First




"You haven't written about Archer in a while," my mother said to me yesterday when she came up for the day to visit.

"Yes I too have!" I said. 

But wait... was she right? Was I writing more about Fable than Archer? I certainly am spending more time with Fable... OH MY GOD!  Is this what happens? Am I scarring him for life? Does he feel less loved? 

I spent the most part of last night telling Archer over and over that I loved him. He finally pushed me away from him and said "NOOOO! STOP!" 

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL AND FABLE IS NOT HERE TO REPLACE YOU AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL I DIE!!! AHHHHHH!!!

The truth is? He has every reason to be angry and upset and regressing in the bathroom department, throwing puzzle pieces at my face et al. Try as I might, with a baby attached to my person 24/7, my first child has become my second priority. 

Archer colors California red, rebelling already.

I'm sorry, dude. I'm really trying. I swear. 

GGC

*In other news, blogging about Fable again and how much I love her and OH MY GOD, Archer. I owe you a drink. Apple juice on the rocks, perhaps? Milk with a chocolate garnish? 

21 comments:

Kim Hosey | 3:55 PM

Man, I'm already paranoid that my son knows I love him, and we don't even have a second kid (though he's campaigning for a brother, as though it were that simple). I think just the effort and sheer force of love is bound to come through, though - whether Archer (or my son) is a exasperatingly stubborn little guy or (heaven forbid) a sullen teen one day.

And can I just say, I love your blogging about the Mommy stuff that rocks as well as the downfalls, without falling into the "cool to rag on my kid" trap that I've seen. Sorry, just had to de-lurk* to say that. You do rock.

*Well, partly de-lurk. I already stalk, er, follow you on Flickr.

Kira | 4:07 PM

He knows you love him. I promise. You will find the beat of this new, two-child song soon enough. Please don't let it tie you in knots, because I believe our anxiety over what we might be doing wrong often upsets our kids more than the actual wrong-doing. They are wee emotion sponges, after all, with very little in the way of verbal skills to explain it all.
One thing I always did with my older son when the baby arrived is if I had to attend to the baby and the big boy seemed like he wanted attention, I talked about what he was like when he was a baby. "I remember holding you like this - can you believe you used to be this small? I used to smell your head and your hair tickled my nose..." That way your loving on the baby is an example of how you love your kids, not just how you love the baby.
Besides, he doesn't care what you blog about yet.
To sum up: he knows you love him. Promise.

Maternal Mirth | 4:27 PM

As the mother to 3, they know you love them all equally. They really do. But, fair warning, they will TRY to guilt trip you at times. You'll know better.

:)

Lynne | 4:58 PM

Love your blog - read it all the time. I need to say - Archer is just about too big for that car seat! Read the manual, it'll say that when his ears are equal with the top of the seat he's too big. I want him to be safe, just like you :)
We recently took our 3yr old out of his toddler seat and put him in a Britax Regent. it's huge, but he can safely be in a 5point harness till he's something like 80 lbs.
Congrats on Fable, she's gorgeous.
xoxo

anita doberman | 6:30 PM

He won't be scarred for life :) just for a little, during adolescence :)
that's what I keep telling myself with six little ones...will they really be scarred for life?

April | 7:45 PM

Ooooh, we have the same carseat! Love it :-)

ok, i do the same thing... whenever i find myself spending more time/attention on the baby i start smothering the big one. he usually gets pissy with me and runs for dad. haha!

he does *love* when we take a couple of hours just for the two of us though. even if it's just on an errand run. he really likes his alone time with mom and i try so hard to give him that at least once a week.

sorry for the novel!

kittenpie | 9:24 PM

I hear you. Pumpkinpie has NOT been getting my best lately - too little interaction and too much irritation, but we do the best we can. Trying, indeed. Somdedays, when both are demanding, the trying is killing me, but it will get better.

Yoli | 10:27 PM

You have a very nice blog here. True, we tend to neglect the oldest, not because we love them any less but because the baby needs so much attention.

Jessica | 12:07 AM

I'm really feeling this blog post. I read your blog all the time but never comment. I have a six year old son and a two month old daughter. I have caught my son watching me and my daughter with the saddest eyes ever...like he's thinking "that used to be me." He's probably not thinking that, but I think he's thinking that and it makes me sad. I do the same thing and just reassure him that I love him, and try to make as much time for him as I can.

