It wouldn't be so bad if he paid rent. I mean, coming on fourteen months dude. Time to punch your own weight but NOOOO, it's I need Tylenol for my 102 fever and I need snuggles before naptime and it's like I'm always doing his dishes and driving him around and he never even offers gas money. I mean I probably wouldn't take it if he did but offering? Manners, roommate. Manners.
I've had roommates before. I've even had roommates in the past who didn't pay rent and wanted to sleep in my bed and cried all night and pooped their pants (drunks) but never have I met such a small roommate with such issues with communication.
I wish he would just tell me what he wants or where it hurts or what he feels like for dinner. And it's like now he's sick and he needs water and books read to him and songs and I'm serenading my small flushed roommate on the guitar and I can only remember how to play Misfits, Last Caress.
"I got something to say. (Ba-daaaaw-daw-daw) I killed your baby today..."
And the roommate doesn't even understand the irony. He just watches me behind swollen eyes and looks cute and cute boys have always been my weakness, especially cute boys with colds who need to be taken care of.
Humidifier? Sleepless nights? Who do I look like, his mother?
Oh, alright, fine! I'll just make up different words to the song even though most lullabies are violent and cruel and I'll sing it quieter and up an octave and I'll rub his hair until he falls asleep and blah blah... But seriously when he gets better it's time for him to find himself a job. Pitching-in is key to healthy roommate relationships. A prerequisite even.