Friends With Benefits: A GGC Love Letter to Momz

Dear GGC Reader/Fellow Mom-Blogger/Friend,

I have been thinking a lot about you, all of you... Those of you who come here, comment here, have sites of your own that I frequent, new friends, and I want to say thank you for the joie de vivre dot com you have brought to my life since I started GGC (formerly CBH2.)

It was always hard for me to keep a group of solid girlfriends and since highschool, only a handful of women have made it past the "party-friend" relationship. Most lady-people I know do not know me and vice versa. I was always friends with boys/men. My roommates were always dudes. Gay, straight, drunks, losers, exes, etc. I always felt more comfortable with men as my confidants, pals, BFFs. Guys were always less drama, they seemed happy to spill their guts, secrets, stories. I trusted men. There was never games,competition, backstabbing. In fact, all of the women I have befriended in my seven years living in Los Angeles I met through men.

I have always sort of resented women. The catty and the fake. The so-called feminist who in my opinion wasn't too different from the woman she was always at war with i.e.: "Don't look at my tits, you sexist bastard, even if I choose to wear a low-cut va-voom halter top with a push-up bra." The shit-talker. The cock-tease. The bitch. Somehow I gave in to the idea that women were monsters, perhaps because I was myself, insecure? Or maybe because I assumed most women were cruel to one another. Regardless, I never quite respected women, myself included, until I got pregnant and got to experience firsthand what it truly meant to be a woman, biologically woman.

It was pretty lonely going through pregnancy with no pregnant/mom friends and I turned to sites like babycenter for advice and kept mainly to myself. My dude friends pretty much fell out of my life, except for Uncle Frank, of course. I can't blame them really. Getting knocked up and pregnant is like kryptonite for a gal's guy-friendships.

Suddenly I found myself desperate for women. I wanted to talk about girl-stuff. Vaginas and boobs and maternity wear. I wanted to giggle with a gaggle of gal-pals. I wanted to French braid someone's hair and then do a switcheroo. I wanted to get my nails did.

I did quite a bit of soul-searching those nine long months. I made an effort to be more friendly with women of all ages and found to my surprise that I was shy, intimidated, afraid to take the relationship further than a brief chat.

Since Archer's birth I have mentioned my want/need for Mom friends but it isn't because I want to talk about poop and whether Bugaboo strollers are overrated... I really want to start over. I want to have relationships with women, honest relationships, good-old fashioned girl-talk and gossip and secret sharing.

Since starting this blog, I feel like I have fulfilled my need to surround myself with like-minded women. I feel close to many of you. I read what you write and nod my head. You have reached out to me and I am grateful. Truly. It means more to me than I can describe. You are more than "bloggy friends" I read. You are people that I want to know. You're like friends with benefits. Women with ideas and advice, warmth and some serious motherly lovin.

So this post is really a (lame attempt at a) thank you to all of you who have restored my love and respect for women and my pride in being one. You truly are mother-figures not only to your children but to your peers, specifically me. If I could kiss you, I would... But alas, the distance... So if you could just kiss yourself for me. Like that. Perfect.




Anonymous | 7:52 PM

Are you me?? Get outta here, girl! I think you summed up the relationship perfectly - we seem to give and get what we need from our webby friends that is this perfect meld of support/humor/insight and sisterhood - keep rockin it are a truly unique voice..

Anonymous | 8:14 PM

motherhood turns us into women, huh? women who need other women.

nice post. I feel you. I also feel lucky that I get to meet you in a couple of weeks.

btrute | 10:37 PM

Here Here Momz! Well said!

the stefanie formerly known as stefanierj | 5:57 AM

This brought a tear to my eye--like wendy, I feel like you've summed up my feelings. Now we just have to have a bloggermommyz conference so we can meet in person--or would that spoil everything, do you think?

Alisyn | 9:05 AM

You said it, GGC. You are a sweetheart.

