Backing Barbie

Lately I've been feeling a bit sorry for my old friend, Barbie. I loved her as a child, not because her waist was small and her hair was shiny but because she was my friend and I told her all of my secrets when my imaginary friends stopped listening and disappeared for good.

Also because I'm pretty sure disproportionate dolls have been in children's hands since the beginning of time:

Behold, the old stick doll, brainwashing its cave-children to look more like trees.

And then we have the headless paper dolls which sold headlessness like it was some sort of sick new look. How could they! And those necks? No one has a neck that long!

The controversial "butt doll" which brainwashed an entire civilization to think that to be beautiful was to implant hippopotamus fat in their asses.

Parents feared for their children's limbs when the popular armless doll came to fashion. It wasn't long before their fears were realized when children the land over started chopping their limbs off to be more like their beloved dolls

Sure they aren't blonde and busty with a million dollar wardrobe but I'm sure they were controversial in their time. I mean just LOOK AT THEM.

Personally, I don't think Barbie is to blame for the insecurities of our (selves) little girls:

Poor misunderstood Barbie. Can someone please get her a drink?



Jonathon Morgan | 1:43 PM

I'm fond of blaming Disney.

PS: Women of the world, what's the fascination with Barbie in the first place?


Barbie can do the splits. Like REALLY well. That's why I was always fascinated with her.

foodiemama | 4:18 PM

hahahaha i am dying laughing out loud!
i agree man...barbie was my bff forever!

Bluepaintred | 5:47 PM

I loved barbie cus she let me cut her hair and never told on me, not like that nasty sister of mine!

OhTheJoys | 5:57 PM

I used to dislike Barbie until I understood she was trans-gendered. Now I am more empathetic towards her.

motherbumper | 6:35 PM

One summer my cousins decided they had outgrown their Barbies and sent them to me and my sister. The package consisted of three of those barbie-suitcases all bright pink with a floral 60's print. They were stuffed with a gazillion outfits and three wonderful Barbies. A few weeks later my sister and I went away for the weekend to our grandmothers and our mom insisted we leave the Barbies behind (we played with them all.the.time). When we returned they were gone. Vanished. We cried but Mom explained to us that she didn't want us to have that kind of role model. For a couple of young kids, we were pissed off but we knew it was just one of those 70's things.

I would kill to have those Barbies back. Sigh.

Heather | 7:26 PM

bwwwhaaahaa! Love your cartoon.

screaming girl | 9:06 PM

While I played with Barbie like crazy as a child, I do not like her and will not readily provide her for my son or any daughter that may or may not be on her way in the future to play with. If they stumble on to her somewhere else, fine. It is the same reason why I will not provide my son with toy guns or any other toys resembling items of mass destruction. Yes, they are only toys, but children do not have the same filters as adults. It is not that Barbie in and of herself is bad. It is socialization as a whole that is problematic.

me | 7:10 AM

One of things I long for, being a mom of 3 boys is Barbie. I loved her, her clothes and hair, her cool cars and awesome house. And the SHOES!!!!! Barbie for me was a wonderful thing, she let me pretend I had all those things. As a girl in a house with 4 siblings and not alot of money, that was good enough for me. Never once in my life did i feel inferior to her because i didn't have boobs or a 2 inch waist.

Boys, and mean girls did that, not Barbie.

Anonymous | 7:15 AM

Those butt dolls? That IS my ass.

If a person were to really chop off their arms, how would they chop the second one off after they'd lopped off the first one?

Poor Barbie. But she doesn't have to worry long. Stick People are rapidly becoming extinct because the friction when they try to reproduce creates a little campfire that burns them all up. Evolution, Natural Selection. Whatever you want to call it. Barbie will outlive them.

MrsFortune | 8:37 AM

Oh, Barbie was the best for giving hair cuts, painting her face with nail polish and slicing up her clothes. No wonder my sister never let me play with her stuff.

Avalon | 9:09 AM

I hated Barbie. Always. And then what do I have? A girl. Who loves Barbie. I used to threaten family members into leaving Barbie- related gifts on the store shelves. Didn't work.
Damn barbie. You either love her or ya' don't.

screaming girl | 9:36 AM

I don't think the issue is Barbie making girls feel inferior. None of us want to constantly be falling to the ground in a face plant. But don't you wonder why they can't make Ken, well, bigger. Then maybe women would develop the same unrealistic expectations of men!

Kristen | 10:11 AM

You're hilarious. And you're so right about this.

Anonymous | 10:33 AM

SM- I don't think little girls want to be their dolls. I think little girls want to control their dolls, be their doll's "boss" or "mommy". I know I did. I think women do have unrealistic expectations of men and I think if you ask a man he will agree... I think unrealistic expectations come from the insecurities of living people, peers and parents. IMO.


Woops! That was me. Blogger's being a bitch.

Anonymous | 1:06 PM

Seriously, you freaking crack me up! Hysterical. Love it.

kittenpie | 1:28 PM

I'm okay with Barbie, loved mine even though I didn't have all the gear, just a few bought outfits and a few homemade ones. Even my no-TV hippie mom didn't think Barbie was that big a deal. She'd played with dolls as a kid too, the first generation of Barbies, and it didn't warp her (much).

Anonymous | 4:19 PM

God, you're twisted. Please don't change.

Mom101 | 5:22 PM

You're hilarious.

I wish they had the butt dolls when I was a kid. It would have done wonders for my self-esteem. Sigh.

Gina | 8:35 PM

That is so freakin' FUNNY! Thanks for making me laugh! You are SO right about the dumb dolls and their disassociation with body image. A doll is a doll... just like a stick figure is a stick figure. We even played with forks and spoons. The forks were the dudes and the spoons were the chicks. I never compared my body to spoon (or Barbie for that matter).


Gina- YES! Thank you!

Although I must say, spoons have themselves some hot-ass curves. Grrrrrrr! Hee hee.

ImPerceptible | 9:39 PM

Wonderful post! I worried about buying barbie for my daughter after the whole "math is hard" talking Barbie thing. She ended up getting a Barbie for her birthday.

She was playing with the plastic makeup case that came with the clothes. I asked her if Barbie was going out for the night. She told me no, Barbie was checking her e-mail on her laptop! I never worried again :)

Chris | 10:16 PM

That first doll's from Blair Witch, right?


Nah, Chag. That was her kid sister.

Anonymous | 6:06 AM

Hmm. Question. My mom just bought Lydia a Barbie Fairy Princess watercolor book. Should I be concerned?

Anonymous | 6:35 AM

Cute. Now I feel bad for the barbie graveyard my parents uncovered in their backyard a few years ago. Long limbs flung everywhere. I am ashamed.

Anonymous | 11:43 AM

You. Are. Killing. Me.

My grandmother wouldn't let my mother break apart Oreos and lick off the frosting. So my mother let me do it.

My mother wouldn't buy me Barbies. So guess what can be found on every floor of this house?

And so it goes. I just shudder to think of my granddaughter playing with Bratz.

PunditMom | 11:55 AM

GGC, I think you've got it right ... it's a control thing. When you're six years old, how much do you really have control of in your life ... NOTHING!

So, if you can dress her, dunk her in the pool, and brush her knotted up hair, there's some serious power there.

Ditto on the Bratz ... verbotten in my house!

Anonymous | 6:06 AM

I know I am late, but I can't help it. I won't go into detail why I agree with SG, but if a doll really is just a doll, then why all the hatin on Bratz?