were teenagers, and now we hang out on a regular basis)

If you have twins... send me one! ;)

foodiemama | 8:00 AM

we had a new baby in our family recently too and for a split nano-second i thought about the joy a newborn brings...then i realized the joy my little man brings and how i can't do it again...ever!.
only children will rule the world, hehe! i'm done for many, i am just getting my body back and i am in no way f'ing that up...30 hits in 6 mths and i am afraid my metabolism will take a plummet...and mostly, gus kicks ass and he has us all to himself and we kind of like that!!! and there is a million others that i won't write about cause i'll just insult someone...oh, and i do not want a girl!

Anonymous | 11:37 AM

hey bec! Girl, I have 3 and still fight the baby urges.. totally sucks! I don't think you CAN (or are supposed to?) hold an adorable baby and not get that urge. It's part of our genetic make up.
That said, I tend to agree that 3 years apart is ideal spacing. My youngest 2 (from scratch) are exactly 2 years apart and it was rough those first 2 years. 3 seems to be great for having them be playmates and yet still not both in diapers at the same time... Consider all your options though... book tour with baby? Then again, ANYTHING is possible if you set your mind to it. Watching my youngest two (now ages 2 and 4) play make believe "princess jasmin catches bob the builder and takes him down" on the kitchen floor together is probably one of the best things in the whole wide world. Better even than chocolate covered marzipan. That's how great it is.. :)

Anonymous | 11:50 AM

Hey! I'm 6'3000000000.

And word, where would you be now if you didnt have me to slap around when mom and dad weren't looking?

I take credit for all of your accomplishments.


Book tour with baby = not so much. And so I ride the baby-mania out like a boatman on the storm!

Anonymous | 1:19 PM

Yeah... One of my friends just had a new baby, and she's using her to try to undermine my resolute stance against further procreation. I have to say, she's (they?) are wearing me down.

Free babies for everyone!

Maternal Mirth | 1:24 PM

I have a 7 week old BEAUTIFUL baby girl who I would be happy to loan out for short periods of time (say ... the length of a decent shower). She's on a nap strike and my hygene and sanity are simply a thing of the past, BUT you're right. New babies are so worth it! I adore her right down to her sleepless wittle toes!

Anonymous | 2:07 PM

Bossy wants to know what the down side is... By the way, thanks for the heads up because when Bossy posts here it now links to her blog!

BOSSY | 2:09 PM

Wait - that last comment didn't link to my blog! Does this? See - aren't you feeling more and more maternal by the second? Don't worry - Bossy will cure you of ever wanting a girl!

BOSSY | 2:11 PM

Bossy is mystified because suddenly she has a Photo Presence. WTF? Bossy is also mystified because she has never typed "WTF" before in her long life. Not that she doesn't curse like a back hoe operator, but just that she's not into teh computer lingo.


Ha! I KNOW! And still no link? What gives, dude?

Anonymous | 11:14 PM

omg, please have another, i've been waiting, then we'll have to get one big house and all live together, mommy, kids, and gay uncle in tow. LOL
i love enushka rose

BOSSY | 2:59 AM

Right -- Bossy is destined to live in a linkless world.

Anonymous | 7:52 AM

Archers of Loaf. I LOVED them in high school. Thanks for taking me back, GCC.

And, yeah, I'm no help. I think you need to make another baby, too. DO IT. All the cool kids are having two.

Rachel | 10:47 AM

Baby-crack. I LOVE IT. And you know I have it bad. Glad to see I'm not alone. To be honest, I adore your blog but sometimes I skip a few days cause it brings out the baby-wanting way too much. I know it's largely hormonal but sometimes it feels like someone put something in my food that just makes my brain think "Baby Baby Baby." All. Day. Long.

Jenn Kirk | 11:29 AM

Just do what I did--be irresponsible with your birth control. Not sure what you're on, but I was on the oh-so-unreliable mini-pill, and tadaaa! Number two is coming this November!

Seriously though, if you know what you want, just take the plunge. If I didn't accidentally get pregnant with numero dos, not sure how long I would've waited. Till the kid was eight? I'm just glad I got this kick in the rear. And yeah, I'm a huge believer of getting all the kids out of the way before I turn 30.

Her Bad Mother | 12:08 PM

Oh, dude. I KNOW.


(and again)


Scar | 1:53 PM

i want a baby too! Have one for me! LOL. xxoo

Loukia | 6:14 PM

Okay seriously. I feel the exact same way as you. All those reason you mentioned, that's what is going through my head every day now. Except my battle is weight loss. I must lose 15 more pounds before I conceive again. And I guess I should also tell my husband. Then I'm going for it. Because I'm not getting any younger and I do want another one and I want another nursery to decorate. And my sister is planning on getting married next summer so rather than be 9 months pregnant at her wedding, or just given birth, I'd rather have a baby who is a few months old, you know? So yeah. That's my plan!

kiwidebra | 6:34 PM

Well, you know I won't be any help because I've already taken too much baby crack and we're going for #2. But I have to do it right away because I'm not exactly on the sunny side of 30. And I want my kids out of diapers before I get into them!

Anonymous | 10:07 AM

I've been battling the baby fever for a solid 6 months. And this post? NOT HELPING.

We can't have any more and maybe that reality is finally sinking in (even though it's been the case for going on 6 years). My youngest, 6, is all grown up, too, practically driving (okay, not really, but he can steer) and I imagine having just one more. I want the magic number of 3. I should be grateful for the two I have and trust me, I am. Considering my knack for going into labor months early, I know my blessings.

But to know that without a doubt there is never going to be another child with my blue eyes or my husbands olive skin coloring and dark hair, is well, heartbreaking.

Anonymous | 10:11 AM

Too funny...we have two, we are having NO more. Next week my hubby's getting "the snip" but two of my sister-in-laws are preggo and I WANT another baby so badly.

Mine are 3 and 1 and truly, I never want to go thru a year like my baby's first EVER again. But you're right, she's not a baby, she's a toddler and I'll never have a baby again.

I can tell I'm getting to the end of my childbearing ops too, my body is trying to trick me into getting pregnant again - every time of the month when I'm ovulating I'm totally in the mood, no matter how tired, how grumpy, how busy. And we can't afford it, and we have no space for another baby, and I don't want to make my youngest a middle-child, and I'm still tired from when she was born. . .

Suburban Turmoil | 5:35 PM

I was so where you are one year ago. And now, I've got a 4-week-old boy who's KICKING MY ASS. The grass is always greener blah blah blah.

You've got plenty of time, girlfriend. I see your career taking off and think you might want to wait another year or two? Because I'm here to tell you it's almost impossible even to get my podunk column handed in every other week. Just a thought...

kittenpie | 10:18 PM

God, how much do I love your gorgeous son? I totally see how you'd have a hard time not envisioning another just like him and thinking YES please! I am pretty confident we've finally made our call on this particular tossup.

Anonymous | 10:01 PM

You can come spend a few nights here in August! I knew when I was ready to face the sleep deprivation, months of puking, and getting fat again that the time had come. I have to say going into a second pregnancy is so much different. The first time you are blissfully clueless about how much work pregnancy and a newborn will be. The next time around though you go in with eyes wide open. You will know your ready when the things that kicked your butt the first time seem totally worth it.

writtenbliss | 6:56 AM

Weirdly, my mom has that same dress your mom is wearing in that photo. Will this, in any way, help me become as cool as you?

One can only dream.