I love, love, love that motherhood can be such an equalizer -- that it can bring us together as women across the age, race and class lines. My mom friends, both online and in real life, are my lifeline, and they save me time and again.

Chicks rule.

musicmantra | 1:04 PM

wow i came to your blog to ask you whether i can add ur link on my blog and I so so loved this blog it was like reading about myself, how i had such few girl friends and I am so terrible at making friend, somehow people don't like to gravitate towards me. while growing up most of the girl friends i had gave me such a tough time that i just hung out with guys. i had one darling friend whome i hung on to and she is going to be my sil and we dont share a good relationship now, anyways long story short love your post and thank you so much for posting this.


Love to all of you ladies and thanks for your comments. I am feeling the love.

Stefanie: I am totally down for the bloggermomz conference. You can sign my ass up.

Mistry: of course you can link here! I would be thrilled!

Anonymous | 4:33 PM

okay, that's it, i'm getting knocked up.

Anonymous | 5:56 PM

For the first time in a long while, I feel human. AND, I'm totally addicted to it - probably because I've been in girlfriend withdrawl.

PS I posted a long comment on Music Together on my blog for you... Thanks for visiting :)

Anonymous | 6:39 PM

This is the comment I owe you for commenting on my blog. Now we are even. LOL Just kidding. Seriously though, I love those chuck taylors. Did I say this already? Anyway, I used to wear these really cool houndstooth ones - that NO ONE had (for good reason, probably). I had a red pair I wore into the ground. I think I'm feeling the silver ones. I saw them on Josie Maran in my new Shape Magazine. Guess I'll have to order those ONLINE.

Anonymous | 7:15 PM

*blushing* Thanks.

Anonymous | 8:04 PM

I totally could have written that. I live the internet because you find out that so many people "get it".

coolbeans | 8:57 PM

I am happy to have found your places on the Internet. I'm totally friend-crushing on you.

Anonymous | 11:16 PM

You are such a sweetheart! (We'll have to definitely get together in real life sometime because... we just gotta.) I hear you. I'm lucky because I have some really great girlfriends who also don't subscribe to the catty, competitive, backstabbing philosophy of friendship. But I have also had women be REALLY mean to me, and it only takes a few times for that to happen before you start building up walls of distrust. I now know how to recognize the mean ones and write them off, and to hold on to the great ones for YEARS!

I first got called "that weirdgirl" in highschool (and of course, I thought it was funny), but I don't think it was because I looked or acted that weird. I really think it was because I just did my own thing. And that's pretty weird in highschool. So here's to chicks who are individuals and don't buy the "usual" girl crap!!! We SHOULD start a club, honey.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah | 6:30 AM

I love this. I love my new blogging friends. I wish I had all of these people back when I was pregnant.

Anonymous | 12:15 PM

and THANK YOU in exchange...

honestly, I still get a little sick of the mommy mafia that occasionally ruins my day, but I think that the people in theblogs cricles in which we travel really do make an effort to be real and honest and NORMAL... no competition, no pretending that life as an individual ends when the baby arrives... and that is refreshing...


Can I just say, THANK YOU ALL. Wow and wow.

Anonymous | 7:18 PM

That post so sounded like me. I feel EXACTLY the same way.

And you know, I don't live that far from you. You can kiss me. I mean, if you want to. :)


make out sesh soon? i'm down.

Heather | 6:46 AM

When I started my blog I thought it would bring me closer to the people I already knew. But I didn't expect to discover so many other bloggers that I like so much and want to know. You said it well, feeling surrounded by like-minded women. Great post.

jessica | 11:06 PM

I know you wrote this like 10 years ago, but I am new to your blog and I am starting at the beginning.

Anywayz- I relate to you. Especially in this post. I miss having girlfriends. I only ever had them in high school, and lets be honest there really was only one. And we are in such different places now that we don't talk like we used to.

But now that I am married and we are trying to start a family I want to have girlfriends and girly talk and all that other crap that I never in my life thought I would grow up to want. Pshhhhaaawww.