Epiblogues

Today I am posting in response to myself. I was going through my archives recently, searching for photos of Archer. I was nostalgic, procrastinatey, the usual, when I came upon old entries that needed some new insight, additions.


Laughter Will Get You Everywhere:


I was trying to find the below photo for this post about my Dad.

I call this Preteen Attitude and the Tye-Dye Shirt:


It pretty much says everything there is to say about father-preteen daughter relationships.

It was my father's 40th birthday and I HAD TO BE THERE which was SOOOOO LAME because like, my boyfriend was TOTALLY getting stoned like, behind 7-11 and he totally wanted me to meet him so he could like play his guitar and we could like, talk about Nirvana and soooooo good. And because I love my Dad x googolplex infinity, I wanted to give myself the opportunity to insult the "me" of the past in his defense.

Old 7th Grade me: "OMG. What is he thinking in that hippie-shirt. Tote evs, lame. Pshhhh. 1969 called and wants it's tye-die back. Duh, Irma."
New Non-grade Me: "OMG, Becca. What are you thinking in that Wet Seal uni-pantsuit. The Fugly sisters called and want to set your rose-choker-thing on fire. And by the way, uh-uh-uh. Snap.

I got your back Dad.


Placenta a Woman


My hit count has gone up significantly after this post. It's unbelievable how many people want to see Women Who Eat Their Placenta Naked or Placenta-Eating As a Hobby or Craving The Taste of Placenta and my favorite, Placenta Meat for Dinner.

Most obviously I am quite surprised that I have not been queried by Vivid Video for title usage. I mean, PEOPLE love placenta. It seems like such an obvious move.


Who You Gonna Crawl?

Apparently not me. Still not happening.


Making Mom Friends

So I think I totally blew it with my Mom friend and I'm sad and mad at myself. I totally flaked and never called her back and that was like three months ago. Fu-uck. I suck at keeping friends. Soooooo, I am officially shouting out for my local folk with kids because I want to start a un-group group, if that makes any sense. Museums? Hiking trips? Book-store browse-a-thon? Whatever. As long as you're cool and have something other than parenting to talk about, you are invited. Oh, and you must have a little one(s) I would like to make it a twice a month date-thingy. Please R.S.V.P in the comment section or email me. (see profile)

Write On: A GGC Memo:

I might have been wrong about doing it all. I am in the middle of trying to start a new manuscript. I have written three pages in four different tenses. (Didn't think it was possible? It is.) My new idea for the new "great American novel" is clouded by my obsession with scribbling future baby names. I currently have 154 names ready and am only half joking when I say I just want to retire and squat for the rest of my fertile life and drop babies one by one like a friggin machine. What the hell has happened to me? I think I'm about to cry. Stupid blog. It's all you're fault! I can't stop writing about my kid. I am obsessed with all things baby! No wonder every new parent writer writes a book about parenting, tell-all guides, children's books, BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE THE MENTAL ACCESS TO WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! PLEASE HELP ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

GGC

25 comments:

Kristen | 11:12 AM

I quit writing songs after all my angst was gone - what the hell do I write about. Thank god my huz has his bad moments - otherwise I think all I'd be able to do was slap pics of peaches and cream up.

Wish I could hang wicha in ellay. Alas, the only LA I'm near is Louisiana... BASTARDS!

PS your post inspired my placenta pizza recipe (the one I posted on PEOPLE - not the one I USED...)

Amy | 11:47 AM

On the when you gonna crawl business- my boy was almost 11 months when he started and we too did the lay him on his belly thing and he would also just scream and flip over. He's 14 mos now and won't walk. I feel your pain. I just want him to do it so I know he's developing normally and every day that he doesnt winds up my anxiety just a teensy bit more, but my advice to you and to me, is be patient. They won't do it till they are ready. Stubborn little bastards.
The Placenta thing? Seriously yuck.

Wood | 1:06 PM

LOVE the picture of you and your dad.

I also feel you on the parenting&babies-taking-over-your-whole-brain. But I'm not trying to write anything, just have the occassional adult conversation. But somehow, whenever some nice, childless person asks me how I am or what I've been up to, I can hardly manage to stutter out a coherent sentence.

Mrs. Chicky | 1:49 PM

I'm sorry, I don't think I'm understanding you. There are other things to talk about besides diapers and sippy cups and nap schedules? Seriously? Are you saying we all had lives before kids?! I had forgotten.

Sorry, wish I could help you but when I try to have an adult conversation it comes out like "gaaahhhfaaannnnnoooooooootttthhhppptttt."

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 2:34 PM

poop. me too, godddaaammnit!

reluctant housewife | 2:47 PM

If I lived in sunny LA I would totally join your un-group group. Wanna move to Boston?

What's that? Is that you laughing hysterically back in LA?

You know, your Write On post inspired my to get writing and start working on getting The Great American Novel down on paper.

But then I start thinking about blogging about my baby.

Still I have FOUR pages down. Beat ya!

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 2:58 PM

Ha! Ooooooooooh! You ARE beating me. THAT is incentive for me to sit down and write. NOW!

Christina | 6:36 PM

Even though LA sounds far more exciting than Columbus, OH, I'm stuck here for now, sorry.

I can't even find people around here to talk mom & baby stuff with, so I'm totally frustrated. Can't talk adult talk, and can't talk about my kid without eyes glazing over. Hrumph.

