Posted by GIRL'S GONE CHILD | Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I must carry an attract-a-child pheromone or something because as of late wherever I go I end up with someone else's kid on accident. They follow me out of farmers markets, through bookstore isles and across supermarkets. They find me schlepping ten bags of who-the-hell-knows-what on the beach, take my hand and say hello.
Yesterday, this happened once again. At the beach, Archer in hand, two large bags swinging from my sides.
A little blonde girl in a flowered swimsuit wandered in front of us. "Excuse me," she said.
"Why hello there."
"Where are you going?"
"Where are YOU going."
"That way," I pointed. "Toward the bluff."
"Oh. Can I come?"
"Where's your Mommy?"
"Over there." The girl pointed every which way and I nodded and looked around.
"Um. Maybe we should find your Mommy...?"
Just then, out of nowhere, Supermom appeared in her American Flag one-piece, waving at us.
"Is this your daughter?" She asked.
"Nope." (She just wishes. JK)
"I see. Well, I've been watching her and I think it's safe to say she is lost."
"Yeah. She's lost. It is safe to say."
"This is the third child I have had to bring to the lifeguard tower TODAY!" The Supermom shook her head. In the background, her children were running amok, burying each other alive. I focused on her obvious choice of a bathingsuit and tried not to laugh and or/burn her.
Supermom started pulling at the little girl's arm. "Come on, hon. We're going to the lifeguard tower!" But the little girl wouldn't budge. She just held on tighter to my arm, closed her eyes and screamed.
I imagine it all looked a little strange. Me holding Archer in one arm, being pulled by the little girl being pulled by Supermom.
"Why don't I take her to the Lifeguard Station?"
"Do you know where it is?"
"Um. Yeah. I do."
"I'll come with you."
At this point the little girl was crying, Archer was crying, my bags were falling off me, towels were dragging and I was going blind from overexposure to the American Flag.
Several steps later, five or so little blonde girls in the same swimsuit as my new friend came dashing toward us with outstretched arms. OH. MY. GOD. There were more. MORE. Luckily the little girls were coming to take their sister away, not to join her by my side. Not that it would have been a bad thing. I just don't know if the huz would have been amused by our newly-extended family of hibiscus-clad blondes.
And so the little girl waved goodbye and Supermom dissapeared in a cloud of red, white and blue smoke and Archer and I continued on our merry way. The two of us. Just the two of us.*
*Until today of course when we will be returning to the beach and I will be swimming with fourth graders hanging off my ankles.