No Mother Earth | 6:07 AM

Man, even his carseat is cool. He is one hip dude.

(Btw, my best friend's baby is named Fable - I think she emailed you about it.)

toyfoto | 6:57 AM

I think kids really understand. They're smart. They can see babies need a lot of care. They may resent it a little but they understand. When the baby is crying, buleeeveme!, they want you to pick them up (make it stop).

In a year and a half ... when they start playing together ... you'll how important their relationship will be.

Tracey | 7:36 AM

Awwww... We all understand. A baby just needs us so much more than a toddler. At least, in the moment. And they're changing so quickly and we want so badly to freeze their infancy that we dote and dote... Thankfully, you can make up the time with Archer. Doing some really condensed play time while Fable sleeps or hubby holds her. 30 minutes running around in circles together or being totally focused on him can totally make up for any time unfairness he might be feeling.

sweetmelissa818 | 9:21 AM

My daughter Sadie started acting out just recently and Lena is already 7 months old. I guess maybe Archer started earlier because he's a little older. It's definitely hard to balance the first with the second in the attention department, but he won't be scarred for life or hate you for it later (at least I hope not).

Rhea | 9:50 AM

Apple juice on the rocks. haha My younger son lives on apple juice. He loves that stuff.

Don't worry about Archer, just keep loving him. This is good for him, adjusting to a new baby. It's hard, but most of life's lessons are. He's soon realize Mommy has enough love for both him and his little sister and have forgotten this whole transition phase.

Mandi | 12:03 PM

I love this particular post! Also, riht when I saw the pictures I thought the same exact thing that Lynne said. Archer is almost too big for it! I am a carseat freak and follow all the guidelines to a tee and read the manuals just for fun. Yes, I told you, a carseat freak. Anyhow, just want everyone to be safe! Also, my second baby is on her way in February and this is the thing that I worry about the most! I never want my son to remember her being born as the thing that changed his little world forever... I'm glad you went through is first and have a blog I can read so I can see that people do have second (and third and fourth) babies all the time and their other kids are fine! Very reassuring to me. Thanks!

courtney | 5:44 PM

Awww, Archer knows that you love him!

Meems | 3:50 AM

Hey, it happens. And motherhood is one big ole guilt trip. I just keep reminding my two older boys that when they were babies we did everything for them that we are doing for MO. That seems to appease them.

Wicked Step Mom | 8:04 AM

Yikes! The guilt is dripping from this post!

I hope you take a few minutes to breathe and realize that as much as we fancy ourselves as WonderWoman, we still can't be everywhere at once.

youlovefablemorethanbmctoo/waaaaahhhhhh | 8:18 AM

hey, archer. i got your back. your mom was this big of a freak over you when you were fresh like the new season's jimmy chu's, too, i will have you know. she's goes all attachment parent when you least expect it. it is a phase. i only know it's a phase because i've known your mom for as long as you have. she has phases. *all* moms have phases.

what i am trying to explain here, is that you must consider your sister like a new, fabulous piece of louis vuitton. mom can't stop looking at it, talking about it, carrying it everywhere, and letting everyone look at it and hold it. but it's just luggage. beautiful luggage of the finest quality ingredients, but luggage nonetheless. it says nothing about her archer-worship, which is as deep as evah. pinky swear. in the meantime, we're presently taking in refugees from LA. call me. let's hang out.

xo,
auntie bmc

mama of three | 8:17 PM

Ok first let me say I love your blog/book/writing. But I am so glad that your Mama said something to you. It was getting a little too much of Fable and all her perfectness. Don't get me wrong she is a cutie and I can see why you are writing about her so much!!

The Wrath of Dawn | 9:30 PM

Yeah, he'll be fine, because his mom is astute enough to realize what's going on. I did what Meems did and told my older daughter that this was just the way I'd cared for her and that this was just how she behaved. I think it helped her bond with her sister. They're 19 and 23 now and very close.

I noticed that Archer looks like he's just about too tall for his car seat as well. 'Cause y'know. You got lots to time to go car seat shopping right about now, right? Far be it from me to give assvice over the internet, but I have to keep up on car seat regulations for my job and as Lynne mentioned, manufacturers recommend getting a larger seat when the sides of the seat no longer reach more than halfway up the child's head.

And now I shall cease this epic and leave you in peace.