Gina | 7:03 PM

Am I the closest one... in frick'n Utah? Sorry, I can't make the 12 hour drive with the kiddo, as much as I really want to!

I just read your plecenta blog and the hilarious comments! I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS! Retaining a placenta? And that's only the beginning of the gore... WOW! God bless those that benefit from this. I am just astounded that a baby can grow from milk that comes outta me...

gusmomma | 8:59 PM

ok...my computer won't connect to email. i am my only mom friend too. i read your stroller envy story and i can so annoyingly relate, haha. i would so be down to join an un-playgroup playgroup even though i am in long beach. you actually used the phrase "totes, evs" and it reminded me of a good good friend who was soooo damn funny but is not around anymore...i've seriously never heard anyone but him and our friends say that...too funny and weird! anyway, feel free to email me...i am a sahm too trying to figure life out with my beautiful 20 mth old surprise! jenifer

gusmomma | 9:00 PM

oops...illnworth@yahoo.com...i am new to this whole blog thing! jenifer

kiwidebra | 9:43 PM

You know I'm down for the gettin' out of the house. I would love to hang out with other cool moms (crossing fingers that I'm cool ;-). And you know where to find me.

mo-wo | 9:43 PM

Baby names?? Baby name hog. You are good at baby names and yet not one report of a Dorian or Kingsley to me or p-man on the baby name search.

That's it I want out of the un-group... or is that what its all about anyway?

Mommy off the Record | 9:53 PM

oh my gosh. That is such a funny pic! It's kinda hard to date the photo though...i'm thinking 1991?

Ok, i'm off to write a post on placenta now...anything for blog traffic

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 11:07 PM

1993! Close!!!

Domestic Chicky | 11:14 PM

Hey Mama! Love the "best of" sidebar. Can't wait to dig in. Lookin forward to our hookin up soon. We can both strap on our boys (I have the backpack too-LOVE IT!)and let Connor lead the way. He knows all the cool places to go...

Mom101 | 12:49 AM

Oh man, my heart just went in my throat when I got to the part about blowing it with your mom friend. I was like, me? she means me? she's pissed because I haven't called her... (Because, you know, it's all about me.)

Well I can only assure you as I sit here typing to you at 1am with a 5:45 wakeup call to head back to nyc-- that you did not blow anything with me. People get busy. Especially people with little children. I'm sure your new mom friend will feel the same.

And hell, as long as you write about all things baby with such wit and wisdom, we're hear to hang on every last word.

Jamie | 5:26 AM

This is my first time visiting and I have to admit I think I had that EXACT SAME OUTFIT AND CHOKER necklace. Only I was in college...lame. Any way, my oldest daughter was a chunkomunk and didn't crawl until 11 months. Now she's 3 and there's no stopping her. Really...she wears me the hell out. :) Any way, you're one funny mama!

Emily | 8:43 AM

I also had a very similar pantsuit thing....I wore the hell out of mine in '94...I was a pregnant teenager and it was the only oufit that helped hide the fact that I was "in a family way".....

If I lived closer I'd totally hang with ya...but its a long way from Texas....(though I will be at BlogHer this summer! You goin'?)

Her Bad Mother | 10:10 AM

I don't have the acronym power to describe how hard I laughed at the photo with your dad. OK, not *at* so much as *with.* Been there, done lame-preteen-sucky-face.

And gah gah gah gah gah the Writing Thing. I have a doctoral dissertation to finish. Two chapters to go. And what am I planning on doing? Modifying the topic so that it can be more about Family and Motherhood and Parental Love. It's a political philosophy dissertation. Nietzsche's in there. Gotta do a *wee* bit o' bending to line up the Nietzsche and the parenting and the what-not. Cuz they usually don't go together. But otherwise? WON'T GET WRITTEN.

Maybe I should just call it off and write Itsy Bitsy Uber-Mensch...

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 10:26 AM

HAHAHAHAHA! THAT is funny. Oy to the vey. We're all finished. FINISHED!

I will not be at Blogher. Don't get me wrong, I love me some lady peeps but Blogher makes me nervous. I think if there was a Bloghim, women would be like, "no you didn't"... I don't know. I have issues with "girls clubs" "sorrorities" and the like. I am also waiting to hear back from you guys how you liked it so I can decide in the future. :)

Tammy | 12:27 PM

Um...I totally have that shirt that your dad's wearing....and...um...I still wear it. I should be hanging my head in shame, here, right? I mean, that's the protocol, I think. Somebody help me out here.

GIRL'S GONE CHILD | 6:03 PM

No way Tammy. You rock on with your bad self. Seriously.

jess | 12:00 PM

i'm down to chill...

i love to hike, get outdoors, go to museums and (most of all) cook.

non parenting subjects of conversation include current events, newspapers, photography, art, writing, snowboarding, etc.

i hate having to battle L.A. traffic (i live in claremont)

please keep us posted in your blog if you start an un-group group

scarbie doll | 8:33 AM

Totally feel your pain. Also lost a new mom friend in my neighbourhood, but mostly because she didn't get sarcasm. (she was a Lebanese Lesbian -- I swear! How could I NOT get into trouble?) Can't handle people who don't do sarcasm. So be both didn't call each other back.

As for the writing thing, I feel ya even more. I can't do any creative writing since this blog. I used to write short film scripts, articles, novellas, now nada but bambino blogging. Well, I get paid to write copy, but that barely counts.

Brutal.