Seeing Double

Weirdgirl has a list going on: Things They Don't Tell You in Lamaze. I have one more to add to the list: failed eyesight. It started with pregnancy and has gotten significantly worse. And now I am practically blind.

Exhibit A:
Me: "Husband! Right there! It's Ali G in the House: The Holiday Special!"
Husband : (backtracking channels) "Um. You mean Mohammed Ali: A Retrospective?"
Me: "Oh. Really? It looks like..."

Exhibit B:
Me: "Wow! Close Football game! 14 to 16... Very close."
Husband: "Actually, its 6 to 34."
Me: "Really? (squinting) It looks like..."

Exhibit C:
(blowing up MS draft to 24pt so I can read it without eyes watering)
Husband: "I can read what you are writing from across the room. Are you ok?"
Me: "Just making things easier, my friend."

Exhibit D:
Me: "I just accidentally plucked my entire right eyebrow right off my face."
Husband: "I think you need to go in for an eye exam."

So last week I made an appointment with the local Optometrist and walked my ass over, Archer in tow. We sat down together in the eye-exam-chair-from-hell and got my eyes examined. The optometrist ripped me a prescription for a pair of glasses and Archer and I picked out a pair of dork-chic Prada frames to complete my new set of eyes.

I cannot complain. I have always secretly wanted to wear glasses. I think they are damn sexy on men and gals alike and now I can join the bookish/silverlake hipster/intellectual elite. Another interesting thing about getting glasses is that my IQ has risen at least 17 points.

The moral here is that I guess some post-pardum changes aren't so bad. To hell with 20/20 vision, anyway. Soooooo overrated.I embrace my dork-chic and am now off to complete my new look with a couple pairs of Varvatos shoelaceless Chuck Tailors and some intense three hour line-waiting with Archer in front of the Troubadour.

GGC

12 comments:

the weirdgirl | 5:15 PM

OK, that one definitely needs to go on the list. Nice frames! Welcome to the world of the sight-challenged. And glasses DO make your IQ higher. In the past I have been approached at school and asked for help on perfect stranger's homework based on the fact that I was wearing glasses and "looked smart". I kid you not.

stefanierj | 6:44 PM

Glasses are *also* very fun for babies to pull off and chew on. Oh, and just a tip: you might not want to "store" your glasses on the floor of the baby's room during a restless-sleep night. D'OH

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 6:52 PM

yeah. Archer has already mastered the "removal of the glasses to eat them" and it was only cute the first time. Now I have to carry him six inches away from my body at all times.

tpon | 7:13 PM

I like the new rims, but pregnancy had the opposite effect on me. I used to wear glasses and post-Bean, I never use them.

I miss them, not the not being able to see part, but the glasses, yes.

Although, I would most definitely prefer to have lost some more eyesight versus gaining the extra roll around the middle.

Wendy | 5:05 AM

You look HOT, baby! Fab frames..

brooke | 8:01 AM

Wow Bex, you're quite foxy in those specs.

MIM | 10:41 AM

Glasses are totally sexy. I know because I wear them, too. But not all the time. I like to go from intellectual sexy to stripper sexy. Keep Husband coming back for more.

You look hot!

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 10:48 AM

Aw, yeah. glasses are totally the new thong.

Jadenfish | 10:58 AM

so hot, i love those!

Wood | 11:31 AM

I've wanted glasses for years. I even got blank frames in college. still perfect vision though, and I can no longer justify wear glasses I don't need.

your glasses look great.

Mommytojacknjas | 3:26 PM

they look good!!!

Wendy | 5:42 PM

ok and I have to add it's just not fair that you can write AND you're gorgeous..not fair t'all..