Confessions of a Passed-Out-At-The-Dinner-Table- After-Seriously-One-Glass-Of-Wine(ist)


It has been a week of confessions. Psh, don't look at me, look at Jesus. He hath risen or whatever and he's taking me up with him. Seriously, you want the truth? I'm changing my tune and spilling it all.

Coming back to Jesus, (who was hospitable enough to get his homie's drunk with some water-turned-wine) last night I had an eye-opening, er, eye-closing experience with drinking. Simply put, I suck at it. I used to be able to drink a bottle of whatever and walk three flights of stairs in stacked heels. I was never one of those slurring-tit-flashing drunks. (Shhhhh. It'll ruin my image.) I wasn't a yawner. I never passed-out or puked in public. Oh, TO BE YOUNG AGAIN!

Postpartum me = extreme light-weightness or as I like to call it, Cheapos Dateosphoros Syndromamosopolis or if you do not understand ancient Greek,"Cheap Date Syndrome" which is a rather embarrassing disease.

My dehabilitating illness was proven last night after dinner with my old-roommate. One glass of cabernet later... After tripping over my barefeet several times I nearly passed out at the dinner table.

"Um, Bec?"
"Um, yeah?"

What went wrong? How did I go from proper, drinking class-act to amateur night co-ed at the K-town Kareoke joint? The huz says it's parenthood but it's got to be more than that, right? I read your blogs. I've seen your banners.

"Moms can drink a glass of wine without getting plastered"
"Not all moms"

Which is kinda true. My mom laughs at the wall's jokes after she has had cough syrup, so perhaps it's a postpartum family defect. I can't say for sure, but what I can say is that for now I'm sticking to hard-drugs. I can handle all that. Alcohol however, is way too risky.

GGC

20 comments:

Kristen | 3:51 PM

AHAHAHAHA I have to stick to beer or vino. And it doesn't take much. Liquor makes me not so happy - well, it depends on the company, actually, but generally, a nice dark beer and I'm a happy camper.

Angel Baby | 4:12 PM

I can totally relate! My boozer self has been replaced by the 1 drink drunk girl.

rhonda | 4:33 PM

I have found that I am definitely much more of a 'lightweight' since I have had the kiddos.

But I have found with a good food base beforehand, I can have 4 pint glasses of Long Island Iced Tea and not puke!

And thanks for the linky love :)

Mrs. Chicky | 5:30 PM

I'm a two-drink maximum girl myself and those two drinks must be wine or beer (like Kristen) or I get sick. After two glasses of wine I'm useless to the world. I blame Motherhood and turning 30. I haven't been the same since 2001.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 5:49 PM

Wow! I thought I was a lone ranger on this. Glad to hear we're all suckers.

Mom101 | 6:11 PM

Oh thank you thank you thank you a million times over. I thought it was me being old or having an old liver or something that's turned me into a lightweight of the highest order. But ever since pregnancy, a couple glasses and I'm good. We've had maybe two nights in the last nine months where we drank a fair share of cocktails plus wine plus an after-dinner port...and I was not happy the next morning. The only thing worse than waking up with a hangover is waking up with a hangover while your co-sleeping baby is kicking you in the head.

Okay, gotta go. Sushi's here along with a large bottle of saki that Nate insisted on ordering "to split." We'll see what the split ends up being...

sunshine scribe | 6:15 PM

Phew. I thought it was age too. But I am such a "cheap date" post motherhood. And the hangovers. Oh the hangovers are somehow a million times worse. My childless friends find great amusement in it.

Her Bad Mother | 6:27 PM

I have become a sloppy, cheap one-drink-drunk since WonderBaby arrived. The only things that I can drink safely (and then only sticking to the one-drink maximum) are dark beer and white wine. Neither of which ever touched my lips prior to motherhood.

What happens to Bad Mother on anything stronger? See here: http://badladies.blogspot.com/2006/03/candy-is-dandy-but-liquor-is-quicker.html

It's ugly.

Wood | 7:14 PM

I'd write something clever but I've already had a 1/4 glass of wine so I'm pretty much out of cleverness. It takes all of my concentration just to type this.

Your confirmation code may just be too difficult for me in this state. . . .

Wendy | 7:36 PM

*giggle* I dunno wat youre talkin bout *hiccup* I can still hang wit da best of em..im sure u can 2...

ok, ok, i have no secrets but man, i am loving my chardonnay tonight - hats off to you GGC...you still rock the bar..

Mimimom | 9:46 PM

Okay, pull up a chair - whatcha need to do is build back up your tolerance. Plain and simple. I think our bodies return to some state of templedom after being deprived of all things fun for 9 - 10 months of pregnancy (plus all the time I wasted before being preggo, trying to get that way without miscarrying. . .nother story - an-nee-way) So, back to the point - you just have to start the pollution mission again. Doesn't sound so great when I put it that way, but that's the gist . .. alcohol is subtle poison and your nubile system just isn't up for the challenge yet - but your brain may be - and well that, now that is a different story entirely.

the weirdgirl | 11:18 PM

I was always fairly a lightweight before... 2 drinks and I'm feeling pretty good, five drinks and it's starts getting ugly (though I could still do the stairs in stacked heels, thank you very much). I haven't noticed much of a change but then I can't remember the last time I HAD more than a glass of wine or two at dinner. hmmm. Maybe it's because of that week I spent in Napa before I knew I was pregnant?

I guess more research is needed! hee hee!

Christina | 5:05 AM

Yes! I lost my ability to drink men larger than me under the table when I had my daughter. I used to be a pro drinker, thanks to good times in college. Now? Two drinks and I'm already feeling woozy.

I think we're just out of practice. That whole 9 months pregnant thing gives your body time to forget about alcohol. Practice makes perfect, right?

kittenpie | 10:30 AM

as moms above do, I totally blame the monklike state we enter when we abstain for pregnancy, any time spent trying to get preggy, and the period of breastfeeding when, let's face it, while we might have the occasional drink, we are mostly still pretty careful to not overindulge.
I'm past one drink again now, but two would do me in. And pumpkinpie turns 2 next week... ack!

(of course I'm on my third try at word verification and I've only has coffee - some days are better than others!)

Blog Antagonist | 12:14 PM

Oh I hear ya girfren. I simply adore a nice dry Chardonnay, but I can't imbibe the way I used to without paying for it the next day. Is it wrong to tell your children you have the "flu" when you are in fact, massively hung over?

Fidget | 6:42 PM

My family and friends find my post kiddo drinking benders hilarious 1 or 2 wine coolers and I'm slurring and singing Irish drinking songs to the door knob. Old college friends find it particularly hilarious as I was queen of "Asshole" (well president) and was known for playing with jello shots (shaking head).

one smarmy mama | 8:52 PM

FOR REALS. My metabolism went into the pooper when I had kids. One glass of wine from a box and I'm good to go. It's so sad.

mo-wo | 9:22 PM

I solved my drinking problem 6 mos ago. Preggo again!

Tho' bless p-man I think it was a scant 10 minutes after delivery he of pure sobriety headed for the door asking: Sushi and gin, right honey?

Jamie | 12:04 PM

One margarita used to make me amorous with the hubs, now it just makes me want to go to bed...to sleep.

Diana | 12:46 PM

After I weaned my little Man, we went to a nice restaurant to have a nice quiet romantical dinner. One watered-down sex-on-the-beach during dinner and I was wobbling to the car. Still can't drink more than one wihtout wondering what will be...