Except actually, as it turns out, it isn't so impossible. At least not the second time around. Perhaps my ducts have become mightier in their old age. Or perhaps I'm just more of a rockstar.
Sure, It's a hell of a lot of work, I've been pumping every two to three hours to up my supply and I currently have no life beyond running around my house topless, but I'm proud to say that for the last week I've been able to feed her almost exclusively with breastmilk. So for those of you who have inquired, breastfeeding after two breast-reductions is possible. It's hard as fuck, takes a bit of supplementing, patience and a whole lotta pumping but it's possible...
...And totally worth it.